three
use meseungwan’s confession hasn’t been entirely out of the blue. truth is, joohyun has noticed that a fondness between them blossoms in the weeks they’ve spent together. she assumed it was due to the unique circumstances they were under and that fondness was nothing but fleeting. turns out, she was way off the mark.
it’s a lot to take in at once, and the epiphany leaves her stumped.
“will you say something?” seungwan pleads, regret pouring through every fibre of her being. the longer joohyun stays quiet, the more she regrets blurting it out like a fool. the thought of joohyun hating her, the thought of joohyun leaving, it’s not something she’s capable of bearing.
instead of tackling her question, the bodyguard draws a deep breath, “you have an important day tomorrow.”
“don’t change the subject, please,” the idol begs, tugging at the sleeve of her jacket, “i… i just need an answer.”
joohyun has no clue what that answer might be beyond the fact that it’s not an outright yes or no. upon her confession, it seems to have triggered a realisation within her but it’s hard to tell what these feelings truly are.
“i don’t know, seungwan.” the bodyguard finally says, “i need time to think.”
her answer is a glimmer of hope to the idol, but seungwan knows better than to bet on it. still, she can’t help wishing things would work in her favour.
“can you promise to give me an answer, regardless of what it is?”
“i will.”
they don’t speak on the drive back to seungwan’s place. seungwan would’ve asked joohyun to stay over considering she would need to pick her up in a couple of hours but their prior conversation makes it too hard to even bring it up.
they part ways with heavy hearts; seungwan feels like she’s fumbled things and joohyun is dealing with the weight of an unforeseen affection.
the bodyguard speeds through the streets with one destination in mind. sleep would not come tonight but she needs a way to ease her racing mind. she pulls up to her old workplace, one of the many clubs her mother owns. she hasn’t been back here since she got fired, there’d been no reason to and she was certain they’d just kick her out of fear of the boss.
her replacement is someone she doesn’t recognize, a rookie perhaps. before he can even tell her to get in line, joohyun raises a finger to stop him. turning her back to him, she pulls the collar of her shirt down to reveal the tattoo on the back of her neck. anyone in the organization is trained to recognize the symbol.
“head on in,” the new bouncer bows his head and steps aside instantly.
the mark of the bae family lies in an intricate tattoo of an eye on the nape of their neck, a symbol of protection deemed necessary by the matriarch of the family. it’s not a privilege she enjoys having, considering it could get her arrested or killed, but it comes in handy every so often.
squeezing through the crowd, joohyun makes her way to the private bar in the corner of the club. the sectioned-off area is meant for important guests but it’s a little quiet tonight.
slipping into a seat at the counter, the bartender’s face lights up upon seeing her.
“jesus, i thought i’d never see you again!” yerim exclaims, “what the hell did you do to get blacklisted to this extent?”
“she needed me for a job,” joohyun states, “i need a drink, yerim-ah.”
the bartender nods, “and i need to know everything.”
though a couple of years younger than joohyun, kim yerim handles one of hilla bae’s biggest clubs and to some extent, some of their underground operations as well. she runs a tight ship, and she’s one of the few reliable people in joohyun’s life. despite all of that, joohyun has kept the information that she’s hilla bae’s daughter a secret, everyone just assumed she was roped into the organization like the rest of them.
her old colleague initially assumed hilla bae had her killed for some sort of betrayal of the organization, but the trending articles with pictures of wendy son’s new bodyguard brought some relief. the word going around is that wendy needed some serious protection because hiring joohyun is akin to bringing an atomic bomb to a fistfight. either that or she got on the boss’ bad side.
“is this your first night off in weeks? you should’ve come back sooner, everyone wants to know what’s up.” yerim asks as she slides joohyun’s drink over.
uttering thanks, joohyun downs it in one go, hissing as the alcohol runs down . “doubt you guys would’ve let me back either way, and i work as long as she does, i don’t get much free time.”
“how are you here tonight then? shouldn’t you be busier now? the boys started to keep up with her after we realised you had become her bodyguard. they’re always going on about updates about her now.” yerim bombards her with question after question, hungering for information that only joohyun has.
avoiding all eye contact, the taller girl slides her glass back towards the bartender and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. she lights up and feels her nerves ease a little.
“keep this between us, i can’t let the boss find out.” joohyun warns in a low tone, “she confessed to me.”
yerim stops in her tracks, the music in the background takes over the conversation and she stares at the bodyguard.
“the idol? the one on the damn soju bottles? confessed to you in a i like you kind of way?” the bartender clarifies.
joohyun nods at the expected reaction, not many people can say an idol as popular as wendy confessed to them. however, that’s merely half of yerim’s shock. as much as she respects joohyun, it’s hard to see someone as guarded as her let anyone close enough for them to like her.
yerim has to remind herself to breathe as she chokes out, “holy , how?”
the bodyguard laughs in exasperation, “ if i know, yerim. she blurted it out of nowhere.”
well, only joohyun knows the real reason why but she doesn’t trust yerim to keep shut about seungwan’s personal affairs.
“and you? do you feel the same?”
“i don’t know what i feel.” joohyun admits, how she feels is exactly the reason why she’s here, “how do you tell if you truly like someone?”
“in our world, you’d die for them.”
joohyun throws her cigarette at the younger girl who swiftly dodges, “i’m serious, yerim, i don’t know how to deal with this.”
“yah, i’ve seen you take down three guys at once without even flinching. how are you losing your mind over something as small as—” yerim pauses mid-sentence, “is this your first crush?”
if she knew anything about joohyun’s childhood, she wouldn’t be surprised, maybe she'd have some sympathy instead.
“maybe? i don’t know, i’ve never acted on my feelings before and i sure as hell have never been confessed to.” joohyun sighs, “i need help figuring this out.”
the bartender pours her another drink and begins speaking, “for starters if you’re feeling conflicted, i think you definitely have some feelings. what do you feel for her? does she make you happy? do you feel butterflies in your stomach and all that cringe ?”
the doubt on joohyun’s face is obvious as she scrunches her nose, “why do you make it sound like a high school crush?”
“because it is!” yerim retorts defensively, “that feeling doesn’t change even as you grow older. you’ll feel like an idiot sometimes, and that’s fine. having a crush is one of the purest feelings in the world, it’s not childish to have something to look forward to. how would you feel if you couldn’t spend time with her anymore?”
joohyun stills, seeing seungwan daily has become something she’s taken for granted. sure, she’s considered getting another job but she hasn’t considered how it would feel to actually leave her side. the thought makes her chest ache, and she knows for a fact that seungwan has grown on her.
her kindness, and her thoughtfulness, these things are the main things that joohyun think of when she thinks of seungwan. she tries her best to analyze their interactions, however mundane they might be, those are the moments where she sees seungwan for who she is.
to some extent, she also sees the person she is when she’s around seungwan.
“does it include doing things i don’t normally do?”
“like what?”
“telling her things about myself, letting her cook for me, sharing a bed with her.” joohyun lists, and she knows what yerim’s answer is when her expression moulds into a wordless stare.
“you are painfully clueless, aren’t you?” yerim sighs as she pours her another drink, “how the hell did you get through your teens?”
joohyun doesn’t say anything and downs her drink. her teens are mostly a blur of days in boxing gyms, to have something as silly as a crush wasn’t even something she considered. twirling the cup in her hand, she has a better grasp of her emotions now.
