We have finally come to an end. Thank you all for reading this story. This has been the most research and thinking I've done in a story and I made myself sad while writing this haha I kind of went overboard with the ending so please sit back, take your time, grab a drink, some tissues and enjoy! 

Disclaimer: Cancer treatments in the story may not be as accurate so I apologize for any inconsistensies.

 

 

Winter groans when she feels something heavy sitting atop her tummy. Her face gets buried by a nest of hair when she turns her head to the side and instantly smiles when she realizes that Karina has found her way in her bed again. 

 

This isn't the first time this has happened. Karina must have wandered in again after tucking an already sleeping Winter and getting herself ready for bed the night before.

 

Ever since that fateful night, both Winter and Karina have become…closer than ever before. 

 

They've clung onto each other, never leaving their penthouse and making themselves comfortable either in the confines of Winter's bedroom or the living room. Sometimes they would find themselves just sitting in silence with Winter's head resting comfortably on Karina's shoulder. Other times, it's tangled limbs, messy hair, and airy breaths as they discover each other's bodies again and again.

 

Winter would feel weak but she doesn't know if it's the passionate activity they've partaken in or if it's her body that's beginning to fail her again. Either way, she finds that she can't keep up with Karina's stamina. 

 

She's like a force to be reckoned with and when one night Winter complains of being tired from it all, Karina pouts and says that she's making up for lost time. It's their delayed honeymoon phase, she said.

 

Winter roared in laughter and if she really wasn't feeling so beat up, she would've gladly made Karina sing.

 

But it's kind of silly how they've managed to get into this nightly routine. Winter thinks it's so funny how Karina walks Winter to her room to bid her good night like they just came back from a date. But it's cute because Winter has never experienced it before — going on dates and getting dropped off.

 

It's especially adorable when Karina playfully reenacts some sort of high school courtship. And it makes Winter's heart swell seeing Karina so unlike her indifference from before. She likes the flushed cheeks and the shy smiles Karina throws at her as she leans against the doorframe, kicking an imaginary pebble as she expertly gets into character of an infatuated high schooler dropping her crush home after walking from school together. 

 

It's even funnier when Karina acts like they're hiding, relationship so illegal from their families that they're afraid of getting caught and being forced to stop seeing each other.

 

Winter would blush profusely, it's ridiculous, when Karina fakes looking back and forth before dropping a kiss on Winter's cheek and scurrying off to her bedroom. She would then sigh as she dramatically closes her door and touches the cheek where Karina's lips had been. 

 

And even after all the dramatics, after Karina gets herself settled under her covers, she would get up, sneak inside Winter's bedroom and slide under the covers with Winter not even an hour later.

 

Winter wouldn't even feel her come in because she's such a heavy sleeper. She'd just wake up encased in Karina's arms like right now.

 

Winter doesn't remember much of what happened last night. Only that she fell asleep on the couch while waiting for Karina to finish washing the dishes. She vaguely remembers walking back to her room and Karina hoisting her upright so she could brush her teeth in her sleepy state.

 

Stirring in her bed, Winter tries to get out of Karina's hold but fails when Karina just buries her face deeper in Winter's chest. 

 

"Where are you going?" Karina mumbles hoarsely. 

 

"I'm hungry," Winter complains, trying to pry Karina's long arm off of her torso. 

 

But instead of getting off of Winter, Karina props herself up on her elbows so she's hovering. With her eyes half opened, she sleepily trails kisses from Winter's chest, to her neck, up to her jaw, and then to her lips where she lingers, giving Winter a searing kiss.

 

Winter is starting to feel hot but remembers that Bibi's first alarm just went off so she begrudgingly pulls away. 

 

"That should tide you over." Karina smirks before planting her face on Winter's shoulders, still leaving soft pecks on Winter's milky skin. Karina is satisfying a different kind of hunger right now. "Stay in bed with me." 

 

Winter cups her face, thumbs brushing the bags under Karina's eyes. "Karina, I would love to…" her voice trails off as she eyes Karina up and down, her lips when she sees that Karina is not wearing her bottoms to sleep. She laughs softly when Karina pouts, cheeks already dusted red from kissing Winter. That, and she feels a little bit embarrassed with how Winter is looking at her so early in the morning. She supposes it's her fault for starting it. "...but Bibi will call Giselle and Mijoo if she doesn't detect me in the kitchen in the next five minutes." 

 

Rolling over to the other side of the bed, Karina sighs and whines, "You're no fun, Bibi." 

 

It's cute that Karina is like this. It's something Winter found surprising because she didn't think Karina would be so clingy and whiny. With how indifferent she was before, Winter didn't expect this side of her.

