So it is getting colder.

 

You think that the knitting is taking longer than you intended to do.

 

Well, Daengi being naughty is one factor.

 

There was never a day that your orange cat never disturbed your peaceful knitting by nudging on your yarns or sometimes, the knitting pins themselves just because she was so amused by the thing.

 

Matters at work also became more hectic and everyday means more potential breaches to stop. Your boss has also given you additional shifts and it is making your days more miserable.

 

Minjeong is the only good part of your days.

 

"My boss is giving me a lot of things to do," Minjeong squeaks beside you.

 

You turn at her, sees Minjeong's tall nose standing tall and lips jutted in a pout.

 

"She expects me to submit the presentation on time while giving me many tasks. And on top of that, the others would call me for their assistance," she rants more, pitch getting higher and higher.

 

With this indication, you know the girl is starting to get agitated.

 

"I'm not a robot!"

 

You should not be laughing; but you are giggling before you could even stop it.

 

Which earned you an icy glare from the smaller person beside you.

 

"Sorry," you apologize, pulling your face back into neutrality with great effort while looking at Minjeong's face.

 

"It's not funny," Minjeong mumbles and you felt bad for laughing at her clearly serious remark.

 

“I know," you said, apologetic, guilt creeping up at the way her lower lips pulled down in a frown.

 

You tugged her towards the inside of your coat, "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

 

You hear a huff; but nothing comes after that. In a very strange way, you know it was Minjeong’s strange way of saying you are forgiven.

 

The two of you continued walking along the not so active streets of nighttime Seoul.

 

“You are getting stressed."

 

You hear a scoff from the girl enclosed around your arm.

 

"You think so?"

 

This paints a small smile on your lips.

 

Minjeong always gets so feisty when she is stressed.

 

"I know so."

 

The night is not as hectic as the previous ones; but the temperature is sure getting colder by the day.

 

The only things that are keeping you warm right now is your coat and the heat of Minjeong's body against you.

 

"I'm tired, Jimin."

 

You hear the girl sigh, Minjeong unconsciously pressing her body against your side as if to get more warmth, more strength.

 

So you pull her closer, closest, a tiny prayer inside your head with the hopes that doing it would channel your remaining energy unto Minjeong through osmosis.

 

"I can feel that,” was the only thing you were able to say, your fingers making soft, circular motions at the tip of her shoulder blade. You silently pray that it is enough to make her know that you do feel it, that load in her being that has been weighing her down.

 

You silently pray that it would be enough to make her know.

 

That you see how much she is struggling, how the sparkle in her pair of eyes that you greatly admire was slowly dissipating into thin air and being replaced by this hollow glimmer of exhaustion.

 

"I want to quit." Minjeong blurts out.

 

You were expecting to hear somewhere along these lines soon; but not pretty soon like at the very moment.

 

Which halted your steps and necessarily, Minjeong's too.

 

"You do?" you eyed her in your peripheral view, reading through her blank face.

 

Minjeong meets your gaze.

 

"I'm thinking about it."

 

A blink.

 

Then your feet are moving again to resume your walk.

 

One step.

 

Two steps.

 

"I feel like I'm not cut out for this job," small and insecure, Minjeong whispers.

 

You can feel the wall of confidence, the sleeping giant of self-assurance and wit, crumbling down right beside you.

 

"It's getting harder and my boss and everyone in the office are expecting a lot of things from me," she goes on. "I'm just one person compared to the many big things I have to face every day."

 

"It's tiring," Minjeong lets out a deep, meaningful sigh filled with every bit of exhaustion that strangely found a home inside her petite body, "I'm very tired."

 

Of the many things Minjeong is, being vocal is not one of them. She is more of an action person rather than words. For some reason, she makes it work and you are able to understand whatever it is she is trying to imply through her gestures.

 

So to hear her voice out her exhaustion, to perceive her emotions through verbal communication on your presence is very personal to you.

 

Too personal that it left no room to sugarcoat your words.

 

It is just you and Minjeong and the weight of the burden placed unto the shoulders of a young adult in this very expectant world.

 

"I understand," comes your soft response after a few seconds, pulling her closer to your side more than she already is, hoping that she can feel the press of your body against the thick wool, "Work can sometimes consume the best of us and reduce us into this almost lifeless form of a once healthy and productive human body."

