Sooyeon stared at the white ceiling, thinking of her life. She looked at the cellphone in her hand, Yoong has handed it to her early that morning. She looked at the screensaver. Yoong kissing her cheek and she was smiling happily. Sooyeon didn’t understand how could she smile as such when in fact her mother and Mr. Kwon have passed away. They looked genuinely happy and she felt putrid about it. She didn’t dare to explore the phone, she was scared of what else could’ve stored in it.

‘18 years ago…’

Sooyeon wondered how could 18 years of her life disappeared just like that. How insignificant it was that she couldn’t remember anything. Sooyeon closed her eyes as she remembered what Yoong said earlier about the kidnapping incident. She couldn’t believe the evil old man would do that to her. Crazy! That’s what she had in mind.

Sooyeon turned and lied on her side. She took the small hand mirror and looked at her face. The bruise on her lips were healed, the blue spot on her face had turned faint green, indicating rapid healing. Only in a week. Sooyeon wondered what kind of cream they used. She also looked at the stitches on the part of her shaved head. Sooyeon touched it and hissed in pain.

//

Yoong stood outside Sooyeon’s room, watching her staring out at nothing. Yoong couldn’t comprehend how the memory loss could happen. How come it took 18 years out of her? 18 years of their life. Yoong was hopeless thinking of all the possibilities of what could happen. This Sooyeon seemed to hate him so much. The way she talked to him the last time was so hurtful.

“Not in a million years I would marry you! It doesn’t make sense!” Sooyeon screamed at his face that afternoon he approached her again after the episode yesterday.

“…” Yoong just stood like an idiot.

“I am not stupid enough to get myself tangled with you. Mr. Kwon was supposed to be the last man I love. Yes. That’s right, I love your father. I love Kwon Yul! I wanted him. Not you!” Sooyeon was fuming mad.

Yoong bit his lips from saying anything. He told himself that Sooyeon was just being frantic because she was scared and shocked by everything that was happening.

“You need to rest.” Yoong said eventually and left the room to mend his heart.

As he stared at Sooyeon, now, he wondered what he could do to help her. Yoong never in the slightest thought that things would change like this. If Sooyeon doesn’t remember him forever, how would their family be?

Yoong knocked on the door softly and Sooyeon turned to the door. Yoong smiled at her through the small window and opened the door.

“Get out!” Sooyeon shouted.

“Sooyeon…” Yoong called dearly.

“Don’t you dare call me like that.” Sooyeon glared, she just had such hatred towards Yoong.

“I’m sorry, Sooyeon. But you have to calm down. I’m your husband.” Yoong said softly.

“No! I don’t even know you!” Sooyeon shouted.

Yoong stood where he was, not doing anything as Sooyeon threw her pillows to him. He took a deep breath and approached her anyway, holding her in his arms while she pushed him away angrily.

“I know you are scared and angry but I love you, Sooyeon. You’re my wife. I love you.” Yoong said as he hugged Sooyeon dearly.

Sooyeon eventually cried in Yoong’s arms. 

“We have 5 kids, Sooyeon. Jaeyeon is only 17 months. He still needs us. Like it or not you have to overcome this. We have kids waiting for us. They need their mother.”

“No! No! I don’t know anything about them! How could they be my children?” Sooyeon shouted while crying.

“Sooyeon, look at me. Look at me!” Yoong said while cupping her face.

“13 years. We have been married for 13 years. 5 children, we have 5 children together. Even if you don’t remember them, would you forgive yourself if you abandon them now and remember them again later?” Yoong said in all seriousness.

Sooyeon whimpered as her heart ached. She was confused and scared at the same time.

“Imagine all the love we shared between us…would you forgive yourself if you throw it all away now? I don’t want you to regret it later. I’m your husband. The man you entrusted your life and future with. Trust me in this once, please?” Yoong said earnestly.

Sooyeon shook her head and pushed Yoong away before she had another episode.

Yoong shouted for the nurse and watched them gave Sooyeon an injection.

//

Yoong hugged Jaeyeon close to him as the boy was sleeping. The 17 months old baby was having a fever and Yoong has brought him to the hospital, the same hospital as Sooyeon. As Sooyeon was in recovery, Yoong told the kids that Sooyeon was still away for a vacation and won’t be home for another month. Yoong peeked at Sooyeon who was staring into nothing in her private room. He looked at Jaeyeon, the baby was weak and hot. Yoong didn’t know if he should bring Jaeyeon to see Sooyeon or not. The last time he tried to approach her, she went ballistic on him. He didn’t want her to have other episodes. He heaved a heavy breath and walked away.