 

Not really able to resist her wife at all, Winter tugs on Karina's sleep shirt so she rolls around to face her. She captures Karina's lips in a slow, passionate kiss, thumbs playing at the waistband of Karina's underwear. She thinks that if she really doesn't need to eat, she could live off of Karina's kisses. 

 

Pulling away, she smiles mischievously when she sees Karina's heavy lidded eyes, visibly .

 

"Good morning, by the way," she whispers before getting up and leaving a frustrated Karina in bed.

 

"Winter! How dare you not finish what you started!" 

 

Winter only snickers as she pads towards the kitchen. She's already feeling light headed from hunger and her little performance did not help. 

 

Karina follows soon after not even bothering putting on shorts. Grumbling, she takes Winter by the waist and stares her down before leading her to sit on the bar stool. 

 

"Let me cook for you."

 

Winter feels pampered lately.

 

Karina has done most of the cooking and cleaning. It's surprising too how quickly Karina's cooking improved. 

 

She's not going to lie. The first few times Karina cooked for her was abysmal. Even when they weren't on good terms, Winter didn't have the heart to turn it down seeing how much effort her wife put in it. 

 

When she cried while eating the soup, she was both overwhelmed and touched at the gesture that she finished it quickly despite the blandness of it. It was just like water with stuff in it.

 

And those times where Winter's appetite wasn't so great, she forced a few spoonfuls to just so she could have something in her stomach before taking her medication even if it tasted awful. It was her way of acknowledging Karina without saying anything.

 

Karina was getting quicker in the kitchen too. It no longer took her an hour to cook omelet and sausages. 

 

Winter thanks her wife for cooking before diving in. They both eat in silence, revelling in the peaceful morning despite what happened in the bedroom.

 

And as they're both sipping their morning coffee, Winter places her hand on Karina's bare thigh — a habit she has since developed. 

 

"You know, I never got to tell you," Winter starts, turning her body to fully face her wife.

 

Karina's eyebrows rise in question.

 

"I never got to say thank you for taking care of me when…you know, we weren't okay." She smiles, trapping Karina's knees in between her thighs. "I think it helped make me feel better faster."

 

They really haven't talked about it. Winter's illness is like an elephant in the room that Winter doesn't want to acknowledge yet. And Karina is not pushing her either. She's willing to wait. 

 

"Anything for you," Karina shyly expresses. "It's the least I could do after what I did." Karina bows her head, still embarrassed about her past actions. She's playing with the lint on Winter's pajamas, unable to look at her.

 

"Hey, we're past it. We're okay now." Winter assures her. "Plus you're getting better at cooking. You're almost as good as me!" She jokes, trying to make the mood lighter again.

 

But Karina only pouts even more before she says, "I worked really hard on it for a week. I even burned my hands." 

 

Concerned, Winter gingerly takes Karina's hands, inspecting. There's a small welt on the inside of her left wrist and Winter brings it to her lips to kiss it better. "Thank you, Karina."

 

"Kat."

 

"Hm?"

 

Karina finally looks at her wife, eyes looking a little glassy. "I told you to call me Kat."

 

Winter remembers when Karina suddenly blurted out that nickname long ago at the hotel. She smirks when she realizes what Karina wanted to do before. 

 

"But I kinda like calling you sweetie, though," she teases, missing the endearment she used to call her wife.

 

Karina squirms in her seat in excitement. She bites her lip, obviously loving the sound of it. 

 

She really missed hearing that from Winter.

 

"Okay." 

***

Winter is beginning to regret letting Giselle update Bibi's software. It's so crazy accurate and efficient that even a little rise from her heart rate has Bibi suddenly whooshing out of thin air to ask if Winter is feeling okay.

 

Like right now.

 

Feeling a little lethargic, Winter has her head on Karina's lap. It's relaxing, especially when Karina tenderly runs her fingers through Winter's short locks as she reads through her script. 

 

So close to drifting off to dreamland, Winter's heart rate suddenly increases with a simple comment from Karina. It's really annoying how it affects her so much. Maybe because she's not used to hearing Karina shower her with compliments. 

 

Winter quickly learned that Karina is not the type to say things, she's more of a showy person, which explains her efforts in cooking. So when Karina says something out of nowhere, Winter's stomach flips in the most pleasant way and her heart thumps against her chest like a drumline.

 

"I really love your short hair, Winter," Karina comments as she plays with Winter's bangs. "It's like you're cute and pretty at the same time. Do you know what I mean?" 

 

It's so simple, really. But Winter gets so taken aback and flustered that she has to internally curse when Bibi interrupts their moment with, "Miss Kim, your heart rate has dramatically increased. Should I call Mijoo?" 

