Dearest Byulyi,

People always say the first love is the most beautiful love, the hardest love to forget. It was such a poetic phrase, and I always want to give you the most beautiful things in the world, Byulyi, so there have been times I spent wishing I could turn back time, to be able to love you and know you before I even knew what love was, before I had the chance to feel the feeling of love for anyone else. That way, you would be my first, my precious, beautiful first love that I would forever treasure in my mind. 

However,

With pondering always comes self-reflection. And when I think about my first love, it was neither rosy nor romantic like what they wrote in those stories and fiction. To tell you about my first love, Byulyi, it was a shattered piece of glass, a part of my broken past that was buried so deeply in my chest it took me a long while to remove it from the wound and let it slowly, very slowly close the mouth. My love for that person was admiration turned desperate yearning, doused with depression and set me aflame every time I was on the receiving end of her scowl or disdained look. Even until recently when my favorite playlist plays and I hear songs that remind me of my last happy memories with her, it still feels like a heavy rock is placed in my stomach. It was an agony - and later, the sting of an unhealed scar - that I would only wish on my worst enemy as the last resort. And because you, my princess, deserve only the pretties