“what are you going to do?”
glancing at yerim with a sombre look in her eyes, she mutters, “she’s an idol, and i’ve killed people. i’ll ruin her.”
the bartender’s eyes darken as she rests her hands on the counter, the realisation eradicates any ounce of purity from a crush, turning it into something that’s downright dangerous.
“you haven’t done those jobs in a while…” yerim tries to justify things but the truth remains that someone like wendy son doesn’t belong near people like them.
“don’t,” joohyun stops her with a hard glare, “we both know it won’t end well.”
yerim raises her hands and backs off, “are you quitting then?”
“i doubt i can,” joohyun hops off the stool, “thanks for listening.”
“wait, joohyun! i’ll talk to the boss about getting your job back, your replacement isn’t great anyway.”
shaking her head adamantly, the bodyguard’s shoulders sag slightly, “i said to keep this between us. she won’t allow it and i rather not have her know something’s amiss.”
“it’s going to be painful being around someone you can’t have.”
“i’ve dealt with worse.”
seungwan spends the night tossing and turning, her heart thrumming with anxiety as she replays the scene from before over and over again in her head. did she have to tell joohyun about everything? in hindsight, probably not, but at that moment, it felt like she had no other choice.
now it feels like she’s ruined everything.
her eyes are swollen and bloodshot when joohyun picks her up a few hours later. the skies are still dark but under the dim streetlights, she sees that joohyun looks equally exhausted. she wants to apologize for putting them through this but the words remain stuck in .
every minute of silence is agonizing, but a new problem arises when they arrive at the studio. fans are already gathered outside waiting to catch a glimpse of the idol but seungwan is hardly in the right headspace.
the facade she maintains as an idol isn’t coming as easily as it always does and she feels herself crumbling.
something lands on her head with a soft impact and seungwan looks up to see joohyun pushing her cap down on her head. still, she doesn’t say anything but it’s enough to help seungwan get through this first obstacle.
she forces a faint smile onto her face as her bodyguard escorts her through the main entrance. camera flashes go off incessantly as her fans clamour for attention and normally she would strike a pose or two but everything feels so much harder today.
the rest of the morning is filled with stylists and staff getting her ready for the stage. if they notice the shoddy state she’s in, they don’t say anything, automatically assuming it’s due to her anxiety regarding her comeback. joohyun keeps a distance, likely not wanting to get in the way of anything but it makes it harder for seungwan to keep a smile on her face.
she forces herself to maintain her idol persona and by the time it’s her turn to perform, wendy shines on the stage, dazzling her fans with her angelic performance.
the moment she gets off the stage, it all comes undone. her smile fades with a shaky exhale and she can no longer ignore the dread that has been building up within her.
“seungwan.”
she jolts at the voice, turning to see her bodyguard standing behind her. a wave of hopefulness washes over her as they meet eyes.
“we’re running late for your next schedule.” joohyun states.
her face falls, but the idol collects herself and nods, “i’ll get changed.”
wendy’s second album soars up the charts faster than anyone expects, including her. her happiness is brief because no matter what she does, all her thoughts lead back to losing joohyun. a full day of schedules coupled with emotional weariness leads her to doze off on the ride back. she wakes up when joohyun is scooping her up.
“i can walk…” she murmurs in a sleepy haze.
“it’s fine, you’re exhausted.”
seungwan leans against her chest, “aren’t you too?”
“i’m fine.”
the idol doesn’t try to fight, it feels nice to be taken care of. “stay the night? you didn’t sleep much last night, did you?” she asks softly.
joohyun swallows thickly, “i don’t think i should.”
“take the couch at least, i won’t force you to share a bed with me.” she murmurs, fiddling with her fingers as she looks up at her bodyguard.
she looks haggard, her eyebags have only gotten worse throughout the day and it’s no consolation that she looks equally as tormented as seungwan.
“please?”
joohyun relents with a small nod and doesn’t say more than that but it does give seungwan a little bit of relief.
joohyun does end up on the couch while seungwan tosses and turns in her bed again. any trace of fatigue from earlier is gone now that joohyun is literally a few seconds away from her. she wants to talk, to explain, to do anything to get them out of this situation but she doesn’t want to push too hard.
so it feels twice as wrong to sneak out of her room to catch a glimpse of joohyun. seungwan hides behind the excuse of offering her a blanket, but truthfully, she just wants to spend more time with her, if only for a brief few sentences.
her bodyguard is asleep when she approaches, her arm resting over her eyes as she lays across the couch. seungwan gently places the blanket over her and before she steps away, murmurs an apology under her breath.
joohyun’s hand shoots out to catch her by the wrist, stopping her from leaving. removing her arm from her face, she watches the idol through tired eyes.
“you have nothing to be sorry for.”
one sentence sends seungwan bursting into tears, she tries to hold them back but suppressing everything for the entire day has proven to be too much.
“i messed things up between us…” her breath hitches as she wipes away the tears from her eyes.
“no, you didn’t.”
joohyun tugs at her wrist lightly, scooting over to make space on the couch. no words are needed and seungwan hesitantly gravitates to her. the couch is wide enough for the two of them if they squeeze a little and that’s exactly what they do. it feels wrong and right at the same time, two people caving to desires they can’t have.
with seungwan’s back pressed close to her chest, joohyun throws the blanket over her and rests an arm around her waist. a part of her knows it’ll be harder to walk away now but she can’t stand the sight of seungwan looking so miserable and she wants to satiate the ache in her chest.
relaxing in her arms, seungwan breathes out slowly. she got more than she bargained for — to snuggle up close to joohyun once again, but she still feels weighed down by her thoughts.
“do you have an answer yet?” she asks nervously despite it seeming that joohyun has already given her an answer, she wants something definite, something that only joohyun herself can give.
“i do,” joohyun rasps, “but it can wait.”
her answer leaves seungwan tense and she swallows to clear , “when are you going to tell me?”
“when your promotions are over, i don’t want to distract you.”
“i already am,” seungwan scoffs, “and it’s not even your fault.”
today is rougher than she anticipated, mostly because of the tension between them but there’s a pressure to perform better than she ever has before too. it’s hard to shake the feeling that she’s fumbling one thing after another.
joohyun buries her face into seungwan’s hair and inhales slowly, “i’m not going to make things worse, you need to focus on your job. you’ve worked too hard to let it fall apart now.”
she hears seungwan exhale quietly as she intertwines their fingers. in a soft whisper, she thanks joohyun. “whatever your answer is, thanks for taking care of me.”
their mutual breathing lulls them to a much-deserved sleep. all the feelings that came with seungwan’s abrupt conversation are cast away, they welcome serenity with open arms.
seungwan’s replacement manager shows up a week after her promotional activities begin and it’s more than enough reason for joohyun to begin distancing herself. there’s no more reason for the bodyguard to linger longer than necessary or to chauffeur her around.
“this is the last night i’ll drop you off, your new manager will pick you up starting tomorrow.” the bodyguard says as she stops the car at the entrance of seungwan’s apartment building.
“what? why?”
“it’s not part of my job to chauffeur you around in the first place.” joohyun’s words sound harsher than intended but there’s no better way to say it.
seungwan shifts in her seat, resting her hands on her lap, “it’s sudden… did my company tell you to stop?”