 

"N-no," she stutters a reply and gets off of Karina's lap so she can steady herself. 

 

Curse her for being so weak when it comes to her wife. 

 

Clueless about the whole thing, Karina jolts and drops the script beside her, paying full attention to Winter. The concern is evident in the way her forehead wrinkles.

 

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" 

 

"Yup! Never better." She chuckles nervously, tapping the smartwatch on her wrist.

 

"Are you sure? Should we call Mijoo?" 

 

"No!"

 

My gosh! How embarrassing would it be if Mijoo would come only to find out that Karina makes Winter heart race, literally. 

 

Winter thanks herself for having the foresight to remove her smartwatch before they do something intimate. 

 

She shudders at the thought of Mijoo barging in while they're —

 

Winter shivers in her seat and Karina is just growing concerned at her wife's unusual behaviour. 

 

"You sure? Your whole body just shook, Winter. I'm getting worried." Karina reaches to touch Winter's face, cupping her cheeks in the process. "You feel hot to touch, too. And you're red. Are you sure you're okay? Winter, seriously, maybe we should call —" 

 

Winter cuts Karina off, taking her hands off her cheeks and placing it on her chest. "I'm okay, really." 

 

However, Karina is not convinced when she still feels Winter's heart beating fast so Winter quashes all her worries by confessing, "Uhm, it's just, you give me premature ventricular contractions." Winter jokes, trying to make the air lighter by quoting the movie they just watched two nights before. 

 

"Really?" Karina still sounds apprehensive although a smile is starting to sneak up on her lips.

 

"Yeah."

 

"What did I even do?" 

 

Laughing, Winter is embarrassed to even say it but she does anyway. "You called me pretty and cute. And you said you love my hair," she shyly whispers, looking away when she feels her face flush again in heat. 

 

The only reason Winter cut her hair was to get herself ready when her hair would start to shed from the chemo. So it means a lot to her that Karina loves it. And she's thankful that the medicine hasn't affected her hair yet. 

 

Karina leans back, grinning like a cheshire cat at Winter's admission. It inflates her ego a little bit that she has that kind of effect on her wife. She likes it, seeing Winter all shy and flustered when she's always the one who gets tongue tied under Winter's charms. Also, it's nice to see this Winter, so far from the depressed look she had been sporting weeks prior.

 

"Well, I do like your hair like this," Karina compliments again, playing with Winter's bangs. "You look pretty with long, ginger hair but I think I prefer this shorter length on you. You should keep it."

 

Winter shyly smiles at her wife but she can't help the insecurity that's starting to cloud her mind. Will Karina still like her when it all starts to fall off? 

 

She tries to shake off the feeling and instead lays back down on Karina's lap. She lets her wife tangle her fingers in her hair again, basking in the comfort it's giving her. 

 

"Hm," she hums, closing her eyes. 

 

"I'm glad you're okay," Karina says moments later. When Winter opens her eyes, she finds Karina already staring at her, eyes full of worry still and Winter has a feeling that Karina is not just talking about today. 

 

"I am," she replies but somehow it makes her feel like she's lying, more to herself really, because she doesn't know if this is just a fleeting feeling. "I'm okay, sweetie." 

***

"Can I tell you a secret?" Winter asks, tiptoeing to put the tea boxes in the cupboard. Karina watches Winter struggle for a bit before going to help. "Thanks. Anyway, I'll tell you a secret." 

 

Karina faces Winter, pressing her lips in a thin line. She zeroes in on her wife, thinking that if she's going to say something about what she has been dealing with, she would want to show her full support whatever it is. 

 

"I really liked grocery shopping with you," Winter grins, taking the last of the items to put away. They haven't gone groceries since, this time opting for Bibi to order online and having it delivered. "It was fun and I've always wanted to do that — actually the whole dating thing…I've always wanted to do that," Winter confesses.

 

Karina who has been unknowingly holding her breath, sighs and plasters on a smile. She's half relieved and half disappointed that Winter hasn't opened up about her health yet.

 

But she won't push. She will wait. 

 

"Yeah? I had fun too. That was my first time buying groceries."

 

"Really?" Winter shouldn't be shocked but she is. Just how spoiled was Karina for her not to have gone grocery shopping? 

 

"Oh don't be too surprised. I should be the one asking you about the dating thing you just said. What do you mean you've always wanted to do that? I thought you went on dates?" Karina raises her brows, silently judging her wife. For someone so charming, it's hard to believe that she has no dating experience. There's just no way. 

