It's not like you talked about it with her, really.

 

In fact, you do not talk about it. At all.

 

You would always go through with it as usual, as if the gigantic elephant in the room would not render you breathless at times, drowning you with thoughts and her and her and her.

 

Just like right now.

 

You await in front of the building where Minjeong works.

 

It is past seven in the evening and the city is still bustling with cars and busy people.

 

Your hands are safely tucked inside the pockets of your long black coat you decided to wear, probably one of your favorites because 1) it is long and 2) you can pull Minjeong in with how spacious the inside of the coat is.

 

Ah right.

 

Minjeong.

 

Kim Minjeong.

 

If you would describe Minjeong in one word..

 

You cannot.

 

You cannot because one word will not be enough to describe the many things Minjeong is.

 

Like how Minjeong likes different kinds of snacks and refuses to eat rice most of the time because "rice is bland while snacks are sweet” and you cannot really argue with that.

 

Or how Minjeong is a cat lover while looking like a whole new-born puppy herself.

 

Or how Minjeong likes to give you a portion of her food every time you two would dine outside because "you looked thinner compared to the last time I saw you so you need to eat more, Jimin" and you would not point out how she's not any thicker than you.

 

Minjeong is also shy around new people and you never believed it at first until that one time you introduced her to Aeri. Minjeong, quiet and stealthy, slid behind you, grabbed the hem of your shirt and hid herself from bubbly Aeri who did not stop giving her the whisker smile.

 

"This is Aeri, my childhood friend" you remember introducing the both of them "Aeri, this is Minjeong, my—"

 

And you remember the way Minjeong's hold on your shirt tightened just a little bit when you were about to finish that sentence.

 

Right..

 

You remember the painful lump on your throat that you had to swallow before continuing.

 

"—my friend.” A breath and a blink (and the sound of fragments from not so far), “Minjeong is my friend.."

 

You cannot describe Minjeong in one word because Minjeong is many things.

 

But among this many things that you cannot describe her, it is not being able to call her your girl that you cannot swallow the most.

 

And you have a dreadful feeling at the pit of your stomach that it will stay that way for a long, long time..

 

"Hey."

 

You snap out of your reverie the moment a honey glazed voice reached your ears, head turning to the direction of the voice.

 

Minjeong is there, standing a few meters away from you; dazzling and baby-faced and tremendously loveable with her ginger hair cascading down her shoulders.

 

And she's smiling.

 

Timid but radiant.

 

And she's smiling at you.

 

You who is undeniably in love with her.

 

But she cannot know that.

 

"Hey yourself,” you respond.

 

"How long have you been waiting here?" Minjeong asks.

 

“Not long," you quip, "Just enough to grow roots here and there, hmm.."

 

You hear the beautiful melody emanate from Minjeong's lips.

 

A child-like cackle.

 

That low, Minjeong-filled cackle that bursts something inside your stomach and runs through your body up to the tips of your hair and toes.

 

It is a funny feeling.

 

But you know nothing is funny with the way your heart ablaze with a scorching touch of reality whenever you remember that this girl is not yours to keep.

 

"You should've called me!" Minjeong says in between her giggles.

 

"Nah," you say, "I know you'd be here not long enough anyway."

 

"Hmm. What if I won't?"

 

As dramatic as it sounded, the world pauses around you.

 

And you felt your feet glued to the pavement, unconsciously holding your breath at the words that can further spill from Minjeong's pretty mouth.

 

"What if I won't be here?"

 

You stare.

 

And stare.

 

And stare until you divert your eyes away, blinking the teenee tiny worry (and again the sound of fragments from not so far) before looking back at Minjeong.

 

"I will still be here regardless." You say, resolute. "Even if you won't be here, I will."

 

You tried to smile, that kind that hopefully reached your eyes.

 

"Always, Minjeong."

 

It was now Minjeong's turn to avert her gaze, eyes blinking fast.

 

"Let's not.." she mumbles.

