If I could count the number of tears that had dropped from my eyes, I think I could easily count the number of dreams that had been shattered within the last twenty-four hours. It would have normally taken half-an-hour to reach his place, but today-out of all the days in the world-the traffic was tight. So, here I was sitting in my car thinking of all the things that had gone wrong. After I had dropped Lee ajumma home, I took a long breath to calm myself down before I got into my car again to drive of to his place. It didn’t work…neither do I feel relaxed nor at peace. So, I opted for music, as it was the next best thing to ice-cream.

 The chorus of we believe ~by Good Charlotte flowed out smoothly like velvet over skin. It wasn’t like I wanted to listen to it now but I didn’t want others to hear me cry. It seemed, it was the only thing I did these days.

I winced at the couple sitting in the car ahead. They looked so happy and at peace with their life that it reminded me too much of the delusion I had lived in and eventually made me sick to my stomach. Why couldn’t this be happening to someone else? Why me? I have asked myself the same question over and over again but to no avail. The truth was that it HAD happened and it had happened to ME. Now, I am going to get some bloody answers and this time he is not about to get away.

Flash backs from last night’s party started coming back to me again. Memories of the things that had happened, but this time it wasn’t a blur due to a massive hang over. This time, the images were crystal clear; like motion picture, it played itself in front of my very eyes.

I had been so excited the entire day as Choi group of industries had won yet another major business deal and this time I knew uncle Choi was going to celebrate it by announcing his only son’s engagement. How could I not be happy when I was finally getting what I had always dreamed of for the past seven years?

In my ten years of relationship with oppa, the last seven years had been a complete debacle. I had always thought it was because I tried to be too involved in his life. My only mode of dealing with his increasing dislike of me was to leave him alone. I thought maybe after I gave him some extra space he would miss me and come back, but that never happened. Instead, he would go missing for days only to come back equally as irritated. I guess in the back of my mind, I always knew that something had gone awfully wrong in our relationship. Although, I never truly believed that something was off.

 Our marriage was my way of trying to keep him as near as possible: my impossible wish of getting back the person I first fell for. After all, we were meant to be…or so I thought. Yet, he kept on changing and finally he started to…well, cheat. Initially, the changes were small and very un-noticeable: one call left unanswered here and two texts avoided there. They were so small that they were ‘common’ and expected after the first year of any relationship. Eventually, rumors began to spread… but I didn’t believe them. Stupid as I was back then, I actually believed that people were just jealous of our relationship. After all, he was every mother’s dream son-in-law. If only, they too could see the man that had truly existed behind that mask of loyalty and FAKE romances.

That dreadful night, I had worked extra hard on the way I looked. I wanted to impress him enough to want to marry me and made sure that I looked like the epitome of perfection. He had always refused to acknowledge the topic of matrimony and dismissed it a wave but this time I wanted to be prepared that night. For I knew he wasn’t above talking his parents out of it. Only for that special occasion, I had bought a special netted white dress. The dress looked like it was tailored by a Victorian era royal seamstress with its oval neckline which stretched from one shoulder to other and its stiff thin shoulder pads. It was a full length gown with long sleeves that hugged my skin and felt like smooth white chocolate and a mermaid tail bottom that made me feel sensual and confident. The netted material caught light in the right places and shimmered and shined as I walked through the room.

Light makeup which had always been my signature was now replaced with black eye shade, extra glossed lips and bronzed cheeks. My hair was pulled up in a special Greek bun while some stray strands of hair fell on either of my sides of my face. I was truly shining that night – well, everyone I knew said so. Even though some people thought that I might have been a tad bit overdressed for a simple business party, I knew better. After all, uncle choi had invited everyone who mattered including my two best friends Kim Kiasume and Hagino Yuki. He didn’t have to, for they didn’t involve his business at all but he still did which could only mean one thing.

As I walked down the stairs towards the living room downstairs where my father waited, I heard a gasp from Lee ajumma when she walked out of the kitchen, “oh my… sweetheart you look just…beautiful.”

