Last chap. Hope you enjoy!

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Hindi ako nakapag-focus.

Yun lang ang inisip ko hanggang sa magsara ako ng tindahan. At hindi pa nakatulong na panay ang text sa akin ni Winter na hindi ko sinasagot, asking me if I saw her interview on TV.

I went straight to my room to rest my eyes a bit. Bukod sa pagbenta, inasikaso ko rin ang inventory namin. Halos puro mga estudyante ang bumili sa amin kanina kaya nakaka-drain ng energy. Sinabi ko pa kay nanay na ang iingay ng mga batang bumili sa shop. Tinignan lang niya ako at saka inasar.

"Kung maka-bata ka dyan para ka nang may limang anak"

Nga naman. Pero still! I am an old soul trapped inside an energetic body. Ewan ko ba, pagdating sa mga outreach programs, ang gana ko lang gumalaw.

Nagsabi ako na hindi muna kakain dahil busog din naman ako sa meryenda. I felt so drained kaya diretso higa ako sa kama. Ayoko muna mag-isip ng kung ano-ano. O kung sino-sino.

Pero miss ko na talaga siya!

Pero inaantok din talaga ako.

 

 

-

 

 

Naalimpungatan ako ng may tumawag sakin.

"Pssst, wake up, Rina" My bed dipped sa pag-upo ng kung sino man ang nandito ngayon sa kwarto ko, at dahil nakapatay ang bed lamp at aninag lang galing sa labas ng kwarto ang pinagmumulan ng ilaw, silhouette lang ang nakikita ko sa kanya.

"You're awake," Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Boses yun ni -

"Winter? Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito?" I was surprised. Medyo paos pa ako galing sa pagkakatulog pero umangat agad ako sa pagkakahiga at binigyan siya ng mahigpit na yakap.

"I missed you so much" Sabi ko pa. My voice muffled dahil sa pagkadikit ng mukha ko sa kanyang leeg.

I could feel small vibrations on nang tumawa siya ng mahinhin, "I missed you, too, big baby. Sorry I woke you up, di na kasi ako makapaghintay. Kakagaling ko lang from an official engagement but I decided to go here to see you before ako umuwi. Buti na lang pinaakyat ako ni tita."

"Tsk, dapat nagpahinga ka na lang, buong araw ka kayang busy"

"Not when may isang hindi nagrereply sakin"

So alam niyang napanuod ko 'yung news.

I got up at sumunod din siya. I fixed my bed at umupo sa may study. I tied up my hair into a ponytail at nagsimulang kunin sa bag yung research papers ko.

"What's this?" Tingin ko sa isang supot na nakapatong sa lamesa.

"Those are nilagang mani, I figured baka need mo since busy ka sa thesis mo and all"

She remembered.

Paano ako magtatampo nito kung ganito siya ka-sweet ngayon?

She looped her arm around me habang nasa likod ko siya.

"I assume you saw the news?"

"Hm"

Parehas kaming tahimik. I didn't want this kind of silence, I wanted her to tell me what she was thinking.

"Sasabihin ko sana sa'yo this week, kaso hindi ako makatyempo. What with all the happenings. And I've also made up my mind, Rina. I'm not going back"

Nanatili akong hindi nagsasalita.

"It doesn't make sense, don't you think? Andito sa Pinas yung nagpapasaya sa'kin, tapos iiwan ko lang? I must be crazy if I do that."

I didn't want to assume. Then again, alam ko namang I am a part of it.

"Ano ba 'yun?"

She chuckled, "I never knew na ganito ka pabebe, Miss Yu. Of course! Sino pa ba nagpapakilig sakin, e ikaw lang naman?"

I faced her at pinakandong siya sa akin. Her arms circled around my neck.

"But matagal mo nang gustong bumalik ng States" I pouted.

"Yes, but that was until I met you"

"But there are more opportunities there"

"That I can also get here"

"But doon walang paparazzi na susunod sayo"

"I don't care about them as long as they don't involve you"

"But - "

I suddenly felt her lips on my nose. I must say it's an effective siya para patigilin ako.

Sige, pati puso ko na rin.

"Rina, no more 'buts' please. I haven't felt this happy for a long time."

I hugged her tight. Pwede na kong matunaw.

"Thank you pala sa mani. Naubos na yung Growers ko e." My head was just resting on her chest while she was busy hand-combing my hair.

"Then I should bring you lots of peanuts pagbalik ko dito."

"Kahit katawan mo na lang ang ialay mo"

"Wow, getting braver, I see"

"Gusto mo ba ng brave?"

Hindi ko inalis ang titig ko sa kanya at ganon din siya sakin.

"Miss Yu, you're asking the wrong person"

Teka teka teka, napasubo ata ako.

Papalapit siya ng papalapit sa akin while staring at my lips. her forehead touching mine and her one hand gently caressing the back of my head.

Unti-unti akong nabibingi at parang may sunod-sunod na kulog sa puso ko.

"t-t-teka, kumain kana ba?" Agad kong pagtayo na siya namang kinagulat niya. Muntikan pa siyang ma-out of balance kaya buti at nasapo ko siya.

She stared at me in surprise for what felt like forever at then suddenly,

"HAHAHAHA! Okay okay, I get it."

Ano'ng nakakatawa sa babaeng 'to?

"God, you're so adorable," She continued, "Sabi ko nga, we're taking it slow. Bakit kasi may paghamon, miss Yu?"

Gusto ko na lang mag-apparate sa ibang lugar katulad nung ginagawa nila Harry Potter. Kahit hindi ako tumingin sa salamin, I just know na sobra pa sa kulay rosas ang mga tenga ko ngayon dahil para akong binabad sa araw at sininduhan ng apoy. Ang eksaherada ko lang pero kasi!

Ang shunga mo, self. Ang lakas mo mangtrip pero titiklop ka rin pala.

Hinila ko siya palabas ng kwarto at bumaba kami para kumain. Walang mangyayaring maganda kapag nanatili kami sa kwarto ko.

