“I will do whatever it takes to take good care of your daughter. She is my lighthouse. She keeps me grounded. And I hope to be the same for her.” A soft gust of wind hit the two figures holding hands in front of the tombs. The slightly taller one felt the other sniff, and so she caressed the younger’s thumb using hers. “Things will surely not sail smooth, Mr. and Mrs. Son, but I’ll love your daughter. We’ll last all seasons. I’ll hold her and never let her go.”

Wendy sighed, remembering the scene that once melted her. Her gaze landed on the photo frame on top of the dresser. It is one of her favorite photos of her and her lover—a stolen shot by one of their friends, who claimed that day she fell sick because of the couple in front of her.

“I swear I can feel my stomach churn, and not in a good way. And this is all because of the both of you!” the monolid woman, Seulgi, complained which earned a good laugh from the couple across her.

“Seul, it’s not my fault that you’re in your what, fourth cup of coffee? Tone down your caffeine, will you?” Irene, the oldest among the three, lectured.

“Leave me and my coffee alone thank you very much, unnie” Seulgi retorted.

Wendy laughed. “Babe, you know Seulgi. It’s her and her coffee against the world. Let her be.”

“Yes, and it’s you and me against the world,” Irene replied.

“Oh please! Can’t I have my coffee peacefully?! Look at this photo I took, you two look gross! And stop with that look Joohyun unnie, I’ll send this photo to you. I know that look very much. Jeez.”

Everything is going fine. It was never smooth, but it’s nothing they can’t fix.

Or more like, Wendy can’t fix.

In her defense, Irene is always the busy one. After finishing college, the older woman juggled working and pursuing post-graduate studies. She is very driven, and Wendy cannot be more than proud. Wendy makes sure that she never gets in Joohyun’s way. She wanted to be there as the elder’s source of support and not a source of stress. But with this setup comes disagreements that somehow, Wendy finds difficult to resolve.

“Babe, will you be busy today? We’re planning on having a small dinner together. You, me, Seulgi, Yerim, and Sooyoung.” Wendy asked, looking at her lover who has her eyes glued to her laptop.

“Huh? What is today? 21^st? What do we have”, Irene started, browsing through her notebook. “Never mind. Whatever that is, I can’t make it. I have a presentation, plus there’ll be a company dinner. Just tell the girls I said hi”, the older one said and immediately closed her laptop, shoving it in her bag.

Wendy kept mum and looked at the calendar hanging on their wall—the one that has the 21^st of February encircled; the one that says ‘Wan’s birthday!’.

“Okay. Don’t stay forget to—” she wasn’t able to finish what she’s has to say because the older woman bolted out of their room, mumbling how late she is today.

“Where’s unnie?” the youngest chirped, noticing that Wendy arrived alone.

“She’s kind of busy today, Yerim. She told me to say hi to you guys” Wendy says, smiling which did not quite reach her eyes.

“Oh? That’s weird. This is the first time in what, 6 years that you’ll be celebrating your birthday without her. You guys have been together since the 11^th grade. Guess unnie’s really busy then,” Seulgi said.

Joy, noticing the air, threw her arm around Wendy’s shoulder. “Relax! Pretty sure unnie’s gonna prepare some surprise when she’s free from her schedule!”

The surprise did not come at all.

Wendy did mind it, but she did not dwell on it. She does not want to be a petty girlfriend just because Irene forgot her birthday. She understands that the woman is working for her future, and Wendy is willing to sacrifice Joohyun’s time with her if that means the older one can achieve her dream.

Wendy looked around their room. It has been two years since that incident. Though it took Irene almost two weeks to realize that she missed Wendy’s birthday, Wendy just laughed it out, assuring Irene that she understands how busy she was. The younger thought that after finishing graduate school, the older woman would have a less busy schedule, which means that they can enjoy what they used to do before. But man, was she wrong.

After finishing her graduate studies, Joohyun was immediately promoted. Of course, Wendy was happy. The love of her life is actually living her dreams, and she knows how badly Irene loves what she does.

And so, Wendy gives in.

Whenever Joohyun needs to stay late at the office, Wendy says yes. Every time Joohyun cancels a dinner they planned for a week because a company dinner is announced, she gives way. And that one-time Joohyun forgot to go with her to her parents’ tomb for their death anniversary because the big boss called her to tour a potential investor, she did not say a word.

Wendy tried to talk it out with Joohyun, but the older woman only retaliated, and it almost caused them to break apart.

Wendy carefully approached the upset Joohyun. The older was upset because Wendy visited her at her work. In Wendy’s defense, she did leave a message on Irene’s phone. The older one, however, was not able to read it because she was with an investor. Her goal is to encourage the investor to say yes, not minding that the guy was openly hitting on her. So imagine her surprise when Wendy arrived at her office with a lunchbox at hand, calling her babe.

“Oh. I thought you were single Miss Bae. I’ll see my way out. Let’s talk about business some other time.”

This left Irene in a sour mood, and this went on all way until they got home.

