Note: I have tried consulting the internet for a long while about the going ons of a Korean funeral. I was originally writing this as a Western Christian funeral since that is the only I have attended but when I learned that there was a STARK difference in traditional Christian Korean funerals, I decided I should try and write it in that way. PLEASE correct me if I had written anything wrong, I apologize in advance because this concept is foreign to me. Do not be afraid to speak up if I have done something wrong.  I already realize I have a few details wrong already but it is prior in the story that I would have to fix and that would take a long time. Forgive me. OTL Kamsahamnida and enjoy <3

Chapter 7

The quiet happiness that had filtered into their empty home proved fleeting. It was gone almost as fast as it had come. Her appa was spending more time at home but the silence that seemed to echo through the house was less than comforting. Things were barely said over a dull whisper. The funeral for her umma went on in much the same way. Keeping close to tradition, the funeral happened quickly after the passing of the person. It was a very intimate ceremony.

Her mother hadn't had any siblings and her father had passed away when she was a child. A small collection of family, mostly from the appa's side along with close friends as guest turned out for it. It was the second day of the funeral ceremony and they were in the hospital funerary room. The family stood along the wall in their customary places.

In the front of the small greeting room, a partition and shrine was set in front of where her mother's coffin was. A picture of her umma sat on the table in front of it, a black ribbon tied on it.  To the side of the door was a donation box and along the walls were wreaths of flowers, messages of condolences written on them. Some of them were from her appa's work, others from friends of her mother. They hung in white innocence around the macabre display.

Jin Mi clutched tightly to her appa's hand with both of her small ones. He gripped one of her hands and squeezed gently, swallowing it in his large palm. She buried her face in the side of her father's suit jacket, her small body wracked with sobs. She was faced now with the darkest truth; her umma was gone. It was one thing to say but another thing entirely to really understand what it meant. She wiped her eyes a little and looked up through blurred vision to see who was bowing, releasing her fathers hands.  It was rude if she did not bow back to the guests bowing before her, her appa had warned. She hadn't entirely understood but she went along as she was told.

Again, mourner after mourner came to pay their respect to the picture at the shrine, bowing all the way to the floor before getting up. They bowed to the Sangju who in return had to bow all the way to the ground, for every guest. They then made their way to the family and bowed again.

Her cousin Taeyang, solemn and pale in his, acted as the Sangju of the funeral.  There was no eldest son in the family and Jin Woo only had a sister, Eun Young, so Taeyang had been asked to step in the place. He had to kneel on the coarse mat in his hemp attire, atoning for allowing his "parent" to die. Jin Mi wondered offhandedly if it hurt but she kept her question to herself. She chanced a look to her aunt whose tired eyes looked even redder and puffier against her pallid face. Her aunt stood wordless in her black funeral hanbok, a few stray tears trickling down her pale features.

Eun Young had been particularly close to her. Because her sister-in-law hadn't had any siblings, Eun Young had been there to fill in the void. It felt like she had lost a sister, as opposed to her brother losing a wife. But it still was not the loss of a spouse, or mother to their children.

After all the mourners has paid their respects, there was an introduction of each guest. Jin Mi felt herself zoning in and out of the conversations, eyes continuing to flicker over to the partition where she knew her umma was lying. She wasn't paying much attention to what was going on around her but when her eyes did go back to what was happening in front of her, she saw they they had stopped talking.

"Jin Mi," her appa called softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. She looked confused for a moment but that's when she understood. It was time for them to go to the dining hall. She followed the instructions that had been gone over with her beforehand and they went to the dining hall to eat. She didn't feel very hungry. She had a sour feeling in her stomach and she tried to keep the tears from welling up in her eyes.

"Saranghae umma," she whispered, barely audible. She wasn't even sure if a sound left or if it was just her lips forming the ghost of the words. It didn't matter. She knew she had said it. That's all that mattered.

- - -

Taeyang sighed inwardly, holding the smaller girl in his arms and moving back and forth little. He felt moisture along the front of his outfit and he knew she was crying. Her appa was talking to his mother about something in hushed tones and Jin Mi had turned to her cousin for her comforting. They were riding in the limo following the hearse carrying the coffin. It was the third and final day of the funeral. She had suddenly collapsed into tears as she watched the scenery slid by as they approached the cemetery and she need consoling. He thought it might have been from being cranky. They hadn't slept since the funeral ceremonies had started.