Sinamahan na lang kami ni tatay kumain bilang tapos naman na sila. Magaan ang kwentuhan namin hanggang sa ihatid ko na siya sa labas kung saan naghihintay si kuya Simon sa tapat ng sasakyan. Winter had to wear mask and her cap again bago lumabas ng bahay. Nakatira man kami sa isang relatively tahimik na lugar, alam kong marami pa ring walking CCTV ang nandito.

"So brave girl," Tukso niya sakin at siya namang paghampas ko sa braso niya, "Aray!"

"Alis na!"

She hugged and kiss my cheek, "Eto na po. Grabe ka. So what I was saying is, don't forget sa Saturday ha? Advance birthday brunch ni mommy. Are Ning and Gi joining us?"

"Opo, they can't wait to visit ngayon na may chance na sila"

"Alright, sounds cool. Goodnight, Rina."

Medyo nagtagal pa kami sa gate dahil ayaw niya pang umalis. Actually ako rin naman, kung pwede lang na ibahay na lang siya agad-agad. Chos! Makapaghugas na nga lang ng pinggan. Naabutan ko sila nanay sa sala na may kausap sa phone. Ayun, ang mga magagaling nilang anak at nagparamdam. Dahil tampo pa rin ako sa kanila, sinimangutan ko lang sila sa video at pumunta na sa kusina. Hindi sila makakabawi hangga't hindi nila ako binibigyan ng pamangkin! 'Yun talaga ang saving grace nila. Pati siguro bag.

Tsaka sapatos.

Ah, basta. Pasalamat talaga sila at mababait ang mga magulang namin. Kaya nga minsan ay inaasar ako nila kuya Max dahil lagi daw akong high blood sa kanila. Baka daw hindi ako magka-jowa at tumandang dalaga. Well, joke's on them dahil dine-date ko lang naman ang anak ng Presidente!

Umakyat ako ng kwarto and checked my phone. Ang daming missed calls!

For Lifers

Rina Yu: Ano'ng meron?

Ning YZ: Ayown!

Nagparamdam na ang prinsesa

Kanina pa kami nag-aabang ng chika

Gigi Uchinaga (Full): Nagkausap na kayo ni Winter?

Rina Yu: huh? You knew?

Ning YZ: Samin yan nagtanong vebs kung nasaan ka. Di ka raw nasagot.

Rina Yu: Pumunta nga siya dito sa bahay. We're good.

Ning YZ: Ows

Rina Yu: -_-

Gigi Uchinaga (Full): So anong tea. Spill or may raid na mangyayari ngayong gabi sa bahay niyo.

Ning YZ: (2)

Rina Yu: Magtigil kayo at pagod ako. Zzzzzz.

Gigi Uchinaga (Full): Walang pagod sa taong may jowa. ay, wait. kaya pala pagod ka.

Ning YZ: Broom Walis!

Rina Yu: Giselle Marie!

Ning YZ: :DDDDD

Gigi Uchinaga (Full) typing...

Ning YZ typing...

Ang tagal magsi-type ha. Bahala nga kayo dyan. Tatapusin ko na lang muna 'tong outline para sa conclusion.

Gigi Uchinaga (Full): We're coming over.

Ning YZ: May food pa dyan?

I left them on read. Alam ko naman na kahit umayaw ako, hindi sila makikinig so in about 10 minutes ay may kakatok sa gate namin.

 

 

"Eyyy we come bearing gifts"

Bati ni Ning habang kinukuha nila from the shoe rack ang mga pambahay na tsinelas nila dito.

Nagdala siya ng isang microwaveable na sushi bake habang beer naman ang dala ni Gi.

Wow, wala na talaga akong masabi.

"O, bakit may beer bigla? Don't forget we have brunch tomorrow with the First Family"

"Di naman tayo maglalasing 'no. Pantanggal stress lang kaya nga San Mig Apple lang e" Pag-clarify ni Gi.

I guess hindi na rin masama. I need something to calm my nerves and might be a good idea siguro na makausap ko sila rather than isolate myself with thoughts about me and Winter.

"So... she turned down her college acceptance sa US to be here with you?" I nodded sa tanong ni Gi. I recalled the conversation with Winter kanina. Sinabi ko 'yung nabalitaan ko sa news hanggang sa pagdating niya sa bahay at pag-amin about this.

"Well isn't it romantic? grabe ha sana all na lang talaga kayo. Pero," Ning uttered, nilunok muna niya yung sushi bake na kinakain nila. I still feel full kaya naka-tatlong wrap lang ako, "Remind me again bakit hindi pa kayo official? E parang ganon naman na ang nangyayari a? Katarina sinasabi ko sayo laban-laban lang tayo ha, hindi bawi-bawi”

Hindi pa talaga kami ni Winter.

Shocking. Considering na we harbor the same feelings for each other. At, well, ibang level na ang landian namin. But we, we haven’t really, uhm, kissed yet.

“Hindi ko rin alam,” Nagsisimulang sumakit ang ulo ko sa pinag-uusapan namin.

“I think I know why,” Gi said. Stating it like a fact. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. So heto na naman tayo sa palm reading. Kung hindi niyo naitatanong, may pagka-psychoanalysts kaming tatlo, at mahilig kaming mag-formulate ng hypothesis na most of the time ay hindi papasa sa mga panel if ever given the chance. Akala ko ako lang ang science major dito. Tatlo pala kami.

“I thiiiink,” She continued, “ That you’re afraid of commitment kay Winter”

“I second the motion” Pagtaas ng kamay ni Ning.

“Diba?” Tango ni Gi sa kanya, “Sis, what’s stopping you from making it official? Mukha namang good girl si ate Winter, baka na-lost lang talaga dahil sa family drama nila”

I sighed for the nth time. “I’m not, I swear. Believe me, I was already planning to ask her to be my- to be my girlfriend. After tomorrow’s brunch to be exact”

They just looked at me and understood.

“Alam ba ‘to ni Winter?” Tanong ni Ning.

