18.12.2017

It was five days before Christmas. The green, red, silver, and gold Christmas decorations adorned every shop; the air was filled with cinnamon, gingerbread, and roasted chestnut scents, and, last but not least, Christmas songs could be heard from every corner of the street.

In this joyful atmosphere, everyone was in a hurry to buy their presents: it was easy to see people looking at the store windows, or on their mobile phones looking for the best Amazon deals.

SHINee's members were no less: even with their full schedules, they managed to find the perfect gift for their loved ones.

That 18th December 2017 seemed like any other day before Christmas, but oh... nothing could be more wrong. SHINee got to realize it when a call from Jonghyun's sister came.

"Sodam, what's wrong?"

"O-oppa... He... he's–"

The world collapsed with a few words from a sobbing and shaking voice.

That night the sky became painfully bright.

That night a star returned to the sky.

 

5 years later

Another cold morning came. The sky was cloudy, and it seemed to be almost ready to snow. The temperature dropped in the last two days and it became harder even to do anything outside without freezing, but that day was special. The most special one and nothing or nobody could stop them from doing what they needed to do.

It was their secret.

It became a tradition.

It has been for the last five years.

"Geez, it's freezing outside," said a delicate and shacked voice. Lee Jinki was trembling at low temperatures. He got in the car and closed the door, then he rubbed his hands covered in black gloves together trying to warm up a bit.

"Yeah, today is minus three degrees. One degree less than yesterday," said the driver's voice, lower than the previous one, while looking at the written temperature on the touchscreen of the car.

"I feel it. Kibum is not going to love it."

"Nah, I think he'll say something more like 'It'll help my skin and my pores'..." and the lower voice arose mimicking a higher one. That made Jinki chuckle.

"Don't let Kibum hear you imitating him like this, or you'll be dead meat."

"He loves me. He'll do nothing."

"Whatever, we need to hurry: we need to pass by Kibum's house and by Taemin's military camp."

Choi Minho sighed "I feel like an uber driver."

"You're not," Jinki said giggling while fastening his seat belt "You're not getting paid". Minho smiled and simply gave up. He started the engine ready for the next stop.

 

They reached Kibum's house at 7.13 am, two minutes before the agreed time. Minho parked near the sidewalk, turned off the car engine, and waited. He heard Jinki calling their bandmate a few minutes before they arrived to tell him they were nearby.

"He said he would be ready when we arrived," Jinki said switching look from his phone to the front door of the building and vice versa.

"And did you believe him?" asked Minho in a playful and surprised tone. Jinki didn't answer knowing he was being an idiot: Kibum was always late when he had to go out. They waited a little longer but the flaming charisma had enough.

"I'm calling him," and he did so.

Jinki enjoyed watching his friend scolding the younger one on the other side of the phone. They always bickered like that so he let Minho do what was needed without any worries, and a few minutes later they saw Kim Kibum's figure approaching the car.

The guy was wearing a long black coat but Minho and Jinki both knew he was dressed nicely for the occasion. When the first anniversary arrived, all four of them decided to dress up for the event, and then it became a tradition.

"Don't you know I have to prepare myself properly?" asked Kibum while getting in the car.

"You had plenty of time to prepare yourself. You know we can't be late or Taemin will freeze waiting for us."

"He'll be good. This cold is good for his skin, and during military training you can't take care of it. Don't you remember?" said the king of skincare and fashion. Minho giggled and Jinki laughed at his words, recalling their conversation some minutes before.

"You got him right!" exclaimed the oldest lifting his fist and waiting for the other to notice it. Minho didn't make him wait long and bumped his fist against his friend's.

"Told you."

"What?" said the guy behind them with a confused look.

"Nothing. I love you Bummie," continued Minho making Kibum rolled his eyes "Weren't we late? Come on."

"Yes, sir," and the engine started again.

 

As the car started slowing down, the three guys in the car noticed that a tall figure was waiting for them in uniform near the military camp. When Minho stopped the vehicle, Lee Taemin opened the door and immediately jumped on the seats. He was trembling and rubbing his hands.

"You're late!" cried the youngest.

"Say that to Kibum," said the driver pointing at the guy sitting behind him that was now looking at him in disbelief "You didn't say that."

"Were you late? Again??" Taemin cried looking at Kibum.

"Oh, that hurts. Betrayed by my own family," said the drama queen while putting his right hand on his chest as he was having a heartbreak "You know I have to dress nice, sweetheart."

"But it's freaking cold!" Taemin added.

"He says it's good for your skin. Maybe it's true," said the guy with a very calm voice sitting in the front passenger seat.

