"Very early in my life, it was too late."

- The Lover, Marguerite Duras

A thought forms.

Is it a dream?

Or is it a distant memory?

It’s late in the night and early in the morning that nostalgia overcomes Aeri and she falls softly against her bed covers, missing the warmth of a body beside her.

“I thought we said we’d stop this.” Aeri voices out.

“I… I don’t know how to.” Minjeong admits.

Aeri hums, playing with the ends of Minjeong’s hair as the younger girl cuddles up to her, trying to ward off the winter chill.

“I still love you, despite it all," Minjeong whispers. “I don’t know how to pull myself away.”

Aeri thinks deeply. She thinks deeply, reaching into the depths of her mind, but the thought of Minjeong always reaches her heart before her mind.

“Me too," she admits.

—

Aeri takes a look around the wedding venue; deep green garlands scattered with white flowers hang on the walls of the cathedral.

“Unnie.” 

Aeri turns and finds Minjeong standing behind her with a clipboard in hand, her hair donned up with a braided crown hairstyle.

“Hey.” She grins. “You look beautiful.”

“I haven’t even dressed up yet.” Minjeong blushes.

“Still.” Aeri shrugs.

“Unnie…”

“Hm?”

Minjeong swallows, opening to say something, but she halts and Aeri shifts her weight on her feet.

“Thanks for being here.” Minjeong settles.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Aeri says it softly.

Minjeong nods gratefully.

—

A story never told, a quiet relationship with no ties and no further steps—it's always been one step forward and three steps back for Aeri.

She’s in love with someone she won’t ever have.

She’d like to think she did have Minjeong at one point in time, but they were young, they were silly and they didn’t know how life would tear them apart. But resilience perseveres and Aeri’s stayed by Minjeong’s side for years, even if she’s not the one to marry her.

She thinks the husband is a good choice; she’d have to send gratitude to the Kim's for picking out a decent guy she knows won’t harm Minjeong.

Isn’t that just life? When you’re born into an empire, your parents want the best for the continuum of their old money lineage and Minjeong is a dear child, a good daughter and will not discard her family for the sake of a college fling.

Was it a fling? Aeri believes they were in love for some time. Spending Christmas together away from home made Aeri feel invincible, spending her days and nights with her favourite girl. It’s as if they’ve already spent twenty Christmases together. 

But long gone are their college years and Aeri will have to suffice, no longer spending Christmas with Minjeong.

—

Memories haunt Aeri deeply. She finds herself being that kind of person nowadays—always in her mind and barely physically functioning. She holds a photo album in her hands and it shakes in her palms. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Aeri smiles softly.

They’ve been watching a movie on the floor of the college dorm and more like trying to since the beginning, Aeri’s noticed Minjeong’s incessant stare on her.

“Like what?” Minjeong grins.

"Like..." Aeri swallows.

A forbidden thought bubbles in her mind and it paints her cheeks pink.

“Like I… I might want to kiss you?” Minjeong says it so quietly, barely above a whisper but she carries it with conviction and bravery.

Aeri in a breath and it doesn’t release.

“Can I?” Minjeong asks—one hand already at Aeri’s cheek. “Unnie?”

“You can.”

Hesitant lips collide gently and desperate hands claw at each other in mere seconds.

Aeri thinks Minjeong was a god that night, blindly leading her into a rabbit hole of an incessant need to feel and to touch.

Her kisses aren’t strong and demanding, but they’re gently fervent in the way Minjeong pushes her down against the carpeted floor, mouths exploring each other to get familiar languidly.

She thinks she won’t ever get enough of Minjeong if she’s like this when they’re in the confines of their own little home.

—

“Are you worried?” Aeri chuckles lowly as she watches Minjeong’s frantic eyes dart around the busy cathedral in silence.

“Do I look worried?” Minjeong is vulnerable to Aeri.
“A little.” Aeri hesitates, reaching a hand out to Minjeong before dropping it subtly.

“I just want this day to be perfect and get it over and done with.” Minjeong sighs.

For someone who’s getting married to the dream man, Minjeong doesn’t seem the littlest bit ecstatic. Aeri knows that she’s tired. Her side of the family and her in-laws have been hounding her for days and Aeri can do nothing but quietly stay by her side and support her.

Minjeong