When he dropped that ‘we need to talk’ phrase, Taeyeon suddenly felt something familiar to him. The anxiety climbed up. His eyes are blurry. Breathing heavily.

 

“Taeyeon? What’s happening?”, Tiffany immediately walks towards him upon sensing that something is wrong with him. She can see it with his face suddenly turns pale. “Hey, look at me. Breath. It’s okay. Taetae, breath. It’s okay. I’m here",

 

I’m here.

It’s okay.

Taeyeon can hear it clearly but he seems to be lost in his own and can’t find his way out again inside that box that he created as his own safe place.

 

It is scaring Tiffany. 10 years had passed and she never thought that one day her bubbly and always happy friend will turn out like that. “Taetae, come on. Look at me. Breathe…”,

 

Tiffany cupped his face and force him to look at her. “Look at me, babe. Inhale, exhale. Good, follow me”,

 

She then engulfed him with a warm hug. Rubbing his back up and down while waiting for him to calm down. Tiffany can tell that his body stops shaking when she hug him.

 

Taeyeon realizes what happens so, he quickly releases himself and takes a step back without looking at her friend. He didn’t know why he suddenly had a panic attack.

 

“Are you okay now?”, she asks him while rubbing his arm. “What do you want to tell me, Tae?”,

 

“I-, uh… sorry, I have to go”

 

“Don’t”, Tiffany stops him before he leaves. She knew the last thing she will do is force him to talk. “It’s 7pm now. I’m hungry, want to grab a meal with me? You see my car broke this morning, mind giving me a lift?”,

 

She gave him her best eye smile. She won’t force him. She will wait until he is ready but it will not stop her from finding out the reason why.

 

With that sudden request, Taeyeon were baffled. “Sorry… not hungry. Maybe next time”, 

 

“Come on… If you don’t want then let’s eat at your house. I miss Auntie Kim’s homemade Kimchi”,

 

“But…”,Taeyeon scratches his forehead when Tiffany is giving him the look that he can’t say no. “Mom is not at home. She has an out of town seminar. When she’s back, I’ll invite you”, 

 

“Am I not welcome in your house anymore?”, she gave him a puppy look. “Fine. You can go now. I still have lots of works to finish”, 

 

Taeyeon sigh defeated as he saw the clock hanging on the wall. “It’s late, Fany-ah, you should go now. Let’s go, I’ll drive you home”, 

 

“Say that again, Tae…”, 

 

“W-what?”, 

 

“Say that again…what did you just call me?”, 

 

“Fany-ah~”, 

 

And that’s it. Hearing him calls her again that makes her longing gone. He is the only one allowed to call her that. He is the who makes her heart skip like that with just calling her by that name. 

 

Without having second thought she hugs him again and whisper… “I miss you so much, taetae”, 

 

The feeling of having your best friend back in your life again feels so great knowing that you now have someone whom you can share your worries or whatnot and someone whom you can depend on.

 

A big smile flashes throughout Tiffany's face. She's like back in her teenage years where she and Taeyeon just doing whatever they want, go to places they want and hang out, just the two of them that's how comfortable she were with him before and that is what she's missing.

 

 

The drive going to the place where most of their memories are stored are nothing but a quiet one where you could only hear the sound of the car engine and honking of the other cars on the road.

 

 

It was a familiar road but Tiffany can tell that a lot has changed since the last time she visited.

 

 

The 2nd house that she grew up with is still the same. It was like 10 years was like 10 days. Memories are coming back. "Home", she mumbles to herself. 

 

 

 

Now inside the house the Tiffany is starting to miss her childhood days. Seeing those photos of Taeyeon and her growing up saddens her because some of those photos are with her mom. 

 

 

The house is not only where her and Taeyeon's memories were stored but also her mom and Auntie Kim's memories. Just like them, the two were friends longer than she can remember even when her mom departed first, her best friend Mrs. Kim never forgets her. 

 

 

"Dinner's ready", Taeyeon shouted. "I didn't cook because you said you misses mom's cooking so, I just reheated all the dishes she left for me. Just tell me if you want a fresh new one. I can cook", 

 

 

"No, no. This all good", Tiffany happily replies while taking her sit. She's like a kid while smelling the foods. "I miss this. I mean, Auntie's food and us...", the last part came out almost inaudible as she lowered her head.

