“Of Bonds and Cracks” 

When I woke my back was broke from lyin on the floor

Sunlight poured through all the cracks in my front door

Wake up you've got a lot of things to do

Wake up the sun is rising without you

{ Quiet As A Mouse, Margot & The Nuclear So and So's }

Mist fogged the heaven-colored room. Cloud swam around her feet as she scuffled to find the place of where she knew she would see someone waiting for her. And in a twinkle of an eye, she, once again, felt home safely on her arms when she heard her fellow archangels giggle from somewhere afar. She listened to the hearty laughs, remembering the sounds as her old friends, and she was all ears, too, as they grew fainter leisurely. From then, all the hope that had been building inside her chest dropped to the pits of the earth in an instant.

A few moments had passed before a voice interrupted her still, troubled thoughts. “Bom,” the voice said. And with the silence that’d had enveloped the place, she had the chance to contemplate the voice’s owner. “Head Chaerin,” she whispered in certainty.

“That’s right,” said the Head Chaerin’s familiar voice so softly, so different from their last conversation that she felt electricity stun her whole body. “I’m afraid to break your false hopes, but I’m pretty sure false hopes are meant to be broken, but you aren’t back yet.” A wind gushed from Bom’s left side. She snapped eagerly to see who or what it was, and found the owner of the voice coming toward her. The Head Lee Chaerin smiled at her. Oh, how she missed that comforting, so heartfelt smile of hers. They have been friends for a pretty long time, though Chaerin remained very professional when it comes to her position as the Head, she was still supportive with the aspiring Guardian Angels, and Bom felt happiness visit her again. But then, realizing the things at hand, guilt surpassed the touch of little happiness she had been feeling. “Why am I here?”

“You are not. You are dreaming, Bom,” Head Chaerin said, inching more closely to her. “You’re here because I need to tell you something,”

Bom didn’t know how exactly to react. Maybe she still has this menace she had experienced under the Head’s supervision. She knew to herself that there are still things to settle and words to say. “I’m afraid I don’t understand, my Head.”

“That’s why you’re here,” Head Chaerin smiled earnestly, slightly brushing off Bom’s anxiety. “To give you strength and piece of encouragement to complete your work.”

Bom looked at her, eyes fluttering due to suspicion. “W-what?”

“I know I’d been rough on you, and you are here to hear my apology.” Head Chaerin said, reaching for Bom’s arms, and headed to a marble stone creatures of above used to sit on. “It’s just that… my anger carried me away.”

Bom took her seat, a bit distant from the Head Chaerin. “What’s going on?”

The Head Chaerin chuckled that friendly laugh she was famous for. Lee Chaerin has been the youngest to take on as the Head of Guardian Angels, and very close to be labeled as the best. For her, positions didn’t matter on how you would interact with someone; that they were made to put people on a responsibly they must fulfill. And she hasn’t been failing to do so. Not even for a single moment. That was why she felt guilty for taking too hard on Bom. Chaerin knew to herself that she has given her the possibly might be the hardest mission to date. Even harder to the one she had successfully did. “I’m sorry for giving you Choi Seunghyun as your temporary charge,”

Bom nodded her head in acquaintance, and whispered to herself, “So that’s his name…” and quickly retrieved to the current conversation, “wait, why?” she asked in a gloomy manner.

The Head Chaerin looked ahead, and sighed deeply. She stared at the mist dancing freely on the ground. It’s always been her favorite thing to watch. How the white mist sway to the silent hum of the breathing of creatures above… “He is not an easy task, Park Bom.”

And Park Bom knew that. She knew that the moment she laid her eyes on him. She knew that he wasn’t a simple task. And that fact frightened her. She has had only two missions before this one. And she had failed it both. Now, here she was, given the last chance she feared she might fail, the reason to lose her dream since she was a kid. To have wings. And be a Guardian Angel. She didn’t precisely know why, and it annoyed her, she has been failing her tasks when success was only a footstep away from her. The realization coming to her… Is this the feeling they called hate? she asked herself. They said hate is a strong feeling that can ruin a person’s life. And she didn’t want to feel it. To feel hate is to do sin.

“I understand that… but I can’t back out, can I?” Park Bom smiled, looking intently at Head Chaerin beside her.

“Yes, you can’t,” Head Chaerin whispered… so softly… so gentle… “And I’m sorry.”

