“How is it?”

“I like it.”

I like the thought of sitting here with you, early in the morning eating ice cream as rain still fall relentlessly outside, ignoring the bewildered look people give us as they sip their hot coffee and read their morning newspaper.

I like the thought of seeing you first thing in the morning with no hint of make-up yet your beauty exudes just naturally.

I like the thought of a new day with you. Because it gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, this will be a new start, a new beginning for us to start over again.

I like—no, I love it. I really do.

And I love the feeling of my heart starting to be whole again. It’s a feeling of both bliss and dread. Because isn’t it scary? How someone could just fill in the emptiness almost automatically? And how she’s capable of tearing it all apart again?

I stared at my strawberry ice cream and let out a smile.

This girl right here is the only person I’m willing to get my heart broken again because after all, she’s the only one who can fix it.

“I can see you’ve changed your favourite.” I grinned as I took a spoonful of my ice cream.

“That goes for you too.” She giggled.

“Well, like I always say, it brings good memories.”

We became silent but I loved this serenity I’m feeling. I can’t stop being happy.

After we finished our ice cream, we got out of the shop and stood there outside, just enough not to get wet with the rain.

“Come on Yoona.” Yuri smiled as she opened her umbrella for them to share.

“Sorry, I promise I’ll buy an umbrella the moment I see one for sale.”

“It’s okay, let’s go home.”

The thought of going home together thrilled me. Though home is the small room we rented for the night.

The moment we entered the room, my phone started ringing loudly.

“Robert, how are you?” I sat on a chair as you removed your coat and shoes, finally diving into the bed.

“Good morning to you too.” I tried to remove my shoes but with the phone stuck between my head and my shoulder it was a difficult thing to do.

“Nope, of course not, I—“ I stopped midway as I saw Yuri crouching and kneeling before me, untying my laces and removing my shoes for me. She just looked up to me and smiled and gestured me to continue talking as she did her business with my shoes.

“I—uh, I’m okay, really. And I’ll call the cousins later. Seriously why would they call you instead of just calling me?”

I followed you with my eyes as you returned to the bed, covering your body with the blanket with you sitting with your back to the headboard, hugging a pillow with one arm, your eyes closed.

“I’ll be home soon, thanks Robert. Good bye and don’t tell mom okay? Bye.”

I wriggled my toes and removed my coat. I looked at Yuri again.

Is she sleeping?

I sat on the corner of the bed and looked at her deeply. I’m being creepy again.

Suddenly she opened one of her eyes and caught me red handed as our eyes met, startling me.

“Come here, I don’t bite.” She grinned, as she patted the space next to her.

I hesitated for a bit but the need of having her closer was stronger than any other feelings I had.

I crawled into the bed with her, sharing the warm blanket, sitting there shoulder to shoulder with her, relishing the feeling of her skin on mine, no matter how small the contact is.

“I missed you. You don’t have to act so strangely around me Yoona.” She said as she turned her head towards me, hooking her arm into mine making me smile.

“I missed you too.” But this time, I unhooked our arms and held her hand under the blanket, carefully intertwining our fingers just like old times. It still fits perfectly, I wonder if she can feel it too? Or is this just a friendly reunion?

She smiled to me and squeezed our joined hands.

“Let’s stay like this for a while.”

She rested her head on my shoulder. I stiffened for a bit but then I relaxed when I felt her even breathing.

I sneaked a look on her and smiled as I tilted my head to hers, happily closing my eyes, sleeping with my dream sleeping next to me.

*

I woke up with a smile when I heard a familiar grumble. My honey is hungry again. I guess it’s time for lunch.

Honey? How I wish I could still call her that, without the fear that someone might actually hear us.

“Hi.” I smiled as I lifted my head off her shoulder. I wonder how she managed to stay in that position when we’ve been in here for hours.

“How’s your sleep?” I love seeing her smile, it brightens up my day.

“Better than most nights.” I smiled wider.

“You still stick your tongue out.”  She teased, acting it out for me. I pinched her arm with my free hand as she whined cutely; exaggerating the pain I gave her. I smiled again as I felt our entwined hands that she never let go.

“I may even be doing that when I die.” I joked until she poked my nose.

“Don’t say that.” She said with a serious face.

“What?” I looked at her.

“Don’t say anything about you dying, it’s the last thing I want to see or even think about.” She pouted. How I wish to kiss that pout away.

“Don’t do that.” I nudged my forehead to her shoulder.

