Watching him on the TV screen backstage, you cannot help the explosion of pride in your heart seeing how amazing BIGBANG is. Tears pooled in your eyes and you had to stifle yourself from letting out a sob. You’ve always been a big fan of BIGBANG, besides the fact that you married one of the members. You sing along to the 3 songs that kicked off the concert, enjoying yourself, feeling safe from being engulfed by the crowd outside.

After the 3 songs and the initial introduction ended, it’s time for Youngbae’s solo stage. The rest of the members walked into the dressing area, all sweaty and excited. Once again you feel left out as you saw your husband walking directly to the makeup desk without acknowledging you. Ah why am I suddenly feeling emotional about every single thing this evening, you think. You lay your arms across your stomach, thinking about the relation of it all. As you look up, you caught Seunghyun’s eyes watching you from the reflection of the makeup mirror directly opposite you. He hasn’t forgotten about you, your heart exclaimed with a jolt of joy. He motioned you to come over to the desk with only his gaze, and you make a beeline towards him like a helpless slave.

“Did you refill my drink?” Damn, you know that you were supposed to be doing that instead of lusting over him through the TV screen.

“I’ll do it right now.” He grabs your wrist as soon as you started to go refill his flask that you have been holding on to, since he went up on the stage.

“Stay here. I’ll just have water.” There’s a small smile on his face as he said this. At least his mood has improved from before. You let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief, but he heard it anyway and it makes him chuckle.

“Now who’s more nervous than I am here?”

You were about to make a witty reply but you were rudely shoved over by the stylist. It wasn’t intentional, she’s in a rush to get him ready for his solo stage right after Youngbae’s. However, you are feeling extra vulnerable today and your arms quickly fly across your stomach again in a protective manner. Luckily, Seunghyun doesn’t notice this so he wouldn’t be asking any questions you’re not ready to answer just yet.

You slip away to refill his flask, and by the time you got back, he’s already changed into another outfit that accentuates his height. God, he’s handsome, the thought visits your mind. Instead of feeling proud that he married you, your extra vulnerable self feels more conscious about how you look. You’re not ugly, but not prettier than the women your husband meets on daily basis because of what he does. You don’t dress ily, you don’t reveal any skin, and you border on looking like a tomboy sometimes. Usually you’re satisfied with how you look, but seeing him looking so gorgeous in that tight black leather pants and the innovated military style jacket, his hair made up perfectly, light makeup on his face (since that’s all he ever needed to look like a million dollars), you feel conscious of how underdressed you are.

He was leaning against the desk in front of him, supporting himself with the same strong arms that wrap you up in a sweet embrace every night. His eyes are closed and the expression on his face is tight. That’s his ritual before going on stage on his own. He said that it helps him focus all of his energy on the things he had practiced for the performance. His memory is not the best when it comes to stage choreography. Since he’s always running high on emotional energy, he always needs to recompose his thoughts before a performance.

You placed the flask next to his hands and he opens his eyes to look at you through the reflection in the mirror. You could swear that you see fire in his eyes. The fire that lights up your love for him. In a swift motion he grabs your hands so tightly that it hurts.

“Can I really do this?” His usually deeply sinful voice comes out like a little child’s looking for reassurance at that moment.

“Remember what you’re doing this for. It’s for us, okay?” You led his hands to your stomach and his eyes followed the movement. As soon as your hands stop leading his and both of your hands stay still on your stomach, his head shot up to meet your face. His eyes were as round as Chinese ceramic plates.

“What does this mean?” He managed to squeak his curiosity. Laughter bubbled from the pit of your stomach through your mouth.

“We’re a family now, Seunghyun. You need to go up there and make sure that you have something exciting to tell our child soon.”

He forgets about his nervousness about going up there on stage on his own and wraps you up so tightly that you had to protest. It feels like forever is happening now, as you stay in his arms. When he finally pulled away, you could see that his eyes are wet and shining more brightly than usual. He doesn’t care anymore, but right there in front of YG family and everyone involved with BIG SHOW, he gives you the deepest kiss you can ever imagine. All you can hear is silence, like the rush at the backstage area is giving way to your celebration of life.

You pull away from the kiss first because the last drop of your consciousness has reminded you of where you are and what he needs to do now. “Now go make us proud. I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

You can be sure that by tomorrow, you’ll hear even the heaven’s praises for his best stage to date.