To Love and Let Go
To Love and Let Go
Love... It makes you feel alive... It gives you another reason to wake up each and everyday just knowing that you had a reason to live anyway. It gives you hope and strength. It makes you crazy tooً. You'll smile unknowingly to yourself while thinking about that someone. You always daydreamed and fantasize about what the future will hold the both of you. A blush will crept up your face just thinking how his every simple move, his stare, his smile, his voice, his everything can turned your whole world upside down. He's your everything.... your inspiration... your love...
But love has its bitterness too, especially when you know that friends is what the two of you will ever be. The pain of knowing that he can never return the feelings that you harbored for him a long time ago. The pain of losing your friendship, and him just scares you most.
I'm Lee Sung Min and I've loved my bestfriend since long time ago. I've confessed to him since the day I figured out that i'm falling more and more each day for him. I can't hide it anymore. So I risk every doubt that I have to tell him what I feel. I was expecting him to tell me that he loves me too. Expected him to wrapped me in his arms while raining soft kisses on my face, promising me that we'll be together for eternity. But he didn't... Instead, he pushed me and said so many disgusting things that I can't bear to hear anymore that I quickly left. That day, I felt my heart was torn into pieces. I felt too ashamed of myself. I should've not done it. I've destroyed our friendship. How pathetic of you, Sung Min!
I was crying my heart out, when I felt strong arms wrapping me into a comforting hug. It's him... Henry... He's one of my closest friends and he's the only one who knows everything about me being secretly in love with my bestfriend. He didn't say a word and just allowed me to cry in his arms. Him being here with me is enough to give me strength again in facing Kyu Hyun, my bestfriend, who hated me now.
It's been three days since I last saw Kyu Hyun. I can feel that he's been totally avoiding me. I tried to call him and apologize but he never picked up his phone. I don't want to give up on him. I can sacrifice this love that I have for him, but never our friendship that we had build for how many years. I don't want it to be wasted over the foolishness of being in love with him. I'm willing to lose anything, but not him. So I decided to go to his house and talked to him personally.
I stood at the front of his house for half an hour before deciding to knocked on his door. As the door opened, I felt my whole body was being soaked in a freezing water. My knees started to shake and felt that all blood had left my veins. There, in front of me, stood a beautiful woman wrapped in a white sheet. Her hair was messy, lips were sore, and hickeys were visible at her neck. She smiled at me and talked about something that my ears refused to hear as my heart started to hurt again. Before I realized it, Kyu Hyun was standing right in front of me with an expressionless face. He glared at me and I can feel my eyes starts to get watery, tears threatening to fall. I don't want him to see me crying. I tried as hard as I can to give him a fake smile.
"I just... I just want to know if you're fine...since you're not answering to any of my call. And I... I also want to apologize for what I had told you.. I'm sorry for being stupid and for falling in love with you.. But I'll never regret it. Please let's be friends again. I can't afford to lose our friendship. You can be disgusted at me for loving you, even hate me for that. But please Kyu... Don't treat me like a trash and ignore me."
There was a long silence, before I heard him say, "Are you done? Cause if you are, you may leave now. I got an unfinished business waiting at my bed."
I clenched my fist tightly to hold the anger, shame, and tears from being shown to him as I gave him a smile and whispered, "I understand.. Just don't forget that I'll always be here for you no matter what happens. You're still my bestfriend, Kyu. Just... Just call me if you want someone to talk to."
How can he treat me this way? How can he bring my whole world down? How can he be so heartless?
It's been weeks before I got a message from him. He asked me to meet him at a bar later that night to tell me something. My heart race just knowing that I'm going to see him again. I miss him so much. I hope our friendship will be restored again tonight.
I was smiling to myself when I saw Henry staring at me. Then a smile crept up his lips. "Glad to see you smile again, Min. Everything becomes alive when you're happy.", he said, then paused and slowly walked towards me.
"Promise me that you'll be happy after this. Min, can I tell you something?" I slowly nod, and he continued, "Remember how I always tell you about how beautiful the flowers are, but you just ignored it? I wanna tell you about someone who kept on admiring that beautiful flower. When he first saw that flower, he wanted to pick it, put it in a vase, owned it, and protect it from any kind of harm. But knowing that the flower needed to grow and explore the world, he let it go. Yet, he never failed in protecting it and kept on showering his love, even though he knew that he'll never receive the same love in return. He watched the flower everyday, talked to it, and sing just to see it sway happily with the wind. Only him can understand that flower. Only him appreciated its beauty and uniqueness."
