LOL I don't think this is as good as Snow White, so please don't kill us. 

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Once upon a time, in a far away Kpop land, there was a tiny kingdom called the JYP Nation, peaceful, prosperous, and rich in romance and tradition (that’s what she said). Here in a stately dormitory, there lived a widowed gentleman named Park Jinyoung, with a little daughter Khunderella. Although he was a kind and devoted father who gave his beloved child every luxury and comfort, he still felt she needed a mother’s care. And so he married again. His second wife, Jo Kwon, was a woman of good family with two daughters, just Khunderella’s age. Their names, Hostasia and Susella. It was upon an untimely death of this good man that the step mother’s true nature was revealed – cold, y, and bitterly jealous of Khunderella’s charm and beauty and was grimly determined to forward the interests of her own two awkward daughters.

Thus as time went by, the dormitory fell into disrepair for the family fortunes were squandered by the vain and selfish step sisters, while Khunderella was abused and finally forced into slavery in her own house. And yet through it all, Khunderella remain ever gentle and kind, for with each dawn she would hope that someday, her dreams of happiness will come true…

And so the crack begins.

One morning, as Khunderella was dreaming about… something, her two bird friends, Seulong and Jinwoon, woke her from her deep slumber.

“Khunderella, wake up! Wake up, Khunderella!” The two lilted.

Khunderella swiped her hand to shoo away the obnoxious birds, muttering (read: swearing) in Thai. “YAH! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?! … Oh! Ahem, I mean, GOOD MORNING MY ANIMAL FRIENDS!” She sang.

“It’s a lovely morning today!” One of them tweeted.

“Oh, but it was a lovely dream, too.” Khunderella replied sweetly and charmingly. She looked out her window where the beautiful grand JYP Castle stood across the distance… and started to sing.

“A dreaaaaaam is a wiiiiiiiiiiiish your heart makeeeeeeeeees *insert tweeting her* wheeeeeeeen your faaaaaaaaaast asleeeeeeeeeep~”

But her singing was cut off by the loud satoori of Susella calling out her name, followed by the yapping Jo Kwon. “KHUNDERELLA!!! WHERE’S OUR BREAKFAST?!?!”

“Coming, step mother and step sister!” And she prepared to deliver Jo Kwon and Susella their breakfast.

She entered her step mother’s room, and found Jo Kwon on her bed her cat, Taecsifer *insert Shinee’s Lucifer here* on her lap. “Your breakfast, step mother.”

“Khunderella, after breakfast, take the laundry, clean the terrace, sweep the floors and the stairs, clean the chimneys and the draperies and the tapestries.” Jo Kwon commanded.

“But I just cleaned them!” Khunderella explained.

“YAH BISH! CLEAN THEM AGAIN!” Jo Kwon screamed. “And oh, after you’re done, make sure Taecsifer gets his bath.”

Khunderella cringed visibly at the image of giving Taecsifer a bath, but nonetheless, she continued on to do her chores.

As she was waxing on and waxing off the floors on the dormitory, she heard a knock on the door. She opened it and saw the King G-Dragon’s messenger, Daesung. “Here’s an urgent message from the King!” Khunderella took the invitation and thanked Daesung.

As she was going up the stairs to deliver the urgent letter, she remembered that it was the stepsisters’ music lesson. “Looks like I’d have to interrupt them.”

Outside the door, she heard Susella singing, “NEW YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFF THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN’T DOOO NOW YOU’RE IN NEW YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK! THESE STREETS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BRAND NEW. THE LIGHTS WILL INSPIIIIIIIIRE YOUUUU. LET’S HEAR IT FOR NEW YORK! NEW YORK! NEW-“

And she knocked.

Jo Kwon banged the piano keys at Khunderella’s intrusion. “WHO’S THE BISH ON THE DOOR?! IMMA CUT YOU BIIIIIIIIIIISH!”

Khunderella opened the door and explained, “but there’s a letter from the palace!”

“THE PALACE?!” The stepsisters’ chorused, snatching the letter from Khunderella’s hands, but accidentally snatched Khunderella herself instead, and ripped her clothes off instead of the envelope. “Oops, wrong object!” The two snatched the letter this time and ripped the envelope to shreds, then caught a glance of Khunderella’s body before reading the letter. But before they could even read the letter, Jo Kwon plucked it from Susella’s hands, and read it.

“THERE’S GONNA A BALL!” She gushed.

“A BALL!” The step sisters’ chorused.

“Yeah, that’s what I said. The prince is coming home from… somewhere and is about to pick a bride!”

“A BRIDE!”

“Every eligible maiden is to attend.” Jo Kwon continued.

“I’m very eligif,snrfkjnfdmnvmdfgn-ble.” The other sister commented.

The step mother rolled her eyes and sneered, “ please, shut up.” And the other sister pouted in shame.

“Every eligible maiden? That means I can go too!” Khunderella gleefully pointed out.