//

Sooyeon stared at the window from where she was. ‘Married? 5 children? Yoong?’ Sooyeon couldn’t remember anything. She couldn't grasp their meaning, couldn't recall anything about them.

Sooyeon felt unease, as she tried putting the fragments of memory she had together. The only last thing she remembered was Yoong comforting her for the surgery. He has promised to take care of her post surgery and a large sum of money which she remembered she declined.

‘Yul has passed away…’

Sooyeon couldn’t help but to cry automatically. Mr. Kwon has passed away 18 years ago. The Kwon Yul who left her due to her eczema… Kwon Yul…the first man she ever had feeling for…

Sooyeon looked at her soft palm. She was even more confused. Last time she checked, her palms were blistered but now, they’re soft. Her wrist had marks too. Sooyeon was uneasy.

Who was Yoong? Why did she agreed to marry him? Did she really have five children? She felt like trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing. Her heart fluttered with anxiety as she grappled with the uncertainty of her own identity. How could she not remember something so significant? She took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm her racing thoughts.

But the questions persisted, gnawing at her like an itch she couldn't scratch. 

“Ouch.” Sooyeon held her chest.

Since the morning, even days ago, her s were throbbing, making her uncomfortable. Her peaks were sensitive and it ache whenever it grazed her clothing. Milk oozed out and stressed out of Sooyeon. Sooyeon’s eyes widen as she could see her left were leaking. 

“Nurse! Nurse!” Sooyeon yelled but Yoong came in instead. 

“Sooyeon?” He was worried, he was standing outside her room, just in case she needed him. 

“I need the nurse.” Sooyeon shouted but Yoong can easily see that Sooyeon was leaking through her clothes.

He thought so. 

“You don’t need the nurse. You need Jaeyeon.” Yoong said and left immediately.

Sooyeon felt like cursing the man before she tried to reach for the help button. She was afraid something was wrong with her body. Before Sooyeon could push the button, Yoong appeared with a baby in his arms. Sooyeon watched as the boy cried for her, reaching out his small hands.

“Who is this?!” Sooyeon was suddenly angry.

“Jaeyeon. Our youngest. He’s 17 months.” Yoong approached Sooyeon while Sooyeon froze.

She stared at the baby, trying to remember him but nothing. Jaeyeon was crying, Yoong was holding him and Sooyeon was staring at Jaeyeon. Sooyeon couldn’t take it anymore when Jaeyeon cried louder. She took the baby.

“He’s hot!” Sooyeon yelped.

“He’s having a fever since yesterday.” Yoong explained. 

“And you didn’t do anything?” Sooyeon was angry.

“I’m here with him, am I not?” Yoong spoked softly but Sooyeon glared at Yoong and turned around to nurse the baby.

Sooyeon felt relief when Jaeyeon latched

onto her. She watched the baby sobbed while on her that she felt bad for not reaching faster. She touched the baby’s little hand. 

Yoong didn’t try to peek, not wanting Sooyeon to be annoyed. He stepped back and sat down on the sofa in the corner of the room.

“He doesn’t drink formula?” Sooyeon asked, caressing Jaeyeon’s hand.

“He does but he’s having a fever. He needs his mother.” Yoong answered.

“17 months?”

“Yes.”

“How old am I, again?” Sooyeon turned her head to look at Yoong.

Yoong was calm.

“46. You’ll be 47 next April. In 2 months.”

Sooyeon was flabbergasted. She looked at the baby.

“47 and a baby this small…”

“What are you thinking?” Yoong was curious.

“Why did you marry me? Even if Jessica passed away, why did you marry me? Was it my face? And why did I agree to marry you? All of this doesn’t make sense.” Sooyeon was perplexed.

“I am thinking of discussing this some other time-“

“Now. I need to know now.” Sooyeon was firm.

Yoong nodded faintly and took a deep breath.

“After my grandmother passed away-“

“How does that relate to me?” Sooyeon chimed in.

“Listen. Just… listen to me. I know you are confused but this is hard for me to retell the story. It wasn’t easy for any of us. We both were affected. The reason they both passed away was because of her, Jessica.”

Sooyeon turned her head to Yoong again.

“That day, she drank too much.”

“She’s not supposed to do that.” Sooyeon said without emotion.

“But she did out of despise. I never told you the reason she drank throughout this 18 years together but I am going to tell you now. That evening, we were trying wedding dresses and whatnot when I expressed my concern for Yul. When you were in a coma, he did everything for you. He…read the newspaper for you, he talked to you, he did everything. He never left your side. I was only worried at that time, thinking he might take advantage of you because you were