 

Winter scrunches her face, remembering all the failed blind dates she's been to while she was in London. It wasn't the best and more often than not, those blind dates just ended up on her bed only for them to leave the next morning. It wasn't very exciting. 

 

"It's incomparable, Kat," Winter tests the new nickname and finds that she likes how it rolls off her tongue. "I really wouldn't call those blind dates dating."

 

Karina wants to prod further and ask Winter about her experience because why was she so good? But then she decides against it because she realizes she doesn't want to know and doesn't want to think about the other women and men (?) that Winter has spent time with. Karina feels the jealousy surging through her so she thinks about how she's married to Winter and gets to make sweet love to her wife to ebb away the jealousy. 

 

There's no point dwelling in the past. 

 

"I'll date you," Karina says instead. The toothy smile that Winter displays only shows her that she said the right thing. "We can go on dates if you want. You know, properly." 

 

Winter is giddy as she spazzes out and kisses Karina on the cheek. "So no more reenacting here at home?" 

 

"Oh, I'll still do that, you know, pick you up from your room and drop you off to really give you that authentic dating experience," Karina teases. 

 

She’s not opposed to the idea. So Winter agrees. And as they get ready for bed, Karina asks what else Winter wants to do.

 

“I’ve always wanted a dog,” Winter muses as she gets inside the covers. She sees Karina climb in and smiles when she settles comfortably beside her. “You’re not going back to your room only to come back here are you?” 

 

Karina shakes her head, “I like your bed better.”

 

“Only my bed?” 

 

“Yup.” Winter rolls her eyes, smiling. She really likes this playful side of Karina. “Anyway, what kind of dog?”

 

“I don’t know. Something small like a companion so I won’t be alone,” Winter blurts out not really thinking about what she said. It was always her plan. She never really pictured a future with someone beside her, taking care of her, even when she's married to Karina now so the words just slipped. 

 

She feels bad right away and tries to take it back but Karina is already pouting, lips downturned so low. “But I’m here.” 

 

Winter’s heart clenches at the sight of her wife. 

 

She’s conflicted. 

 

Karina is here now but there is that nagging feeling that she might end up alone. She doesn’t want to think like this about Karina but once she finds out that she’s dying, it might change things. And she won’t blame Karina at all. It’s hard taking care of someone who could die. And whatever they have right now is in its infancy that if Karina ever decides to leave, she would let her. 

 

And Winter doesn't know what's worse: Karina leaving her because she's sick or Karina staying because she feels obligated because she's sick. 

 

Either way, both . 

 

Not wanting to dampen their night, Winter pulls Karina in, kisses her temple and apologizes. “I know, I’m sorry. It just slipped out.” 

 

“I’m here for you, you know,” Karina whispers, nuzzling her face in Winter’s shoulder. 

 

Winter sighs and embraces Karina tighter. “I know,” she whispers. And as she ponders about the inevitable, Winter tells Karina that she has to go on her “business trips” again in a few days. 

 

Neither of them talk after that. They lean their backs against the headboard in silence, an ominous feeling hanging in the air. Karina knows what those business trips mean. She’s tempted to ask Winter but she stops herself, reminding herself that she should wait until Winter is ready.

 

So, instead, Karina pulls away from their embrace and throws a leg over Winter so she’s straddling her. She reaches out to cup Winter’s cheeks, eyes studying her face with furrowed brows. Karina blinks rapidly as she drinks in the paleness of Winter’s skin. It’s not as bad as before. Winter has a bit of colour now but still paler than her normal complexion. 

 

Karina smooths the wrinkles on Winter's forehead with her fingers before she closes her eyes and leans in, pressing her trembling lips on Winter's forehead. She moves to her cheeks, to her nose, before finally connecting their lips in a chaste kiss. 

 

Winter lets out a shuddering breath when Karina pulls away and presses her forehead against hers.

 

"I'm here," Karina whispers, eyes now looking straight at Winter's forlorn ones. "When you're ready, I'll be here." 

 

The sincerity in Karina's voice only pushes Winter to crash her lips against Karina's. Her kisses are bruising and hurried and Karina reciprocates with equal fervour.

 

Winter kisses Karina desperately like it's her last, pouring all the feelings she can't say. It's frantic and hungry and Winter wants to let Karina know how much she wants her in every way, in every moment for a long time and realizing that they may not have a long time. 

 

She's so overwhelmed and scared at the possibility of never coming back that she presses her lips harder to stop herself from crying. Her hands wander the expanse of Karina's back until it slides down to her waist, squeezing, before she aggressively pulls the shirt over Karina's head and throws it to the side.