 

Something shatters and you inhale a lungful of air. It is kind of unfair because she was the one who walked you to this conversation.

 

But you know.

 

"We won't."

 

You definitely know..

 

"We won't, don't worry."

 

The both of you started walking to the direction of the bus station, ambling side by side as you bask in the noise of the lively city.

 

It was a chilly night as it is nearing December; people are in coats, scarves and knitted gloves to keep themselves protected from the harsh temperature.

 

For someone who hated the cold, Minjeong is not wearing enough to make herself warm.

 

You do not like it.

 

"Why are you not wearing anything thick?" you commented, looking at Minjeong who is not so subtly shivering.

 

"I'm not cold." She mumbles, lips quivering at the slightest.

 

You roll your eyes at her.

 

"You are such a stubborn kid."

 

"Good thing I'm not a kid."

 

"Sure."

 

"I'm not."

 

"Hmm."

 

"Stop calling m—"

 

You did not let her say anything more.

 

You simply pulled her in inside your spacious coat and embraces her from the side, engulfing her from the warmth both of the thick clothing and your body gives off.

 

(Perhaps the warmth you can feel is not just because of her coat and her warm body but you keep it to yourself.)

 

“Shut up," you breathe, pulling Minjeong more. "I know you just want me to keep you warm."

 

You hear a scoff; but Minjeong did not do anything to pull away.

 

"You're so full of yourself."

 

"And you're in denial."

 

It slips before you can even think about it and you can only pray to the heavens above that it would not come as a passive-aggressive remark.

 

Thankfully, Minjeong seems not to catch on to the double meaning of it.

 

(Or she decides not to give a comment about it, who knows?)

 

"Just keep me warm ugh.."

 

You smile and pulled Minjeong even closer, closest and the both of you continued your comfortable saunter towards the bus station.

 

"Have you eaten?" Minjeong inquired after a few moments of silence.

 

"Haven't yet.” You respond. “You?"

 

You felt the shake of her head before she can even answer.

 

"Not yet."

 

"Do you want to eat something before going home?" you suggested.

 

"I'd love to," Minjeong answers cutely, "But wouldn't you be late?"

 

You raise your wrist and sees your watch that reads quarter to eight.

 

"I still have an hour before my shift starts."

 

"Your workplace is an hour from here, Jimin." Minjeong points out.

 

"So?"

 

"So, we won't have time to eat because you're going to be late if we do," Minjeong says, her tone reminds you of Miss Lee, your favorite kindergarten teacher, "We can eat some other time."

 

"But I want to eat with you," You insist, unaware of the pout forming on your lips.

 

"Me too,” Minjeong retorts, “But as I said, you're going to be late."

 

"And? I don't care?"

 

You finally hear the girl grunting beside you, quietly snickering inside your head because you love agitating her like this.

 

"Jimin.."

 

"We're going to be quick Minjeong," you plead, pointing at the restaurant across the street, "That ramen house seems nice, don't you think?"

 

Before Minjeong can even say something more, a low grumbling sound pierces through the low humming of the city night.

 

You felt the heat on Minjeong's face before you could even see it.

 

"I'll take that as a yes," You laugh, taking Minjeong's hand and pulls her towards the direction of the diner.

 

Minjeong grunts behind you.

 

"I hate youuuu!"

 

Your laughter echoes through the small space that separates you from Minjeong.

 

"No, you don't~"

 

The diner is not packed, just enough to have a low buzz of people's conversation and utensils clanking against each other from a distance.

 

You lead Minjeong to the table that oversees the street.

 

"This is a nice place." Minjeong nods, eyes roaming around the diner.

 

You stare at her with a smile.

 

"You like it?"

 

"Hmm.”

 

"That's good to know."

 

A young waiter comes to get your orders and leaves with a friendly smile, telling you that your food will arrive shortly.

 

"You've been here before?"

 

"I've been here, yes."

