I sat quietly on my seat beside Seungyeon unnie but actually feeling uneasy inside because of my own thought of his coming here. We just finished practicing for our upcoming stage two days later. The three other unnies went for their schedules as soon as we finished practicing, left me out all alone with Seungyeon unnie who, unluckily, didn’t help me at all with her being her own usual self, staying quiet. 

I felt more and more nervous as the seconds came and passed by. Should I stay or should I leave? That question kept coming and spinning around on my mind. The first choice would give me a chance to meet him, to get a glimpse of him, to ‘heal’ my weary heart and mind of the thought of missing him that haunted me. Even though I knew that in the end it would just give me more heartbreak. But if I chose the second choice, would I not regret it later? What should I do? How I wished that I could tell someone about it, just one person would do, but in the fact, I couldn’t.

I slapped my face to make me stay still and kept me away from spacing out and falling too deep in my thought.

“Oh Kang Jiyoung~ you can’t be like this! You have to be brave! You have to face it yourself! Whatever it will be, let it be!” I unwillingly mumbled to myself. Thank you to Seungyeon unnie’s ipod that blocked her away from hearing what I was just saying. I should be more careful on what I said; I couldn’t let anyone know about it.

“Unnie~” I nudged Seungyeon unnie who was still busy listening to her ipod with a book on her lap, as expected from our group’s brain or as fans called her, KARA’s Smarty Pants.

“Hummm?” She turned her head to me; questioning face; and unplugged on of her earpiece.

“I’ll go to buy some food; do you in particular want or need something?” I asked her, decided to go to the nearby supermarket to get my favorite strawberry milk.

“Whatever will do as long as you buy it for me hehehehehe” She laughed, showing her infamous half moon eyes.

“Oh okay~ I’ll treat you, because I’m the magnae. I have to treat my unnie well.” I said, as I rose up from my seat and put the hoodie over my head, covering almost half of my face.

 “Whoaaaa~ Kang Jiyoung jjang! Be careful of the stalker.” I went out of the door with Seungyeon unnie’s cute voice behind me.

*****

I looked around as I walked back to our office. The weather was just perfect. The light blue sky flecked with the white clouds and the sun was shining brightly. If I didn’t do that stupid thing, maybe at the time like this, I would be on an ice cream shop with him, chatting, laughing and joking around like there was no tomorrow. Ah~ as I gave it more and more thought, the more I felt regret. If I didn’t do it, everything would be fine as usual, and I could be around him as long as I wanted without him obviously trying to avoid me. Oh Kang Jiyoung~ why did you do that? What were you thinking at that time?

FLASHBACK

“Oppa, I like you.”

Those words were just coming out of nowhere. No, it was coming from my own mouth, but I didn’t know where the courage to say those words came from. I must be crazy. What should I do? I wanted to be hidden. Let me disappear somewhere!

But he, on the other side, was just laughing and then ruffling my hair.

“Of course you like me, because I’m your oppa right? If you dislike me, you wouldn’t want to come laying around with me for all this time hehe.” He said it with a big smile on his face and he looked at me with a bright facial expression that people had after watched a funny tv show.

“Oppa! I really like you!” I slapped my mouth after I said it. What did I do just now?!

“I know~ I know. What do you want? Do you want oppa to get you more ice cream? Ah~ our Jiyoungie did it again, using her undeniable charm to make me buy her the ice cream that she wants.” He pouted, cutely, but I was too hurting too even laughed at his cute act. Why did he keep treat me like a 5 years old girl?

“Oppa! It’s not like that! I like you, really, I like you! I love you!!” Did I just say it? Did I really say it? Did I just confess to him? Oh~ I wanted to sink myself to the ground.

I squeezed my face, kept my head down. I was afraid of his reaction, really. I wasn’t afraid for no reason, because I knew that he didn’t have the same feeling for me. He loved another person.

“I’m sorry oppa~ I…I…I…I just didn’t really think of what I said just now hehehe.” I laughed awkwardly, a fake one, and I stuttered. I tried to pull up all my sense, prevented myself from saying another stupid stuffs that I shouldn’t say.

“It’s okay oppa~ you don’t have to think about it. I’m sorry. I…I think I have to go now. Sorry.” I took my bag, shaking, collected all my stuffs in the table. I couldn’t stand to be around him anymore. I should leave. I got off from my seat and started to walk away, but stopped after a few paces.