“Thank you ajumma,” I blushed and walked into the living room to be greeted by my very pleasantly surprised father. “Shall we leave now,” I mumbled as I stared down at the floor suddenly shy and looking like I was trying hard to memorize the tile pattern.

“Of course sweetheart but first let daddy take a good look at you.” He answered before giving me a quick once-over and then sighed.

“Is something wrong? Should I go change? Don’t you like it? Do I look like a total fashion disaster?” I asked quickly too nervous for my own good now staring at my father with wide, tense eyes.

“Sweetie I don’t think you can ever look bad and even if you do I don’t think daddy will ever think so.” He said chuckling.

“You do know that it’s not helping, don’t you?” I said.  Walking towards the main doors, I turned back and I thought I saw my father rub his eyes really hard.” Daddy are you alright?” worried something was bothering my father.

“Of course, sweetie. Let’s get going shall we.” He replied and walked towards me as we both left for the party that night.

The thirty minutes drive was peaceful and quite. When we entered the Choi’s residence that night I was struck by the amount of light and flowers aunty choi had used. It seemed that she was preparing for this day form a LONG time. She made sure that the flowers used were all white roses – my favorite. Oh, how happy I was that night. After I greeted some of the guest I knew at the party, I went straight ahead to Mr. and Mrs. Choi.

“Oh hello darling what took you so long?” Mrs. Choi asked as she looked me up and down admiring the hard work I had done on myself. “You look very beautiful tonight sookie. You should always dress like this: not that you look anything but pretty at any point of time but this is good. It’s very good sweetest.” She said to me as she held onto my hand. “Oh…you remind me so much of my Hye Yoonii” sighing Mrs. Choi said again “ I so wish my daughter was here tonight. I sometimes miss her so much. Oh why did your uncle choi have to marry her of to states? She was so young.” She practically cried the last part out dramatically.

“Darling could you please stop we all miss her very, very much but please don’t cry on such an especial day. Right dear?” Mr. Choi asked not knowing what else to say to her I only nodded my head in response. “Uncle Choi why do you call this day special?” I asked carefully. “Oh no sweetheart! You are getting no answer from me your aunty here has forbidden me from answering any questions.” He chuckled. I soon realized that no matter how much I probed them they would never answer my question so I started to look for oppa after all it was his parents place and their party he would know if my guess is actually right.

  Although I was looking around for oppa, I tried hard not to look like the desperate, clinging girlfriend I was. I was desperate, true, but not willing to cling. Moreover, after a while of giving oppa his space, I too started to enjoy the extra time I got for myself. But, the most important reason for it was probably because oppa never really liked it when I asked him to spend too much of his time with me at parties. Once, and it was a long time ago, oppa had said ‘Parties are for everyone’s enjoyment and something both you and I should get to enjoy… on our own.  Don’t you agree sookie?’ and this had come out of him because I had requested him to spend some more time with me. Therefore, since that day, I have conditioned myself into following those words of his like the bible.

 I finally found him at the very far corner of the front courtyard where the party was talking place. However, He wasn’t alone; a suave looking woman accompanied him. And from the looks of it, she seemed very pleased with whatever he was telling her as she slowly placed her right hand on his chest. She wore a dark-blue sleeveless cocktail dress, which perfectly complimented her beautiful raven coloured hair. Now, they were whispering into each other’s ears while they moved toward the backyard. I left, the slightly teary aunty Choi, and walked towards oppa. It felt as if there was an invisible string pulling me towards them. This didn’t feel right. The lady in question looks too old to be one of his friends. Also the fact that her hand, which had been caressing oppa’s back until then, was slowly progressing southwards toward an obvious target did not bode well in my mind.

Until then, never in the seven years that we dated had I ever followed him while he was talking to one of his many lady friends. I knew the price of it too well since I had once done the mistake of asking him if the rumors floating around of his being a womanizer were true. That time, he had punished me for my disbelief by not bothering to talk to me for a month and leaving for Paris, unannounced. In spite of its being so years ago, I was still afraid of the consequences if he found out about my spying on him. Surely, oppa would understand if I sought him out and expected him to be with me tonight.  After all, it is OUR ‘surprise’ engagement party. I am sure he knew all about it, after all, his parents were the ones who planned it.