 

Karina gasps at the intensity of Winter's actions but doesn't comment. Instead, she pushes Winter down on the bed, kissing and every exposed skin, hands wandering down until Winter starts trembling underneath her, her name the only thing to fall out of . 

***

Winter has grown familiar with the white walls and the sterile smell of the hospital. She waits with her mom for Dr. Kwon, worry, fear, and anxiety dripping in every corner. 

 

They're doing a bone marrow biopsy to see if she's had a morphologic response from the treatment. If remission is achieved, Winter would move on to do post remission therapy. It's tiring, it hurts, and the probability of achieving full remission is high. Still, the possibility of not working at all still hangs in Winter's head. 

 

Her mom holds her hand, clearly trying to look strong for the both of them. But Winter knows how scary it is because she saw what it was like for Giselle. 

 

Giselle tried to be strong but it was hard when it was just the two of them. Winter is thankful that she was there every step of the way when she could've just left because she really had no obligation to Winter. And Winter is still thankful to this day that Giselle has stayed. 

 

So it must be even tougher for her mother who waits to find out if her only daughter will leave before her. 

 

Still, her mom holds her hand tightly between hers, hopeful.

 

Dr. Kwon strides in the room, the sleeves of her lab coat rolled to her elbows. She wears a friendly smile, like she always does, and bows her head to Winter's mother before stopping beside Winter's bed. 

 

"How are you, Winter?" She asks like she's reading a script. "You feeling okay? Any symptoms in the last few days?" 

 

"I'm okay. Just lethargy as usual," Winter replies.

 

"How about your appetite? Looks to me like you're eating well. Miss Yu treating you right?" 

 

Dr. Kwon is aware of their situation. After all that nightmare with Karina's scandal, she was bound to know. And Winter can no longer explain why Karina doesn't know anything about her illness. So she knows.

 

She saw the disappointed look on her doctor's face when she found out. It's why they say never meet your heroes. In this case, never meet your idol's wife. 

 

Nonetheless, Winter assures her that Karina is a great person and that her impression of her wife shouldn't change because of how they came together. It was out of their control. 

 

"Karina is taking care of me," Winter happily announces. She's proud of her wife and thankful that she has helped her nurse her to good health from her cooking. "She makes sure I eat three times a day." 

 

Dr. Kwon smiles and pats her hand. "That's good to hear."

 

She asks Winter more questions about her condition before she dives in the process of a bone marrow biopsy. Winter, having done this multiple times before, doesn't bother to pay attention as Dr. Kwon explains to her mom what will happen during Winter's biopsy. 

 

"The procedure will only take 30-40 minutes. You will feel a pinch, it will hurt, but we will give you some local anaesthetic for the pain." Dr. Kwon shows where they will puncture the needle on Winter's back and her mom flinches, imagining how much it would hurt her daughter. "I know you want to stay in the hospital until we get your results but you are welcome to go home after the procedure if you change your mind. You may be sore after a few days but you should be able to do your activities like normal." 

 

Winter has opted to stay, not wanting to let Karina see her wait anxiously for the results. It would be better for her, too, because she thinks she wouldn't be able to hold it in and spill everything to her wife out of sheer trepidation. 

 

It would be different this time, though. Because while she's away, she has the privilege of actually talking to her wife as she's sure Karina would be beside herself, worrying alone not knowing what's happening. 

 

She can do that much to assure her wife that she's okay. 

 

Hopefully. 

 

Just like Dr. Kwon said, the procedure didn't take long. After 40 minutes, Winter is wheeled to her private room where Mijoo and Giselle waits. 

 

Mijoo helps Winter on the bed as Giselle busies herself with Winter's stuff. It's a lot to take in but Winter feels infinitely more comforted surrounded by people who are important to her. 

 

She delivers a quick text to Karina telling her she would be home in two days and sighs in relief when Karina immediately replies with an "okay, be safe." 

 

Smiling, she texts back that she misses her and her goofy grin as she sends it does not go unnoticed by Giselle and Mijoo. But they don't pry and let their friend enjoy her moment with her wife. 

 

Winter allows herself this bit of normalcy before everything else falls apart again. 

Two days later, Dr. Kwon walks into Winter's room with an unreadable expression. Winter thinks doctors could make good actors by how well they mask their emotions every time they talk to their patients. 

 

Their conversations suddenly die down, their chatters replaced by worried glances and silent pleas to the wind. 

 

Let it be good news. 

 

Winter can see how everyone's face visibly pale when Dr. Kwon took out Winter's chart. Even her mom who was happily chatting with Giselle has her lips in a thin line, her hand grappling for her husband's. But he is just as petrified to hear the doctor talk. 