 

"It's a silent killer, if I'm going to be honest." you tell her, candid. "They say that the price of success is hardwork but I say, that in return, the price of hard work is our health. It shouldn’t be like that; but compromises are inevitable when it comes to living. We want something but we also have to give up something else to get what we want. In the end, it’s a never-ending cycle of us giving and the system the universe taking away things from us in return."

 

You give her a meaningful glance, “You are only human and your prowess is limited. It is bound to get tiring at a certain point and that’s okay. Exhaustion is a symptom of being human after all.”

 

The crisp of the night breeze swooshes through the both of you as you continued your saunter. Silence stretched and you’d like to think that Minjeong is digesting your words in her head.

 

"But y’know, it is also in moments like this that we slowly figure out what to do next," you continue after a moment.

 

“We may feel stuck at some point or even feel worse when it feels like we are not being the best version of ourselves," you pause, turns to give Minjeong a small smile, "And it’s okay. The hardest part of breaking through is not on the end but in the middle. And it seems like you are right at it."

 

Minjeong purses her lips and you fight the urge to pull her in and press a reassuring kiss on her pretty face.

 

"Tiredness, hopelessness; they are all components of one bigger picture. Of the entire process that we all need to experience in order to get to the next part."

 

"What is the next part?" Minjeong suddenly asks, curious.

 

You maintain your smile.

 

"It's for you to know, Minjeong."

 

"But I'm tired of not knowing right now."

 

"This is the part where you would know." You ruffle the girl's hair and continues to walk, "This right here."

 

"But how do I know, Jimin? When exactly do I know?"

 

You constantly asked it yourself before: the how’s and the whys and the whens. How things would always fall into place after messing it up. Why matters work out in a certain way instead of what you thought it would be. When will it stop being hard..

 

These things have consumed you in more occasion than your fingers could count and your hair strands combined.

 

In the end, it always boiled down to this:

 

"You…” with a melancholic smile quirked up the corner of your lips, you start, eyes staring at a distance “…you just."

 

"One day you would just wake up realizing or you're suddenly doing something in the middle of the day and it would hit you," you explain in patience as if talking to a delicate child, "Like, ‘ah, I understand it now..’"

 

"And it isn't something that would come with a loud banging noise," you breathe, "The knowing would come stealthily, like a burglar in the middle of the night. It doesn’t give any signs. It just comes.”

 

"And when that day comes,” you say, calm and conscious, “You just know Minjeong. You just know."

 

You are not anymore certain if you are still talking about Minjeong's dilemma or you very own predicament that involves the petite woman on your arms.

 

But you are sure that for your part, you just woke up one day feeling an indescribable burn in your stomach when you think about Minjeong.

 

Has she eaten?

 

Is the taking care of herself?

 

What is she doing today?

 

Is she thinking about you too?

 

Does she even feel the same?

 

Those thoughts..

 

And that is when you knew.

 

That the girl from two floors above who transferred to a new building after months of talking, the Kim Minjeong of Marketing Firm, has become someone that your care so much more.

 

More than a rooftop buddy.

 

More than the girl who likes cheese sticks with her coffee.

 

More than a friend..

 

You made it to the bus stop. The place is empty and the both of you occupied the cold seats, sitting closest to each other if possible.

 

You never let go of Minjeong, not even once.

 

“I would think about it," she finally said after a few moments of silence between the both of you, "I want things to work out but at the same time, I don't want it to be at the expense of my health and the people around me."

 

You give her a tender smile.

 

"You're a smart kid, Minjeong." You say, "I believe you'll know what to do that would serve your interest best."

 

"Will you be around when I finally made up my mind?"

 

You blink.

 

Heart racing.

 

Body getting warmer.

 

All you can see and hear and feel is Minjeong Minjeong Minjeong..

 

"I will always be around," you replied, certainty laced in your voice despite how soft it is. "No matter. Whenever."

 

You know that work was the subject of your discussion.

 

But perhaps, you and Minjeong are also talking about something else.

 

Who knows?

 

 

***

 

 

"How about you?" Minjeong suddenly asks beside you, "How are things at work?"

 

You think about the disastrous week that you had.

 

The potential breach for the twentieth time solely for that week; software engineers yelling at each other for the possible contract rescission with a client and the alternatives they should propose; Aeri being sick for half of the week so you had to cover for her shifts and also make sure that your bestfriend was eating her meal by dropping at her house everyday.

