Chanhee's POV

It's already been 5 years since then. And the faint memory of Byunghun still flickered into my mind every now and then, but it wasn't that often anymore. So now, I would force myself to think of him on my own because I didn't want to lose him completely. I didn't want him to really be gone. I wanted him to stay in my mind forever, it was where he lived now. It was where he belonged. No one ever mentioned his name anymore either like he was never there to begin with. And I wasn't sure what hurt more, not ever hearing his name, or hearing it everyday.  

I stood motionless in front of the double doors that lead into the school, examining the rectangular windows and rigid paint crusting off of the smooth walls. This was the beginning of my third year of high school and I still couldn't believe how fast time had passed by without me knowing it. The school looked the same as it did the first time I arrived, except it seemed less exciting now. I jammed my cellphone into the right pocket of my uniform jacket. Niel had texted me earlier today telling me to wait for him before I headed inside. It was just like him to keep me waiting.

All of the kids I grew up with passed right by me, anxiously flooded inside of the building. I didn't know them very well back then, and I don't know them very well now either. But I exchanged a few chats with some of them last year, which shocked me now, considering I would never dared to have said a word to them when I was 12. I must've changed a lot since then.

"Yah, hyung!" I slightly twisted my head around to find the owner of the voice. It had to be Niel, his voice was the only one that I could recognize without having to look at him. And I was right. He flung his arm in the air, waving it fraintically. "Long time no see!"

"Yah, Ahn Daniel!" I called out to him as he paced up the cement stairway that lead to the front doors. "How long did you want me to wait? Until we graduate?"

"Aish! Channie! When did you get so impatient?! It's only been 10 minutes!"

When did I get so impatient? I'm not so sure myself. I used to always shrug it off before, like it wasn't a big deal, it never even bothered me then. But now . . . now it did. "It's been 15 minutes." I corrected him as I slapped his upper back with my bare palm, causing the boy to stumble forward. "C'mon. I bet the others are waiting." As in 'others', I meant the friends Byunghun used to hang out with everyday. Yes, the same rowdy and obnoxious ones. I don't know how, but I came to get used to their company, like I had always been with them. And up until now, it really did seem like I was always with them. To top it all off, my fear was no longer with me, it seemed to have disappeared somewhere along the way.

Niel and I searched the Lunchroom for the rest of the gang. Well actually, I was the only one searching, Niel was too busy clicking buttons on his cellphone to do anything else. Through all of the faces of different people that I didn't recognize and the loud chatter that sounded more like yelling than anything else, my head was starting to ache. First day of school rule, be loud and make sure everyone hears you. That was how it was like every year during the first day. And I'm still not used to it yet.

"YAH! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?" I could hear Niel screaming emphatically into his cellphone, trying to get heard over the roar of everyone's voices. "NO, I SAID WHERE." He raised his voice higher now. "NO, WHERE!!" There it is. His threatening voice. I only heard him use it once during my whole life with him. And that was when someone had taken his lollipop during elementary school, and he almost popped the kid's jaw for it back. If I know Niel, he'd probably do it again now too. "Yah, Channie." I felt a tug on my arm that suddenly changed into a drag across the room and through the clutter of people. It took me awhile to fully understand what just happened when we made it to a table that everyone circled. 

"Took you guys forever! What the heck were you two doing?" Minsoo scolded as he motioned for us to take a seat. He was the closest to Byunghun back then. I think Byunghun looked up to him, mostly because he was tall. His face looked serious most of the time, and he always had black hair which he tied into a tiny ponytail that settled on the top of his head.

"Niel asked me to wait for him." I responded as I began to pull out a chair that rested next to Changhyun and plopped down into it. If you asked me who I was closest to from everyone here, I'd gotta say Niel. Jonghyun and I had this awkward atmosphere ever since he asked me if I was gay years ago. We still talk a little, but it's not like we're close enough to share secrets to each other. Changhyun is like a little brother to me, nothing more, nothing less. We hung out a few times before, but usually only with everyone else as well. Minsoo and I were your normal friends, we brought up conversations from time to time, but it's never anything personal. We never really talk to each other one on one, partly because Niel is always flirting away with him, and the other part is that we don't have much to say.

"Yah, Minsoo!" A boy that I didn't know, but he looked around my age, flew over to the the oldest guy. "It's been a while." The unknown boy said as I eyed him carefully. His hair was golden and he also happened to be fairly short compared to everyone else. Not only that, but he was also very thin which made me wonder if his mom remembered to feed him at all. But it was his face that caught my attention, it looked familiar, almost like . . . like Byunghun's.

And there was nothing that indicated that he couldn't be Byunghun. If I remembered correctly, Byunghun was also very thin and short compared to everyone else. As the boy chatted away with Minsoo, his hand caressed the strands of hair on the top of his head thoughtlessly, as if it was a habit. A habit that Byunghun and him shared. It had to be Byunghun. I know it is. "Byu-"

"L.Joe!" Jonghyun shouted after he paused the game he was playing on his phone, "You're back!" and he quickly got up to greet the other boy.