 

Everyone is looking at Dr. Kwon in anticipation, all intently listening while she's reading something off of Winter's chart.

 

Winter doesn't know if it's good news or bad. She started blocking out every noise in the room, too afraid to know. She has been feeling so well in the past few days that she's hesitant to even feel hopeful. Because you never know. This disease easily surprises you. 

 

So she focuses her eyes on the blank wall behind Dr. Kwon. 

 

But suddenly, she feels her dad throw his arm around her and then her mom grabs her hand, kissing it as she wails.

 

And then she sees Dr. Kwon smile at her and that’s when Winter begins to realize what's happening. It's Giselle's ugly sob that breaks her out of her stupor. 

 

"You're in remission, Winter." 

 

Winter doesn't even realize that she's already crying until her mom wipes the tears away from her cheeks. And then it finally hits her when she hears her dad choke out a sob, kissing the crown of her head.

 

It feels surreal. 

 

Actually, everything has always felt so surreal after Winter was diagnosed with APL. But defying the ticking clock over her head the second time is just hard to believe.

 

She's in remission. Again. 

 

Winter feels like she could take on anything at this point. Cheating death twice is something she didn't think would happen to her but here she is, living some kind of twisted K-drama. Her life has been so cliche — arranged marriage, cancer, defying all odds to continue living. 

 

Perhaps fate has more in store for her. 

 

Dr. Kwon explains to her parents the treatment process for her post-remission therapy. It would be the same as the first, only Winter would be given higher doses of chemotherapy along with other combinations of medication over the course of several months to kill any cancer cells that have gone undetected. It would be tough and painful but Winter will fight through it to achieve complete remission. 

 

Winter remembers the first time she went through this and how challenging it was for her. She was weak most days. The vomiting and nausea hindered her from doing anything normal and her taste buds disappeared. All she could taste was the metallic taste from the arsenic. On the days where she felt better, she could only walk a short distance before she had to stop herself and catch her breath.The thought of it alone makes her dizzy and while she may be mentally prepared to go through it, her body seems to think otherwise. 

 

Winter also remembers when she received the same news from her doctor two years ago — the same time as before, the winter season. It's just funny how everything plays out like that.

 

And then there's Karina, too. Her wife. Her wife who she should tell but she doesn't know how. 

 

Winter is happy she's getting better but she doesn't want to celebrate prematurely. A few months ago, Winter would happily bounce on her feet to tell Karina the good news but it’s different this time. Their relationship, the newness of it all, and all the possible reactions Karina will have when Winter tells her. It’s frightening because there is also that anxiety of another recurrence. Winter knows there is still that possibility of the cancer cells mutating as she undergoes post-remission therapy. There is always that danger that her body could very much refuse to get better because it's so tired from having to fight the disease.

 

There is always that.

 

There's a million things going through Winter's head, all of which end up in the worst possible ways. Winter prides herself in being a positive person but this might be the only time where she lets fear cripple her resolve. 

 

She contemplates again and again whether or not she should tell Karina. But she reasons again and again how it is way too early, that anything could happen before she could achieve full remission. 

 

The whole debate is giving her a headache.

 

Not only that, but the mere thought of Karina looking at her with pity, staying with her because she feels sorry for her makes her want to rip her heart out. 

 

Winter doesn't want Karina to feel burdened by her illness too. Winter doesn’t want her to think that she has a responsibility over her. 

 

"Hey, you alright?" Giselle brings her out of her internal turmoil. Winter looks at her friend who looks just as tired as she is. She feels sorry for Giselle for having gone through this with her twice now.

 

And it's as if Giselle knows what Winter is thinking because she smiles, squeezing her shoulder lightly. "I'm okay, Win. We're talking about you. What are you thinking?" 

 

Winter lets out a shaky breath. "I don't know how to tell Karina." She's teetering on the edge of breaking down, so confused about what to do. 

 

The closer they get to the penthouse, the more Winter feels like she's going to combust from this conundrum.

 

"You just tell her when you're ready, alright? Don't stress yourself out. You're just going to tire yourself out." 

 

For all the things Karina has put Winter through, Giselle should be angry at Karina. But Giselle has seen the changes. Winter hasn't said anything to her yet but it's obvious. Unlike before where Winter looked miserable and gray during her treatments, Winter now looks brighter. Even with the fatigue, Winter doesn't look like she could pass out anytime. 

 

So she's thankful at least that her friend's wife has found it in her to start caring.

 

Giselle grabs a hold of Winter's shaky hand as they make their way down the long hallway to the penthouse. They trail behind Mingyu and Mijoo who are carrying her things.