As I went about searching for him around the back yard I saw that the light of the outhouse were switched on, which was – by the way –  not normal. Out of sheer curiosity, I walked towards the outhouse. Nearing the house, I realized that there were people inside and they were clearly enjoying themselves as laughter could be heard from even outside the house. At this part of the house, everything always echoed and right now it echoed of a throaty laughter.

“Oh…stop choi. You are just being too obtuse. I mean who laughs when asked about one’s fiancé?” the lady inside said, feigning anger. The word ‘choi’ caught my attention and I moved further toward the open window of the house and stood there in utter shock. There he was my boyfriend of so many years, with his arms wrapped around a woman while he snuggled closer to her. She was the lady I saw him with few minutes ago. From my line of view, I could see them both clearly. They were sitting on the couch as they sipped Champagne. He threw back his head and laughed heartily, “What are you talking about? She isn’t my fiancée.”

“Really, do you hate her that much? … I thought she was a sweet girl. Well, that’s what ever one said about her” the lady pointed out.

 “Well, it’s not that I don’t like her. I do; I just don’t love her. Get what I mean?”

Shocked I pressed my hand hard on my mouth.

The lady scoffed, “I do. Your name and the word ‘love’ can’t even exist in the same sentence! Besides everyone knows, you don’t do ‘love’. You only do women looking for pure, adult-u-rated . Am I right?”

 “You know me so well, Mrs. Ok. Shall we drink to your insightful nature?” oppa replied smugly.

“Please… I would rather drink to your impending engagement. So… tell me about this Kim Ae Sook? What is she like? and how come you never introduced us?” the lady, I now know as some Mrs. Ok asked, as she pouted with her very glossy, very red lips after the last question.

“Well do not pout dearest. It doesn’t suit you. There is nothing so out-of-the-box about Sookie. We started dating ten years ago and well…  I got out of high school and she never did,” replied oppa as he twilled the champagne in the flute.

“Are you telling me you having been dating this girl for ten years and yet she never doubted your loyalty? How dumb is she?” Mrs. Ok questioned again.

I didn’t want to hear anymore, but I could bring myself to move from the window and they didn’t seem to notice me. Oppa had wrapped one of his arms around Mrs. Ok and was comfortably shaking the leg that folded over his other leg. They looked like they were genuinely enjoying this conversation, which only did more to fuel my anger because I sure as hell didn’t… but my likes didn’t matter here anymore than my existence.

“Ya, either she’s a total doornail or I am too smart for her. Either way, she never questioned me mostly because she wanted to please me. When ever she did question, I always avoided her long enough for her to go back to her own fairyland where I am the prince charming.” He said, as he laughed at his own joke. After a nanosecond, Mrs. Ok joined him too, laughing their hearts out on my benefit.

“You do know that there is a word called ‘breakup’, don’t you Choi? You could have easily dumped her and gotten yourself a girlfriend that was… more suited to your style.” She said.

“Yes, I could but my father would never let me. She is the only girl my father approves of and an engagement party would have taken place ten years ago, thus dooming me for life. She is my one ticket to freedom. Had I dumped her, dad would have frozen all my assets and credit cards, forcing me to start working at eighteen. Now, I couldn’t possibly let that happen. Could I? I also knew she would never question me. She never did and she never will.” he answered cockily.

 “Please don’t tell me that your dad is after her money because then, I might seriously cry for that girl.” She said darkly.

Tears were now flowing down my cheeks making my vision blurry. Each sound hitched my breath and I had to will my lungs to take in large gulp of air.

“Yes he is, but more for her being Mr. Kim’s daughter than anything else. Everyone knows that Sookie is his only daughter and all of Kim’s property would eventually come to her. Even though that all sounds really great, Sookie brings two most important things - power and family name. My father is big on ‘family name’. Plus, she has got two cousin brothers who love her like crazy and would do anything for her. It’s not just the money - her brothers would definitely slit my throat in my sleep if I ever dumped her. They are the sharks of the foreign business world. No one wants to anger the sharks, now do they?” he answered blankly. “So here I am, drinking my heart out while my old man enjoys his party thinking of the green future to come. Shall we toast to my bank balance or my daddy’s?” he said sarcastically.