“Babe don’t get me wrong. I know how important your work is to you. I just thought that I am still one of your priorities… I mean, I am not asking for your entire time, I just miss your presence. Is it too much if I ask for that? Is it bad if I want to pull you closer to me?”

Irene let out an exasperated sigh. “You said it yourself, you know how important this is to me, and you just have to ruin that because you’re needy! Gosh, Wen, can you please grow up? Of course, my world will not just revolve around you!” Irene stood up, took her keys, and slammed the door as she went out.

Wendy was taken aback. This is not the Joohyun she knows. The Joohyun she knows is soft-spoken despite being in a foul mood. She always chooses her words carefully because she knows how sensitive Wendy can be. Tears left her eyes. She’s hurt, but she loves Irene. She tried to understand where the older is coming from.

Later that day, a very drunk Joohyun came back; asking for forgiveness all over again. And since Wendy loves her dearly, she gave in.

Wendy tried changing her ways after that night. She does not ask Joohyun if she’ll be home; instead, she waits. She does not initiate a time together, not unless it’s the other one who’ll arrange things for the two of them. They began to function according to Joohyun’s terms. In Joohyun’s mind, she’s trying to compromise. She thought that Wendy finally got her and agreed to her definition of their relationship. But what she did not realize is Wendy’s already drowning because the younger one decided to stick around. Their bond is way too different than what they had before, but Joohyun says it’s what she can offer. For Wendy, she’s okay it up because she loves Joohyun.

Wendy browsed through their folder: the one that contains all random photos and videos of the couple way back in high school. They were so happy back then. She played one and was greeted by a laughing Joohyun who is chasing Seulgi with a paintbrush.

Where did we go wrong, Joohyun?

She sighed, turning the laptop off. She took one final glance and grabbed the luggage she prepared. Joohyun hasn’t been home for a week because she had an overseas appointment which she did not bother telling Wendy until she arrived. She said it slipped off her mind and that she’ll make up for it. But Wendy knows it very well. She knows that Irene cannot make up for it. She placed a letter on the bed and went out without looking back.

Joohyun arrived after a gruesome trip. She’s having jetlag, plus her head is killing her. However, when she stepped inside their house, a heavy feeling filled her chest. She looked around and noticed that the house is too quiet. She called on the younger one, but she received no reply. Her heart raced, and she ran immediately to their bedroom.

Joohyun knows that she’s not being the best partner one can wish for. She knows that she has been too confident because Wendy loves her, and she knows that the younger one always understands her. As she makes her way to their room, she heard Yerim’s question nights ago in her head.

“Are you not afraid that Wendy unnie will get tired? We know Wendy unnie. She’s the most patient and selfless person in the world. But unnie, she is human as well. She’ll get tired. I hope you know that.”

When she opened the door, she was greeted by silence. She was about to turn around, but she noticed an envelope lying on the bed. She walked towards it and ripped it open, and what greeted her shattered her.

“My Main,

Joohyun, my love.

Sorry if I am saying goodbye to you through this letter. I know that I won’t have the guts to walk away if I am to say these things to you in person.

You were the best thing that has ever happened to me. You taught me how to love. You showed me that there’s more in this life. I tried to stay, Hyun. But I must admit, the more I pull you close to me, the further I push myself away from my own self. Sorry if we can’t fulfill what we told my parents before. That we’ll last the seasons. I can’t do that if I am constantly drowning, love.

I wish we could’ve made it work, but I know I need more than all of these, Hyun. I needed to be heard. I needed to be seen. I needed to be needed.

I was afraid to lose you that’s why I decided to stick around, but it was harder than I thought because all I can feel is that I keep on drowning every day. I’m sick of waiting that you’ll be reminded that you love me the way you say you do.

So, I’m sorry if I have to dim the light of your lighthouse, my love. I can’t continuously light it up if I don’t have it with me. If faith permits, then we’ll see each other again.

I love you yesterday. I love you today. And I hope that in the future, I can still say that I love you.

Love,

Wendy”

It’s been a year since she last heard from Wendy. Even their friends had no idea where she went. Of course, they were mad at Joohyun. They told her numerous times that this is bound to happen, but she did not listen.

And now it brought her here.

She never stopped looking for Wendy. She wanted to apologize. The letter woke her up. She was reminded of all the things she promised not to do but failed to do. She still loves Wendy. That will never change. Maybe it is her wishful thinking, but she hopes that she can still have the younger one in her arms.

She’s on her quarterly leave, and now she’s in Canada. While spending her needed vacation, Joohyun also takes these chances to look for Wendy. It’s her final day in Canada, and she decided to spend it in a coffee shop, with hopes of seeing Wendy again.

She was done drinking her coffee and sighed sadly because this vacation is another futile attempt to look for the woman. She stood up, head hung low as she made her way out of the café. On her way out, however, she bumped into a newcomer. Irene was surprised and immediately looked at the lady to apologize, but whom she saw made her tongue-tied.

“W-Wendy. I-it’s you…”