 

The walk feels longer somehow and before Mijoo could open the door, Winter heaves a deep breath trying to placate her worries. 

 

I'll tell her when I'm fully better, she finally decides, delaying the inevitable.

***

Winter has fully expected to see her wife sprawled on the couch reading her script with a mug of tea in hand. 

 

She didn't, however, expect to see a little white furball yapping its way to the front door when she got inside.

 

It's so tiny.

 

"Mochi, come back here!" 

 

Karina slides from her room to the hallway leading to the foyer just as Winter picks up the tiny ball of fluff. 

 

Embarrassed at her dishevelled state, Karina pulls down her oversized t-shirt lower so it covers her bare thighs. 

 

Mingyu looks away while Mijoo and Giselle look at each other with knowing looks. 

 

"You're home," Karina shyly says, tucking the loose strands of hair behind her ear. 

 

Giselle clears before announcing that they will be leaving. Mingyu drops the bags on the floor and turns around, happy to have his eyes focus elsewhere. Winter thanks the three of them and assures Mijoo and Giselle that she'll be alright. 

 

"Hey, sweetie." Winter brings the tiny puppy close to her face. "What's this?" 

 

"Uhm, surprise?" Karina walks the short distance and ruffles the puppy's hair before dropping a kiss on Winter's forehead and removing the coat off her shoulders. "His name is Mochi."

 

"You got me a dog?" Winter asks in disbelief. 

 

Karina chews on her lip before nodding. "Yeah, I'm sorry if I didn't tell you. But uhm," she pauses, starting to get a little shy. "I know I said I would be here for you and I will be!" She assures. "It's just that I will be filming for the drama soon and I was thinking…I'll be away for long periods of time and I didn't want you to be alone. Also, I heard dogs really help with making you feel better." Karina looks at her wife unsurely, gauging her reaction.

 

Winter takes a sharp intake of breath, feeling her lungs constrict from the overwhelming emotions Karina is making her feel. When she mentioned wanting a dog a week ago, she didn't think Karina would take it seriously. And it's really making her feel things she hasn't felt before. 

 

Is this what it's like to be swept off your feet? Is this what it feels to have your breath taken away? Because this is the kind of breathlessness that Winter would happily experience again and again.

 

Winter swears her knees wobbled for a moment, feeling absolutely weak at her wife's sweet gesture. And it also doesn't take much for her tears to spill over as she clutches Mochi closer to her chest.

 

She's also beginning to feel her heart race, ears deafening by the pounding that she doesn't hear Bibi's voice echo in their home. 

 

It's only then that she comes to her senses when Karina cups her face, thumbs brushing her tears away. "Why are you crying? Are you mad?" Karina asks nervously. "Bibi is saying your heart rate increased again, Winter." 

 

Winter doesn't say anything but kisses her wife, laughing slightly as she peppers Karina's face with kisses. "I'm not mad. I'm really happy. Thank you, Kat." 

 

Karina sighs, relief washing over her. The cloud of doubt and insecurity that was beginning to invade her mind slowly dissipates when she sees Winter's gummy smile — the kind of smile that reaches her eyes, dimples in full display that Karina just wants to poke her cheek repeatedly. 

 

"Are you sure?" She asks for good measure.

 

"Absolutely." 

 

"Then, do you want to go buy his stuff or are you tired? You can rest first and we can go tomorrow. There's no rush." 

 

Even though the surprise has made Winter feel like all the soreness in her body melted, she is tired. And she has been looking forward to sleeping on her bed with her wife beside her and now, Mochi, too. So, she doesn't fight it. 

 

"I am tired," she says as she begins walking to her room. Karina grabs one of her bags and follows Winter. "I want to sleep. Also," she stops in front of her door and turns around to face Karina, grinning. "I missed you." 

 

Karina's face heats up, still not used to Winter's affection. She sputters a reply, "I-I missed you, too," but it's so soft and she said it so quickly that Winter almost missed it. Winter just lets it go, deciding to save Karina from getting any redder. 

 

It's always cute to see her wife reduced to a stuttering mess when she's flustered. God, her fans would go haywire and possibly be even more obsessed with her if they find out that their beloved actress is quite the shy girl who wears shark printed t-shirts at home. So different from her golden retriever slash girl crush persona. 

 

"What breed is Mochi, by the way?" Winter plays with the puppy on the floor. "And how old is he?"

 

"He's a maltipom. And he's two months old." 

 

"He's hypoallergenic?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Okay good because I'm allergic."

 

That stops Karina from putting Winter's bag away. She's about to take away the dog from Winter but Winter grabs Mochi and holds him away from her wife's grabby hands. "I'm kidding!" 