“Oppa, I’ll wait.” Without turning around to face him, I said it then continued my step away from that place.

FLASHBACK END

It was the last time I talked to him. He had been avoiding me since that time, and he kept writing the words “please don’t wait for me~” on his cyworld. I didn’t know about him, but I, myself, didn’t tell anything to my unnies because it would be really awkward for all the unnies too since they were somewhat protective about me. I knew them really well, if I told them, they wouldn’t ever blame me even though they would say things like “you shouldn’t have done it.”

I once ever asked Gyuri unnie about it, said that it was my friend’s problem, carefully to not showing any sign that it was actually my own problem. And the result of it was Gyuri unnie saying that the guy was weird for avoiding the girl. Gyuri unnie said that if he didn’t like the girls he just had to say it. Nah~ I couldn’t imagine if Gyuri unnie knew that the guy the he called weird was Kyujong oppa.

I let out a sigh as I walked through the entrance on my way back to the room where Seungyeon unnie was waiting for me.

“Unnie~ I’m back…” I said as I pushed the door opened. There was the face that I didn’t really want to see, the person that I was afraid to meet up, mostly when one of my unnies was around.

“Jiyoung ah~ you’re back. What did you get for me?” It was Youngsaeng oppa who was sitting beside Seungyeon unnie that seemed had gone into her ‘mute’ mode.

“Oppa! You’re here hehe! I didn’t buy anything for you, but I got some for Seungyeon unnie. You can ask her to give you some.” I playfully winked at him and stick my tongue out.

“Ah~ it will be hard.” He chuckled at me while I showed him my fist, indirectly said ‘fighting.’

But now, that I’ve done joking around with Youngsaeng oppa, I started to realize that I should sit beside ‘him’ since there were only two couch on this room. One of it already filled by both the 2nd oldest, leaving out the one that he sat on. I had no other choice; uneasily I walked toward him and sat there side by side.

I felt more and more awkward as I sat there quietly and I was afraid that Seungyeon unnie or Youngsaeng oppa would realize the awkward situation that both of us faced. Should I say something? Then what should I say? Oh~ Kang Jiyoung~ used your brain please! What to do? Ah~ I got it!

“Kyujong oppa~ I want to show you something. Follow me!” I faked a smile and rose up from my seat. He, had no choices, started to get up from his seat and follow me behind.

*****

I run alone through the dark night. Thank you to the hoodie and the hat that I used so there was no one recognized who I was. I told the unnies that I would go out with Sulli while the truth was not. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I kept running and running until I found an empty children playing field, I decided to stay there. I walked entering the place and went to a bench under the tree. I sat there and tears started to run down my face.

It was over! It was officially over. He said ‘it’ to me already, directly said it to me. I never knew before that I could get this kind of pain from that person. He was like an angel and an angel never gave you the pain. But I couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault. It was my fault for having this feeling, for liking him, for loving him. He wasn’t wrong for telling me the truth, for telling me that he never had the same kind feeling that I had for him. He had been always thinking of me JUST as his little sister, his very own little sister he said.

But what hurt me the most was…the name that he claimed as the person that he loved. The name that I was really familiar with, that girl was a person that I met all the time. What did he have to tell me right away? Couldn’t he wait just for a while until he gave me another pain? Actually…he didn’t need to tell me at all! It would be better if he kept it himself.

In the end, all that I could do was nothing. I was hurting, deeply. But being a fool, I kept smiling at him, holding on my tears inside. When he said sorry to me, I told him that I was okay, that I would be better after a while.

“You deserve someone who is better than me.” He said it.

Oppa, I maybe still young but I knew everything. That words that you said, wasn’t a sign of apologizing but it was the common words that people used to turn someone’s feeling down.

“Jiyoung ah~”

I lifted my head and found ‘his’ face in front of my eyes. I unwillingly stood up and hugged him, buried my head on his embrace “I love you oppa, I love you. Even though you don’t feel the same about me. Even though my heart breaks.”

************************************************

Finally I'm able to finish it up *sigh* not really sure whether it will turn out good or not. but still I hope you'll like it.

I'm sorry for making it ended up sadly hehe. btw this is my first time writing a one-shot and the sad one.

feel free to leave some comments nd critiques :D Love Ya :D

PS: btw this story run on Jiyoung's POV ^^