Solar's POV

I've been watching you from the side for 12 years.

We had a bad start because I was scared of the things you woke deep inside of me, Byul-ah.

That carefree girl who behaved like a western person and didn't respect the usual age hierarchy was too distant from my reality. Yet, I felt instantly pulled toward your gravity.

You know better than anyone about our ups and downs and all the stages we went through together.

One of the things that I had the privilege to watch was your growth as a person and as an artist.

None of us in Mamamoo can deal well with the public exchange of praises or a lot of affection. Not even you, who is considered our social butterfly relax when it comes to receiving the good words you deserve.

That doesn't help an introverted person such as myself because I keep freezing whenever my mind tells me to open up to you.

Recently, you took an extremely brave step and accepted to take part in a show to prove your vocal skills.

To be honest, I became anxious and my worries went to the roof.

Not because I was afraid that you might fail.

No, I was 200% sure of your capacity and talent but those variety shows are famous for breaking rules and I didn't want to see you crying again for something unfair.

Byul-ah,  we fought a hundred times for similar reasons.

Although it's important to accept others for who they are, I could never remain silent when you were being passive and lethargic.

In my prejudgment, I used to think that you were doing that on purpose. And it took me a decade to realize that you were depressed and your whole being was screaming for having your biggest dream crushed.

I'm sorry I had no voice to fight for you and make a change in our group dynamic.

Forgive me for not being powerful enough to convince our CEO, and everyone else involved in the Mamamoo project, that you should be singing with us from the start.

I would be lying if I said I am not proud of rapper Moonbyul. After all, I saw her being born and raised.

Nonetheless, my heart aches now and then for all the nights you cried on my lap while questioning your singing skills.

It's so amazing to see more people discovering the vocalist Moonbyul and falling in love with your voice.

Even though moo moo, the kids, and I always knew about your warm and beautiful voice, it's fantastic that others can be positively shocked while listening to you.

Wheeinie, Hyejinie, and I discussed a dozen times about going to the show to support you. Even as a surprise.

Then you told me that you were under a lot of pressure for carrying Mamamoo's reputation and that you were already so nervous that you might vomit or faint if we were there.

To be honest, it felt like a cold shower because I was so proud and I dreamed of being in the front row when they announced your name as the winner.

Nevertheless, you explained that you would feel like the audience might compare you to the 3 of us and that would freeze you and harm your performance.

I am sure they would be silly if they did that though.

Each person has a distinct color and they are all beautiful and talented.

We are Mamamoo just because of the four of us. Not because of one or two.

Now that I think about this evening, It was for the best that I stayed home watching you through the tv screen.

How would I keep my poker face and pretend that I was not biased? 

How could I deny that you were the brightest star on that stage?

How could I hold my tears when I saw your honest joyful reaction to winning the competition?

All your physical and emotional pain were not worthless, Byul-ah.

Whenever you say that you get inspiration from me to keep working harder, I smile 

The truth is that we push each other instead of me being your guide.

I can only overcome myself and become a better Solar because I see Moonbyul waving and encouraging me on the road.

Sometimes I may step ahead. Then I fall and you reach out and pull me back on my feet.

Yongsun is also stronger thanks to Byul-YI and I wish