 

"Winter, I swear you are insufferable!"

 

"You like me anyway," Winter teases, sticking her tongue out.

 

Karina visibly malfunctions when she starts moving like a buffering video that's taking too long to load. 

 

"Y-yeah." 

 

"Good. I like you, too." 

***

"Are you sure this is okay?" Winter asks for the hundredth time that day.

 

They have decided to take Mochi to the vet and the pet store to get some stuff. Karina also commented in passing how they could treat this as their date too.

 

Winter couldn't argue at the invitation. She only smiled at her wife and even though she was feeling a little sluggish, she pushed herself off the bed and got ready for the day's activity.

 

It's cute too how Karina has Mochi in a little messenger-style dog carrier bag since Mochi hasn't had all his shots yet, he can’t be walked otherwise he’d contract some virus.

 

It's even cuter that the three of them are leisurely walking down the strip of stores while Karina holds Winter's hand securely in hers. 

 

"Why wouldn't it be?" 

 

"Well, because of the paparazzis and your fans. Won't they take a ton of pictures of us?"

 

Winter only asks because she knows how much Karina values her privacy. Aside from the stunt they did months ago, they haven't done anything else that could alert the public of their whereabouts. They have always been so careful.

 

But now, Karina pays no mind to the attention they will be getting online. Whatever discourse her fans and her haters will have is absolutely irrelevant to her. 

 

Karina stops to look at her wife and with conviction, she says, "There's nothing to hide, Winter. We're literally married. I don't care what people say."

 

Winter bites her lip, feeling all giddy because of the butterflies that are currently flying in her tummy. It's honestly nothing, if you think about it. But considering how they started and how Karina was before, it's nice to be paraded out in public like this.

 

It makes Winter feel just a tad bit important in Karina's life. 

 

"Okay, if you say so." 

They make a quick escape from the cold as soon as they see the pet store. Karina makes sure that Winter is warm first before shrugging off the thick scarf around her neck.

 

Winter has been getting used to Karina pampering her but it really just takes her breath away when she does something so out of the ordinary.

 

She doesn't know if her heart can handle it sometimes. It has gotten to the point that Winter has to override Giselle's code and update Bibi's software so she waits for a few minutes for her heartbeat to go back to normal before she even makes a call to Mijoo or Giselle. 

 

Like right now. 

 

Dog tags are normal. It's essential for dogs to have it so they don't get mistaken for a stray. It's also in case of emergencies.

 

But Winter wheezes when she sees Karina write down "Mommy Kat" and "Mommy Win" and their contact info on the dog tag. 

 

She feels like fainting (in a very good way) because was her wife always like this? 

 

She isn't complaining — she is far from complaining! But if this is what it's like to be at the receiving end of Karina's affection, then keep it coming, please!

 

Premature ventricular contractions be damned.

 

Winter feels like she could fly.

 

She feels all gooey and soft inside and this time she's sure it's not because of her illness. 

 

It's Karina. 

Winter is still reeling by the time they finish at the pet store. The whole experience has got her thinking about how her and Karina look like a proper married couple. Raising a puppy together was not something she had expected. Almost a month ago, they were on the verge of never speaking with each other ever. And Winter was already warming up to the idea of divorcing Karina in three years. 

 

Yet, here they are — walking hand in hand with Mochi tucked comfortably in his dog carrier bag.

 

It’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Whatever Winter feels for Karina and the little family that they are starting to create is making her look forward to a future she doesn’t know she will have. But for today, she allows herself to enjoy their time because while things may be uncertain, Winter is going to work so damn hard to make it last. 

 

She’s not going to let the stupid illness take away something she’s always dreamed of having. Winter wants to get better quickly. 

 

So she shakes the foreboding feeling away and instead plasters a goofy grin as she straps Mochi in her little carrier basket in the backseat of the car. 

 

“You’re not tired yet?” Karina asks as Winter settles in the passenger seat. 

 

“I am but this is nice.” Winter smiles. “I like doing this with you. Thank you.” 

 

Winking, Karina teases and says, “I did tell you I would date you properly.” 

 

Not one to back down, Winter teases back with, “Yeah, I’m happy that you finally had the guts to tell me you like me. Now, isn’t this better, sweetie?” And Winter laughs when Karina becomes a stuttering mess, unable to retaliate.

 

And since Winter is an insufferable tease, she fires another one that makes Karina choke in her own saliva. "Let's go home, mommy." 

 

She definitely did not forget what Karina put on the dog tag.

 

"W-what?" Karina is starting to feel her upper lip sweat. What the hell is Winter even saying? 

 

"Mochi's dog tag." Winter smirks.