“no…” joohyun nibbles her bottom lip hesitantly, she’s practised this multiple times in her head but it does little to make this easier to say, “i think it’s time we kept our distance. i’ve been unprofessional lately and it’s not right for us to continue.”
they both know what she’s talking about — the boundaries they’ve crossed. the past week where they’ve spent every night tucked into each other’s arms. here comes the inevitable end, the misery that they could’ve avoided if joohyun had been outright with her answer.
seungwan’s lips twitch slightly as her laughter grates against , “this is your answer? yah, bae joohyun, we shared a bed every night this past week. how do you do that and then say we should keep our distance?”
the idol’s anger is warranted, and joohyun hangs her head low, “i did it for you.”
“don’t lie to me…” seungwan’s voice is on the verge of cracking, “why can’t you just say you care for me?”
“i never said i didn’t.”
the air swirls with a heavy tension and the monotonous clicking of the hazard lights is the only thing that fills the silence. grinding her teeth, seungwan finally pulls her gaze to joohyun.
“what you’re doing now is hurting me, joohyun.” she states, unable to hold back the bitter anger in her voice, “did you do this to give me a taste of my own medicine? to have me know how it feels like to be strung along?”
joohyun’s face twists into confusion, “no, i wouldn’t do that to you.”
“then why are you doing this?”
leaning back in her seat, joohyun expels the words with a heavy heart. “i care about you, seungwan, but i know in my heart that we are too unlike each other. everything beginning from our families to our jobs, we don’t belong together.”
it’s not the answer seungwan wants to hear but she saw it coming considering how she dated her twin before. “you’re worried my fame will expose your family.”
“i could care less about that.”
“then what is it, joohyun? what could be so important that it has to get between us?”
joohyun’s eyes darken as she speaks, “i was a contract killer, seungwan, i’ve killed.”
the look on seungwan’s face tells joohyun she’s not aware — the bae family’s best hitman is their very own daughter. the reason she’s kept out of the family business is because she has her own role to fulfil, a role that she’s long abandoned but continues to haunt her.
“i…”
“it doesn’t matter how many precautions we take, someday, it’ll all come out and the last thing you want is to be associated with a killer.” joohyun mutters, “if you value your career, you’d stay far from me.”
“what if i’m willing to risk it?” seungwan breathes.
the intensity of her feelings outweighs the fact that joohyun is essentially a ticking time bomb so much that it doesn’t even faze the idol.
“then you’d be a fool,” joohyun hisses, “you have everything you could ever want.”
“not everything.”
“don’t do this, seungwan. it’ll only hurt.”
“you feel something too, don’t you? how can i convince you—”
“stop it, son seungwan!” joohyun shouts, fists slamming onto the steering wheel before she quells her rage, “don’t… make this harder than it already is…”
with trembling lips, the idol nods slowly, “we’ll go our separate ways, bae joohyun.”
seungwan exits the car without casting another glance back and joohyun buries her face in her hands with a shaky exhale. it’s hard to convince themselves that this is the better outcome when they have to wipe away stray tears.
seungwan doesn’t see joohyun after that, her bodyguard keeps an eye on her from a distance as she did in the initial weeks, following her from the shadows. she tries to search for her face in the sea of fans clamouring for attention but she’s never there.
wendy’s popularity soars in the weeks after her comeback, she busies herself with schedules ranging from variety shows to photoshoots. a concert is in the talks as well so it would make sense that she’d be too busy to even think of joohyun but in rare moments of quietude, she can’t help her thoughts from drifting to her.
it’s in these moments seungwan feels like she’s made of glass, one push is all it takes for her to shatter.
her breaking point comes in the form of joohyun’s reappearance, though hardly in the way that she imagined.
a tall, brooding figure wades through the crowd of fans, pushing her way forth, uncaring of the glares and protests she’s getting. her fury rolls off of her as she zones in on her target. the commotion catches the attention of wendy and she freezes at the sight before her.
her bodyguard has thrown an uppercut at a fan who stumbles onto the paved ground in a daze. without giving him a chance to react, joohyun lifts him by the collar of his shirt with a menacing snarl and hits him again. letting him fall to the ground, the bodyguard slinks over to pick up his phone.
before she can even get a proper look, he pulls out a pocket knife and charges at her. it doesn’t faze the bodyguard, she steps aside to dodge his initial attack and grabs his arm as he passes her. with a violent twist, she disarms him and pins him to the ground. for good measure, she kicks the knife aside.
with one arm securing his hands behind his back, joohyun kneels on him with all her weight. swiping through his phone, she digs her knee further into his back. what she sees makes her pull her arm back for another punch but seungwan stops her.
“stop!” her shriek is enough to stun the crowd into silence and joohyun to restrain herself.
the idol tries to pull her off the fan but joohyun continues to pin him down while handing the phone to seungwan. the contents of his photo gallery horrify seungwan and her manager steps forth alongside security guards.
there could’ve been a better way to handle this but joohyun’s judgement had been clouded by her anger that she didn’t care too much for the consequences.
shaken up by the ordeal, the bodyguard escorts the idol to her green room where she promptly takes it out on joohyun.
“you almost broke his arm!”
“he was taking inappropriate pictures of you!”
inside the dressing room of wendy son lies a squabbling pair, neither willing to back down after the incident that happened just outside the building. the brunette singer is well known for her outstanding vocals and her kindhearted temperament — seeing her yell at her bodyguard, however, would make one eat their words.
stubborn glares are exchanged between the two; her bodyguard is adamant that she merely did it to protect her and while the idol agrees, she doesn’t think that much violence was necessary.
“you could’ve left it to security!”
seungwan being too kind for her own good is a known fact and lately, it’s led to fans overstepping boundaries. it’s infuriating when things like this happen and joohyun has no problem with putting them in their place, but seungwan is always adamant about her not being so thuggish , or so she says.
the odd man who stuck out in a sea of screaming fans hardly seemed like a fan, even less when joohyun spotted him attempting to slip his phone under seungwan’s skirt, so what’s wrong with tackling him and giving him a well-deserved punch? granted, it’s not the best image for an idol to have a violent bodyguard but if joohyun can do her job of protecting her then seungwan’s manager can do her job of handling the consequences.
tightening her jaw, joohyun turns to the door. “if you’re feeling well enough to yell at me, i’ll leave.” she mutters as her hand rests on the handle.
“no! wait!” seungwan leaps to grab her by the wrist, “i’m sorry.”
turning her head slightly, she glances at the smaller girl, noting the tormented look on her face. “it’s fine, i shouldn’t have been so rough with him.”
“no… it’s not about that… i shouldn’t have yelled at you.” seungwan whispers, her croaked voice breaking the unbearable tension between them. seungwan is apologetic — that much joohyun can tell, but what she isn’t aware of is the real reason behind seungwan’s outburst.
instead of speaking, seungwan presses her face into the taller girl’s back, sniffling as she embraces her tightly. gradually twisting her body to face her, joohyun rests her hands on the idol’s shoulders.
“what’s wrong?”
with seungwan’s face pressed into her chest, it’s hard to make out her incoherent mumbling, but joohyun manages to catch a sentence — i was worried he would hurt you.
“yah… do you have that little faith in me?” joohyun softens up in an attempt to lighten the tension, the idol’s head gently.
seungwan’s voice quivers as she pulls away, “he had a knife, joohyun. i was scared.”
“i know what i’m capable of, you don’t have to worry.” the bodyguard spreads her arms and does a twirl to show there are no wounds on her.
seungwan takes her hand and her gaze snaps from joohyun’s bruised knuckles to joohyun who pulls her hand back in guilt.
