Healing together

Killing our Ghosts

"I met Jaehyun in high school," Minjeong said after taking a few deep breaths as to prepare herself to bring all the memories back from the depths of her mind. "I was a first year student, and I met him during the welcome party. He was a third year, smart, had good grades, good at sports, and from a rich family. I wasn't really looking for love at the time, but things happened. He treated me well, he was caring, helped me with studies, showered me with gifts... He was like the perfect guy every girl wants." Minjeong scoffed, shaking her head.

Jimin kept on holding her hands, caressing them and giving them little encouragement squeezes.

"The year went by, and he graduated from high school, ready to attend one of the best universities in Seoul, while I became a second year student. And that was when I... got pregnant."

Jimin gasped. "You were so young. I didn't even stop to think about how old you were when you had Yerim."

"I was. Honestly, I didn't want to believe it, like, how did that happen? How did we let that happen? He was young as well, we were both too young to become parents. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared of telling him and I was sure he would just straight up dump me, but he was overwhelmingly supportive. He assured me everything was going to be okay, and that he was happy with me and that if I was pregnant, it was meant to be."

She paused and cleared . She didn't remember the last time she ate or drank water, and only after speaking did she notice how thirsty she was. Minjeong fetched her water bottle from the bag in the backseat, took large gulps, and went on, after a reassuring forehead kiss from Jimin.

"He had secured a job in his father's company and he could provide for us with no issues at all. Then my Yerim was born, and I was the happiest I’d ever been when I first held her in my arms. The hardships I’d endured by getting pregnant, the judgment coming from everywhere, including from myself... nothing mattered anymore. I truly felt that she was meant to be." Minjeong smiled, the memory as vivid as if it had happened the day before. "I was ready to give my best in raising her well, but I still wanted to finish my studies. Jaehyun had another opinion, though. He asked me why did I need to finish school and have a job when he could provide me with the money and everything we needed? I could just stay home and take care of Yerim, while he worked. At first I opposed, but I ended up accepting his reasoning. After the second year of high school, I dropped out and married him as soon as I became an adult.”

“What did your parents think of all of this?” Jimin asked.

“You’d think they would have given me the hardest time of my life, but not really. They were upset and shocked at first, of course. I can’t say it was all smooth sailing. But while I love my parents and have mostly good things to say about them, I have to admit their reaction was not as severe as it could have been because I was having a child with someone from a wealthy family and my financial well-being was basically set for life. That way, they’d never have to worry about me having enough to survive, and I know they think like this because they want the best for me and came from a different generation with another mindset, no matter how twisted it sounds. The truth is, once the initial shock passed, they realized I really wanted to raise the baby and they got to know him, they were very supportive."

Jimin nodded, looking as if she was processing the information, and let her go on.

"Yerim's first three years went smoothly, but then Jaehyun's father passed away. It was a huge shock for everyone, but he became a totally different person. He barely had time to finish college because he had to take over his father's company without his guidance. He wasn't caring anymore, he barely spent time at home with all the work on his shoulders. He spent nights out at the company, arrived home drunk, we fought all the time over the most stupid and ridiculous things. He became aggressive, yelled at me, used his little mind tricks to get what he wanted, like he was the one working so hard to provide for me, so the least I could do for him was be there when he wanted...” Minjeong stopped and closed her eyes, frowning at the memories and forcing the images to stop.

Jimin cupped her cheeks, forcing her eyes to open and meet hers. “I’m here, Minjeong.”

Minjeong took in a deeper breath, nodding. “And in the end, I was always the one to blame. Because I wasn't a good wife, because I failed to support him, because I didn't care. Slowly, I realized that I was in a very unhealthy relationship, but despite the countless times he would threaten me, he never hit me, so it’s not like it was truly abusive, right? No one would believe me, and this kind of problems is not taken seriously unless there is clear physical violence, and unfortunately, sometimes not even then. I tried talking about this to a close friend, and what she told me was 'why don't you just leave?'" Minjeong scoffed, clenching her jaw. "How can people think it's that easy? How would a twenty two year old dropout with a daughter survive on her own? He was the one with the money, he could do whatever he wanted, if he wanted to. He could take Yerim from me, and I couldn't risk it, so I endured it for her.”