 

 

Taeyeon heard it but still pretended not to because he is afraid that once he acted upon his feelings he will eventually hurt the woman that she loves, not really him but putting her at risk of getting hurt.

 

 

The dinner is not what Tiffany had imagine. It was a very quiet dinner and the silence is killing her. She wants to ask Taeyeon about what happened. She wanted to know how he's been doing or how's life. But, seeing the face of Taeyeon that she can't read makes her step back and just wait for him to be ready to speak his mind.

 

 

Right after having dessert, Taeyeon made a mistake of taking his pills, one that helps him sleep through the night. He is mentally cursing himself because now, he can't drive Tiffany to her apartment.

 

 

"Um. Tiffany...", he calls her as she is fixing her coat. "I don't think I can drive you home. I suddenly feels unwell", he lied. He just can't drive a 30 minutes ride going to her apartment and another 30 minutes back to his house.

 

 

Disappointed but still worried. "That's fine but are you okay? Do you want me to get you some medicines?",

 

 

"No need, thank you. I will just sleep this out for the night and will be good tomorrow again",

 

 

"Call me in case...", Tiffany reminded him before grabbing her phone to book a cab.

 

 

It's like Taeyeon is a mind reader noticing how she frown while scrolling through her phone. "Here... Use my car. Don't take cab. It's late already and I won't be able to sleep with that", Taeyeon handed his car key

 

 

Tiffany is smiling. 'He is still the sweet man as he was before'

 

 

"But how will you be able to get to work tomorrow?", she asks but immediately took it. "Never mind, I'll drop by tomorrow morning so that we can go to the office tomorrow. I'll get going now, bye taetae",

 

"Drive safely. Please text me once you get home",

 

 

Taeyeon watches her drives away using his car. Once Tiffany is out of sight, he releases a long deep sigh. "This is so hard!",

 

 

He went back inside and walks straight to his bedroom. He can feel the pilss taking effect as he is feeling sleepy already. Like what he always do before sleeping, Taeyeon grab a thick notebook from his night stand.

 

 

He smile every time he opens it." A pink diary for a guy like me",he chuckles. "Hi Mrs.D!",

 

 

Mrs.D, or Mrs.Diary...that is who accompany him all those years.  His doctor advise him to write down everything that happens to him everyday so that he will have an alternative outlet and won't be keeping everything inside of him which is very unhealthy for him.

 

 

Everyday before sleeping, Taeyeon always writes down how his day went by and what he feels throughout the day. With this diary, it will be easy for him and his doctor to track down when he will have an episode just like what happens awhile ago.

 

 

Taeyeon is very truthful and consistent with writing on it every day since he started therapy.

 

 

Meanwhile, Tiffany is almost near her apartment when she realizes that she forgot her laptop on Taeyeon's house. She dialed his number but he wasn't picking up.

 

 

"Is he sleeping already? But I have a late night meeting with the client from LA", she says before turn right on the next street.

 

 

While driving Taeyeon's car, Tiffany couldn't help but the smile as she carefully checks the interior of the car. "You really love cars, Taetae. Look how clean this is and it smells so good. You have to give me this freshener",

 

 

She chuckles realizing that she's talking to herself again. A habit that she learns after her best friend left. And it makes her sad again. Taeyeon is already back but not really back as he is keeping his distance towards her which she really doesn't understand why he is doing that.

 

 

After several tries of calling, she decided to just enter the house after all the pass code of their front door is still the same after seeing Taeyeon key in the code awhile ago.

 

 

"Taeyeon?", she calls him out making her presence known to him but still no answer and the house is so quiet and some of the lights are already turned off. "Taeyeon?",

 

 

She found her laptop on the couch. There's a huge urge for her to check on him remembering that he told her that he is feeling unwell

 

 

Tiffany slowly walks towards his room. Again, she feels a little bit emotional walking on the hallway where all of their photos since they were a kid are hanging on the wall. It was like the memorial of their long friendship.