“promise me you won’t don’t do that again…”
“i can’t promise that. anyone who tries to hurt you will get it from me.” joohyun murmurs.
the idol stitches her brows together, “not if it means putting yourself in danger, i can’t let you get hurt because of me.”
with an arm, joohyun pulls seungwan close to her again, resting her chin on her head. “i’ll be fine, princess. i know what i can handle.”
the internet is sent into a frenzy as multiple clips of wendy’s bodyguard beating up a malicious fan surface and fortunately, the responses are generally in joohyun’s favour. many praise her for acting quickly and for protecting the idol despite the imminent danger.
all of this means joohyun has captured the attention of many, fans begin looking into her and interviewers and journalists begin questioning seungwan about who she is. the idol runs her answers through with her bodyguard and they decide it’s best to give nothing more than her false name and that she’s a friend of the family.
hajoon sends another warning through text which joohyun simply ignores, their mother should’ve known things like this were bound to happen given the idol’s popularity.
just like that, joohyun returns to seungwan’s side like she’s never left. having her bodyguard by her side makes seungwan feel a lot safer, especially now that she’s seen how good joohyun is, and how real a threat can be. they don’t talk about what happened before nor do they try to close the distance and it leaves them in a sort of awkward place. she resumes her duty of sending seungwan home on nights when schedules run a little later as a favour to her new manager.
it’s late at night when joohyun lights up a cigarette outside seungwan’s company, she grows bored of waiting for the idol to be done with her practice and decides to escape outside for a quick smoke.
shutting her eyes, she rests her head against the back of the wall and exhales slowly. her head is so plagued with thoughts that she doesn’t hear someone approaching until they clear their throat.
snapping her eyes open, she’s surprised to see seungwan standing in front of her. before joohyun can even stop her, the idol snatches the cigarette out of her bodyguard’s fingers and puts it to her lips.
“yah—”
the smoke that fills her lungs forces a hacking cough out of wendy and she regrets her choice instantly. it’s not her first time smoking but she’s still highly inexperienced — joohyun makes it look a little too easy, a little too inviting.
“you idiot,” joohyun cracks into a grin and takes the cigarette from her, “you’d be in trouble if anyone saw that.”
seungwan clears and frowns, “i thought it’d be a lot easier.”
“you thought,” her bodyguard snorts, taking a quick drag as she shakes her head, “what’s bothering you?”
seungwan blinks dumbly, tilting her head ever so slightly.
“you don’t normally smoke.”
“nothing’s wrong, i just wanted a puff.”
“could’ve asked, i have more.” joohyun quirks a brow as she pats the pack of smokes in her pocket.
seungwan rolls her eyes, “yeah, right. you’re supposed to keep me safe alongside my reputation.”
“not much i can do about that when you’re snatching cigarettes out of my hand,” the bodyguard retorts, taking a long drag before turning to seungwan.
leaning in close, joohyun watches the idol through a half-lidded gaze, scanning her face for any signs of discomfort. with nothing but yearning in sight, their lips are mere inches apart. seungwan’s breath is warm against her skin, and while it feels right to kiss her, joohyun doesn’t cross that line — she can’t.
instead, with their noses brushing against each other, the bodyguard gently exhales the smoke into the idol’s mouth. she pulls back as seungwan snaps her eyes open, this time, she’s spared a coughing fit as most of the smoke dissipates into the air, leaving nothing but an offending scent lingering.
the tension between them is obvious when seungwan almost looks offended to be left hanging.
“just enough to take the edge off things.” the bodyguard murmurs, unsure if she’s talking about whatever’s on seungwan’s mind or whether her urge to kiss the idol has been satiated.
“take me somewhere.”
joohyun blinks, “where?”
“anywhere.”
stomping out her cigarette, a few places come to mind and joohyun knows exactly where to go.
it’s slightly after midnight when joohyun parks the car. looking out of the window, the bright signage of a tteokbboki shop looks back at the idol.
“a tteokbboki place? really?” seungwan narrows her eyes, casting doubt on her bodyguard’s decision.
“it’s my favourite place, plus they’re open late.” joohyun shrugs, “and you said anywhere.”
“so we’re getting tteokbboki.”
“yes.”
stepping into the old, dingy restaurant, a few customers are scattered around but none of them pays the pair any attention. most patrons look drunk, as they should be considering the stretch of nightclubs and bars sitting just down the street.
joohyun looks comfortable sliding into a seat and seungwan follows suit, sliding into the seat across her. the ahjumma that serves them eyes the idol strangely — her mind struggling to name the face she swears she knows.
“the usual, make it double.” joohyun interrupts her stare with an order and the boss clicks her teeth.
“you haven’t shown up in weeks and i heard you were fired. i thought something happened to you and they were covering it up.” a swift smack is delivered to the back of her head and seungwan gasps in surprise.
“i’m fine,” joohyun sighs as she rubs the back of her head, “busy with a new job that’s all.”
“took you long enough to come back, who’s your friend?” the ahjumma chides before returning her attention to seungwan.
the idol bows her head politely, not wanting to reveal her status as an idol and joohyun knows when to go along with her.
“she wants to try your tteokbboki, any more questions?” joohyun looks up at the ahjumma who shakes her head and walks away, muttering under her breath about how much of a brat she is.
when the pair returns to their lonesome, seungwan has a small smile on her face, amused by the interaction between the two.
“what?” joohyun asks when the smile doesn’t dissipate.
“nothing,” the idol shakes her head, “you two seem close. you must be a regular here.”
“yeah, i came here most nights when i worked as a bouncer. it’s not common to see girls alone at night, that’s how i caught her attention.”
resting her chin in one hand, seungwan hums, “i like getting to know you better.”
joohyun’s stomach coils at the mere insinuation, one simple sentence might unravel the facade of peace they’ve settled for and she would do anything to keep things this way. don’t fix it if it ain’t broke, right? lowering her gaze to look anywhere but at seungwan, the bodyguard warns lowly.
“seungwan.”
the idol raises her hands in surrender, her tone, however light, holds a tint of poignance to it. “i know, i know. we should keep our distance, no messy feelings or unprofessional relations but things like these make me happy. i don’t want to hide it.”
to have someone seek happiness in her isn’t something that ever crossed joohyun’s mind, how could she ever have something like that?
“sorry,” seungwan swallows, “i know you don’t want any of this but…”
“you can’t help it.” joohyun finishes her sentence in a quiet voice, knowing that the words are directed at herself too.
admitting it felt good but knowing how they both feel while being in this situation takes it away. they’ve drawn a line yet it still feels they’re dancing around it, crossing it ever so often without the looming threat of a consequence. perhaps it's enough for them now, but it won't be long until they crave more.
their tense moment is interrupted by the lady boss arriving with two plates of tteokbokki and two cans of cola. joohyun hands her a bill that covers more than what they’ve ordered and the ahjumma pats her on the back.
“you’ll be happy to know i’m spending the next week in jeju.”
joohyun’s lips curve up slightly, “i’ll be happier when you retire.”
“don’t be a smart and eat.” the ahjumma chides before she nods at seungwan with a wide smile, “eat it while it’s hot.”
the idol bows her head politely, thanking the boss while her chest fills with warmth. being here with joohyun and getting to see this side of her feels nice and it doesn’t matter what they are to each other.
they eat, and seungwan talks about anything that comes to mind. stuff she’s seen on social media, the variety show she was on a few weeks ago is finally airing and—
“right! i forgot to tell you that i have an overseas schedule!” seungwan snaps her finger as the memory of a recent conversation with her manager floats into her mind.
