Waiting
Playground
A soft smile graced my lips as my right hand glided over the roughened and rusting paint covering the seat of the swing in the playground I was in. It was the playground near my apartment complex where I usually visit whenever I am in a pensive mood. I would sit down in one of the swings and push my seat to take me off as high as I can. It had always been my favorite part of the playground. However this time around I wasn't going to play with the swings but my sole reason for coming to this place was the large set of slides nearby.
It was elevated from the ground hence it had two small staircases leading up to the inside of the small clubhouse where the top of the biggest slide in the set was located in. There was a small bridge connecting it to another clubhouse where the smaller slide was in. Surprisingly two people my size can fit inside both the clubhouses which I found out back then. I smiled at the fond memory I had while I made my way to the slides. It was in a night like this, with the sky clear of any sign of clouds and the stars where shining brightly despite Seoul's attempt at out shining them with the city's own lights. My mood has been very quiet and solemn during the week prior that night. Mostly due to my life finally settling in the fast pace of the new city I was residing in, contentment finally seeping in my soul. And partially due to my desire to be at peace with myself to settle down the confusing feelings I was acquiring for a certain man. I was in the swing set that time when the man occupying my thoughts called me suddenly.
"Hello?" I murmured quietly. "Did I wake you up?" He replied shyly from the other line sounding tired and worried at the same time. "No, You didn't. I'm not at home." I told him, my seat in the swing set moving back and forth while I cradled my phone in one hand. I heard some paper rustling in the background which must mean he was busy composing again. "Am I disturbing you?" His voice now laced with hesitation and curiosity. I smiled at how easily I can distinguish the emotions he was feeling just by the tone of his voice. "No. I just felt like taking a walk. To think." I added as an afterthought. It took him sometime to answer back and I could already imagine his eyes narrowing and his eyebrows furrowing at this bit of information I told him. "Are you alone?" He finally asked after awhile. "Yes." was my quiet answer. He huffed on the other line. "What are you doing on your own at this time of the night? It's too late in the evening to go out by yourself." He sighed. "Where are you?"
"In a playground near my apartment building." I told him serenely. "Jiyongie, I'll talk to you later ok? I promise to call back."
"Wait!" he cried but I put the phone down before he can say anything else. I bit my lip in guilt at what I did but thought of apologizing later instead when I call him. For now I'll resume what I intended to do here until I've settled my feelings.
From my position in the playground at that time, I noticed the street lamps illuminating the large set of slides. I don't know what prompted me to stand up and approach it but I did and as I was walking around it, I heard a car parking on the street near the playground. My breath hitched when I noticed that it was a white Bentley parking and waited with bated breath if my suspicions were correct. Who else with the same car would venture out this late in the night to the place I am if not him?
I was proven correct when out stepped the object of my affections, pink beanie and a pair of white Grafik Plastic shades, hiding his face from passerby's as if there will be around this area at this hour. My hand in one of the small stair case's railing gripped it as I watched him approach me. He's too charismatic in everything he does, it takes my breath away and crush my spirits at the same time.
What right do I have to call all that as mine? As if there's any possibility my feelings would be reciprocated by him. He stopped a few feet away from me, hand stuffed awkwardly in his jeans, his lips in a firm line. I cocked my head to the side, waiting for him to speak up. But when minutes passed and silence remained within the two people at the playground, I figured out the reason behind his presence. My eyes softened at the realization that he doesn't want to disturb my peace but just wishes to keep my company and protect me since it's dangerous at this time of the night to go out on my own. His stance relaxed visibly, perhaps he notices the way I looked at him, filled with gratitude and fondness. I continued my little trek up the slides after this slight interruption and walked inside the clubhouse. It wasn't so big that I could house in a party but it was roomy enough for two people to move around in. I turned around and faced him. Jiyong was leaning across the railing, his slender body slumped against as he observed me silently. "Come up here with me Jiyongie." I told him with a smile as I leaned on the banister which was near him. He straightened up and lifted himself easily towards me through the banister instead of using the staircases. I huffed quietly and muttered, "Show off." to which he grinned at. He leaned against the banister and resumed his quiet observation of my out of character behavior. I approached him and leaned my head on his shoulder. We were quiet once more, out breaths syncing into one by coincidence, while we remained immobile. I closed my eyes and gave the feelings fluttering in my chest a careful thought.
My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, my mind a complete blur of images flashing - not one coherent thought being formed due to our close proximity. However despite the turmoil of emotions inside me, I was at peace with him here. Clarity is far from what I'm experience but for some reason the chaos within me feels right. As if, if its existence would disappear so does the normalcy in my life and its stability.
I stood up and faced him, our faces only inches apart. I rolled my eyes as I stared right back at my reflection through his sunglasses and took it from his face to stuff at his jacket's pocket. I faced him once again and whispered, "Let's dance."
"There's no music." He murmured back, his eyes now staring right back at me without any sign of wavering. "Sing then." I told him impishly with a slight smirk. "Sing Baby Goodnight for me." I felt his hands grab me by the waist as he straightened up from his position, flushing my body close to his. My hands automatically placed itself on his broad shoulders but he shook his head, one of his hands guiding mine to wrap around his neck. I got his point and did it on my own volition on my other hand. Jiyong leaned his forehead until it was touching mine before closing his eyes and started singing his part in Baby Goodnight. We started swaying and I felt like I was Wendy dancing with Peter Pan that night while I was in his arms. I buried my face in his chest as we swayed to his singing, slow dancing to our hearts content.
On that night, with the star shining on a clear dark blue sky, with Jiyong's soothing voice ringing in the air as he sang me song after song while we slow danced on our own in an unoccupied playground....
I confessed my growing feelings for him since I met him.
How he became more than my best friend. My very famous and charismatic best friend.
At that night I also discovered how unfair fate was when he confessed that he will be leaving Korea for their world tour in a pained voice as he cupped my face. His desperation clearly evident in his voice as he asked me to wait for him.
And so here I am, a year after that night. Strolling in the same playground at the same day when I confessed to him. Still waiting, still hoping he will come home because I don't want to dance on my own anymore.
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