 

 

She knocks on the door but hears nothing on the other side so, slowly she opens up the door and saw Taeyeon sleeping soundly already.

 

Noticing the odd position of Taeyeon, she quickly walks towards him and help him lay down comfortably. Tiffany also saw him clutching onto a pink book.

 

“Taetae, you’re neck and back will be sore if you will sleep in this position”, she tells him while tapping him to wake up, but nothing happens as he is sleeping like a log.

 

Tiffany pull him down to force him to lay down properly and when she was about to take the pink book away from him, Taeyeon suddenly frowning while sleeping. “No! No! No! Don’t touch this!”, he mumbles

 

“Okay. I won’t take it. Just sleep now. You’ll feel better tomorrow”, she says while caressing his face. When she was about to leave, she heard another faint sound coming from him that ignites something inside of her.

 

“Sorry, Fany-ah. D-don’t hurt her… I promise…”, it’s a muffled sound coming from him which is almost incoherent but was loud enough for Tiffany. “Yes… I will go away”,

 

Shock and goosebumps are what Tiffany felt when that escapes Taeyeon’s mouth. He is dreaming and she knows it, but she can tell that something is not right with it. With those words, surely a big secret is being kept to her and only Taeyeon and whoever he is talking in his sleep knew about it.

 

Looking around, her eyes darted on the similar book that Taeyeon is holding. She counted those books and it was 9 plus the one that he is holding. “10 books? This isn’t trilogy books because you hate those stories”,

 

Curiosity hits her hard as she found herself slowly walking towards the bookshelf. In an instant she knew it wasn’t any type of book as what she thought it was. Each pink like book has a year written on it’s side.

 

She gasps. “No way…”,

 

Just as she was suspecting, true enough it was not a book, but it was Taeyeon’s journal or diary throughout the year, starting from the year he disappears.

 

Then there’s a box on top of those thick journals. Her eyes began tearing up upon seeing what was inside the small box. She took all the photos and saw handwritten messages on each polaroid.

 

“No way! You were there! You’re always been there”,

 

 That’s right, another secret has been exposed again. Every year, not a single year missed. She looks back at her best friend again and found him still sleeping peacefully with those frowns gone. 

 

Tears starts falling from her beautiful orbs as she begins reading those messages.

 

`Year 2021… Happy birthday, Fany-ah. You look happier this year compared to last year.  I wish you will continue to be this happy. I miss seeing your beautiful eye smile, I miss hearing your lovable laugh. I miss spending time with you doing what we used to do when we were young. I’m sorry, Fany-ah. Forgive me for being a coward. Forgive me for choosing to protect you by leaving you alone. It’s funny that every year he knew that I am back. Maybe one day you will know the truth, you will figure out the truth but for now, I shall endure all of this bruises, busted lips and broken bones, I guess. You can’t blame because your irresistible. You’re hard to resist. I might be a coward, but this coward is madly, insanely in love with you whom I cannot be with.’

 

The confession took her by surprise, but she can’t focus on it just yet because of the other part of the message. Scanning through the journal on the bookshelf, she took the year 2021.

 

With hand shaking she quickly turn each page until she reached the date that she’s been meaning to look at.

 

Tiffany knew it very well that going through someone’s journal is a sin but she needed to know who is ‘him’ that Taeyeon is talking to in his dream and talking about who’s been beating him every birthday of her. And the urge to know the person who took her best friend away from him is very strong.

 

True enough, Taeyeon is diligently writing on his journal, no wonder it is very thick notebook. After few more flipping of the pages, Tiffany finally see the date the she’s eager to read. Only that certain page.

 

 

 

-AUGUST 1, 2021

Hi Mrs. D… I saw her today. She’s so beautiful as ever. Black hair really suits her. How I wish I could be the one with her on her special day. I miss celebrating it with her. Mrs. D, he saw me again. I don’t know, it’s like he knew that I will be there somehow or is he waiting for me? I think he misses me too. 

Anyways, it happens again. In the parking lot again, Mrs. D. What did I do wrong? I never did anything to him. He got what he wants. I kept my promise. What else do I need to do to stop him? Mrs. D, is loving someone from a far is still wrong? I really don’t know anymore. My life is a mess, all of them wants me gone, should I really disappear? Where should go now?