More tears rolled down Jimin’s eyes. Minjeong wiped them and continued after confirming with Jimin that she was still available to listen to her.

"He wasn't able to run the company he inherited from his father. He didn’t know enough about business and it became too much for him. So he tried the stock market, as I explained earlier. Then... that happened. He thought he would earn lots of money, when in fact he lost everything, killed Hyoseob, and then himself. But he couldn't die without leaving all his debts under my name."

"He... left the debts under your name?"

"Yes. Since he died, that’s how it works. Even after five years, I'm still paying for them."

Jimin looked down at their hands and shook her head, shutting her eyes.

"I... I knew you had a troubled past but... I could never imagine this. I'm so sorry, Minjeong." Jimin pulled into her embrace, sobbing against her neck.

"It was a long time ago, I should have moved on by now, but... I'm still stuck. That's why I have those panic attacks sometimes. Because random things trigger my memories and that still messes me up, way more than I wanted it to."

Jimin pulled away and looked at her. "I did it, right? I triggered a lot of your memories."

Minjeong gulped. "The fact that you work on the stock market, and even your car. He always wanted to get an old Mustang. This sounds really silly when I say it like this."

"Gosh, I'm so sorry Minjeong-"

"But you couldn't have known! It's not your fault. I also... did the same. You and your father suffered a lot with what Hyoseob and Jaehyun did. We're both victims of their mistakes, until this very day."

"It's not fair," Jimin mumbled with a sob. "It's not fair that we're still suffering because of it."

Minjeong leaned her forehead against Jimin's, resting her hands on her neck. "It's not. That's why we're here for each other, and we need to move on. At the same time we mess up and trigger each other’s wounds, we're also healing. Together."

Jimin nodded, gripping Minjeong's sweater. "Please don't... try to do what you were about to do again. If you ever have those thoughts, just talk to me. I'll be here to listen to whatever's going on in your mind and to tell you how much I care about you and how much I love you."

"Thank you, Jimin. I don’t think I was actually going to go through with it today, but the thought did cross my mind and led me all the way out here. Ever since he died and I was left alone with Yerim, the thought crossed my mind countless times. I was so lost, how would I survive without a job and with a daughter? What if I just disappeared? Wouldn’t it be much easier?"

Jimin shook her head.

"I’m a lot better now. Time has healed a small part of it, just enough for me to have these thoughts a lot less frequently. I had some therapy sessions back when I was going to the trials. And I think of Yerim every single time.”

“I hope you realize how strong you are, Minjeong.”

Minjeong chuckled. “I don’t think so. I’m not proud of it, but even though I hated what alcohol did to Jaehyun and what he did to me while drunk, I ended up resorting to alcohol myself way too many times.”

“But that’s in the past, it’s the way you knew how to-”

“I had a relapse recently.”

"W-What?"

"I drank a lot of vodka, got so drunk. If it wasn't for Yerim, I would have just kept on drinking. Please, don't judge me. But I really want to let this all out from my chest."

"I'm not judging you, I'm worried, Minjeong. What happened at that time?"

Minjeong gulped, avoiding her eyes. "Our first fight," she said, and Jimin gasped. "It's not your fault! Please, I just want to say everything there is to say. Even if it hurts. I'm sorry. But I'm fine now. I promised for real this time, enough drinking."

"That's why you didn't drink anything the last few times we went out."

Minjeong nodded. "It really had been some time since I drank that much and since I had suicidal thoughts, and I don't wanna have them again."

"I don't want you to have them either."

Minjeong smiled. "Thank you for listening to me, and not judging me, even after knowing all of this about me. You know... I feel so much better after letting it all out. I was so afraid to talk about it, but it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest, even though it's still not over."