“an overseas schedule?” joohyun blinks at the idol, “when?”
“next week, it’s for a brand event.”
“it’s not on your schedule,” the bodyguard mutters as she pulls out her phone to check a schedule that she already knows by heart, she should know if there are any changes.
“they had to clear up a scheduling conflict but it’s confirmed now. three days in london, doesn’t that sound fun?” seungwan beams.
furrowing her eyebrows, joohyun folds her arms across her chest. “so this means i have to travel with you?”
“yeah, i feel safer with you around… unless… you’re against it?” her voice quickly loses its enthusiasm as she waits for a rejection of sorts.
“not really, it’s just abrupt.” the bodyguard rests her chin on her knuckles, “what about flight tickets and accommodation?”
a prepared response slips from seungwan, “my company’s got you covered, you’ll fly first class with me and you’ll be in the same hotel too.”
“okay.”
“really?” the idol blinks in surprise, this played out much better than she could’ve hoped for.
scoffing, joohyun resumes eating, “were you expecting me to say no?”
“i know you can’t but i’d rather you be willing to go instead.” seungwan teases.
joohyun grunts, “don’t make me call in sick.”
“you can’t do that!”
travelling overseas requires a different set of preparations for someone like joohyun. a fake passport that she never thought she’d use again and making sure she’s equipped for any situation.
even though she hasn't had the chance to use her weapons lately, it makes her feel safer to have them on hand — especially when they’re going to be in unfamiliar territory. it’s not like she’s able to take a gun through security so she leaves it to her brother to sort it out.
a simple text to hajoon explaining the situation gets her equipped with a pistol easily enough; a discreet delivery will happen when she arrives in london and it’s good enough for her.
the airport is crowded with fans when wendy arrives, doubling in size compared to what she experienced on her previous trip. unfazed by the attention, the idol has a bright smile on her face as her bodyguard takes a protective stance around her. they breeze through customs despite joohyun’s background, a well-forged passport can get you anywhere.
while they wait to board their flight, seungwan whips out her phone and begins taking selfie after selfie. joohyun who silently sits beside her, watches as she takes one, examines it, scrunches her face in disgust and takes another. selfie, check, grimace, repeat. it goes on for a solid five minutes before the bodyguard can no longer hold back the urge to comment.
“you’ve taken like fifty selfies, isn’t it enough?”
seungwan clicks her teeth, “you don’t understand, it’s for bubble. ”
the confusion on joohyun’s face is evident, “who’s bubble?”
“you mean what’s bubble.” seungwan corrects with a light smile, “it’s a subscription service where i can send my fans pictures and messages, consider it work.”
“people pay for your selfies?”
turning to face her bodyguard, seungwan tuts and sighs, “you truly know nothing about idols, huh? it’s not easy to take a good selfie.”
“how hard can it be?” joohyun quips, unable to comprehend the complexity of a good selfie.
frowning, seungwan hands her phone to her bodyguard, “you do it.”
“i’m not the idol here.”
“and you question how hard it is,” she rolls her eyes.
sighing, joohyun takes the phone and pulls down the mask that covers her face. raising the phone in front of her, she snaps a photo without even adjusting the angle or checking how she looks. one shot and she tosses the phone back to seungwan.
the idol, flabbergasted, looks at the impeccable selfie her bodyguard has just taken. joohyun’s face, however emotionless, has a certain mystique to it. with her eyes staring straight at the camera, the angle helps to accentuate her features and there’s only one thing left for seungwan to say.
feels awfully dry as she mutters under her breath, “you’re beautiful.”
biting the inside of her cheeks, joohyun attempts to hide the sudden surge of heat rushing to her face by pulling her mask up and turning away. in some ways, seungwan’s boldness acts like a double-edged sword. while it leaves joohyun incredibly torn, it’s hard to stifle the smile forcing its way onto her lips.
and unbeknownst to her, instead of uploading a selfie to her fans, seungwan discreetly changes the picture on her lock screen.
their flight lands close to midnight and no amount of intermittent sleep can rid the fatigue plaguing their bodies. seungwan dozes off on joohyun’s shoulder on the ride to their hotel and the taller girl doesn’t mind, except for the small patch of drool that the idol leaves behind.
the luxurious hotel fits a celebrity like seungwan and so is its service. upon arrival, the staff rush to get their bags and a manager welcomes them with a warm greeting before exchanging hushed words with seungwan’s manager.
the interaction has seungwan raising an eyebrow and she asks, “is something the matter?”
the two managers glance at each other before the idol’s manager explains, “the hotel is fully booked and we can’t get another room for irene. we can get her another hotel but the next hotel is almost ten minutes away.”
seungwan looks at her bodyguard, “ten minutes isn’t bad, right?”
joohyun is quiet when she weighs her options; her job takes precedence over everything, especially when they’re far from home. “it is if you’re in danger.” she declares bluntly.
without hesitation, seungwan makes the decision for all of them. “she’ll share a room with me, i’m sure there’s more than enough space for her, right?”
despite the hiccup, the extravagant suite that the hotel had reserved for her didn’t disappoint. there’s plenty of space for the two and even separate rooms within the suite. besides, if the managers know how close they are, the lack of a room wouldn’t even be a problem.
“this is fancy,” joohyun whistles as she strolls around the room, feigning nonchalance as she checks the room for potential hidden devices.
“i wouldn’t say get used to it but we can work something out if my world tour is confirmed.” seungwan smirks as she plops down on the plush bed.
an absentminded hum is the only response the idol gets as joohyun lifts various objects around the room.
“what are you doing?”
“nothing,” the bodyguard clears , “go take a shower.”
“you’re acting suspicious.” seungwan retorts with a narrowed gaze, “what’s going on?”
joohyun exhales loudly, “safety, happy?”
“yes, very much.” the idol nods, “and i will take a shower.”
the moment seungwan steps into the bathroom joohyun whips out her phone to message the number that hajoon had given her. following the instructions she receives minutes later, she exits the hotel. she finds her package sitting in a nearby alley, blending into the darkness. though disguised as a bag of fast food, the familiar weight in her hands is more than what a burger and fries would ever be.
when she returns, seungwan is stepping out of the bathroom and they inevitably cross paths.
“i could eat some fries.” the idol declares as she runs her towel through her wet hair, casting an expectant look at her bodyguard.
hesitant, joohyun presses her lips into a thin line. “they’re not fries.”
“what’s in the bag then?” seungwan dares to ask as if joohyun’s reluctance isn’t enough for her to connect the dots.
sticking her fingers out in an L shape, joohyun hopes it's enough of an explanation and seungwan catches her drift. silence devours the two and seungwan feels like she’s forced something out of joohyun that she should’ve left alone.
“you know… you can always tell me if it’s something regarding our safety,” the idol whispers, “it might be easier if you don’t have to keep things from me.”
rubbing the nape of her neck awkwardly, joohyun nods, “i’m not used to it, but i’ll try.”
“great, but… isn’t this a little too much? we’re only here for a few days.” seungwan asks with a tint of worry in her voice, the image of joohyun using it on someone scares her slightly.
her bodyguard reasons simply, “it’s safer to have and not need than to need and not have.”
