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"The words I cannot say although I miss you much and long  for you." — FT Island, Missing You

Jaejin sits in front of the huge mirror, letting the stylists style up his hair and touch up on his makeup as he wrung his fingers albeit nervously. Alright, maybe he was really nervous but he didn’t want to lose it in front of the stylists. It was FT Triple’s 1 year anniversary and they were holding a showcase to thank their fans.

Or whatever.

Choi Minhwan, his fellow bandmate, slips into the seat next to his and gives the lead singer a bright smile. “Hyung, you ready?”

Jaejin nods a little, not actually looking at the younger boy as he waves off the stylists. Minhwan’s smile drooped a little by the lack of response, but that didn’t stop the kid from garbling more nonsense.

Suddenly, there were fast knocks on the door, and their leader, Jonghun, enters the room, a solemn look on his face. He stopped in front of Jaejin, his face looking grave, and when the latter raises his head in a questioning look, the statue-like boy just stretched out his hand, and in his calloused fingers, lay a very crumpled looking note.

“Take it,” Jonghun said gruffly in reply to Jaejin’s questioning stare. The boy takes over the piece of paper, slowly uncrumpling it...

Dear Jaejin.

It was written by a horribly familiar hand.

How are you? Keke~ must be doing well with the idol life, right? Did you expect this? Keke, maybe not...

Jaejin’s eyes widened as he read on. “Hyung?” Minhwan half-uttered, only to be shut up by Jonghun and half dragged out of the room. Jaejin’s fingers trembled a little as they gently caressed the handwritten, crooked words. He smiled a little as he recognized the familiar writing habits... How the  ‘ㅇ’s were never closed, and how the top of  ‘ㅎ’ and  ‘ㅊ’ were always transformed into a small circle.

I asked Jonghun-ssi to pass you this letter when the time was right. ^^ By the time you’ve read this, I’ve already built the world’s first time machine!

Jaejin’s eyes widened even more in mild shock and disbelief as he twists the chair, facing the open door…

Keke, the idea is ridiculous, like you once said, right Jaejinnie? But you know something Jinnie? I never thought your idea was ridiculous at all… I thought it could work… After all, who wouldn’t want to go back in time and change what happened? And guess what? it worked! Keke Jin, I’m serious!

A horrible thought just made itself clear in Jaejin’s head as the boy ran out of the room, sprinting down the white corridors, oblivious to his manager’s furious shouts for him to come back, while being slightly aware that someone, possibly Jonghun, was trying to block the manager as he ran out of the building…

Remember I told you you’ll be the first person to use the machine when I’m done? Sorry Jin, I’ll have to go back on my word. I’ll use it first. ^^ Who knows if it’s safe? It might explode…

Jaejin slams his fist angrily on the button on the traffic light as he cursed at the glaringly bright red man. Just when Jaejin was going to ignore the light and dash straight across, he felt something tug on his arm. He turned, and saw a high school girl’s dreamy face light up.

“Omo, it’s Jaejin oppa!” she screamed, oblivious to the fact that Jaejin was glaring daggers at her and trying to pull his arm away when the light turned green… more fangirls arrived…

It went back to red.

But you won’t care if it exploded, right Jin? I mean… hehe. I don’t know how to put this in words.

There was a small smudge of ink here which Jaejin could only guess was tears.

But it hurt. It hurt when you acted like you didn’t know me. It hurt when you said you wanted to break up. It hurt when I realized that… I wasn’t part of your life anymore… but you were still a big part of mine. It hurts to know that you don’t care…

Jaejin sprints up the stairs, after having avoided the crowd of screaming fangirls, praying hard that Seunghyun had not moved house…

But… I’ll be going back to a place where times were better. I’ll change all the factors that made us like this today… So that in the past, this… nothing would have happened. We wouldn’t have tried out for auditions. You wouldn’t have been a star. We would just be a happy couple…

Jaejin banged at the door, and the unlocked door creaked open. He wrinkled his nose instinctively at the musty smell emitted from the apartment… was this how Seunghyun had lived?

… And I’ll be happy again …

“S-Seunghyun?” the name felt fresh passing through his lips, how long was it since he uttered that name?

Not long, his mind bugged him, you utter it almost every night when you sleep.

Jaejin dashes around the small apartment like a madman, wrenching open doors, throwing away dusty covers, hoping, just hoping…

It was only when Jaejin pushed open the door to the room were Seunghyun usually worked… it was only then, the boy gave up.

With fresh tears lining the corner of his eyes, Jaejin felt his legs give way and he collapsed into a heap in front of the empty room. He finally gave in, letting silent tears roll down his frosty cheeks before he stumbled, picked himself up, and made his way to the table beside the grand-looking machine… which was the Time Machine.

The mug of coffee was still hot when Jaejin accidentally brushes his hand against it, to reach out for the final message left by Seunghyun. The warmth just sends more prickling, hot tears to Jaejin’s eyes, because he knew he had just missed the other boy… by minutes? Seconds?

“Why?”

Jaejin stumbles to his feet, trying hard to glare at the empty, abandoned machine, but failing as the tears kept coming.

“WHY? Why are you so selfish? How am I supposed to survive this world without you?”

Because, Jaejin knew, that the only way he could have survived the past few years was knowing that somewhere, anywhere in this world, Seunghyun was still there.

Now…

No longer so.

The last part of the first message was deeply imprinted in his mind.

I love you Jaejin. I still do. But I don’t know about you. Do you..?