"It will be over soon, Minjeong. I won't let them get away with this. They have zero proof of what they're saying, they came up with that story and now they're trying to look for proof to support it. They won't win."

"Yizhuo will take care of it, don't worry."

"I do worry. I'll talk to my lawyer as well, and I have a friend who I'm sure will be able to help us."

"I'm so sorry for bringing you into this mess, Jimin."

Jimin pecked her lips. "It's not your fault. It's not our fault. Everything will be fine. But can we... worry about that tomorrow, though? And focus on ourselves for the rest of the day?"

"Of course." Minjeong closed her eyes and as she remembered Yerim, she felt like crying again. "Gosh, I feel awful... My Yerimie, how could I do this to her? Thank you so much for being there to help her, Jimin."

"You were in a bad place of mind. What matters is you're here, safe, with those thoughts far, far away. How about we take Yerim out for pizza and ice cream, and then go to your house and play Switch until it’s time to sleep? And I'll stay the night."

"I didn't know we were in that phase of our relationship in which we don't need to ask to stay over the night."

Jimin irked an eyebrow. "Did I need to ask? Excuse me, miss Kim Minjeong, will my lady let me stay over at your humble abode for the night?"

Minjeong laughed, and good god, did it feel good. "Yes, I grant you permission to stay over, as long as you hug me to sleep."

“That would be my pleasure.” Another kiss, longer this time, and Jimin gave Minjeong one of those smiles she absolutely adored.

Minjeong stared at the ceiling. Jimin scooted even closer, her head resting on her shoulder and an arm and leg over Minjeong, hugging her like a koala.

“Hey,” Jimin called, bringing Minjeong down from deep in thought. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’m sorry.” Minjeong sighed. “I know we said that for the rest of the day we would focus on ourselves and not think about what’s coming, but...”

“I know, don’t beat yourself up. As much as I’m focusing on us right now, there’s still that lingering voice in the back of my mind as well. I managed to keep it quiet when we were with Yerim, but now it’s back.”

“Same. I’m so glad Yerim’s so sweet, she wasn’t even mad at me. I don’t deserve her.”

“Hey.” Jimin supported herself on her elbow, glaring down at her. “Don’t say that. You do deserve her, and she deserves the mother that you are. God, you threw your life away for her!”

“I did what any mother would do.”

“Not really. You should give yourself so much more credit. You’re just… amazing.”

Minjeong smiled. “You’re too sweet.”

“I’m stating facts.”

“My parents helped me a lot. I couldn’t see what Jaehyun would turn out to be at the start, and neither did they, but in the end, they felt sorry they couldn’t protect me. They still try to tell me to go live with them, me and Yerim, so I don’t have so many expenses.”

“Why didn’t you accept?”

“I don’t want to be a burden or live at their expense. The house isn’t that big either, I don’t think Yerim would be able to have her own room. And we’re fine here, what I make is enough for the two of us. Tight, but enough.”

Jimin stared at her, her lips pressed tightly.

“What is it?” Minjeong could tell she wanted to say something.

“What if I asked you to move in with me?”

When Minjeong was so stunned she couldn’t answer, Jimin rushed to add - “I-I mean, not like, right now! But... eventually.”

“I... I don’t know, Jimin.”

Jimin gave her a small smile and laid on her shoulder again.

“I’m not saying no,” Minjeong said. “But... there’s a lot to consider.”

“I’m including Yerim as well, of course. There’s space for the three of us in my apartment. And in no way I’m telling you to quit your job or that I would provide for you.”

Minjeong looked down at her, chin hanging low.

“Do you have a dream?” Jimin asked. “Like, your dream job, or just... something that you see yourself doing, other than carrying drink palettes.”

Her cheeks warmed up. “I know it’s not the best job in the world, but-“

“I-I’m not saying it’s bad or...” Jimin sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t choose my words well. I don’t want to make you feel self-conscious about your job. But it’s very physically taxing, clearly, and I’m worried you’ll end up with permanent injuries too early in your life. And I don’t know about your hopes and dreams, or what else you’d like to be doing, because I never asked.”