Bom smiled, her tears already pouring down. She knew what was behind Head Chaerin’s words. And she couldn’t escape the dreaded. All she could was to face it, though it meant facing the inevitable misfortune and suffering. “Don’t be.

“Because I pledge with all my heart that I will not fail.”

It was final. The declaration of impending hardship and endeavor was made. And all she could feel was air in her lungs being out, troubling her breathing. She took a sharp intake of breath, and her tears fell stridently. “Can I ask you something?”

Head Chaerin’s head turned slowly to Bom. “What is it?” she asked, reaching for Bom’s face, and wiped her tears by the back of hand.

Bom sniffled before continuing. “Why don’t I feel other angels down the town?”

Head Chaerin smiled. “It was part of your punishment. You are blind of seeing and feeling your fellow creature. You can’t ask for help. You are by your own.”

Bom let Chaerin’s words settle in before building up courage to ask another formidable question. It was a question that has been bothering her for a long time, and now that she was alone with the Head, she thought it was an opportunity to be fed by a daunting knowledge. 

“May I know how you…” her voice faded in hesitation.

“How I died, you mean?”

The direct and profound tone in Head Chaerin’s voice struck Bom down like a bird shot directly to its heart. It was rude enough to ask archangels how they passed away, what more to an angel of higher position. “Y-yes… how you…”

“Well, everybody wants to know that. But I haven’t really told anyone…” she smiled to Bom. That smile which contained heart, joy, and pride. “I died from starvation, Park Bom.”

No. Park Bom didn’t know what to say. Maybe comforting words that might feel her lighter and a bit away from the obvious pain she could sense Head Lee Chaerin was feeling… but none came. Nothing came for she was hindered by the ache the lady beside her was mourning over… like she could feel all the sorrow… and agony… like she was one with her.

“That’s why I did everything to become who and what I am now,” a silent tear escaped from Head Chaerin’s eyes. “Because I failed… I surrendered… and I didn’t want that to happen once again.”

The lady Park Bom was speaking to wasn’t the Head of Guardian Angels anymore. She was Lee Chaerin… the human Lee Chaerin. Now Park Bom understood why Lee Chaerin was a hardworking archangel. Why she didn’t want defeat and failure… why she was mad at her for her continuous flaw within the taking of unreachable victory… why she was now the Head of Guardian Angels.

“I was sixteen that time,” Chaerin continued. “And I have no one beside me. My parents died because of illness. Both of them. At the same time. They left me and my brother. But he surrendered after few months. We have nothing, Bom. Nothing. My brother killed himself because he couldn’t take it anymore…” her voice faltered, and gained for more clarity to be done. “The place above is a huge place, Bom. And I haven’t seen my brother for such a long time… since I stepped foot on this place. And I doubt it has anything to do with this place being so big… no…”

Bom took her in her arms, gently caressing her. But even with the shaky voice, Chaerin continued her story. “I fought so hard, Bom. I really did. But I guess we all meet our end. And I did with mine…”

They stayed in silence, only Lee Chaerin’s soft cries and Park Bom’s soft hum enveloping the place.

Maybe that’s what life is all about. When life tries to conquer you, you fight hard to escape. And when you fail, you meet death. And when you don’t, you will still meet death somewhere in your life.

Because death is always imminent.

They stayed there for a long time. They were feeling each other’s warmth and peace inside themselves. And as Park Bom closed her eyes, she felt a stir in her stomach… she saw blurry spinning of light and darkness… she felt like drowning… flying to a great height… and then she fell...

Park Bom snapped her eyes open. She woke with her deep panting, and then she suddenly felt hotness overwhelm the surrounding. Still catching her breath, she tried to get up, and found herself soaking in her own sweat.

Suddenly, the door opened widely that it banged to the wall.

“Oh, Bom, you’re awake! Just at the right tim-” Donghae stopped speaking when he saw Park Bom having a hard time breathing. He automatically dashed to her side, and tried to comfort her. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Bom bobbed her head, looking at him, and then retrieved her actions by saying, “No. No bad dreams. No…” she said as she repeatedly shook her head from side to side. “They weren’t bad dreams. I’m totally fine,”

Donghae didn’t believe her instantly. He knew to himself that he was popularly ridiculed because of his naivety and coyness, but he wasn’t insensitive. “Come on, Bom, tell me,”

Bom looked at him, and smiled tenderly. “No, Donghae. I’m really fine. There were no bad dreams, trust me,”