I shook my head.

“We had this conversation before, if we can just take things slow. And see where it would get us. In those few months she’s been nothing but a good person to me. Ang sweet, caring, sinusundan yung pace ko. And then bonus pa that she’s hella pretty. Pero after kong makita yung interview, I felt like, I felt like I’m stripping her off of something great. She just turned down yung college acceptance niya sa US. And hindi ko mapigilang isipin na alam mo yun, hindi siya pupunta because of me. And baka bukas or next week or next month, biglang magbago yung isip niya and decided na I’m not worth it, you know? And what if hindi naman talaga ako ‘yung bagay sa kanya. Heck, she’s the First Daughter and she deserves more. Parang ang hirap namang idikit ng langit sa lupa. Hindi ba? Sa kdramas lang naman nangyayari ang ganitong plot e. It wasn’t supposed to happen in real life. More so, it wasn’t supposed to happen sa akin.”

“Bes,” Panimula ni Ning.

“Baka siguro need niyo mag-usap. Mahirap kasi ‘yung nag-iisip ka kaagad ng kung ano-ano. Give Winter a chance na masabi niya yung side niya. Gusto ba niya talaga bumalik sa US for that opportunity o hindi? Then again, sinabi na niya sa’yo so pagkatiwalaan mo yung sinabi niya.”

“Tsaka eto ha, feeling ko seryosong-seryoso sa’yo yung tao. Since you started dating, wala nang chika si mama about her. Namimiss ko na nga e”

Gi slapped her sa balikat at sinabihan na para siyang shunga.

“Agree ako, para siyang maamong tupa pag kasama ka. Pastol yarn?” Biro naman ni Gi.

“Ewan ko sa inyo. Ubusin na natin ‘to. It’s getting late at uuwi pa kayo aba”

Hay, buhay.

Bakit ba kasi ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Tama siguro sila. I should probably have this talk with Winter before we take it to the next level. Hindi na rin ako makapaghintay. I wanted to call her mine already. But I need to fix my first.

Winter, wait for me okay?

 

 

-

 

 

“Bes grabe naman palang brunch ‘to, sabi ni mama small gathering lang. San banda ‘yung small dito?”

True.

Nasan ang small dito, tita?

It was a banquet of some sort. Around 15-20 round tables ang nakakalat sa buong garden. Puno na rin ng guests. May familiar political faces at journalists kaming nakikita, na akala namin sa TV lang namin mapapanuod.

Tulad ng usapan, maaga kaming tatlo na nag-ayos kanina. I tripled check yung gift na ibibigay namin kay tita. Maiwan na yung dalawa, wag lang talaga ‘to. Sabi naman ni Winter na hindi namin kelangang mag-abala but we insisted.

Nakatayo kami sa may entrance waiting for Winter to us. We are all wearing simple dresses para sa okasyon. Since brunch ito, ayaw naming maging over the top. Sapat nang maging wallflowers kami mamaya. I was just wearing a black dress with a scoop neckline. It ends just above the knees and the sleeves end sa may bandang elbow.

“Oh, wow. Cynthia Grace is here.” Sabi ni Gi na nakitingin sa table malapit sa patio. Andito kami sa isang garden sa loob ng palasyo, the one where I got to meet Gooey for the first time.

“Cynthia who? I only know Cynthia Villard” Ning Snickered.

“Hush. Opposition! Tsaka staunch critique ni Mr. President.” Reply ko naman.

“Oo nga pala, palibhasa kasi hindi makatayo ng another eklavoo sa Porac.

“Cynthia Grace, alumna sa UST na dating courtside reporter rin for UAAP. I heard she’s starting a news vlog on Youtube”

Ah. Andito siguro for PR.

“Hi, ladies”

I felt a hand on my waist, I can recognize that voice even from afar.

I looked over my right shoulder at nasa likod namin si Winter. I held her hand immediately and my smile automatically crept up my face nang makita siya. It has just been last night since we last saw each other but grabe lang yung pagkamiss ko sa kanya.

She is already pretty to begin with.

But I’ll be damned not to say my piece tonight.

“You look so beautiful”

“Look who’s talking. Have you seen yourself in the mirror?”

“Actually…” Biro kong sabi sa kanya.

Winter ushered us sa table namin

"I'd like to thank everyone for coming here today.I know you are all busy, and my daughter really wanted to have this celebration at night,"

Tita looked at our table, dahilan para mapalingon sa amin ang ibang mga guests, "But you know how it is for us, mga tito at tita, so sorry anak if I chose brunch instead."

I realized there were things about Winter II still didn’t know.

Alam ko ‘yun. And I’d like to keep on getting to know her better dahil naniniwala akong we’ve got a long way to go. I wanted to make this work. Kaya sa tuwing nakakarinig ako ng new things about her sa mga taong pinapakilala niya sa akin sa party, I can’t help but adore her even more.

We were introduced to some of her relatives including her cousins at kung ano-anong pagrereminisce about her ang ginawa nila.

Minsan nang nawala si Winter sa Japan according to Ate Sana, her half-Japanese cousin. She was 13 at sumakay sa maling tren while ate Sana was getting on their train, not knowing na wala na sa paningin niya si Winter. Ang swerte niya at may Facebook na noon, so she was able to message ate Sana and picked her up sa Ueno.

Scarlet naman ang tawag sa kanya dati ni kuya Key, also a cousin on her mother’s side.

Ha? Ang layo sa Winter ha.

Dahil literal raw na puro piso yung siko at binti ni Winter noong elementary bilang kung saan-saan siya nadadapa. Kaya sa pang-aasar ng mga pinsan niya, lagi siyang umiiyak. Kawawa naman ang bebe Scarlet!

She was also pulled out sa isang catholic school noong kinder siya when she was bullied by a tall girl in class. Hindi raw nakapagpigil si Winter once noong nasa chapel sila. She was being teased and her hair was being pulled by that brat. So she fought back and made the bully cry.

That’s my girl.