“Whut?” Susella butted in. “You don’t have nice clothes! Heck, you don’t even have clothes on!” She continued, glancing at Khunderella’s body from head to toe yet again.

Jo Kwon pondered and smiled evilly. “No, let her attend.”

“BUT MAAAAA?!” Susella whined.

“In one condition. If she can finish all her chores and IF she has a suitable dress to wear, then she can come with us to the ball.”

“I’m sure I can find something to wear! Thank you step mother! Thank you!” Khunderella beamed, clapping her hands together, and ran towards the sunset… I mean her room.

She pulled her old trunk and produced a pink dress. She called her two animal best friends to deliver the news. “WooWoo! Jay! Come my animal friends!”

Two mice in yellow and pick emerged from their hiding places. “’Sup Khunderelli?” Jay, the one in pink, hollered as we swaggered towards Khunderella with a layback pose.

“Well, there’s going to be a ball, and I can go meet the prince! But I don’t have a dress to wear. So you two and your other animal friends have to re-tailor this dress for me while I go do my chores.”

“What? Why do we have to do it?!” WooWoo, the one in yellow, complained, puffing his cheeks oh so adorably.

“Because the fairy tale says so.” With that, Khunderella left and did their chores.

“Dude, I read the script. The two es are just gonna rip the dress apart.” Jay exclaimed. “So we either re-inforce the dress with steel, or just put everything up in Velcro.”

“That works, too!” WooWoo agreed. And so they called out their other animal friends, Miss A, to help in sewing the Velcro all over the dress.

By the time Jo Kwon and the two ugly step sisters were about to leave the dormitory, Khunderella came running down the stairs in her new dress with lots of Velcro that she didn’t even notice. “Wait! Wait for me! Please wait for me!”

Jo Kwon gasped in horror. “GASP IN HORROR!”

“Dude, that will get old after a while.” Khunderella snorted.

“Shut up .” Jo Kwon replied.

“Do you like it?” She asked in her lovely singsong voice, pertaining to the dress. “It’s very lovely.” She pointed out, twirling the dress around.

The stepsisters just stared dumbly at her. Susella nudged the other sister by the elbow, “dude, this is the part where we rip out her dress.”

The other sister obliged. “Oh… okay.” And so they did, tearing the portions of the dress apart cleanly and easily, thanks to the Velcro sewed by the mice.

After they have enjoyed their fun, the three evil people strode away towards their carriage.

Shocked that her sisters would do such a thing, and how the dress had come apart so easily, Khunderella fled to the stables, sobbing uncontrollably but as prettily as she can. She sat on the ground and buried her face one her forearms as she leaned a low stone bench, and sobbed some more.

Just then, her fairy godmother appeared. “Oh fairy godmother, why do you look like JYP?” Khunderella asked, crying some more as she saw the face of her fairy.

The fairy sighed, “Yeah I get that a lot. Anyway, back to business. I need two rappers, a main dancer, two lead vocals, and two sub-vocals. And a pumpkin.”

“But where do I get those?”

“Auditions.” She replied. “One from Daegu, one from Busan, two from Superstar Survival, one from Boston, one from Seattle, and the other one street casted from LA.”

And they did. And the fairy godmother who looked like JYP was pleased.

But still they had no pumpkin. They used a banana instead.

And she chanted the magic words, “No no no no~ No no no~ No no no no~ No no no~”

Before they could leave on their banana-shaped carriage, the fairy godmother who looked like JYP added a disclaimer. “Once the clock struck 2AM, the spell will be broken.”

Once everything was bedazzled, bejeweled and glamtastic, we skip to the ball where Italian Prince Chansung was going to choose a bride. He frowned at every Girls Generation and f(x) princess that was presented to him. He bowed at the latest princess, Susella and the other sister, covertly yawning, but when he looked up, he saw her.

Khunderella had wandered into the ballroom, not sure of where to go. She felt a hand on her elbow, and she whirled around and flipped her hair to see gorgeous carbonara eyes staring down at her.

“Bon jour.” The man has spoken, and they danced and waltzed until 1:55am. For five minutes, they sat and talked. As they were about to kiss, the clock struck 2AM and Khunderella stood up hurriedly.

 “Why, it’s 2AM.” She exclaimed, a hand covering in lips in shock.

“Why yes it is.” The man with carbonara eyes replied.

“I must go. Goodbye!”

“Wait, but why?”

“Well the prince… I haven’t met the prince!”

“Wait, didn’t you know-“

The clock struck again. “Goodbye!” Khunderella fled.

“Wait, please come back! I don’t even know your name or how could I find you! Wait! Please wait!” The prince cried out in vain. He sent the castle guards to run after her, but they returned to the castle with a SPRIS that she left on the castle stairway. Surprisingly, it had a calling card and a number that easily led them to her address. He sent a messenger to alert the inhabitants of the dormitory that the prince shall be coming over to try the glass slipper on every maiden inside.