If she didn’t make that smile, Donghae wouldn’t have believed that there were really no bad dreams. But because of her ever genuine smile, Donghae felt light on his heart. He might as well trust her. “That’s good. Come on, I prepared our breakfast,” he helped her get out of the bed, “here – yes,”

“Thanks for being there, Donghae,” Bom hugged him a bit tightly, and it drew smile on Donghae’s face. When few moments had passed, and Bom still wasn’t breaking the hug, discomfort brought a faint blush on Donghae’s face. He hugged her back before saying, “Um, it might get cold… I mean, the food,”

“Oh yes, right!” Bom quickly broke into a jovial disposition, breaking the hug. “Come on now,” she said as she pulled Donghae’s hand, but immediately dropped it when they were already outside the modest room. “You can go take your meal first, Donghae,” she picked the towel that had been draped on a wooden chair not so far from the only decent table they have in the house. “I’m going to take a warm bath that I’ve been lovingly wanting for a long time now!”

Donghae brought her into a halt when he said, “Um, Bom, haven’t I told you that we don’t have heater in this house?” he looked embarrassed under Bom’s disappointed gaze. “No warm baths for you, Bom. I’m sorry,”

“No, it’s all right!” she beamed, hoping for Donghae to not feel so grave about it. “And yes, you already said it. Silly me for forgetting,” she laughed nervously, “it’s not like I haven’t taken a bath in here yesterday,” she then stepped into the bathroom, and closed the door slowly.

Donghae watched the bathroom door creaked to its close. He let out an uneasy sigh. He was used to people being disappointed in him. Back when he was a kid, he would always stay by himself, away from the kids that bully other kids who thought they were superior to. With that everyday occurrence, he slowly learned to cope with solitude, a thing he felt so familiar to. Let’s just say that you can’t see and understand the other side if you are facing the other. That was why he never learned to comply with happiness brought by the presence of another person.

***

Seunghyun eyed the playing field, nostalgia starting to creep in. He let the cool air hugged him as he stepped forward, reaching for the swing. It’s been the same park he had seen before he stayed behind the bars. Only, the unchanged metals became rustier, wobblier, and a tinge of creaking sound it made every time it was moved tainted the silence. He didn’t bother sitting on it. The thing itself was ruined, like it self-destructed when he left.

But it couldn’t, of course. Some kids or adults might have had stumbled upon this place. The only place he considered his. As cheeky as it may sound, but this place was the only memory of her mother he has. When Seunghyun’s mother was still alive, she would always bring him in this very place. She said to him that this place was the quietest and the perfect place to visit when he wanted peace. Her mother had been right. Seunghyun would always visit this place every time he found himself drowning in messy thoughts.

But most of the time, he visited the place when he missed his mother.

The air gushed a little bit harder. Seunghyun watched everything before him; the trees swaying and dancing with the rhythm of the wind, the brown, dried leaves swishing away on the ground, the silent chirping of birds that he always adored…

He heard the leaves made a crippling sound. He didn’t need to look around to see who’s in responsibility. He already knew.

“Knew I’d find you here,”

“I told I don’t like company when I’m here,”

“So I have been told.” Teddy found his away through the muddle of dried fallen leaves. “So tell me, Seunghyun,” he leaned on the climbing frame which the paint of wine-red color has had peeled off of the monkey bars, “something’s bothering you?”

Seunghyun turned around, and found Teddy’s sport shorts and sleeveless shirt overwhelming the image he has always seen him. “What’s with the get up?” he snickered.

“Uh,” Teddy plunked his forefinger in the mid-aid and waved it. “Nah, I’m not in the mood for putting up with that snickering of yours,”

“Had you even bothered to face the mirror before getting out of your house?” Seunghyun finally let himself sit down the broken swing. “Guess you had not.”

“Come on. Can’t you see I’m trying to chill?” he bopped this funny dance strip from their favorite movie since years ago. They saw that movie one night when the gang was bored and had nothing to do. It was Teddy who asked Seunghyun to get something to ease their boredom. He stole a random DVD from a bunk of pirated DVDs that had stalled the sidewalk. Seunghyun got a cut on his upper lip the same night. 

“Stop doing that,” Seunghyun couldn’t help but to sneer at his silly friend. “Don’t ever do that again. Doesn’t really look good on you.”

Teddy didn’t stop dancing, and they laughed off the rest of the cool afternoon.