There are so many anecdotes about her na pakiramdam ko sobrang eventful lang pati ng buhay ng mga magulang niya dahil sa kanya. Napaka-Winter ang branding.

Pero ang hindi ko inaasahan, ay ang susunod na kwento ng nanay niya.

Gi, Ning and I brought our gifts to the table at dumiretso sa table nila First Lady. The president was beside her talking to the legendary Senator Gatmaitan.

“Hija!” She grinned nang makita kami. We hugged and gave her our gifts.

“Oh no you didn’t have to, ladies! But thank you so much for this. Everyone these are Karina, Ningning and Giselle” Nahihiya kaming tumungo and exchanged pleasantries sa mga katabi nila.

“They were the team that handled the Porac Project”

An exchange of ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaahs’ were heard.

“Sila ‘yung kasama ni Winter last time no?”

“Yes ate, it’s them” Sagot ni madam tita Helen sa babaeng katabi niya sa kanan. I think they’re sisters, bilang parehas ang hulma ng matangos nilang ilong at singkit na mga mata.

Hindi ako sure kung hanggang saan ang alam ng mga tao dito. Pero by the looks of it, makahulugan ang tingin ng tita ni Winter.

"I'm not gonna lie, I thought our Winter would just shrug this whole assignment, hija” Sabi ng babae na nakilala namin as tita Tiffany.

“But she really surprised us. And it’s a very pleasant surprise.” She flashed us her bright eye smile.

“She did, It’s like my old Winter has come back. I just know she’s ready” Tita Helen also looked at me and mouthed a ‘thank you’

"I haven't had the chance to thank you yet, Karina. Thank you for being there for my daughter. “ Dagdag ni Mr. President who was sitting beside his wife.

“Aaminin ko, I am an absent parent. I was so caught up with trying to run an entire nation, fixing things here and there. Hanggang sa sobrang pagtutok ko bilang ama ng bansa natin, napabayaan ko ang sarili kong anak, and there is no one to blame but me. Can you imagine?" May halong kalungkutan ang tawa niya, "So much for being the first family."

I told them na hindi ako kailangang pasalamatan. And that it was Winter herself who took the chance to become someone again. To be better para sa sarili niya.

I didn’t know whether it was my cue to leave kaya nakangiti lang ako the whole time. Pero ano ‘yung ibig sabihin nila sa ready na si Winter? Like taking on more responsibility bilang First Daughter? If yes, then definitely a hundred percent.

Bukod sa nagbago ang perspective ni Winter, she seems to enjoy helping people out especially yung mga marginalized na bata at matatanda.Mostly, Madalas siyang sumasama sa mga NGOs and local governments. Minsan para magbigay ng packed goods, mga ribbon cutting for opening health centers, public libraries, giving out scholarships.

Kaya mas lalo akong naiinlove. Hay.

I have given up months ago trying to fight myself with these overflowing feelings I have for her. I wasn’t planning on falling for her this hard. Dahil buong akala ko, it will be easier that way kung sakaling hindi talaga kami para sa isa’t isa. I almost ruled this as infatuation, a wall I built to protect myself if anything happened.

But joke’s on me.

That wall came crumbling down along with all the inhibitions I had with this thing between sa aming dalawa.

Winter doesn’t know that I have already fallen in love with her. Not yet.

Hindi naman ako fan ng delayed gratification. But I feel like I needed to prove myself more. Na deserve ko ang title bilang girlfriend ni Winter Kim. And I say this because Winter is very admirable. I don’t really care about her being the First Daughter. Sa totoo lang, I’d rather her be a regular civilian like me. Mas maraming bebe time diba! Pero going back to her being very admirable, beneath her façade na matagal ng alam ng maraming tao, isa lang talaga siyang cute puppy.

A very cute puppy at that.

Pero seryoso uli. Siya na yata yung ideal type personified ko.

Matalino.

Mabait (naman pala)

Loves pets.

At higit sa lahat, mabango.

I’ve seen her prove her point sa mga interviews. And her handling of PR crisis? Chef’s kiss. If she had been in sales in another life, baka kahit pataba sa lupa bibilhin ko with her convincing power.

Ang perfect lang, diba?

Pero I know my worth, catch din kaya ako! Hindi naman siguro lugi si Winter sa ‘kin ‘no.

 

Chos.

 

"Mom, Tita, stop interrogating Karina please" Naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa aking bewang. Nakabalik na siya from greeting people from other tables.

Tita Tiffany playfully gasped, "What do you take me for, my dearest niece? I'm so nice to Karina. di 'ba dear?" She said and the winked at me.

I laughed in return and nodded, "Yes po. Don't exaggerate Winter, we're just talking about your childhood"

"My childhood?" Nakita ko na nanlaki ang mga mata niya, "Mom! This is embarrassing. Don't listen to them Rina."

"Why? I love hearing things about you. It's fun!"

"Not when puro nakakahiya yung stories from them"

"Hindi naman Scarlet"

Winter gasped as if hindi siya makapaniwala sa narinig niya.

"You!"

"Why? It's a cute name I'm thinking of changing your contact name on my phone"

"Don't you dare"

"Oh I so do"

I continued teasing her. Oblivious to the fact na may audience kami na tahimik lang na nakangiti.

"Beh, pwedeng mamaya na yan kapag kayong dalawa na lang, nakakaalibadbad" Bulong ni Ning sa tabi ko. , I almost forgot na kasama pa namin sila Tita Madam!

 

Nakakahiya ka talaga, Rina! Okay, pwede na kong magpalamon sa lupa ngayon din.
 

We bid our goodbyes para bumalik sa table. I could feel my face getting hot while miss Tiffany was smirking and teasing us. Habang etong katabi ko, tawa lang ng tawa.

Ang bilis lang ng karma.

 

"Stop laughing Scarlet"

Pero mas mabilis akong bumawi.