"Maybe?? Yah, old man, I know about skincare more than all of anyone of you. Try to say otherwise."

"Touché."

"I was still freezing, you know?"

"I'm gonna heat up the car, don't worry," and Minho did as he said.

"Thanks, hyung."

"Guys, may I put some music?"

"Yes, of course," the three youngers said and Jinki connected his phone to Minho's car by Bluetooth, opened Spotify, and put on a song that he dearly loved.

The car fell into silence.

Only their voices from the song could be heard.

The others should have expected it, but they were taken a little back by the sudden mood change. When the refrain and Jonghyun's voice came, everyone smiled with almost tears in their eyes.

"I remember when Jonghyun hyung wrote those lyrics," confessed Taemin "he struggled only a bit, then started writing every word like he was transcribing someone else's speech."

"He was a great composer and author," added Minho.

"He was a really good friend," said Kibum.

"He did a great job," said Jinki and the car fell again into silence, only "Selene 6.23" playing on the radio.

 

It was 7.56 am when Minho stopped the car in an empty parking lot. All the SHINee members got out of the car clasping their coats. When they breathed, they could see the clouds coming out from their mouth and raising to the sky.

"Is it in the back as always?" asked Jinki and Minho nodded in response. The leader went to the back of the car, opened it, and took up a bunch of flowers: red roses, like the rose drawn by fans when that accident happened.

"They are so beautiful," said Kibum almost in a whisper enchanted by the flowers.

"He deserves them."

Everyone agreed with Jinki's words.

"Let's go, guys," and they went towards the beautifully decorated, grey gate of the cemetery where Kim Jonghyun was buried in. Jinki was in the lead, near Taemin still in uniform, and behind them Minho and Kibum.

Every time they went there they felt a strange dear link that helped them to face that terrible loss.

They remember very well their first time in that place and it was like their hearts were burning for so much pain, but... at that moment they felt like they were simply visiting a longtime friend. They learned to talk, laugh, and cry with him again. Oh, there still was the pain, but it was slowly changing into something more bearable: a stronger bond among them.

Taemin was the first one to see the grave and picked up the pace with a little smile on his face. When he arrived, he crouched and their friend's photo.

"Hey, hyung. I'm sorry, we're late... Guess whose fault is?"

"Yah, even Jjong hyung knows how the look is important, especially on special occasions like this one."

"Yeah, like you said," replied Taemin with the smile on his face growing. Jinki crouched too, took the old frozen flowers from the vase, and replaced them with the new ones.

"That's better," thought Jinki seeing the bright color lighting up the black grave. Minho laid his hand on Jinki's shoulder and gently squeezed it, Jinki turned his head towards him and saw the rapper smile. He smiled back.

"Hey hyung, how are you? We're doing good, you know? I had a comeback some weeks ago, you really should listen to my new song, it's called Chase."

"You already know he'll do it anyways, Minho. He loves nagging us when something feels off, and he's so picky when it comes to music," remembered Jinki.

"You're right."

"Hey hyung, do you know? I'm still in the military-- I should have been released almost a month ago but I'm... struggling. A lot. But I'm getting treated! And I have Jinki hyung, Minho hyung and Kibum hyung by my side... I always have you in my heart and I'm-- getting better. I promise. I'll be fine," Taemin turned his head towards his bandmates and his second family. All of them were having watery eyes but they were smiling, giving him strength "We are all getting there."

Everyone nodded.

"We feel sorry if you felt alone those days, but we are working on it. You taught us so many things and we are learning something new every day. We're seeing therapists and we're focusing more on ourselves and on what we really want to do."

"Kibum's right. Jonghyun-ah, we can't thank you enough for what you have been and still are for us. At the very beginning, you broke us. I hated Christmas and everything related to it. Now I love it as I've never done before because that's the time of the year when we're closer than ever. We have to if we want to be stronger," explained Jinki, sharing a tear that run down his cheek.

Silence dropped in the cemetery, only the SHINee breaths could be heard.

Some minutes passed when Kibum started whispering Cohen's Hallelujah, then Taemin followed, then Minho and Jinki at the end, and a beautiful melody surrounded them. They were used to it: they'd been singing this song since their first time in the cemetery. In the end, they were crying but smiling. It was a bittersweet sensation.

Everyone was so focused on singing that everything else disappeared. Even the weather and the cold. Only the tallest noticed something.

"Guys..." he said with a thin and a little shaky voice "It's snowing."

Their smiles grew, and Jinki and Taemin stood up and approached Minho and Kibum. They all looked at the sky and the falling snowflakes.

They knew.