“What?” It was her turn to be puzzled.

“Don’t pout.” I looked up and playfully glared at her.

“But why? You don’t like my pout? I thought I looked cute doing this.” She pouted again. I blushed when memories started laying in my inner cinema again.

“I said don’t do it!” I pinched her nose this time.

“That’s it, you’re bullying me!” She roared and tickled me. I tried to run but this tickle-monster is just too fast! I couldn’t stop laughing as she straddled me, tickling my sides as my arms flailed wildly on attempt to stop the assault.

“Stop—stop!” I yelled breathlessly, struggling to keep up with her fast hands.

“I won’t until you tell me why you want me to stop pouting!” She exclaimed and tickled me again. I squirmed as I reduced from a human into a laughing mess.

After another round of merciless tickling, I surrendered.

“Okay, okay! I’ll tell you!” I raised my hands and she stopped, looking at me expectantly then held both of my hands and pinned them to the bed.

I gave her the ‘you’re unbelievable’ face.

She grinned and raised our hands before pinning them down again.

“Just for good measure, you’re quite the fighter you know.” Then she gave me that awfully y, playful wink.

So I was left there lying on the bed, blushing, with her straddling my stomach, pinning my hands on the side of my head, making her hover a bit to me.

“So, tell me?” She smiled as we stared into each other’s orbs.

“I wanted you to stop pouting, because—“ I said and trailed off, trying to find a better excuse.

“Because?” She teased, grinning at me playfully as her eyes darted from my eyes to somewhere lower in my face which I’m guessing wildly as my lips. I released a sigh as I can’t concoct a good alibi.

“Because you look like a duck?” I laughed as she raised her brow in disbelief.

“No one ever said Im Yoona looks like a duck.” She glared at me playfully, still restricting me effectively to the bed.

“Hmm, maybe I’m the only exception?” I smiled at her innocently.

“Do you want me to unleash my tickling powers again?” She cocked her brows up and down again making my eyes open wider in terror.

“Okay, okay! I think you know why.” I sighed in defeat.

“I don’t know, so tell me.” She grinned.

“I wanted you to stop because I might do something inappropriate.” I bit my lip as she smirked.

“Why? What were you going to do anyway?” She moved her face closer, making me gulp as nervousness started to invade me.

“Well Miss Kwon?” She said as I can feel her breath on my face.

“I—“ I felt myself getting hotter and sweat started pouring over my head and body.

“You?” I’m really going to make Yoona pay with this torture. I think I’m going to die with embarrassment!

“I—I might ki—kiss you.” I stuttered as I closed my eyes shut, praying to God to just kill me now, a heart-attack will do with how fast my heart was beating!

After a few minutes without response I opened my eyes slowly only to find a smiling Yoona on top of me.

“Hey, let me go. I already told you.” I whined as I pouted unconsciously.

“Kiss? What kiss?” She asked with such innocent look I almost mistake her as a toddler asking if Santa really exists.

I defiantly stared back to her with a pouting face.

“This kiss?” She said as she suddenly pecked my nose and stared back at me. My heart just doubled its pace if that’s even possible. I just stayed there unmoving with bulging eyes, my mouth slightly agape with shock.

“Or this kiss?” I closed my eyes as I expected her to swoop in lightning speed to kiss me again in areas I’m not sure of. But instead of a blinding speedy peck, I felt how she pressed her lips gently into mine, lingering there for a few seconds before she pulled away and stared at me like nothing happened.

Certainly something did happen to me because I just felt like we were below a spectacular fireworks display, like there was a catastrophic earthquake and a tsunami just rushed towards me. The adrenaline was too much it was shocking I maintained calmness when I’m close to bursting.

“Well Miss Kwon?” She asked again her doe eyes showing nothing but pure wonder. I was still tongue tied.

“Would you like me to show you again?” She grinned playfully at me.

I shook my head slowly and stared up to her, making her raise her brow.

“Release me then I’ll show you.”

She chuckled and released me; she sat beside me, and just how like she sat there when I slept, with her back on the headboard.

I took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly as I sat up.

“I’m sorry I kissed you just like that. I don’t know what came—“ I stopped her from talking by putting a finger against her lips.

“This is what I was thinking of doing to you.” I smiled gently and tilted her face towards mine. I placed my lips on hers then slowly; I started to move taking her lower lip with mine as she responded. It was slow, sweet and agonizingly blissful. She started to take control, facing me fully, her hand cupping my face as the other supported her weight. She was hovering over me once again.

