MC: What are the things that impress you about your partner? 

“Everything about her impresses me"

I can see directly the smiles and the eye smiles from the audience behind their masks and the shushing of our co-stars with that she became anxious and panicking how to express it well so that i can understand since my thai is not that wide as of the moment. my ears were glued to her while she tried to defend her answer.. 

"I- I mean.. as of now.. She's the one who always stays by my side. Whenever I am tired or feel down. I can always talk to her. She's always cheer me up. She can heal my heart. I like that about her" 

Oh giliw naririnig 
mo ba ang yong sarili
Nakakabaliw lumalabas
Sa yong bibig

We were at the locked in taping of the BL series wherein we were teamed up by pairs but before we start the shoot we were tasked to work by pairs to build the chemistry we must portray. As me, being quiet since I can't express much of thai I always have my earphones and the script where I try to practice my line. But someone pulled out my earphones, I was about to get annoyed but

"hey- Oh it's you P'Freen.. I thought it was just one of the guys or-" 

I looked up and it was you, that cheery grin that welcomes me everytime when I get in the set. That smile made me feel that I am welcomed me and my confidante, You grabbed my script... 

"Okay, let me hear you say these lines. I'll help you don't worry." 

It makes me wonder, I never felt this connection when I had my first casting with a certain someone who would automatically help me even i didn't ask fo it. Or maybe I was just overanalyzing the  things she did for me because she treats me as her younger sister. I shrug my thoughts by shaking my head and try to focus on the lines. 

"Are you okay? Becbec?? “

“Ahh, ehh, Chı̀, what scene are we now?" 

Alam kong uto uto ako
Alam ko na marupok
Tao lang din naman
Kasi ako

It was dinner time with the production team would like to gather as usual you're here with me at my side together with P'nam. But when she tried to be clingy with me you changed your seat and made me move. 

P'Nam: you're so possessive girl. I won't steal your partner cause i have mine. 

P'Freen: hussshh, Just eat. Becbec, what do you want? I'll get it for you.

I just look at Nam and smiled sorrily, i know you only did it because you're afraid that they'll prank me again by mixing the word translation in thai and for being clueless. As i heard what P'Nam said it made me have this smile that somewhere it irked me. I held my cheeks it felt hot, maybe because of the warm weather. I was about to get some water and you opened the mineral bottle for me. 

And all of the people around the table went quiet and their eyes we're on us. You were aware of it and say 

"What? Why are you guys staring? The food is gonna be cold, let's eat." 

After we ate we went to our own rooms, I was about to go back to our rooms then I saw you from the form of the shadow. Well, it's been weeks since this workshop-taping happened that it made me study also your physical features and the hairstyle I was about to go inside of our room with P'Nam. 

"Can you please give me a chance, promise after this project. I'll treat you better" 

I'm about to heard your response yet P'Nam immediately opened the door and pulled me inside. 

Sinasadya mo ba ang lahat
O trip mo lang ba ako saktan

 

Here I am spacing out again, maybe all attention that she's giving me was just for everyone and I was so selfish to think all the butterfly giddy feels were true. 

P'Nam: Becky, I'll just have to take a shower will you be okay if i leave you alone? I'll be quick. Freen will be back later too. 

As as usual i fished out my phone check for notifications, messages and I smiled when I saw my best friend was online and I was about to ask her to confirm what I feel. 

"Is it possible to fall in love with someone who's been caring about you 24/7. Being aware the little details about you and a day will not be complete if you're not together. Listening and doing things you like together. Or maybe she's just like that to everyone. Maybe I was just thinking so much. But seeing her with someone else the butterflies were gone and you felt nothing but you wish you were the only shoulder she runs to, the only warmth she needs is in my embrace, making her smile with my lame jokes. It feels like when I am Ron and whenever I see Hermoine with Harry. Geez. I'm talking to much. Maybe you're asleep already. Wish you were here. "

Unknowingly I was typing tears were falling. After I hit send, My brother's calling and I immediately wipe the tears and cleared my throat then hit answer. 

"How's my baby sister?Did you practice the lines?"

“Yes.Uhm. have reached home safely?Uhm.. How's dad and mom?“

Me and my brother were close because we're only siblings of two and we were raised like twins that's how we understand each of our non verbal cues. He curled his eyebrows and That's the moment he knew. I need him. 

