Changmin loses himself in thoughts of Yoochun.  It happens quite often, but no one else calls him out on his behavior because they understand perfectly well just how thought consuming Yoochun can really be.  Yoochun is a simple, yet complicated person; and there isn't really many words that could be used to properly describe his personality.  And maybe that is what draws Changmin to him like a moth to a flame, the intrigue and the wonder and the newness of everything that Yoochun once represented - Micky, newly from the States. 

 

The first time he hears Yoochun laugh, something within him moves.  Yoochun has been shy and quiet and awkward since he joined the four that had already known of one another.  Yoochun is soft and sometimes scared; but most of all the boy is homesick and Changmin can understand that feeling well.  And so when he hears Yoochun laugh for the first time around them, his heart feels lighter and he finds himself laughing as well. So, Changmin thinks that it must have been Yoochun's warmth and brightness that drew him in.  The jokes and the non-stop teasing that continues to spill from his mouth.  His voice is deep, edged with a roughness that seems a direct contrast with his looks - And that is something else that draws Changmin closer.  Yoochun looks like a prince all soft edges and softer heart, talks slowly voice rough with years he hasn't actually experiences yet, and sings like someone that's given their heart away too many times.  But, Yoochun is just a boy as well - He's not much different from anyone else his age, or so Changmin thinks. 

 

The first time they sing live; Changmin is bubbling with nerves and excitement and an underlying fear that prickles along his skin.  He doesn't realize until much later, that Yoochun was even more nervous, even more afraid, and much less excited than he was.  But all he can really remember late that night; is the sound of Yoochun's voice, the ups and downs and twists.  The depth and purpose and meaning that was so easily portrayed by the older boy. Changmin wonders if it's Yoochun's musical ability that does it, the way that the older boy can bring together words and sounds; and his heart aches before he even understands why every time he stumbles across Yoochun bent over his keyboard, hands stained from hours of scribbling across papers that somehow end up scattered everywhere.  He wonders if it's in the way that Yoochun moves, he isn't the best dancer that Changmin has ever seen and he isn't the best dancer in their group either.  But he moves differently, as if he's really just feeling - It doesn't seem like rigid, directed choreography when Yoochun moves - And Changmin finds himself envious for a while, that Yoochun can lose himself within everything so easily. 

 

The first time that Yoochun turns to him bright eyes and wide smile, Changmin swears his heart stops for a moment.  A moment later Yoochun is wrapped around him tightly, hugging the life out of him and Changmin brings his arms up to hug back in a half daze - His eyes catch Jaejoong's over Yoochun's shoulder and he sees the older boy smiling softly at him.  Changmin comes to find out later, that was the first time that Yoochun hugged any of them - But it's not even close to the last.  Yoochun becomes cuddly and touchy and loving soon after that - leaning on every member, and Changmin finds that he feels no sense of jealousy towards the other boys as long as Yoochun keeps including him in the small list of people he deems worthy enough to embrace.  So maybe it was the fact that Yoochun started to hold his hand, and kiss his cheek, and hug him constantly that lead up to his ultimate fall.  Because Yoochun is all shy smiles and soft hands; he's feminine and soft around the edges and Changmin wonders quite often is he was bullied growing up. 

 

The first time that Changmin admits to himself that he's in love, also happens to be the first time he sees Yoochun cry.  Yoochun is easily the most sensitive member, his heart is so open and out there for anyone to take and damage.  Yoochun tries not to let his emotions rule him, but he's not very good at keeping them locked away yet.  So, Yoochun continues to cry quite often and each time he does Changmin can't help but hate himself for thinking that Yoochun looks truly beautiful with tears streaming down his face.  So wonders at times, if it was all those moments; all the tears that Yoochun has cried whether they've been happy, or sad, or sometimes even in relief - Maybe the tears were truly what did him in.  Because most nights he can't get the image of a crying Yoochun out of his head and the comfort he gets to offer the other, the warmth of Yoochun pressed tightly against his side - It's enough for his happiness to last a lifetime. 

 

The first time that Changmin confesses his adoration, admiration and all consuming love for Yoochun happens to be the first time that Yoochun sees him cry.  He breaks down in sobs of frustration and exhaustion and anger at himself; unable to wrap his head around his feelings enough to place them away and just focus enough on the Tour preparations.  He was missing steps, and forgetting his placement; he'd even stumbled over a few of his lines, hitting the wrong notes and that hadn't happened in a very long time.  Later that night, he sits alone in the bathroom crying and screaming in frustration as he slowly destroys the things around him.  He doesn't hear the door open and close softly, and it isn't until warm arms wrap around his waist from behind tightly that he's even aware someone else is in the same room.  He knows instantly that it's Yoochun, and he allows himself to fall into the surprisingly strong and capable arms of the older man - Sobbing and crying and whining like the maknae he is, for the first time since their debut.  Yoochun comforts and soothes him easily, moments later they are attached firmly at the mouth as Changmin pulls and pulls from Yoochun who gladly gives everything he has to the younger man. 

 

And Changmin realizes in that moment; that it isn't one specific moment or one specific trait that Yoochun possesses that drew him in.  It was a slow and comfortable fall, it was easy and warm.  And if Changmin had the chance to start all over again, he would.  Because falling in love with Yoochun was the most beautiful thing he's ever experienced and possibly ever will.