“i know but… if you end up using it…”
there will be consequences for both of them, and it’ll be tenfold worse for joohyun. plopping a hand down on seungwan’s head, joohyun reassures her gently.
“i know, it’ll always be a last resort, i promise.”
“okay.”
with a free day to roam around the city, seungwan makes the most of it with a well-planned itinerary. the moment the sun is up, she drags her bodyguard out of bed and they’re off to explore the city. with large rounded sunglasses perched on her nose, seungwan skips through the streets with a beaming smile and joohyun trailing behind her. in an attempt to spread her excitement, she hooks her arms with joohyun as they visit various landmarks.
on top of being her bodyguard and temporary chauffeur, joohyun has involuntarily become the idol’s photographer as well. anything that looks remotely picturesque means seungwan shoving her phone into joohyun’s hands while she rushes off to strike a pose.
of course, that means joohyun sees the wallpaper seungwan had set the previous day. her own face stares back at her and it’s such an odd predicament to be in that she doesn’t know how to feel about it.
“yah,” the taller girl turns the phone to the idol, “what’s the meaning of this?”
“it’s a good selfie, i like it.” seungwan winks cheekily, “now hurry up and take my picture.”
begrudgingly, joohyun lets it slide and does as told, taking multiple pictures of the idol before they head to their next destination. they take breaks at cafes and seungwan makes it a point to feed joohyun whatever’s delicious to keep her spirits up.
a flower market is one of their stops of the day and it’s clear why the idol decided to come here. stalls filled with flowers of a multitude of colours line a small alley, it makes for a wonderful picture spot, which seungwan is quick to take advantage of.
another reason is that she isn’t sure what joohyun would enjoy, but she figures who could hate flowers? the glint in joohyun’s eyes makes seungwan’s chest brim with a blend of joy and satisfaction. with an attentive gaze, she notices her bodyguard’s eyes lingering on certain flowers, namely pink ones.
eventually, after much monitoring, seungwan drags them to a stall and purchases a small bouquet of light pink tulips.
“for you,” seungwan hands them over with a hopeful smile, words hang on the tip of her tongue but she decides some ambiguity will do them good.
blinking in surprise, joohyun accepts it uncertainly. her face is contorted in confusion as she looks at the tulips and then back to seungwan.
“thanks… but why?”
seungwan’s shoulders rise slightly, “i thought you’d like them.”
to put her feelings into words feels like a monumental task for joohyun, she struggles for a brief moment before giving up and being as honest as she can.
“i do,” joohyun nods, “but it’s… weird, i’ve only ever gotten flowers as threats.”
“threats?” seungwan repeats a little too loudly and joohyun quickly clamps a hand over for fear of the idol saying something she shouldn’t.
“relax, i appreciate your gesture. i think these are pretty.” the bodyguard meets her eyes, the corners of her lips tugging upwards in a soft smile.
not as pretty as you, seungwan’s flirtatious remark is muffled by joohyun’s hand but the words are clear enough, and so is the smirk on the idol’s face.
rolling her eyes, joohyun begins to walk away but seungwan doesn’t let her get too far. latching onto her arm, they stroll down the street without a care in the world. there will be prying eyes no matter where they go but being in a different country gives them a little more courage to do as they please.
the day is draining considering seungwan planned it meticulously to maximise their time and the jet lag only adds to their exhaustion. joohyun is in bed by nine, lying on her side as she watches an episode of a documentary.
that is until the soft pitter patter of feet treading across the carpeted ground interrupts her. seungwan stands at the edge of her bed, bouncing on the balls of her feet. a subtle glance up from her phone acts as an acknowledgement of her presence from joohyun but she swiftly returns her attention to the screen.
the idol clears , “can i sleep with you?”
“you have your own bed.” the bodyguard points out, though it seems to come off a little cold. seungwan brushes it off as she shifts her weight from one leg to another.
“i sleep better with you.”
it’s clear what joohyun’s answer should be, but the urge to do otherwise overwhelms her before she knows it. the events of the day have blurred the lines between them slightly, she can make another exception. besides, sharing a bed again when they’ve done so so many times before couldn’t hurt, right? scooting over slightly, joohyun lifts her arm and seungwan makes herself comfortable in the pocket of space that has been created.
lying in the comfort of joohyun's warmth, everything is perfect until seungwan is forced to watch the documentary that her bodyguard is watching. if this is to lull them to sleep, it’s certainly working.
“why are you watching this?” seungwan yawns as she listens to the dull narrator drone on about something related to rocks.
joohyun shrugs, “it’s informative, and there’s nothing better to watch.”
“did you watch the show i was on?” the idol asks, “at least it won’t bore you.”
joohyun hums softly, an ambiguous response to seungwan’s question which the smaller girl assumes is a no. the idol takes the phone out of her hands and pulls up the browser app with the intention of searching up the show. yet, with only a few characters typed, it shows up in the search history.
not to mention, the search is specified with the words wendy clips .
her breath is caught in , leaving her unable to resist joohyun taking her phone out of her hands. turning it off, she slides it onto the bedside table with a small sigh. seungwan turns to face her, trying to suppress the smile working its way onto her lips.
“you didn’t tell me you watched it.”
“now you know i did. you were so loud, son seungwan,” joohyun remarks with a light scoff, “but you were right, it didn’t bore me.”
ignoring the jibe, seungwan bites down on her bottom lip, “you liked it?”
“i think you can consider me a casual fan.”
“say no more, i’ll sign an album when we get back. or if you prefer a photocard, i’ll sign that too. oh! maybe a poster would be better, i think your apartment could use some decoration.”
joohyun listens to her babble on about things she has no care for with a half-lidded gaze. it’s in the moments like these that she feels something flittering between her ribs, and it’s unlike anything she’s felt. she’ll hold onto this for as long as she can. an audible sigh escapes her eventually when seungwan runs out of potential merchandise to list.
“you’re aware i spend all my time with you, right? even now? why would i need signed merch from you?”
a blush creeps up on seungwan’s face but in the darkness, it’s difficult to see. the realization makes her feel silly, how does an idol like her not realise that the exclusivity of her presence means more than any physical merchandise with her face on it?
she buries her face close to joohyun’s chest, finding a semblance of comfort within her as her bodyguard runs her fingers through her locks. she sleeps better with joohyun, that’s not a lie. how could it be when everything feels right when she’s in her arms?
the next day is another day of work for the two. well-rested, they tackle the day head-on.
the event seungwan is to attend is for a luxury brand’s anniversary, and at the idol’s behest, joohyun dons a suit. the day goes off without a hitch, seungwan is all dolled up and ready to go. the bodyguard watches from a distance as the idol basks in the glitz and glamour.
though the mood turns sour when seungwan crosses paths with a fellow brand ambassador, the idol knows better than to let it show in front of a camera. the interaction catches joohyun’s attention as well but she’s unable to act despite her instinct to separate the two. they are not a physical threat which leaves the bodyguard’s hands tied.
“sooyoung,” the smile on her face is believable enough as seungwan draws the taller girl in for an embrace. camera flashes go off as pictures are taken of them; to the media, the two are great friends and it will remain that way.
