“Are you there?”

            No, of course he isn’t there.Months had passed—years had passed, really, those months had turned to years long ago and Yunho was still sitting on his bed listening to deafening silence of the TVXQ dorm.  It was only ten o’clock but the room was ghostly except for Changmin’s heavy breathing.

            If Jae and the others were here, it wouldn’t be like this.  But that was obvious, those three were the life of the party and their presence was a noticeable loss.

            Next to Yunho, Changmin stirred and the leader couldn’t help but notice that asleep Changmin looked as helpless as he felt.  How else was he supposed to feel when half his heart had been taken from him? Jaejoong’s scent still lingered in the sheets, no matter how many times he washed them, his face still invaded his dreams, and he kept finding those little items of clothing Jae had once complained had vanished from his closet.

            Yunho was sure he’d told him to look behind the boxes in the closet, and that had been enough proof that his friend had never quite listened to him well.  No one really listened to him very well if he thought about it, but the thing was; he didn’t want to think about anything right now. He wanted to sleep and forget. Of course, his dreams would never allow him to forget and sleep was overall avoiding him as of late.

            Jaejoong used to sing me to sleep; he used to sing our ballads to me.

            Suddenly Changmin’s steady, rhythmic breathing was a melody of too long ago. Yunho fought the tears and chugged down a bottle of alcohol he didn’t even like. He was never much of drinker; despite his appearance he preferred sweet drinks.  

            It was Yoochun who liked the bitter drink, and who always dared the leader to drink it.  If they were here the house wouldn’t be so silent on a Saturday night.

            “You’re overthinking again, hyung.” Huh? Maybe.

             “Hey, did I wake you?” Changmin sat up straighter and his pajama shirt fell off one shoulder. He might not be the most Maknae-like member but it was times like this in which they knew each other the best. The fans didn’t know half the things they did, such Jaejoong’s tendency to speak in his sleep, or Junsu’s loud snores when drunk or Yoochun’s high-pitched giggle when tickled (which he witnessed once, by chance and to this day wouldn’t allow to live down) in a specific part that Yunho couldn’t remember for the life of him.

            “Nah, I was awake,” Changmin yawned,

            “Go back to your own room then.”

            “It’s too quiet…”  Yunho nodded. “Who were you calling?”

            Jaejoong; “No one,” The thought and words had melted into synonyms by this point. Jaejoong really was no one now, wasn’t he? The tension between them was too high now. That damned lawsuit has done more than destroy a perfectly good group, hadn’t it? Yunho thought so.  

            It was a vicious cycle, really. Who knew what brought what first?  Was it the fights that added to the stress that caused the lawsuit or was it the stress that caused the thoughts for the lawsuit that started the fights? They were a tight nucleus before all that happened yet he couldn’t recall those times anymore, his mind prohibited it.

            “I see.” Not much needed to be said between them anymore.

            There’s a special quality to silence, it tells so much about the people within a room, whether they’re awkward or friendly, jittery or calm; before everything there was rarely silence. They had no time for silence in their hectic lives where something happened every day, but in those rare quiet times it was peaceful and heartwarming; calm.

            Yunho’s mind was everything but calm, and the silence was loud in his ears, proving its existence and erasing theirs. Had it really been that loud once upon a time? Was it even possible to speak even above a whisper in this heavy air?

            Changmin scooted closer to his hyung and remained quiet. Yunho wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders and kept him close. Cold nights like this reminded of how they really missed their missing members, that reminded them of the hardships the company they once idolized had been putting them through, of their success abroad, or TVXQ (or what was left of it, anyways) was spinning downwards with no end. Hurt Cassiopeia, divided Cassiopeia, those goddamned stalker fans. Everything.

            Anything and everything that could possibly wreck his brain was swimming in it, with time bombs strapped to them.

            “You’re still overthinking, hyung,” Changmin stole some of Yunho’s liquor before getting out of the bed. “Thanks for letting sleep here.”

            “No problem, Minnie”

            “You know you can always call him, right?”

            Yunho nodded as Changmin closed the door behind him. He could but and he would if he wasn’t so scared.

            If only I could I could be with you once more I wouldn't mind dying, you know. I'd kind of welcome death so that life wouldn't have another chance to ruin my happiness.

 

 

 

 

---

Annyeonghaseyo, it's me again :D
I've been writing a lot of 2min lately and some 
Teen Top OC Chapter story, but that's not the only
things I like, so I'm trying my hand at some slightly 
depressing YunJae, 

Thank you for reading 
Fly on, NaerEllen