 

Work is a total disaster.

 

"Work is fine," is what comes out of your mouth.

 

But Minjeong is a smart kid just like what you said.

 

"The crease on your forehead tells me that work is anything but fine, Jimin."

 

You turn your head to look at the girl who is unknowingly the reason why you are able to keep it all together every day.

 

Minjeong raises her hand and you feel her index and middle fingers pressing on the point where your brows meet in the middle. You are not even aware that you were frowning until you her fingers touched your flesh.

 

Gentle as ever, fingertips soothed down the crease on your forehead and you felt your entire face immediately relaxing at the tender touch.

 

Minjeong is sending you a small, encouraging smile that melted all the walls of reservation that you had been wearing for protection and preservation.

 

"Work .." you breathed, in a momentary daze brought about by the sweet gesture courtesy of Minjeong, before snapping out of it and letting out a sigh, "Things are challenging that it's sometimes dreadful to go to work and well...work."

 

You felt Minjeong's hand finding yours, intertwining your fingers with hers on a secured clasp.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Minjeong's thumb starts rubbing the back of your hand and you honestly do not know if she is aware of the calming effect it has on you.

 

How it felt similar to that childhood memory of being at home, within the safety of your abode and the domestic security that it offers.

 

How that thumb rubbing on your hand felt more of an anchor that is preventing you to drift away to the abyss of helplessness.

 

How her mere existence is the main reason why you still find joy in waking up in the morning and walking the paths of this world despite how difficult it becomes.

 

How she made a substantial difference since the moment you met her, making everything in your life more vibrant and meaningful.

 

You do not know if she is aware. But at the end of the night, you will make sure she knows.

 

"Just like you, things are not easy these days," you reveal quietly, "Everything is messy and nothing is going according to what they're expected to be. Those things I told you a while ago, it’s pretty much a way of convincing myself too. But it’s just as hard for me."

 

You gave her a glance, almost letting out a empty laugh because, "It's hard, Minjeong-ah.."

 

The thumb on your hand continues to move in a circular motion.

 

You felt a weight leaning against your shoulder.

 

And suddenly, there is nothing else to think about but Minjeong’s scent on your nostrils, the softness of her hair, just her.

 

You are in a bubble and you silently pray that no one would burst it so you could prolong this feeling of satisfaction overwhelming your senses at the moment.

 

"There are hard days," you head Minjeong say, low and gentle, "Sometimes these days stretch long enough to burn us out and deplete us of our stash of happiness. We do not know when it will end and that’s what makes it harder."

 

"But it's not always rainy.” She continues. “Rains would eventually pass and you're not going to be stuck on this moment.”

 

Minjeong shifts and you feel a pair of eyes staring up at you, “There’s no sense of repeating the words you’ve told me because you know it already and you are smart enough to understand it. But here’s what I can offer.”

 

Brown meets onyx.

 

“Just like happiness in this world is fleeting, the strongest storms are short-lived. The sad days are momentary. They come. But they always go."

 

And a smile.

 

"This too, shall pass, Jimin." Minjeong concludes, reassuring. "It shall pass. I promise."

 

Heart.

 

Dugeun dugeun.

 

Minjeong.

 

Minjeong.

 

Minjeong.

 

"Oh!" the girl suddenly exclaims and points a finger in the middle of the air.

 

You turn your head to what Minjeong is eagerly pointing her finger to.

 

Ah, you found your heart fluttering at the sight.

 

"It's the first snow.."

 

Small, white flakes is unhurriedly falling off the sky like specks of powder being poured down by heavenly hands, taking its sweet time to sprinkle the white dust of bliss and new beginning.

 

If angels are real, you would ask them for this moment to never stop, for this moment to stretch out as long as it can.

 

This very moment right here with Minjeong.

 

"It's the first snow, Jimin." Minjeong mutters in admiration, the sparkle in her eyes shining bright and you cannot stop yourself from staring.

 

"Let's make a wish!"

 

Before you knew it, Minjeong is dragging you outside your small shelter and under the rain of white powder.

 

Minjeong stands petite and beautiful, palm folded together, eyes closed, head tilted downwards with an innocent hang.

 

You cannot stop staring.

 

"You have to fold your hands like this Jimin," Minjeong instructs you, momentarily opens her pretty eyes so she could put your hands together in a prayer.

 

When your hands touched, there was jolt in your body that would have been enough to buckle your knees and make you fall.