“unnie,” sooyoung conjures up a polite smile though her words are edged, “you must’ve been busy with your comeback, i haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“you know how it is,” seungwan waves off the annoyance she feels from sooyoung’s sheer audacity.
avoiding the younger idol is never an option, their paths cross too often and a sudden cold shoulder would definitely incite rumours. there’s nothing seungwan can do except to keep the smile on her face despite how antagonizing sooyoung may be and she’ll make it look easy. they chat briefly and take some pictures together for the brand.
ultimately, sooyoung corners her alone in the washroom and seungwan lets her facade slip away. the younger idol feels her glare through the mirror's reflection, her eyes following the younger girl’s every move though nothing is done when sooyoung slides a hand around her waist.
despite seungwan tensing up under her touch, she doesn’t push sooyoung away, almost as if she wants to see how far she would take things. a kiss on her cheek and another down the side of her neck and seungwan grips the marbled sink with gritted teeth.
“sooyoung, what are you doing?”
her voice bounces around the emptiness of the washroom, echoing with irritation.
she knows she should push sooyoung away but there’s a reason why they’ve kept things going as long as they had. it’s twisted, yet a part of seungwan can’t deny she misses her touch.
“i missed you,” sooyoung murmurs, “you never called or texted again.”
“because we’re done.” seungwan declares with as much finality as she can muster but sooyoung sees through that easily.
she scoffs lightly, “so you’re with her now?”
finally pushing her away, seungwan exhales sharply, “it’s complicated.”
eyes filled with scorn, sooyoung folds her arms across her chest. “i know you, seungwan. it’s only a matter of time till you get bored.”
“you don’t know that.”
“oh but i do,” the younger girl snarls, voice rising, “why else would you ruin your relationship with kihyun?”
curling her fingers into a fist, her nails dig into the palm of her hand, helping to contain the rage that ripples through her. hissing lowly, she glowers at the other idol, “you don't know what happened between us.”
“you expect me to believe that someone like you would be content with settling?”
the door to the washroom swings open abruptly, disrupting the heated conversation between the two idols. with one hand pushing the door aside, joohyun takes a slow step forward, her sharp gaze boring holes into sooyoung, warning her to leave.
tension hangs in the atmosphere, waiting for one of them to break it. without acknowledging joohyun’s presence, seungwan’s words grate against when she speaks.
“you believe my lies,” she laughs wryly, “how could you possibly know what kind of person i am?”
sooyoung leans in close and whispers into her ear, “you try to hide it but you’re an open book, seungwan. it doesn’t matter how much anyone loves you, you’ll throw it all away.”
the younger idol storms off, intentionally bumping into joohyun as she exits. a mix of anger and jealousy bubbles within the bodyguard but she says nothing as she grabs a piece of tissue paper and wipes it against seungwan’s cheek and neck. the red lipstick stands out against her pale skin and joohyun knows she can’t be seen with that in public.
“how much did you hear?” the idol asks softly, her gaze fixated on the faucet as she’s unable to look at joohyun.
“most of it,” joohyun responds dryly as she ensures that seungwan’s outfit is intact. she follows seungwan to ensure her safety but can’t help overhearing their conversation. it infuriates her, but her anger remains muted.
shutting her eyes, seungwan tilts her head back in frustration. “sorry, i don’t expect you to believe me but i haven’t spoken to her since the night of seulgi’s exhibition.”
“i believe you.”
her words sound forced, joohyun wants to believe but she wouldn’t be wiping lipstick off of seungwan if it is even remotely true. they’re not together, in fact, joohyun is the one who made that clear, but the sharp stab of betrayal lingers.
it doesn’t matter, she convinces herself, seungwan doesn’t owe her anything.
“sooyoung and i weren’t anything serious and—”
“you don’t need to justify anything.” her tone is harsher and colder than normal, traces of her hurt evident in her expression.
seungwan swallows to soothe the tightness in , “joohyun… please… you don’t have to hide if you’re upset, i know i ed up. you can yell or scream at me, anything but act like you don’t care…”
“i told you why we can’t be together, seungwan. i know my place and you can do whatever you want.”
lifting her gaze, seungwan chokes back a sob, “you matter in my eyes, even if you think otherwise. i know this hurts you and i wish you didn’t hear anything, but i’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
joohyun doesn’t know what sends her over the edge. perhaps it’s the truth that sounds like a lie, or perhaps it’s sooyoung implying that what happened between seungwan and her twin was her fault. or it's the insinuation that seungwan would do anything for her even though they both know it's impossible. her anger erupts as she slams a fist onto the marbled sink.
“’s sake, seungwan! you’re saying all of that when she left lipstick on your damn neck!” the words burn her tongue but it brings about a distorted sense of relief, it feels good to be honest but not in a situation like this.
to joohyun, anger has always been an ugly emotion. nothing good ever comes out of her fury but reining in her emotions on things that matter to her has never been her strong suit. what she just said might’ve caused things between them to take a bitter turn, but at least the line between them is clear now.
her heart plummets into her stomach and a harrowing expression creeps onto seungwan’s face as she fully comprehends the extent of joohyun’s disappointment.
“i’m sorry.” she croaks, “i really am.”
a buzzing sound draws the youngest son of the bae family from his intoxicated daze. pulling his head off the plush couch, kihyun sets the whisky glass down on the table in front of him and rests his arms on his knees. it’s another night of entertaining his mother’s business partners, nothing new. his phone continues to buzz next to him and when he’s collected himself, he glances at the name on the screen. the last time she called him was over a year ago, the thrill of seeing her name has dulled into nonchalance.
in a tired voice, he mumbles, “what’s up, princess?”
a soft sniffle comes through before seungwan chokes out, “i messed up, ki. i hurt joohyun.”
his sister’s name helps him to sober up some, heart lurching in his chest slightly as he braces himself for some sort of bad news.
as calmly as he can, kihyun speaks, “i’m gonna need some context here, what happened?”
“she… we… we got close, and… she saw… well she didn’t see but… … sooyoung kissed me and joohyun knew.” the idol blurts.
the irony of the situation is laughable and a mirthless chuckle slips from his throat. it’s not the end of the world to be involved with son seungwan, after all, he survived.
“i’m the last person you should be calling, seungwan.” he shakes his head slowly, “i warned her to stay away from you, but she doesn’t listen and you’re… you …”
the call dips into silence at the implication of his words. like a siren’s song, the charming idol draws anyone she sets her eyes on, and when she’s done, there will be nothing but destruction left in her wake.
still, kihyun cares more about his sister than whatever bitterness he holds towards seungwan. releasing a slow breath, he asks.
“what do you need me to do?”
“i… i’m sorry, i didn’t know who else to turn to… and you’re her twin, i figured you would know her best.” seungwan’s tone is tinted with defeat, “how do i fix this?”
the bond they have as twins is unbreakable, but it has waned over the years. kihyun wouldn’t say he knows her best anymore, but he did grow up with her, and he knows more about her than seungwan.
“you should start by ending things with sooyoung, before she ruins you two too,” he murmurs, time has healed the heartbreak but it can’t erase what has happened.
“i will,” seungwan agrees, “but i’m not concerned about that now. your sister is mad at me and i rather die than to have her give me the cold shoulder.”
kihyun lets out an amused laugh, sapping the tension from the call instantly. “normally i would say you’re dramatic but joohyun has born a grudge against our mother for years. apologize, that’s all she wants.”
“i already did, ki. i think she hates me.” the idol groans, and kihyun can almost see her running a hand through her hair out of frustration.
normally, he would keep this to himself, but inebriated, the words spill with ease. “if she likes you too then i’d say she was disappointed, maybe even heartbroken.”