 

 

-

 

Dahil brunch lang ang mga kaganapan, some of the guests were starting to leave because of other commitments. Nakikita kong isa-isa silang dumadaan sa table ng First Lady to pay courtesy bago umalis. Kaunti na lang din ang natira. Seemed like puro mga trusted people and confidants na lang at wala nang mga pulitiko.

Us, girls, decided to stay at bibigyan pa ni Winter sila Ning at Gi ng private tour around the palace. Gi has her Gimbal ready for her vlog of the tour. According to Winter, it's fine as long as it's just showing the public areas like yung mga museum, entrance, etc. But it should still be reviewed by the Presidential Communications, a.k.a. team ni nila tita Uge.

We were about to leave the scene at tatayo na to bid goodbye to her family. Nang biglang tumayo ang presidente to give a speech.

"Before you leave, I'd like to thank all of you for coming and celebrating the birthday of my lovely wife with us. She's very lucky to have me, este - " Nagtawanan ang mga guests along with tita Helen who lightly slapped his shoulder, "I'm very lucky to have her. Am blessed to have this family. And I'm speaking in behalf of my wife when I say this,"

The President looked at our table, specifically at Winter, grabbed his own glass of wine, "Winter, we appreciate everything that you're doing. We have a long way ahead of serving the Filipino People, but your mother and I are glad seeing our only daughter openly expressing interest in helping others,”

He Continued, “But we know that it is in your intention to move back to the States"

I turned to my side and looked at Winter who's just confused as me, "He's not aware yet" Bulong niya sakin while holding my hand.

The president continued, "I'd like to think of this as hitting two birds with one stone. So I had a discussion with Ambassador Sanosa who's running the Philippine Embassy in New York and she would be very glad to have you there to learn the US’s anti-poverty policies that they are willing to share and teach us. You will go back here sharing with different NGOs and local government the application of those programs such as tax credits…” The president went on with his speech pero wala nang pumapasok sa isip ko.

 

I think.. I think this is it.

 

Kahit siguro ano'ng pilit naming magsama kami ni Winter, it'll always come back to her going away. It seems like 'yun talaga ang dapat niyang gawin. Her dad added that she'll be assigned to the US until his term ends.

 

He still has four years to go.

I loosened my grip of her hand and joined the people who were cheering for her. I am beyond proud of Winter. So so much proud.

Pero bakit ang sakit para sa akin?

I knew she was looking at me from my peripheral vision. Hindi ko kayang tumingin sa kanya ngayon ng hindi ako naluluha so I decided to just keep looking to where the commotion was. She was hugged by her parents at saglit na humiwalay sa amin. Ning and Gi looked at me na para bang napagsakluban ako ng langit at lupa.

“Hey,” Bumalik siya sa tabi ko at ipinatong ang kamay niya sa binti ko, “Let's get some fresh air?”

 

"Winter, you're still needed there. Go, andito lang naman kami" I told her.

 

"Please, baby"

 

When she called me that and looking at her eyes na parang nagmamakaawa, my resolve crashed down immediately.

I just nodded along and silently followed her. Nakatingin sa amin ang dalawa kong kaibigan. Both trying to read the atmosphere.

“I didn’t know, Rina. But I think kasalanan ko dahil hindi ko agad nasabi kay dad yung plano ko to stay here. I genuinely forgot about it.”

I was looking over the different titles and publications on their shelves dito sa study area nila. Gooey saw us walking away from the party and decided to come with us.

“Naniniwala naman ako sa’yo e.” Humarap ako sa kanya, “But don’t you think it’s a great opportunity?”

I asked her heavy-heartedly. I’m not gonna lie. I feel really heartbroken right now. But I’m not going to jeopardize Winter’s career and potential dahil lang sa pansarili kong kagustuhan. Aside from the fact that she can help other Filipinos out there, the connections that she can build are endless.

The pain I’m feeling is so small compared to the things na pwede niyang gawin para sa community.

“But you’re here. A-and you know why I’m here, Karina. Why I’m still here. It’s because of you” She held on to my waist tightly.

“Winter, can’t you see?” I caressed her cheek, trying to make her understand my point, “This would be good not just for you pero para na rin sa mga tao dito na kailangan ng tulong mo”

“But four years is a long time! I’m just…I’m just getting started being happy with you.”

“I know. Trust me, I know. I feel the same way. But,” I looked away from her and cleared my throat. Sinusubukan kong pigilan na umiyak. Ang sakit sa lalamunan.

“But you and I both know that this is bigger than us”

“Sobrang gusto kita,” Dagdag ko habang pinupunasan ang luha niya, “Ano bang gayuma pinainom mo sakin?” I tried to lighten up the mood.

“But you don’t want me to stay”

“Wha- That’s not true! Baby, you know there’s nothing I would want than for you to stay here. Pero gaya ng sinabi ko, this is bigger than the both of us. Bayan muna bago ang sarili, hindi ba?”

Nanatili kaming magkayakap habang winawagayway ng hangin ang mga puno sa labas. Tahimik kaming nakikinig sa mga huni ng ibon at mga quiet snores ni Gooey na nakatulog na pala sa gilid ng study table. I can feel Winter with all of me. Her head on my shoulder at nararamdaman ko rin na basa ang balikat ko dahil sa mga luhang nanggagaling sa mahina niyang paghikbi.

“Thank you so much” I heard her whisper in my ear along with the touch of her lips. Narealize ko na ito na siguro ang huling beses in a long time that I’d be able to hold her like this.

“You’re right,” She added, “ This is a responsibility na hindi ko basta basta dapat ipagsawalang-bahala.”

She gently got out of my embrace at tinignan ako with the saddest look I’ve seen her give me.

“I want and need you to be mine, Karina. But it seems so selfish of me to ask you that considering na maiiwan kita dito for four years na nasa ibang bansa ako kaya siguro it’s best for you not to wait.”

Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya.

“I don’t want you to wait” She repeated.

Baliw na siguro ako, pero just the thought of Winter moving on from me, and this being just a fading thought for the two of us. Parang hindi ko ata kaya.

“Why are you telling me that? Paano kung ayaw ko?”