 

(In your head, you tell yourself that well, you have already. Will it even make a difference if you literally fall down to your knees at her glorious presence?)

 

But it's gone before you can even dwell on it when Minjeong drew her hands away.

 

"Let's make a wish, hmm?" Minjeong smiles at you.

 

Gentle.

 

Innocent.

 

So Minjeong.

 

You swallow a lump in your throat.

 

Minjeong closes her eyes again, clasped her hands again.

 

Then she starts praying.

 

You?

 

You start praying too.

 

But your eyes remained glued at the beautiful ginger head standing beside you.

 

You can feel your eyes starting to sweat.

 

Minjeong looks ing pretty she almost felt like an apparition of a divine being who decided to perform a miracle right in front of your face and grace you with her presence.

 

Her closed eyes with long, pretty lashes.

 

Tall, pointed nose that could pierce through the coldness that is starting to seep into your hardly thick layer of clothes.

 

Thin, luscious lips that if you squint hard enough, you would see it moving subtly as she recites an inaudible prayer to the air.

 

Round, puffy cheeks that curve her face reminding you of your favorite Japanese mochi from that store two blocks away from your apartment.

 

.

 

You are so in love with this woman it's starting to burn you.

 

So, so bad.

 

Minjeong suddenly flutters her eyes open and meets your prying ones.

 

Then everything stills.

 

Somewhere in the distance, the stop light goes from red..

 

To green.

 

Cars starts to move.

 

A snowflake gently lands on the surface of your coat.

 

And a pair of lips finds itself pressed ever so lightly against Minjeong's forehead.

 

The taste of the snowflake on your mouth reminds you of that chocolate candy inside your cupboard at home.

 

It was Minjeong's favorite. Something that you consistently kept ever since the day you were informed of the fact. A preparation for if one day she comes visiting your place, you will have something to serve her.

 

Right at this moment, you know.

 

You just know.

 

Know that you will do everything to make this girl, this sweet, human form of gentleness and love encapsulated in one petite body.

 

You will do everything to make her happy.

 

For the girl who captured your once unbelieving heart, the one who made you feel that fate is not some kind of twisted narrative for the hopeless to hold unto.

 

For Minjeong, you can do everything.

 

For Minjeong, you can believe in anything.

 

Big, round eyes stare up at you as you gradually pull away.

 

You can still feel the tingling sensation on your lips, an aftermath of the chaste kiss you have just given her.

 

It is the raging beating of your heart that you struggled to overpower.

 

But you know you need to let this all out before you regret not saying it in the end.

 

"Minjeong.." You called.

 

You feel yourself swallowing a lump in your throat.

 

"Let me.."

 

Your trembling hand finds Minjeong's cold ones.

 

"I know we agreed that we won't." you whisper, almost pleading, "I know Minjeong."

 

Your eyes are boring holes through her soul, wishing that you could convey through your pained gaze how difficult it is for you to hold it in.

 

"But it's killing me.”

 

You squeeze your hand enough to make her feel that it does. It is killing you.

 

the life out of you everyday knowing that you cannot have her the way you wanted her to be despite how much you could feel that things are not one-sided.

 

Minjeong's eyes are b with unshed tears.

 

"Let me. Please, Minjeong..”

 

You felt yours spilling a lone tear that quickly trickled down your cheek as you offer your heart to her once and for all.

 

Between falling in love and not falling in love.

 

Between moving forward and stopping altogether.

 

Between a yes and a no..

 

There will always be a choice that people make.

 

And you are making yours right now.

 

“Just let me."

 

 

 

________________________________________

  

A/N: Yeorubun~ I decided to put this on a “Completed” tag so you won’t have to wait for more chapters. This is something that I randomly started in a discord server with my girlfriend when she was having a particularly hard day so it leans more towards a free-form kind of plot. Reading makes her feel better and I thought doing an impromptu writing session while we were talking would help. I think it did (even though the story is substantially heavy and kinda angsty) and she encouraged me to share this with you, sweets.

 

Now it’s up to your creative minds to see how their relationship goes from here, okay? You got this!

 

And you got it everyday too! Don’t forget to rest and get your well-deserved break from time to time. Thank you for working hard everyday~

 

Also, aespa babies will be coming back soon enough so let’s make sure they will feel how much loved and supported they are. My precious kids 🥹 Take care, everyone :)