She pulled away and she looked at me with a gentle smile.

“I didn’t think you’ll do it.”

“You were hard to resist.” I confessed smiling back at her.

She leaned in again and this time I was b with anticipation to feel her lips on mine again when BUZZ!

There was someone on the door. She smiled shyly at me.

“It must be the pizza. I ordered earlier while you were sleeping.” She explained as she slowly got up and picked her wallet. I watched her as she paid the delivery guy and closed the door, placing the box on the table with the drinks.

I giggled as I looked at her embarrassed. She wouldn’t even look at me.

“Let’s eat, I know you’re hungry.” I chuckled as I got up from the bed, and sat across from her.

“I’m sorry.” She said as she prepared the food for us. I pinched her nose.

“Stop saying sorry all the time.”

We enjoyed the pizza. I guess this is what she usually eats in the states because she looked so happy munching on a slice.

“So—uhm, do I really look like a duck?”

I balled up a napkin and threw it at her.

*

I couldn’t believe we actually kissed. Does this mean we’re worth another chance? Or was she just reminiscing our past? I don’t know what happened to me. I feel so confused and happy at the same time. I really want to trust her completely again, I know I do, but the fear is still there. I lost my confidence to love her, what if I will never be enough for her to stay?

We’d probably be obese if we actually live like this for years. Because here we are again, you lying on the bed, with the usual; you’re sleeping while I sit beside you staring at your face.

Why are you so beautiful?

It must be unusual for a girl to actually praise another girl like this. But I don’t care, for me, she’s the most beautiful girl on earth and I am just a lucky soul to even get a chance to see her up close.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

I chuckled as you tried to block your face with your hand. You woke up, it’s already four.

I started giving up trying to cover up my obsessive staring. When did you get this shy?

“To make up for the year of not seeing you.”

“Did you forget how I look?” Yuri joked as she peeked from her hand on top of her face.

“It was funny how it was possible for me to memorize your face, every detail and every inch of it, when I can hardly remember the lessons we had the day before. I think I can draw your face even with my eyes closed.” I laughed a bit.

“You’re always a sweet-talker. You could’ve just looked at my Facebook then you don’t have to memorize my face instead of your lessons.”

I smiled gently at her and looked down, the bitter memory invading my train of thoughts.

“The truth is, I was afraid to see you.”

I shouldn’t have said that because I regretted the look of pain that flashed on your face, but I guess it’s inevitable. Sooner or later we’re going to talk about the year we spent apart and I would be lying if I told you I was fine.

“I was afraid that when I open your page, I’ll find that you already moved on, that you’re already in love and happy with someone else while I was crying myself to sleep. I wasn’t being bitter, trust me. I wanted you to be happy and until now I still do. I—I was just afraid that you’ve found someone who can make you smile and laugh harder and that someone is not me. You see, I still want to be the one to make you happy.”

I shouldn’t have said all of that. Because my eyes are getting blurry and they’re stinging as I force myself not to cry.

I cleared my throat and let out a sigh, trying to ease up the suddenly silent and suffocating atmosphere.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—“

*

As much as I love this scene of waking up to you, I want to forget it.

I don’t want to mar this day; it’s a perfect day, only you and me. This was supposed to be a happy thought, yet now I spoiled it.

I hate myself, for hurting you and seeing you trying to be strong while here I am pounding you with this emotional hammer, torturing you with my presence.

“No. Yoona, look at me.”

I sat up and reached out my hand and gently laid it on top of your cold one and cupped it.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel that you were not worth it. I’m sorry I made you so afraid. I’m sorry I broke your heart. But no matter how much I try to tell you that, I think that it’s not enough.”

I choked on a sob as I held my tears.

“You were perfect. I could never ask for someone else to love me as much as you did. But I ruined the perfect girl. I ruined your definition of love, of happiness, of forever. I ruined you Yoona and I will forever hate myself for that.”

I hated myself again when the tears wouldn’t stop falling.

You gently broke away from my grasp and cupped my face, slowly wiping my tears away like you always do, wiping away my sadness. It only made me cry more.

“How can you hate yourself when I love you so much?”

I cried harder as I hugged her and buried my face into her neck.

How can you still love me after all I did?

How can you be so perfect?

If only people will see you the way I do, I’d ask them one thing.

How can they tell me not to love you?