“Oh my good GOD! The poor soul and here I hated my life. Powerful father and brothers, yet here she is, stuck with you. Fate sure does work in strange ways.” Mrs. Ok sighed.

“Hey, are you insulting me. I assure you dearest, that my father initially wanted me to continue to date her for the money but with time he started to adore her and mother clearly loves her too. My sister is very close to her and as for me, I hate being told what to do and that totally put me off. She is what I have to ‘do’, according to my father. Though in my defense, I did say I liked her… she is very much a wife material and in a year, I will give her the kids that she loves so very much and my work is done. What else can a woman ask for? Huh?”

“Oh much more darling…much, much more. Are you done? We should go. I think your girlfriend might start to look for you.” Mrs. Ok said sadly as she got up and started to walk towards the door.

“Wait… its ok no one will look for us Ae Sook knows that she is not supposed to look for me. Ever. Let us enjoy the company of each other…and of course the beautiful red that is your….” He said before his head bend down for a kiss.

I moved away from the window in a hurry toward the back of the house. When I finally could not hear their moans anymore, I moved toward the parking crossing the backyard. I unconsciously took out my galaxy note and typed a text to my friend telling her I had to leave and I would be really grateful if she could tell my dad. As I finally reached the parking, I realized that I came with my father and he would need the car later. Moving towards a guard, I asked him to hail me a cab.

“Ma’am, for the final time please tell me where do you want to go?” the driver said loudly. Snapping out of my daze, I realized I was out of the Choi residence and on the main road now but I had no idea where I wanted to go. “Just take me to a very good bar please.” I answered absently. Through the entire drive, all I could think about was oppa. Why? How? Why? Again and again, I went though the conversation in my head but came up with nothing but the feeling of being used. After I paid the driver, I dragged myself into the bar, sat at the counter, and first ordered a gin and tonic. After three gins, I got braver and decided on martinis. I was wrong to think alcohol didn’t help people in trouble - they actually did; they helped a lot more then people gave them credit for.   

I heard honking behind me and was immediately brought back to reality.

Ten more minutes later…

 I walked towards the lift while giving myself the final ‘prep talk’. After all, what could possibly happen now? As the lift reached the 16^thfloor of the famous Central Hotel, it was becoming more and more obvious that all the ‘prep talk’ did nothing to boost my confidence and self-assurance. The door of the lift has just opened; I have finally reached the private section of the hotel - where there were four penthouses in each floor for the rich and the famous. People living in these houses always claimed that they ‘cared for a home and for its privacy’. That was never true. It suited them just fine, that any hotel staff could just waltz in here any minute and walk into any of their house if they actually put their mind into them. For years, I complained to oppa that this house of his isn’t worth the amount of money he requires to spend in it. I was always the immature one in the conversation, always the one who didn’t understand the sort of lifestyle that the future heir of the Choi industries should lead. Now, I understand.

Walking though the marbled lobby, I finally reached the 4^th apartment in the floor and to a long breath to calm myself down. As I rang the bell I heard humming from inside as someone walked toward the door. Oppa doesn’t hum…who could it be? OH MY GOD!!! Please don’t tell me it’s one of his mistresses. Please god please! I prayed to god with all my might a honeyed voice questioned, “yes… may I help you?” when I finally got out of the shock and lifted my head to reply, I was hit by déjà vu. It was her – the lady in blue and she was here: at his home, at eleven o’clock in the morning, wearing nothing but a robe.

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Hey people,

I know. I know you guys practically hate me but I'm so sorry. please forgive me. I was having a serious writers block but hey I'm back with a very, very long chapter so hope you guys forgive me.

p.s. can anyone guess who this CHOI is????  

A special thank you to all the people who commented and hugs to every one who subscribed I know eight is not a huge number but i am glad you considered my story worth subscribing.

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