I’m tired, Mrs. D. my body couldn’t take it anymore. I was supposed to be on a plane right now, flying back to LA but guess what…here I am lying in a hospital bed because apparently another bone broke this year.

 

 

“Taetae”, she closes his journal and run towards the sleeping mam who has no idea about what Tiffany just found out. “Why, Taeyeon? Why didn’t you tell me all about this? I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. You should not be the one suffering”,

 

Tiffany squeeze his hand before kissing him on his forehead. “Stop running away from me now. Let me stop you from hurting yourself and letting him hurt you. Just wait a little bit longer and I promise you that we will go back to how we used to be before”,

 

 

The next day, August 4, 2022. Taeyeon woke up like usual and still oblivious at what just happened that night.

 

Doing his daily routine, going on his morning run, prepare his breakfast, checks on some job vacancy of his interest and lastly, he is still researching about Africa.

 

His professor’s offer is still on the line. The plane ticket has been sitting on his study table for quite some time, but he hasn’t really made up his mind.

 

There is something pushing him to go and on the contrary, there is some unexplainable thing pulling him back and telling him to stay, don’t go.

“Stay or go? Nah! Work! You need to finish your work under Boss Hwang. Yeah, that’s the right thing to do”, he motivated himself.

 

Remembering that he lends his car to Tiffany, he then patiently waits for her while continuing reading articles about Africa. As days goes by, he is slowly falling in love with the country and the thought of him somehow can contribute with that community is overwhelming him.

 

The doorbell ringing woke him up from daydreaming. He immediate shut down his laptop before excitedly opening the front door. “Fany-ah, have you- Oh, can I help you?”,

 

“Are you Mr. Kim?”, a man on his 40s asks

 

Taeyeon can feel his anxiety slowly building up as he looks around anxiously thinking that he will be beaten up any moments from there. The old man senses the sudden change on his breathing and look in his eyes.

 

He smiles at him. “Ms. Hwang sends me over here to return your car. I’m Mr. Yoo by the way her personal driver”,

 

“Oh”, he can breathe normally again. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Yoo. May I ask, where is she?”,

 

“I actually don’t know. She told me to give your key before she left earlier. Maybe she’s going to visit another site or meetings with another clients”,

 

Taeyeon is somewhat disappointed as he is expecting to see Tiffany early morning and be able to drive her to work, one of his dream to do with her.

 

He went to work and true enough, the boss is not at the office. And no one knew where she went.

 

Without their bossy boss, the office seems to be quiet and peaceful or it was only him who notices it. In all honesty, he is getting bored of what he was doing, he is looking for something interesting to aside from pretending to do something, pretending to work.

 

His job is done 3 day ago since he arrived at the office to help them retrieve files. He just made up that 2 weeks timeframe all because he wanted to be with Tiffany even just for 2 weeks.

 

While playing with his pen, his phone suddenly rings. “Mom?”,,

 

“Hi son”,

 

“What’s up, mom? How’s the trial going? Are you going home tomorrow?”, he bombarded her with questions.

 

Mrs. Kim laugh on the other line. “The trial is done, and we won! Anyway, I just call to check on you. How are you feeling, son? You’re eating and taking you meds on time?”.

 

“Congratulations on winning again. Let’s celebrate when you get home. No need to worry about me, mom. I’m eating really well and been taking my meds on time. Mom… I need to tell you something”, Taeyeon sigh.

 

Mrs. Kim tries her best not to let him notice her voice shaking because Taeyeon hates it whenever he makes her worried or sad. “Okay, son. I’ll be home tomorrow. Wait for me, okay? I love you, Taeyeon”,

 

“Love you too, mom. See you tomorrow. Bye!”,

 

As soon as the call disconnected, Mrs. Kim looks toward the person sitting in front of her. “Mind telling me why you need to drive this long just to talk to me, Tiffany?’,

​​​​​​

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Hi everyone! I will apologize in advance as this story will be a very slow update. Since I started working full-time again, I really don't have that much time write but rest assured that I will not be abandoning this story.

Thank you - N