Jonghyun tossed and turned in his bed. Tonight is particularly hard for him as when he tried to close his eyes, his mind would wander to a few years back. He didn’t know what triggered the memory but he couldn’t erase that particular face from his mind. It started a week ago but the memory of the said boy only came faintly and Jonghyun could just shrug it off. But tonight, it’s different. He could see the boy’s face every time he tried to close his eyes. It’s gotten to the point of becoming very annoying that it couldn’t be ignored.

He reaches his phone and scrolls down his contacts until he finally gets to the said man number. After some consideration, he calls the man, hoping to find peace whether he answers the call or not. It’s 3 AM and Jonghyun is sure that whoever he calls is already asleep, he knows that the man values his beauty sleep so much. But on the third ring, the voice that he’s been missing a lot greet him.

“Jonghyun hyung?”

“Kibum…” Jonghyun could only utter the man’s name, his heart is beating very hard and he feels like fainting.

*

“You know that I love you right, bummie?”

The younger of the two nodded but tears still flowed from his eyes.

“I’m sorry, bummie… I’m really sorry…”

“I understand, hyung… It’s hard for you to continue this relationship..”

“No!” He cut Kibum quickly.

“It’s hard for us, bummie! I made this decision for you, for your own good.”

“No, hyung. How did you know what’s good for me? Who are you to decide? I don’t understand… If it's for my own happiness, I would like us to still be together! I can’t continue living knowing that you are not mine!”

“Bum… please? Don’t be like that… promise me that you would be happy, okay? Even when I am no longer beside you, please always be happy…”

If he is being honest, Jonghyun didn’t want to make this decision. He loves Kibum with all his heart, he didn’t want to break up with him.

They are high-school sweetheart, the it couple in their year. The relationship continued even after they went to college. Problem arose when Jonghyun was accepted as one of the trainees in the entertainment industry. The time he could spend with Kibum decreased and he started to miss some important days, even Kibum’s birthday.

But even then, Kibum would stick strong beside him. Giving Jonghyun endless support for his dream to be an artist. Kibum would give him some advice whenever he needed, prepare his lunch and send it to the company every time Jonghyun forgot to bring his lunch and it’s Kibum that was waiting for him in his apartment and hugs him whenever he has a bad day. Kibum is his source of strength in his trainee life.

When Jonghyun finally debuted as a bassist in a band, Kibum was the first to congratulate him. He knows that the younger love him unconditionally and he does too. But after debuting and his band getting more famous, it’s getting hard to hide his private life. The fans found out about his relationship with Kibum anyway.

Kibum’s life turned upside down after that. He often gets death threats from Jonghyun’s fans and once when Kibum was going home from his work, a car that was running full speed almost hit him. Turns out it was one of the obsessive fans that was hating the fact that Jonghyun is dating Kibum.

It was the last straw for Jonghyun. Even after every death threat, bullied on the internet and being mocked in public, Kibum would never waver. He stays beside Jonghyun, still being his number one fans. Kibum is strong, Jonghyun knows that. But if anything happens to Kibum because of him, Jonghyun wouldn’t forgive himself. So, he made the tough decision by leaving Kibum.

Watching Kibum crying his heart out and saying how unfair life is broke Jonghyun’s heart into a million pieces. He promised to never keep in contact with the man so Kibum could eventually move on from him.

*

Tears rolled down from Jonghyun’s eyes upon hearing Kibum’s voice after almost 5 years. He kept his promise not to contact Kibum and he’s quite successful until now. But listening to Kibum’s voice and his steady breath brings back many beautiful memories to Jonghyun. He is happiest when he is with Kibum. 

“Hyung?”

“Bummie… how are you?”

Kibum fell silent. Jonghyun could hear the younger sniffing on the other end of the line. His heart clenched knowing that Kibum must be crying right now.

“I… I’m fine hyung. How are you? Why did you call me at this hour?” Kibum’s voice is just as soft and compassionate as Jonghyun remembers.

“I’m great!” The silence following is so suffocating that Jonghyun couldn’t help but add, “I miss you, bummie.”

And the dam is broken. Kibum is sobbing uncontrollably all while trying to mutter anything but no words come out.

“Bummie.. Bummie please? Don’t cry… please?”

“I… hyung… why now? After almost 5 years, why did you call me now?”

Jonghyun didn’t have an answer for that question. Why now? That is also a mystery for Jonghyun.

“Let’s meet, bummie…” he didn’t answer the question, instead he asked for the thing that he really wanted to tell the younger since a long time ago. Yeah, he missed Kibum. He wants to see him, hold his hand and mend their relationship. He suffered enough to live his life without Kibum and now that he has some courage to call Kibum, he should just ask him. 

Jonghyun could hear that Kibum is sobbing again, silently this time. His heart was pounding, waiting for Kibum’s answer. Now that he is a senior in the entertainment industry, people won’t bother him about his dating life. Jonghyun thinks this is the best time for him to ask Kibum to get back together.

“Bummie?”

“Hyung… I… I missed you too…”

“So, let’s meet?”

“Okay…”

Jonghyun thinks that he will have a nice and comfortable sleep tonight after suffering from a week of sleepless nights.