Minjeong was, yet again, at a loss of words. It was not like she didn’t know how considerate Jimin was, but the way she worried about her made her eyes well up, the tears falling down her cheeks.

“W-What is it?” Jimin panicked, sitting up on the bed. “Did I trigger another memory with what I said? I’m so sorry, Minjeong-“

Minjeong bolted upright and threw herself at Jimin, hugging her so tight she was sure she couldn’t breathe.

“I love you, Jimin,” Minjeong blurted.

Instead of an answer, Jimin grabbed her arms and pulled away. She cupped her cheeks, staring at her eyes with such intensity it got Minjeong’s breath stuck.

“I love you too, Minjeongie.”

Minjeong approached to kiss her lips, and again and again.

“It wasn’t any memory, I was genuinely moved with what you said.”

Jimin pouted. “I didn’t want to make you cry. I’m just being honest.”

“I know. And it’s not like I never wished for another job, but... it was the only thing I could get, since I never even finished high school,” Minjeong said.

“But you still can! You can take your GED. You could even go to college if that is what you wanted to do. And study whatever you want to. I know you more than likely wouldn’t accept my help financially but what if I can help with Yerim and your chores? That way you could actually have time to study.”

More tears set loose, as Minjeong dropped her head.

“I’m sorry, Minjeong, I’m really hitting all the spots, aren’t I?”

“Dancing.” Minjeong raised her head, cleaning her eyes. “I always loved to dance. That was what I wanted to do, what I thought I would try and do in the future. Go to art school when I finished high school, major in dancing and performance, and then... who knew. I could become a dance teacher, or a backup dancer, or something like that.”

“Minjeong...” Now it was Jimin’s turn to cry, as if she could feel Minjeong’s pain in her own body. “But you still can!”

“I’m twenty-eight, Jimin.”

“And? Have you taken a look at your body? At your muscles, stamina, resistance? Age is a number, Minjeong. There are tons of artists of your age and even older that still live that life. And do you see them giving up because they reached a certain age?”

Minjeong smiled. “You’re so positive and bright.”

“Once again, I’m stating facts. Promise me when this is all over, you’ll think about this.”

“When will this be all over?”

“Soon, Minjeong. I promise.”

“Okay. I promise I’ll think about it.”

Jimin hugged her again, leaving soft and caring kisses along her cheeks and neck. “And… I know this is all recent and things moved fast, but everything I said is from the bottom of my heart. I do love you, Minjeong, and I do want to be here for you and support you. Being with you feels… right. We feel right.”

Minjeong had to suppress more tears. She squeezed Jimin’s body against hers and kissed her forehead. “It does feel right. Sometimes I think it feels too right and good to be true.”

“I’m real. This is real. You can pinch me if you want to.”

But the second Minjeong actually did it, Jimin whined.

“You said I could pinch you!”

“You’re stronger than you think you are!”

“Okay, okay, sorry!”

They looked at each other and burst out in a fit of giggles, ending up cuddling once again.

“Why do you like me?” Minjeong asked.

Jimin supported herself on her elbow and frowned down at her. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just… I feel like I don’t really do much for you. So I wonder what is there about me that made you like me. I’m not doubting your feelings. But I feel like I don’t deserve you, especially after what I’ve been putting you through.”

Now, it was Jimin’s turn to pinch Minjeong’s cheek.

“Did those thoughts cross your mind earlier?”

Minjeong nodded with a pout. “I really am trying my best to be honest and let my feelings out.”

Jimin caressed her cheek. “You deserve the world, Minjeong. I already thought that before, but after today… You really deserve all the happiness in the world. So I do think you deserve me, because I want to be that lucky one.”

Minjeong couldn’t hold the ear to ear grin.

“And you honestly don’t need to do much,” Jimin went on. “Or, more like, the fact that you love me for who I am is more than enough. You make me smile, you give me quality time like I never had. Honestly, I don’t think anyone has loved me like you do.”