“I have a lot of insecurities, Rina. My life has been superficial from the start. I may be Winter Kim from Malacañang but that's it. remove that title and I'm just Winter Kim. For sure there will be someone better and that person’s here with you. Na pwede kang puntahan, pwede kang bisitahin sa bahay kapag nag-away kayo. Who can take you out on a date, especially if you’re stressed. Habang ako, I won’t be able to do that, Rina. For four years. I don’t want you to be stuck with someone far away. That’s too much of your life already”

This Winter Kim.

 

I hate what she’s thinking right now.

 

“Are you done?”

I cupped both her cheeks and gazed at her intently.

“Hindi ako maghihintay”

May bakas ng pagkagulat sa mga mata niya, but she recovered quickly and accepted what I said as her own definition of truth.

“So I guess this is –“

“Be my girlfriend, Winter Kim.”

“Rina…”

“I’m yours kahit saang lupalop ka pa ng mundo pumunta. We don’t have to wait by ourselves. I can visit you there, you can go home sometimes. I know how hard it’ll be. But I want to go through all of those with you. We can wait for each other together. Let’s make this work, please Winter.”

Please.

Please, Winter.

I don’t want to lose you.

Para sa’yo dadaigin ko si Sharon at hindi lang dagat ang tatawirin.

“Please.” I pressed my forehead against hers. Silently hoping and praying she’d say yes.

Narinig ko ang buntong-hininga at mahina niyang tawa.

“Ang hirap mong tanggihan. You look so beautiful in this light.”

“Winter kasi” I whined, emphasizing the ‘i’

“Okay, let’s do this.”

“Together?”

She nodded and smiled that dimpled smile of hers na kinababaliwan ko.

“Together.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kapag ang puso'y 'di sanay mag-isa
Puro lungkot na lang ang nadarama
Kapag walang tibok, walang ligaya
Kapag wala ka, buhay ko'y walang sigla

Ang 'yong pangakong ako'y laging mamahalin
Tandang-tanda ko pa ang ating sumpaan
Hanggang wakas ay magsasama
Umulan, bumagyo, gumuho man ang mundo
Ikaw at ako pa rin

“Remember me kapag nag-iisa. Kapag ika'y nalulungkot, huwag kang mag-alala. Remember me 'di ko kayang limutin ka .Noon, ngayon, magpakailanman, ako'y maghihintaaay!’”

“Ning pakiusap lang palitan natin ‘yung playlist” Iritang pagkakasabi ni Gi at nagbanta pa ito sa kaibigan namin na tatanggalin ang bluetooth connection niya sa sasakyan.

“’To naman, ang timing kaya ng kanta ko. Tribute nga kay Rina e.”

“Tribute nga pero sana yung medyo napapanahon no?”

“Ay basta, ‘di ka ba naeexcite para sa friend natin, tignan mo o di na mapakali. Hoy Karing baka maihi ka dyan a, akin na nga ‘yang tubig”

Kanina pa sila daldal ng daldal dito sa sasakyan. And I couldn’t be bothered.

We’re on our way to the airport now para sunduin si Winter. Matapos ang termino ng pangulo, the first thing that they did was to take a long break sa US habang nandoon pa si Winter. It’s been more than a month that the Former president ended his term. May bagong pangulo, bagong bise. Ang masasabi ko lang ay, good luck.

Nagpaiwan sila tita Helen sa States which means si Winter lang ang uuwi today. At dahil they’re back to being private citizens, wala nang bodyguards at executive assistants ang dapat na sumalubong sa kanya.

I can’t wait na masolo ko siya.

For the past four years, she has been going back and forth to take quick breaks to be with her family and me. But mostly kami ‘yung laging magkasama sa tuwing uuwi siya. We’ve gone to a lot of provinces dito sa Pilipinas na dati ay hindi ko nagagawa. And exploring them for the first time with Winter makes it so much enjoyable.

Pero sa nakalipas na apat na taon na ‘yun, aaminin ko, it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It was more like thunder and lightning. Laging sobra ‘yung nararamdaman ko.

Sobrang pagka-miss sa kanya.

Sobrang pangungulila sa tuwing gusto ko siyang yakapin ng mahigpit.

Sobrang saya sa tuwing umuuwi siya.

Sobrang kaba sa bawat halik after months of not seeing each other. Wala akong expectations pagdating sa relationships. After Yeji, I just focused on my self at sa mga taong mahal ko sa buhay because I was badly hurt when she left for Dubai.

When I got into a relationship with Winter, I knew from the start that it wasn’t going to be conventional. First, we started ‘us’ thousands of miles away from each other and that alone is a challenge. Kaya sa tuwing after ng bakasyon niya at kailangan ko nang ihatid sa airport, parang may invisible countdown sa ulo niya at pag pumapatak ng 00:00 ay automatic na sumasakit ang lalamunan ko, trying my mightiest not to cry. It’ll be five-six months before I hold her again, and then the cycle repeats. Kaya siguro, we tend to be so clingy to each other kapag magkasama. Palaging may ipong yakap at halik ang pagsasama namin.

I wonder if all long distance relationships are like this. Always counting down the days na muling magasasama.

All of those times we were together cannot be replaced. I’m at my happiest when I’m with her. But I think… the most memorable for me would be nung nagbakasyon kami sa Japan after my first year in Ateneo. Aside from the fact that we both love Japan, It was also the longest that we’ve traveled overseas.

And.. you could say…a lot of first happened there, too.

 

 

It was our first night in Kyoto at kakagaling lang namin from Fushimi-Inari. That day, I remember we achieved thirty-thousand steps dahil 7AM pa lang ay naglalakad na kami, not wanting to spend the day na hindi nakikita ang mga tourist spots dito. We first went to the Gion District and I made Winter try a colorful kimono. And then we had lunch sa isang hole in the wall wagyu steak house near the train station. We took a side trip din going to Nara para makita ang mga deers and other temples, and just strolled lazily kung saan man dalhin ang mga paa namin. Last two days ago, pumunta kami sa Fukushima to visit British Hills, ang lugar kung nasaan an bahay nila Tsukasa sa Hana Yori Dango. Never in my whole life imagined that I would be stepping the same steps as the cast did. Sobrang ganda that if I were to look back, parang isang panaginip ang nangyari.