Though Teddy was serious and a man of dry humor – there were just times that he would be himself with Seunghyun. And though Seunghyun was the man of few words, Teddy thoroughly knew the care he has for him. Despite the big gap on their age, even back then, it hasn’t come to them the line between being an adult and a child. They share thoughts and ideas by words and by mere actions. The gang has other rough, damaged people, but there was just a narrow piece of home they have found in each other. That what made them bonded.

***

Bom reached for the photo she has seen lying on the ground from cleaning the house. She looked skeptical at first, measuring for the girl on the photo looked oddly familiar. “Donghae-ah,”

Donghae kept his composure and tried hard not to smile with the way Bom has said his name. “What is it?”

“Is this Sunny?”

Donghae whipped his head quite harshly to Bom’s direction. He studied the photo in Bom’s clutch. “Yeah, that’s her. She might have dropped that when she was packing,” he turned back to his business in washing the dishes. “My sister’s really reckless.”

“Sister?” Bom’s eyes widened and jaw dropped in shock. She didn’t think that the girl running away from Donghae the first time they met was his sister. “You didn’t tell me.”

Donghae looked back, and smiled at the innocent girl’s reaction to what he said. “You didn’t ask me,”

“Why do I always hear that line?”

Donghae chuckled, turning off the faucet. He dried his drenched hands with a piece of cloth lying on the cracked marble tile of the sink. At least he liked to keep his house clean. “Popular excuse, isn’t it?”

Bom mumbled a soft term of agreement. She was supposed to say something more, but Donghae’s words came first. “Oh! Remember when I barged in your room a while ago? It wasn’t really about the breakfast.”

“What is it?”

“I have good news for you. This morning, I went to find a new job. Well, that was why my sister left me – I got fired, again, because of my carelessness. I guess it runs in the blood,” he laughed uneasily, “oh, anyway – right. I happened to find a job for you, too.” He finished off with a smile plastered on his face, accumulating the pride he has for bringing such good news.

Bom didn’t exactly know how to feel. It was a mixture of shock, confusion, and gratitude. A job? She has never done any human job before, and just by thought of it brought a slight terror to her face as her lips pursed, twitching.

“Wasn’t all that good news, no?” Donghae asked in a monotone voice.

“No – that’s not it,” Bom stuttered to find the right words to say. “I – it’s just that… I haven’t really been on any job before,” she rolled her eyes to herself in her mind. By the terms of it, she couldn’t wish for a harder job. “Maybe I’m just new to it… you know, scared of the thought since I haven’t really…”

“You haven’t had a job before?” Donghae asked. “You must be a rich girl.”

“No, I’m not. Really,”

“You know, in this place, even little kids have jobs. They work hard for their family; to earn money for daily expenses. You get me?”

Bom nodded. “What are you trying to say?” Since their first meeting, now was the only time she saw Donghae’s serious side. Not the normal tedious, shy man. The nuance of solemnity was very obvious in his voice.

“I’m saying that it’s just the other side of this place’s reality,” he sighed deeply; the remorse it carried was almost tangible. “While some work their tails off, there are others who destroy it for them. Just for the sake of it, and most of the time, because of their needs they fail to replenish like the others whose hardship they have wrecked.”

Just as Donghae’s striking words came off from his mouth, and reached her ears, her mind automatically flashed a clear image of Choi Seunghyun. She remembered Chaerin’s words, too, in her dream. It seems like the two was telling her something – something the same.

“Why talk like this all of a sudden?”

Donghae getting out of his trance was all clear in Bom’s eyes. He swiftly broke from a steady stance, coming back to his old self – the conscious, coy man.

“No-nothing,” he scraped his head. “Do you want the job or not?”

“Yes – I’ll take it,” Bom smiled at him, but it was too late for Donghae already strutted his way to his bedroom, his door shut in an alarming manner.

Bom heard the lock turn.

She didn’t know what to think. She was confused on why Donghae acted that way. Like he was disappointed, hurt – mad even. Though he did a good work hiding the emotions he felt when he heard Bom say that she hasn’t been on a job, Bom did better to discern those.

It seems like there was more to meet the eye.

{Author's Note} I finally changed my name. From nicafuentes to alleruse. :-) Yey. And oh, remember that Bom and Seunghyun aren't the only characters, okay. I'm still building the characters' relationships. Sorry if there was no springtempo interaction. It's coming next!