He allowed her to cry, gently shushing and moving from side to side. When his uncle turned his attention back to them, he moved closer to them. The evidence of tears remained on his face and he dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief of his own before opening his arms for his daughter. Taeyang complied, gently handing her over to him. She only shifted around, face hidden.

 She continued to sit like that for the continuance of the ride to the cemetery. When it was time for them to get out, Jin Woo carried his daughter, who had long since went limp in his arms. The only sign that she was awake was the occasional twitch or movement her body gave and the soft puff of breath against the collar of his neck. At some points, he wasn't sure if she was awake. She deserved the sleep. Only did he let her down was when they were standing in the procession of the coffin to the plot to be buried.

Jin Mi stood groggily on the marshy earth, still wet from the day before when it had rained. Her  shoes slid a little on the damp ground. She watched Taeyang, in his sangju garb, complete intricate steps before the coffin was lowered in the plot. She heard his voice come out in loud wails she didn't understand but it made her wonder why someone would have to make such pained sounds. Maybe it was the sound your heart made when it was in pain.

The ceremony was over faster that she thought and soon, she was being lead away. She wasn't sure how long she had been standing there but it passed by quickly. She whispered another soft 'saranghae, umma' to her mother, this time looking up to the heaven then allowed herself to be carried away.

Everything else moved quickly and in a few days time, she was back living alone with her father. He seemed to be strained and she wanted to help him but she didn't know how, so in turn did nothing. She still peeked down the stairs at night as she saw her father dipping in the cabinet where the bottle was hidden. Now it wasn't only at late nights. He drank from it after work.

She didn't understand the severity of the situation, the choked sobs muffled in the night by her father nearly passed out on the kitchen table, until a few months later. It had gradually gotten worse but even still, she didn't know what to do. She had seen him hugging a dress that her umma had worn, crying into the silky fabric. He hadn't known she was there and Jin Mi kept it that way. She slowly closed the bedroom door and walked away to her room, to sit on her bed and stare at the black and white picture she kept of her mother on the nightstand until it was time for dinner.

She started to spend weekends at Eun Young's house, she thought of it more as sleepovers than being sent to her aunt's house. Taeyang encouraged thoughts like that and tried to keep her distracted from her home life. It was hard to deal with. Her appa had sent her off on a particular weekend, all sad smiles and encouraging words. He had made sure to say he loved her many times before she got out of the car at her aunt's apartment complex. He had picked her up and hugged her tightly for the longest time in the hallway outside her aunt's door. When he set her down, he was crying a little.

"You look so much like your mother," he had said, sniffing softly. He calmed down a little, composing himself.

"Remember, Jin Mi. You have a piece of all of us in your smile. So please, continue to smile. No one can take it away from you. Fill the world with your smiles and your laughter," he had said and she only nodded, not quite understanding what he meant. That seemed to satisfy him and he kissed her forehead before leaving. That was the last time she had talked to him. She had waited for him to call Saturday morning but received no such call.

It was that Saturday night that Eun Young had managed to get the night shift off on and they were spending time as a family, watching the small television in the living room.

 Jin Mi sat across Taeyang and her auntie in her pajamas, Taeyang leaning against his mother's arm. A sudden knock at door jarred their attention away from the sitcom. They all exchanged questioning looks before Eun Young got up from her spot on the couch. She walked up the apartment door. Standing before her were two police officers. In the back of her mind, she wondered warily what Taeyang had done this time.

"May I help you, officer?" she asked, confusion evident.

"Are you Dong Eun Young, sister to Dong Jin Woo?"  One officer inquired. She nodded. The officers took their hats off, clutching them to their chest.

"I am Officer Yi  and this is Officer Gil. We are with the Incheon Police Department. We were called to the residence of a Dong Jin Woo after a neighbor reported hearing a gunshot. There is no easy way to say this, but your brother committed suicide earlier evening. We are sorry for your loss." The officer's tone was sympathetic but it took Eun Young a good few seconds to register what was said. She slowly raised her hand to in anguish, her head shaking in disbelief.

"No. . ." she said and she watched their chests heave in sighs.

"Ma'am, I understand that this is a difficult thing to hear--" Officer Gil started.

"No!" she said suddenly before falling slowly to her knees, "No. . ." Tears slid down her cheeks in wet trails that marred her pale face. Her body shook with sobs. Heaven had claimed her sister in law's soul and now it had claimed her own blood brother's.

"No," she whispered once more before she pressed her hands together over and succumbed to her cries, sobbing loudly into them. A singular thought flitted to the front of her mind. What was going to happen to her niece?