The last stop sa Kyoto was Fushimi Inari at sobrang napagod kami sa kakasunod sa mga torii gates that felt never-ending. Buti at malapit ang inn na tinuluyan namin because right after we went back sa room ay naligo agad kami with warm water at humiga saglit. We were lying on the same bed kahit na may isa pang kama sa gilid namin which we decided to be used na patungan ng mga bag. We were so drained so she spooned me and we both fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, nagising ako ng maramdaman ko si Winter na baka naalimpungatan din. And then I got more aware of what she was doing. We were still in the same position ng bago ako makatulog. But the only difference now is that her hand is on my chest, kneading it.

Bigla akong kinabahan and at the same time, something in me is getting electrified.

“Babe” I whispered. She suddenly stopped and tried to gauge the situation. Both of us breathing deeply.

“Sorry,” She replied, at akmang tatanggalin na ang kamay niya. But I stopped her and urged her to continue by pressing my hand on hers, guiding her hand to bring it inside my shirt.

I could hear my heart beating so fast at parang gustong kumawala sa lakas ng kabog nito. The sensation I was feeling was indescribable. I know she felt as much as I as was dahil I could feel her grinding on my back. She 

I decided to face her and kissed her hard for a good long minute bago siya pumatong sa akin. Our lips and tongues clashing against each other. I stared at her heavy-lidded eyes, both of us panting and understanding what we wanted and needed in this moment. Unti-unti, bumababa ang kamay niya mula sa aking dibdib down to my hips. We slowly took of our clothes until all I could feel was her warm skin all around me, moving in sync with me while we race against time to reach nirvana.

I couldn’t believe that it was going to be this amazing. And so it went on hanggang sabihin na nating we missed half of our itinerary the next day because we woke up so late.

 

 

I mentally prepared myself and even took notes sa journal ko kung ano ang dapat gawin para sa aming dalawa sa ganitong arrangement, but kahit ano sigurong pagsabi mo sa sarili mo na kaya mo ng kasama siya, may mga panahon talaga na sobrang hirap.

It's been two weeks na hindi kami halos magkausap ng matino. Madalas puro voice messages na lang ang naiiwan namin sa isa't isa. Unti-unti na kong pinapatay sa med school while Winter is busy doing her research project with the Philippine Embassy. She also decided to finish her studies there bilang nandun na rin naman siya. And by that alone, you can already tell kung ilang oras lang siyang tulog sa isang araw. She’s been doing her project with World Bank. And I am proud of her to say the least.

But last week, I kinda snapped at her and felt really guilty right after. It was one of those lucky moments last week na naabutan ko pa siyang gising habang nasa lib ako sa Uni. I just finished one week of duty sa Medical City and after almost 2 36-hour shifts parang ready na kong magpa-mighty bond sa kama ko at magpahinga ala Sleeping Beauty. I called nang makita ko na online siya sa WhatsApp. Wondering kung bakit gising pa siya at eleven in the evening kung saan siya naroon.

“Hey, baby” I said when she answered the call.

“Hey, love.” She said over loud music. Parang nasa labas pa ata si Winter. Why was she still out? Delikado na. and sa pagkakaalala ko wala siyang nabanggit na lalabas siya tonight. I don’t really mind if Winter does her own thing sa New York, I want her to enjoy her life there dahil mahirap ang home sickness. But god it’s been two weeks ng hindi ko naririnig ang boses niya for more than 30 minutes, then dumadagdag pa ‘yung pagod sa shifts pati na yung malditang chief resident sa Pedia.

Was it really that hard to call me quick or even message me today?

“Are you somewhere? Bakit ang ingay?” I went to a more secluded area sa second floor to not disturb the other students trying to study.

“Heyyy I’m out right now, love! With my boss from WB and some interns coz it’s a Friday!”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiirita. She sounded tipsy already.

“Are you drunk Winter?”

“No, just feeling tipsy I think, but- but I stopped drinking an hour ago pero don’t worry love, ihahatid ako ng mga friends ko sa apartment.”

“Okay, enjoy your night. Bye.”

“Hey hey” Putol niya bago ko pa mababa ang telepono.

“What?”

“Are you okay, babe? Are you mad? Bat parang iba yung mood mo?”

“Wala naman. I was hoping na makausap ka pero akala ko tulog kana, turned out you were out with your friends”

“What? I can’t do that now?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Then bakit parang galit ka na nasa labas ako? I was just trying to have a good time since this week was a show what with the budget for this budget being slashed into half after umalis ni Dad sa position. I was having a hard time allocating physical resources and manpower para lang makauwi na ko kaya siguro naman a little R&R wouldn’t hurt diba?”

“It wouldn’t hurt sana kung sinabi mo sa ‘kin at hindi yung nanghuhula ako kung pwede ba tayong magtawagan, Winter”

I heard her scoff, “Nakalimutan mo bang sinabi ko sayo ‘to last week? I called you ‘di ba? Nasa labas din kayo nila Ning nun then you guys went ahead and met with your seniors dun sa acquaintance party niyo or whatever”

.

“You weren’t listening to me non, right? Figures.”

“Look, I’m sorry babe”

“Oh so now it’s babe”

“Winter,” Napabuntong-hininga ako, this is getting out of hand, “Sorry I genuinely forgot about it”

“Yeah, whatever. Sabihan mo na lang ako. Baka mabusy uli kayo nila Jaehyun.”

Oh, wow.

“Jaehyun?Bakit naman siya nasama sa usapan? What’s up, Winter I’m trying to apologize here”

“It’s fine. I’m going home” She monotonously replied. Somehow alam kong walang patutunguhan ‘tong pag-uusap namin.