I looked at him for a while, unknowing what to say. He cupped my face in his hands and stared at my eyes. There was a hint of sadness in it and I don't know why, but my heart started to beat fast. How can he suddenly have an effect towards me? Maybe because of his caring nature.
"Min, you may not realize it now. But I want you to know how much you mean to someone. If he hurts you again, please move on. There's someone who's willing to wait for you and love you more than Kyu Hyun could do. If you're wondering who is it, just look at your side and you'll see him. But for now, he wanted to give you time. And he's willing to wait for you even how long it would take." He slowly leaned and kissed my forehead. I felt the world around us stop. My cheeks were flushed. I don't know what happened, but I was staring blankly at the floor in front of me as he left me alone.
I arrived at the bar and slowly walked towards a table that Kyu Hyun told me where he was. My mind was confused right now. Henry's words kept ringing in my head. But at the same time, thinking about Kyu Hyun. I slowly shaked my head to forget Henry for a while and continue on scanning the crowd of people. Then, a familiar figure sitting in one of the occupied tables caught my eyes. Kyu Hyun. I was so excited and I smiled to myself as I slowly walked towards him. I suddenly stop when I saw him surrounded by three women clad in a very provocative dress. Their eyes were filled with lust. My heart was again crashed into pieces. How can he always hurt me? How can he do this to me? Am I not a good friend for him to even consider how I feel?
Tears fell from my eyes. I can't take it anymore. I need to get out of here. I was about to turn around when he caught my eyes staring at him. He smirked and whispered something to the women who are now touching him in places that I suddenly want to gagged in disgust. He approached me and dragged me outside.
I was taken aback when he rammed his lips towards mine forcefully. He bit my lower lip and I tasted blood through his kisses. I can't feel any passion, any care, and any love in his kiss. It hurts. My eyes were clouded with tears. I felt him tore my clothes away. I tried to pushed him and get away from his painful touch but he was too strong. He was still kissing and biting me. My sobs were muffled. I love him but he's making me feel disgusted with my self. He stopped from kissing me and glared at me hatefully.
"You wanted this, right? Why are you crying, then? Why are you not responding to any of my touches! Stop crying!"
"W-why are you d-doing this to me? T-this is not w-what I wanted. I love you Kyu Hyun. Please.... Don't hurt me."
"I hate you, Sung Min! I can't be like you. I can't love you. Isn't it obvious that I don't want to talk nor see you anymore? You are disgusting!"
I can't take it anymore. I slapped Kyu Hyun and hurriedly grabbed my torn clothes and ran away. My heart hurts so much. I didn't take any last glance towards him.
I ran as fast as I can while crying my heart out. A car suddenly pulled right in front of me. It's Henry. I saw him removed his jacket and walked towards me. I tried to ignore him, but he wrapped me comfortably in his arms as he put his jacket around my half- body. I cried so hard in his chest. He didn't say anything, as he rubbed my back gently and kissed my hair.
"It h-hurts, Henry. My heart hurts so much." I managed to say between sobs while clutching his shirt tightly.
"Because your love is so true and genuine. I wish I can ease the pain in your heart and fix it again."
I looked up to him and he wiped my tears away. Am I really ready to love someone again? Am I really ready to let KyuHyun go? He had hurt me so much, but I still love him.
"I know it'll be hard for you to let him go...but...it will be more difficult and painful if you will keep on holding on to him. Always keep in mind that letting go won't end your world. It will only begin a new chapter of your life. I will always be here to start that new chapter with you." Henry hugged me again.
I know that tomorrow would be hard for me to face, but I won't be alone. I got a friend willing to guide and help me through it all.
Letting go doesn't mean to forget. It isn't about blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts. It isn't about winning or losing, or giving up and giving in. To let go is to cherish those happy memories, but also to overcome it and move on. It is about having an open mind and facing tomorrow with a smile, to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, cry, and grow. It is about all that you had, all that you have, and will soon gain. It enables you to grow and realize that to let go is to open a new door, a new chapter of book in your life, to clear a path, and simply set yourself free. That's the art of letting go. It's hard, but we have to do it.
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