L.Joe? His name is L.Joe? I just mistook a stranger for Byunghun and wanted to beat myself up for it. Was my memory of him already fading away? I forced my mind to think of the moment Byunghun and I first met, but all that came out of it was a stomach ache filled with regret and remorse. "I'm . . . I'm going to the restroom!" I shot out, springing up from my seat. Everyone threw confused glances my way, even the boy they called 'L.Joe'. But more memories of Byunghun crept into my head and I broke into a run out of the Lunchroom. I didn't really need to go to the restroom, it was just more quieter. A good place to think. And I needed that. A place to think of Byunghun. I wasn't going to let him die in my memory after he had died in everyone elses. I wasn't going to lose him again.

After shoving my way through the Lunchroom, I made it inside the restroom safely. The mirror that perched on the wall reflected my appearance, my red dyed hair dimmed from the low light that lit up the room. Was I losing myself too?

I watched my eyes puff pink and listened to my breathing grow heavier as I remembered when Byunghun waited for me in the front of our Junior High school after school one day. He told me that he wanted to spend a little more time together because classroom breaks weren't long enough. It slowly became a daily routine for us. And he'd always beat me there and when I showed up moments later, he'd tell me, 'I was waiting for you.' And we would just sit on the front steps and watch the other kids sweep by us to go home. Everything felt like a dream back then. But it was gone now. Everything was gone now.

I ended up showing up 10 minutes late to class, but Ms.Yong didn't seem to mind it. In fact, I think she gave me a wink after telling me that I didn't miss much. And to avoid getting the 'bad student' stamped onto my forehead, I just beamed a half smile to her. Luckily, I knew everyone in my class, but being friends with them was another story. To my surprise, I also found L.Joe among the herd of students. I didn't know he was the same age as me. I grabbed the only empty seat that happened to lay in front of him and collapsed into it. School was going to be long this year. I could already tell.

• • •

After school, I quietly stood up as everyone swarmed out of the crammed building. Slowly, I trudged down the hall and out of the front double doors. Surprisingly, a boy was sitting on one of the descending steps, the top one to be precise. And that boy happened to be L.Joe. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought L.Joe was waiting for me. Considering Byunghun used to always do that. I grunted as my head spun from all the thinking I did today which felt like something was yanking on my hair from all sides. Any more thinking for me and I'd probably go bald.

"Yah," I broke the silence L.Joe was engulfed in. "What are you still doing here?" My legs stopped pacing when I drew next to him. He never replied, just stared ahead with a blank expression plastered onto his face. "Hello?" Still nothing. I shrugged and shifted my left foot, attempting to just leave him be. He wasn't in any mood to talk to me anyway.

"Chanhee."

I paused, my leg barely hanging out, and glanced back at him. He was standing now, staring right at me. It felt like deja-vu. Like the time Byunghun was staring at me after I said what I didn't mean. Just like that time. Except now, it didn't feel so painful as then. Probably because I didn't know L.Joe. "What is it? Something wrong?" A familiar smile had crept onto his face.

"I was waiting for you."

At that moment, something inside of me shook my nerves and woke my brain. It was the same phrase, the same voice, the same smile that I knew so well, it was all the same. Everything was the same. They were the same. I widened my eyes in surprise and, well, relief. Relief that he was here, Byunghun was here, here with me. He wasn't gone and I didn't have to keep reminiscing either. Because he was here.

"Byunghun?"

"The one and only."

Part of me was still shocked that I wasn't just imagining him being there, and the other part was filled up to the top with happiness. My mind jumbled up, and I felt dizzy. My head really couldn't take anymore thinking right now. "But everyone called you L.Joe-"

"I am L.Joe now. Everyone called me that when I was in America. I just wanted to apologize for not telling you that I moved there a long time ago." Byunghun explained as he trotted down a few steps ahead of me, breaking away our eye contact. "You know, Chanhee, I really loved you."

I felt my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice. The world seemed lighter and everything around me felt like a fantasy, like I was having one of those dreams I had everso often. "I love you too. I didn't mean what I said back then." I urged out as I thought about how we could go back to the way things were supposed to be before Jonghyun pressured me, before we lost each other. We could go back and everything will go on. Everything will be a reality.

"I see. Glad to hear that."

I dropped down a step, attempting to hug him from behind, to whisper in his ear that I missed him. And Tell him that we could be together now and nothing was going to change that.

"But you know, we both changed since then." He shot out once he heard another foot step from me; I was directly behind him now. Byunghun turned his face toward me, but gave all of his attention to the ground. "I don't love you anymore."     

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@rawr6127 ; First Subscriber to this Fanfic! 8D Thanks so much! ^^

@ILoveYou_Forever ; I hope I didn't disappoint you xD The foreword was more detailed than this chapter. OTL

@senias ; Aw thank you! *v* We'll see how it goes from here then! > <

Chapter one finished? @_@ I know it's like totally y compared to the Foreword. xD Sorry for that! > < I hope you enjoyed it though~ There's probably a lot of questions asked, but it'll all be answered in the next chapter. asdf