“i’m sorry…”
keeping his tone gentle, kihyun brushes it off, “it’s in the past, do for her what you couldn’t do for me. prove that you mean everything you said, your actions will speak for you.”
“was that what you wanted?”
the youngest son pauses, shoulders sagging. the idea of them getting back together springs up in his mind before the realization of not wanting anything to do with her sets in. “yeah,” he admits softly, “but i know for a fact that i’m better off without you. i hope you’ve changed, seungwan, my sister deserves the world and more.”
“i won’t do that to her, i promise. i… i’d give everything up just to see her smile.” seungwan’s voice is shaky but her determination is evident.
“that’s good,” he hums, “i hope things work out.”
“thanks for hearing me out regardless of… you know…”
“anytime, it’s worth it to know joohyun is capable of liking someone, even if it’s you.”
“bye, ki.”
“can we go for a walk?”
seungwan chokes out the question when they arrive at their hotel after finishing up everything on her schedule. the rest of the day since the incident has been nothing but horrible, having to keep up her facade of a perfect idol when all she wants to do is curl up and cry proves to be torturous. talking to kihyun has helped to calm her slightly and it gives her a clue as to what she should do to mend things but she’s not confident it’ll work, still, she has to try.
luckily, in spite of her lack of response, joohyun nods her head towards the exit.
stepping into the chilly night, seungwan shivers in the dress that exposed much of her shoulders and arms. she hadn’t anticipated that they would be outdoors and thus forgone any sort of outerwear. her bodyguard doesn’t say anything as she extricates her suit jacket and drapes it over the idol’s shoulders.
pulling the jacket close around her, seungwan nods gratefully. they continue down a quiet path with no destination in mind as seungwan gathers her thoughts.
“i… i hope this doesn’t come off as an ambush, i just… want to talk things out.” seungwan breaks the silence after they’ve walked for a while, the anxiety of the whole situation makes her want to throw up but she pushes through.
“i don’t know how to fix things between us, and maybe you would rather we stay like this but i want to try to explain.” seungwan draws a shaky breath, “i’ll cut sooyoung off for good, and i’ll tell you what happened between kihyun and i.”
joohyun opens to speak but seungwan interrupts her with the raise of her hand, “i know you’re going to say i owe you nothing, but you wouldn’t be hurt if you didn’t care. hear me out and then you can decide how we end up, okay?”
the taller girl nods, slipping her hands into her pockets as she listens to seungwan.
the idol’s relationship with bae kihyun started a long time ago, ending in an inevitable tragedy that neither would see coming. the two had known of each other’s existence from the moment they began tagging along with their parents to various business events and becoming acquaintances was natural. seungwan had an undeniable allure and kihyun was just one of many who ached to know her.
perhaps it’s just his luck that she chose him of all people, his reserved nature despite being a son of hilla bae stood out to her. in a whirlwind of adventures spanning across months, multiple discreet meet-ups in the dead of night, how could they not fall in love?
it was great until it wasn’t, all good things come to an end. seungwan’s rise in popularity happened overnight, a video of her went viral and that was it. with the amount of attention on her, they knew they couldn’t risk exposing him to the public by meeting. thus the unavoidable question of their future came up, kihyun was hopeful but seungwan didn’t believe in them. she tried to pretend things were fine, but nothing was the same anymore. there was a ridge between them, worsening with every missed call.
park sooyoung was a mistake from the very beginning, but seungwan wanted something easy. unknowingly, her relationship with kihyun had been gradually whittling down at her and sooyoung was a breath of fresh air. the guilt made it harder to be honest with him, but kihyun found out eventually. there was no explosive argument, and it ended as quietly as it began. she kept up her arrangement with sooyoung, it was easy and it was all she needed.
that is until she crossed paths with joohyun.
seungwan stops in her tracks and finally looks up at joohyun, with her fists clenched, she murmurs. “it’s probably hard to trust anything i say now and i don’t blame you, but i feel so calm when i’m with you. the bad days are always better with you around. i know it’s selfish of me to dump all of this on you but i like you, joohyun, i really do. i’ve been pushing my luck these past few weeks and it’s only made things harder now,” the idol pauses, heaves out a hard breath and plasters a thin smile on her face, “so if you want nothing to do with me anymore, i understand. i’ll let you go, you won’t have to work for my father anymore and we’ll truly be done with each other.”
their eyes meet when joohyun turns to face her and seungwan sees her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “you’re not the only selfish one, seungwan. i’ve been selfish too. every single time i give in to you, it feels like i’m doing it for my own happiness.” she tilts her head back to stop the tears from falling, “and you’re right, it hurt knowing sooyoung kissed you, it made me feel like i wasn’t as important as i thought.”
“joohyun…”
“i think i like you too, son seungwan.” joohyun proclaims with a teary chuckle, coming to terms with her feelings after doing everything to suppress them makes tighten, “because… being away from you made me ing miserable… and i’m willing to dismiss all of that just to stay by your side.”
hope blooms within the idol but she dares not expect they would go any further than this, in fact, she would be more than content to maintain whatever ambiguous relationship they’ve found themselves in.
wiping the tears with the back of her hand, her heart slams wildly against her ribs. an abrupt question spills as joohyun looks the idol in the eyes, “do you still mean what you say? about risking your career?”
taking joohyun’s hands into hers, seungwan calms her, “every single word, i still mean it. i would choose you over my career any day. are you sure about this?”
“i…i’ve never been put in a situation like this before.” the taller girl smiles shakily, “i don’t want you to give up anything for me. as long as you promise me honesty, i think we can find a way to make things work.”
seungwan’s grip tightens around her hands as she bites the inside of her cheek, “being with me isn’t easy, we’d have to sneak around, and even then our privacy isn’t guaranteed. are you really sure about this?”
“i’ll take what i can get.” joohyun declares softly, “i don’t care if it’s only within the safety of our apartments, or in another country entirely, i want to be with you.”
“then we’ll find a way to make things work.”
joohyun nods, and perhaps it’s seeing the growing smile on seungwan’s face but everything in that moment makes it feel right to kiss her. she loosens her hands from seungwan’s hold and cups the idol’s jaw lightly. apprehensively, she leans in close, crossing the line that they’ve been toeing around. seungwan pops up on her tiptoes and the world fades into the background.
in that moment, nothing mattered more than the two of them.
end notes:
wowie. this chapter was unnecessarily hard to finish. i think i've been wanting to finish it for two weeks now but there were so many parts i felt so stuck on, even now it's like i don't think it's the best it can be but it's the best i've got. i doubt myself a lot so maybe this isn't even as bad as i think it is. i also looked at my original ideas for this fic and the way the story has gone has certainly diverted from what i had in mind, can't tell if it's less or more complicated this way LOL.
thought a little harder abt wr’s characterization in this chapter because i was worried they would feel too similar to awnoh!wr. hopefully they’re not the same, i still want some of wr’s irl traits to shine through despite all the delusion i’ve sprinkled into this fic.
don't want to ramble on too much but i wanna thank soft_forms for drawing an insanely cool fan art of these two, and tinywenrene for editing a neat little video for baby girl superstar chaebol seungwan! very grateful to not be alone in this delusion, and i despise writing about clothes so this is free visual refs for everyone yippee! just pretend seungwan wore those outfits in the London Arc.
one more chapter to go, i think, it's one that i'm looking forward to writing. thanks for reading, i hope i didn't accidentally fumble this fic. hope everyone enjoyed chill kill and killing voice too!
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