“Wag ka umuwi mag-isa, you’re drunk”

“Magpapahatid ako”

“I’ll accompany you on your way home. Don’t hang up”

“It’s fine. I’ll message you when I’m at the apartment”

And just like that she abruptly ended the call.

 

I told Gi and Ning about it at puro sermon lang ang inabot ko sa dalawa. Ang sama ng tingin sa akin ni Ning dahil nagtanong na pala si Winter sa kanya kung bakit laging nasa tabi ko si Jaehyun sa mga photos ng party. She was jealous but didn’t tell me about it dahil ayaw na daw niyang makadagdag so kay Ning siya nagtanong. Kahit na masakit ‘yung kurot ng babaeng ‘to, nagpapasalamat ako sa kanya and she came to my defense. I didn’t know anything about that freaking guy, at honestly inis na inis ako sa tukmol na ‘yon na walang ginawa buong gabi kung hindi magpakita ng dimples niyang nakakaalibadbad.

Walang-wala sa dimples ng baby ko!

“Whatever it is you’re trying to do here, Jaehyun, stop because I have a girlfriend.”

That shut him up.

Pero kasalanan ko talaga.

I admit. I have no excuses really. I became too occupied with everything else at hindi ko namalayan na nagkukulang ako bilang girlfriend niya. Mas mahirap ang kalagayan niya doon dahil sa mag-isa siya at malayo ang support system niya before tita and tito went there to be with her. But of course, I had to make a big deal out of things.

How stupid can you get, Karina.

Naghihintay ako dito sa Arrivals Exit while the two decided na sa sasakyan na lang maghintay para daw malambing ko after ng away naming noong mga nakaraang linggo. We patched things up already pero kulang pa rin para sa akin. Gusto ko sanang bumawi bago kami tumuloy sa Boracay for our anniversary.

 

‘got the luggage and on my way out, see you, luv :*’

I’m nervous and excited at the same time nang mabasa ko ang message niya. It’s always been like this sa tuwing umuuwi siya. Pero mas malala yung kabog ng puso ko ngayon na parang gusto nang mauna sa loob ng NAIA para hanapin si Winter at yakapin ng mahigpit.

I can finally see and touch and kiss her again.

Four years went by so fast and yet it feels like a lifetime mula ng huli kaming magsama last year for a vacation in Hong Kong.

At paglabas niya ng Arrivals gate sa airport, there she was, still beautiful as ever.

Sporting…

 

...a ginger hair?

When did she dye her hair? E ‘nung isang araw itim pa buhok nito while we were on a video call.

It seems so familiar though. Her having this kind of hairstyle. I kept thinking kung saan ko siya Nakita na may ganito in the last four years.

I gasped.

Naalala ko na! ‘Yung recurring dreams ko dati when I still hated her guts.

Holy cow.

This is serendipity.

Winter and I. She really came at a time na hindi ko inaasahan. Sabi ko nga dati, hindi talaga ako naghahanap ng pag-ibig. Pero ibinigay sakin, at tama nga sila na the best things in life are the ones we don’t see coming. Syempre ako lang nagsabi nun, pero gets naman di ‘ba?

I felt like crying.

Now we can really REALLY start our love story. You get what I mean. Getting into a relationship with Winter knowing that it would start na malayo kami sa isa’t isa was no easy feat.

We both get mad at each other at times dala ng hindi pagkakaintindihan na pinalala ng pangungulila sa isa’t isa. And that we couldn’t do anything but stare at each other on screen and cry like crazy until we finally got to resolve our differences.

And when I felt so happy and just settle with calling her in the middle of the night so it’s easier for her to talk when it’s daytime on her part.

Or when she was feeling so damn lonely most especially on during winter because the cold does that to you.

Sobrang hirap mga sis!

She finally saw me and almost ran with her luggage in tow. Hindi na ako makapaghintay pa. I eagerly ran to her and messily dodged the other passengers na kasama niya sa flight. Wala akong pakialam, let them stare for all I care.

Kung hindi sila naka-experience ng LDR then wala silang say.

I swear. The minute I felt her skin on mine, sobrang gaan ng pakiramdam ko. I’ve always been happy and excited sa tuwing magkikita kami, but this, this is different. My home is finally home for good.

I kissed her so damn hard. And she gave it back with a few long ones. I could taste her longingness for me sa bawat halik.

It’s also kinda funny how things turned out for the both of us. She used to be the girl in my dreams, isang babae na kinaiinisan ko dati with her ego and mahangin na attitude.

And she turned out to be the girl of my dreams. The girl I wouldn’t be able to live without if I tried. Well, I could live without her, it’s just that I don’t even want to try.

 

“Finally” Sabi niya sa akin, looking straight into me, as if kaya niyang basahin ang nararamdaman ko.

“Yes, baby,” I replied, “Finally.”

 

 

Nagbabadya ang hangin na nakapalibot sa'kin
Tila merong pahiwatig ako'y nananabik
'Di naman napilitan kusa na lang naramdaman
Ang 'di inaasahang pag-ugnay ng kalawakan

Ibon sa paligid umaawit-awit
Natutulala sa nakakaakit-akit mong tinatangi
Napapangiti mo ang aking puso

Giliw 'di mapigil ang bugso ng damdamin ko
Mukhang mapapa-amin mo amin mo
Giliw nagpapahiwatig na sa'yo
Ang damdamin kong napagtanto na gusto kita

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko sisimulan
Binibigyang kulay ang larawan na para bang
Ikaw ang nag-iisang bituin
Nagsisilbing buwan na kapiling mo
Sa likod ng mga ulap
Ang tayo lamang ang tanging magaganap

Ibon sa paligid umaawit-awit
Natutulala sa nakakaakit-akit mong tinatangi
Napapangiti mo ang aking puso

Giliw 'di mapigil ang bugso ng damdamin ko
Mukhang mapapa-amin mo amin mo
Giliw nagpapahiwatig na sa'yo
Ang damdamin kong
Napagtanto na gusto kita