Minjeong widened her eyes. “That’s not possible.”

“The guy I married never really liked me, as I told you. Before him, I had a boyfriend in college. Same . I dated a girl too, and okay, I think she kinda liked me? But not… not like this. Not like you. And she did still take advantage of me and the fact I had money. So, as you can see… never been lucky in love.”

“And after your divorce? No one?”

“A casual thing here and there, but nothing serious. I always tried not to judge the person based on one date, but in the end, they just wanted the same.”

Minjeong blinked. “I’m baffled. You’re literally the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and yet, they wanted your money?”

Jimin shrugged. “ too.”

Sitting up, Minjeong cupped her cheeks. “I understand that part, though.”

Visibly trying her best to contain a laugh, Jimin couldn’t hold it. “The way you looked like you were about to say something super serious or deep, and you say that.”

“I-I’m sorry!”

“No, it was funny. You’re adorable.” Jimin kissed her lips.

“But I was gonna say something else, though. That I am the lucky one to be your girlfriend. And I promise you I’ll work harder on us. I’m glad you feel loved, but I wanna do better, and keep making you feel like this.”

“Me too, Minjeong. And since you asked, it’s my turn now. Why do you like me?”

Minjeong scoffed, feeling her face warming up. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“No? Literally, what the hell did I do for you aside from triggering your memories ever since we met?”

Shaking her head, Minjeong grabbed her hands. “You’re considerate and thoughtful. You’re sweet and caring, you’re super funny, and just fun to be around. You work super hard, you take care and look after your team like they’re family and love them as such. Not to mention you’re gorgeous. And the way you’re super professional but then you’re also the best at Mario Kart? And Yerim loves you too!” Minjeong giggled. “You just… you make me feel like I never felt before.”

That beautiful smile made its way in Jimin’s face. “See. We’re the exact same. And thank you for being so honest. I can reassure you of my feelings anytime. If you ever doubt or forget, just tell me. I can say it how many times you need.”

“See? This is exactly what I meant. You’re so sweet and patient with me. Thank you, Jimin. And the same goes for me too. I’ll tell you whenever you want to hear it.”

“Then say it.”

Minjeong leaned her forehead against hers. “I love you, Jimin.”

“I love you too, Minjeongie.”

---

A/N - hope you enjoyed this chapter! it's one of my fav in the whole story :sob: 

Twitter - @itzloonatic
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oofiee 1047 streak #1
Chapter 14: this is so good 😭 im happy winter found someone she could share her burdens with

thank you for writing this!
oofiee 1047 streak #2
Chapter 12: omg finallyyy, i was scared af w/ the vibe ningning was giving off initially 😩

scared irene and sooyoung will take the matters outside of court and harm them...
oofiee 1047 streak #3
Chapter 11: true... minjeong shouldnt worry too much abt jimin running away :')
oofiee 1047 streak #4
Chapter 10: 🥹
lordakm #5
Chapter 9: Chapter8: the heartwarming fluff was soooo overwhelming in the best way possible 😭🖤🖤
oofiee 1047 streak #6
Chapter 9: she was probably feeling lonely dealing with this case last time so it must be a v nice change to have jimin around :')
oofiee 1047 streak #7
Chapter 8: you are so good with words! their convo is so heartwarming 🥺
oofiee 1047 streak #8
Chapter 7: yerim almost lost both of her parents to the same thing...

didnt expect karina's reaction given all her reassurance to minjeong but understandable... she mustve never thought minjeong's past is directly related to her
Sonozaki_
#9
Chapter 6: It’s okay!! Hope youre taking care of yourself aaand gosh not ready for a heavy one since im kinda in the slumps ;-; BUT ITS OKAY. WILL WAIT REGARDLESS
whykidleader_ #10
Chapter 3: This is so well written, I am really amazed. Glad I came upon this while I randomly searching for JMJ stories. Looking forward how the stories unfold. Author-nim, fighting ! 👍