"What's the problem young sis? should i go there and take a visit?I'm nearby." 

Then, I just can't control my tears. When you came inside with also a smile on the face having a boba on your hand then you were about to ask what happened but I stood up first grab my jacket without meeting your eyes I said,

" Mm-my brother will come here I'll see him first. Pls tell them that I'll be out for a while.I'll be back later" 

Before I left you held my wrist and you were trying to look at me in the eyes because you know my eyes can't tell lies. 

"Hey, Are we good, right?" 

"Yes. I won't be long" 

Before I'll say my reply P'Nam finished her shower and went in again. with that I tried to run away before you'll ask another question and maybe I can't control myself to confess to you. and I ran. 

Pagtapos kong ibigay balikat ko
Pag ika'y umiiyak

 

While I was waiting for my brother, fragments of memories kept flashing in. 

We ended early from the workshop, they told us to work on our awkwardness together because they still feel the gap between us. So with that we're the only ones left in that room reading our scripts and listening to a song about witnessing how hard to love and the art of letting go and that moment, I saw how pure and fragile you are. You stood up and ran at the top floor where we used to watch sunsets you told me sunsets gives you hope that tomorrow will be a beautiful day than the other. 

"You know, I witnessed my parents fighting but being the only child I treat art, music and writing as my escape. That was the song that saved me from - I'm sorry Bec-" 

You didn't finish it I just hugged you. You don't deserve the pain that you're having. That moment I said to myself I'm going to show you how to be loved in the right way. 

"Just let it all out, from now on you don't have to keep things from me." 

From that moment we always have our break on the top floor and at times I'll take you on a date.

Everyone is planning to have eat out before we have our locked in taping but I gathered all of my courage to ask you out. I think you deserve it because on how you took care of me since the beginning of this workshop. 

"I'm sorry P'Nam and P'Saint ,but I'll have to take P'Freen somewhere maybe we'll catch up after you guys take your dinner. I'll just contact Irin."

As expected they were all grinning and doing high fives as if they won in a bet. And you, you were just smiling too in response. Well, you deserve to know how you should be treated well. For now, you're important to me and I want to thank you for that. They went out now and there's the two of us so I untangled the handkerchief on my neck and covered your eyes. 

"Okay, Nong Beck, where are you taking me?I'm not allowing you to drive. I can just-“

" you're so noisy, just wait and see. you're safe with me. just hold my hand and I'll take you to wonderland"

It's lame but you still laugh at my lame jokes.

Now, we've reached the top floor where we had our first intimate moment together but I decorated it with string lights butterfly shape bulbs. It's a perfect timing for a sunset date. I took a deep breath before removing the blindfold from your eyes.

 

"So, here we are. Well, it's not that much but-" I stopped talking because I felt your weight on mine. You hugged me, this embrace is not new to me but the intimacy between us grew and we were comfortable in each other arms and presence.

"This is so much, Becbec."

"Well, I'm glad you like it. Let's sit here and watch the skies just how the way you like it"

In the mat, I've bought some stuffs toys. I know you love them so much and you name them too. Big pillows and blankets. Seeing you smiling ear to ear I think I made a great job. We watched the skies changed into night slowly the stars and moon are showing, you took out your notebook and open a certain page. you've let me read it

"those eyes

i see the skies

in those eyes

i see the sincerity

in those eyes

i want to see in the dusk as i close my eyes and till i open my eyes at dawn in those eyes , i see us."

 

"And, yeah I wrote that day after were here." 

 

Then I look at you, I don't wanna ask anymore questions. You here with me under these stars and moon as our witness we were so happy that night.After that reminiscing, I heard a honk that was my brother. He parked his car went out and opened his arms. I didn't say anything to him. After he hugged me and carried me. He wiped my tears, and held my cheeks. 

 

"Come on, Baby sis I bought your fave ice cream. Let's go to the bay.“

We went inside of the car. And maybe he's just waiting for me to speak up but all I'm having was flashbacks how these feelings started. He held my hand to reassure me. 

 

" Don't worry, I'll wait when you're ready. Just let it out, okay?" 

 

 

 

 

​