Jo Kwon did not want to expose Khunderella and give her a happy ending, and so she locked her in the tower until the fitting ended.

The Italian Prince Chansung with carbonara eyes arrived in the dormitory, together his counsel Taeyang. The stepsisters and the visitors assembled in the receiving area, ready to try on the SPRIS. The first to try it was Susella.

“Yaaah hurry up and put it on me! It’s my shoe anyway!” She said in her sharp satoori accent. The counsel slowly slipped the shoe on her foot, but hard as he tried to make it fit, Susella’s foot was too big for the shoe.

The other stepsister whose name escapes the narrator was next to try on the shoe. Again, hard as the counsel tried to force the foot inside the shoe, the other stepsister’s foot was just too big to fit.

“Yah, if you have to cut the toes or the soles just to make it fit, then do it!” Jo Kwon demanded demandingly.

“BUT MAAAAAAAAAAA?!” The step sisters chorused.

Meanwhile, at the tower, Khunderella was sobbing with a passion, devastated that her dream to marry the prince will long be gone. Her animal friends WooWoo and Jay were there to comfort her.

“Wait. This is unfair! That’s Khunderelli’s shoe!” Jay exclaimed with his high squeaky voice. “We should do something!”

In that moment, an idea suddenly in the minds of the two mice; they were going to get the key from the step mother’s pocket. After hundreds of steps of stairs, drops of hot tea, and more steps of stairs, they were able to retrieve the key to the door of Khunderella’s room. However, guarding the door was Taecsifer, and the cat captured WooWoo, who was holding the key, inside a bowl.

“Taecsifer! Let him go!” Khunderella pleaded as she was peeping through the key hole like a peeping Tom.

Taecsifer did not listen, and attacked Jay, Seulong and Jinwoon that bombarded him with candles, forks, falling glasswares, cannons, lancers, machine guns, bombs, grenades and all other sorts of weapons of mass destruction. And yes, this did not kill Taecsifer.

"This is not working! We should bring out our secret weapon!" Jay cried out in panic.

"NO! NOT THE SECRET WEAPON!!" WooWoo gasped from inside the bowl.

"We have no choice." Jay said grimly, and dramatically turned his back to WooWoo and took off his shades, walking away to get the secret weapon.

When Jay returned, he had with him 3 packs of dried mangoes from the Philippines in less than three seconds. "Here Taec-y, Taec-y, Taec-y, Taec-yyyy~" Jay chanted with a malicious grin on his face.

"DRIED MANGOES NOMNOMNOMNOM." Taecsifer, upon seeing the dried mangoes, hurriedly went towards it, releasing WooWoo and the key. They immediately gave the key to Khunderella, setting her free to finally meet her Italian prince with the carbonara eyes.

The fitting was about to end when Khunderella got down from the tower. "Wait! Wait for me!" She cried out in glee, leaving the three evil people surprised.

"No no no no. She's really silly! Don't mind her!" Jo Kwon excused to stop Khunderella from trying on the shoe.

"No! Every eligible maiden in this house must try the shoe!" Taeyang rebutted proudly.

This sent Jo Kwon into a frenzy of Kkab-Kwon-ing, destroying everything in her path, including the shoe in the counsel's hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The counsel cried, with a dramatic spot light above head, with matching dramatic piano score in a minor key. "It's all over! It's all over!" He screamed to the heavens while playing with the remnants of the shoe.

"Maybe I can help!" Khunderella said as she sat down on the couch.

"No no no it's all over! Nothing can ever fix this!" He said, crying some more.

"But you see, I have the other shoe." Khunderella gleefully pointed out, magically producing the other shoe from her back.

Taeyang saw this, and jumped in the air in happiness with a goofy smile on his face. He got the shoe from her, and slipped it on her oh so carefully. As soon as he did, an ominous castle voice that sounded like Yesung from Super Junior started singing the theme from Cinderella Sister. "Neol bogo sipdago, tto ango sipdago, jeo haneulbomyeo gidohaneun nal~"

"It's you." The Italian Prince Chansung said with his carbonara eyes dramatically zooming in on hers. He offered his hand to her, and Khunderella accepted this gracefully. He pulled her into a tight embrace, and as if on cue, the ominous caste voice sung the chorus to add more drama and bro-ahem- romance to the moment. "Niga animyeon andwae, neo eobsin nan andwae~"

He, ever so slowly, faced her, leaning closer, and closer, and closer, for that special kiss...

"YAAAH! We almost kissed!" Prince Chansung shouted in shock.

"You didn't say cut!" Khunderella followed.

"People will think badly." 

"Oh Chansungie~" Prince Chansung shoves away Khunderella with this.

And they lived happily ever after... I think.

~THE END~

Hostasia: I envy their screentime. When do I get my own fairy tale?

Alex: I'm your fairy tale. Junix is OTP forever. <3

Gab: ... Oh god, no.