 

"I see," Minjeong nods, lips forming into her habitual pout that, most often than not, has no context in it.

 

Most often than not too, you want to do something about that pout..

 

"You're not going to ask me who I was with?" you casually asked.

 

Your eyes met and you held it, sees Minjeong's pout fade ever so slowly and her lips gradually forms into a thin, emotionless line.

 

"Is it someone important?"

 

You blink.

 

"Depends."

 

The tiny scoff Minjeong lets out did not go unnoticed.

 

"It's a yes or no question, Jimin."

 

You cannot help but shrug with a dismissive stance.

 

Minjeong rolls her eyes at this in response.

 

"Whatever. I don't care."

 

You know you should not feel this way; but you just cannot not.

 

You feel an indescribable amount of satisfaction at the way Minjeong's brows met, her eyes turning into a pseudo raged one and the girl is looking like an agitated puppy.

 

You reach for her hand across the table just to keep yourself from doing something that would involve your lips and Minjeong's lips..

 

"I'm just messing with you," you say, teasing smile on your lips, "It's just someone from work. No one important."

 

Minjeong rolls her eyes again.

 

"It's true, Minjeong-ah."

 

You squeeze the hand under yours and stare at the younger girl across you, smile still dangling off your lips.

 

Minjeong stares back, calculating. There is something about her stare that you cannot really put a name on.

 

Brown swirls pierce through your consciousness and you are suddenly getting pulled into this dimension where it is only you and Minjeong.

 

If this is some kind of torture, you are more than willing to be subjected to this, with open arms.

 

But for some struck of misfortune, your food comes just in time when you were about to willingly embrace the hypnotism brought about by a pair of brown swirls, you begrudgingly breaking the eye staring contest with a tiny huff.

 

The aroma of the food and Minjeong's grumbling stomach distracted you both from the fact that your hands remained entangled as the two of you start eating.

 

It is not like you talk about it.

 

Well, you really don't.

 

It has become an unspoken rule between the two of you now.

 

An unspoken, two-years’ worth of rule.

 

You don't really mind.

 

As long as you get to be with Minjeong, that is what matters.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

You remember the first time you met Minjeong.

 

It was on a rooftop.

 

Tired, sleep deprived you walks up to the rooftop of your company building to get some air.

 

It was a hectic day for you, having encoded many codes because of a potential security breach and your boss was nagging the team to protect the data base before the culprit could even penetrate.

 

You-who-does-not-really-like-coffee-Jimin, for the first time in years, ended up downing a cup or two of Iced Americano in order to stay awake at the wee hours of the night.

 

Feeling like your back might break any moment, you decided to take a fifteen-minute break and went up to the rooftop for a breather. For some reason, you wanted to find solace with fresh air and the night breeze.

 

You sure did not mean to find the most beautiful girl you have ever laid your eyes upon.

 

Minjeong was standing there, a cup of coffee in one hand, a cheese stick in another.

 

You remember seeing a vibrant blue upon seeing Minjeong (or maybe it was your sleep-deprived self talking that you started seeing something that was not obvious in the eyes).

 

The girl just had some kind of pull.

 

Something inviting.

 

And warm.

 

Too warm for your sleep-deprived state.

 

You remember saying “hi” and the sudden jump from Minjeong upon hearing your voice.

 

You remember apologizing (not really, not when Minjeong looked so cute with her wide eyes and mouth ajar).

 

You exchanged small talk that night and you got to catch her name as "Kim Minjeong who almost ran out of English words so I needed a moment with my cheese stick.”

 

You remember chuckling because what does that even mean?

 

So, in return, you introduced yourself as "Yoo Jimin who just saved millions of korean wons from being stolen and I needed a place to celebrate hence, the rooftop."

 

Minjeong laughs for the first time.

 

Your heart started beating so fast for the first time too.

 

Undeniably loud, rambunctious beats that made you grab unto the railings because your knees started going jelly.

 

You did not know that such fateful night would bring you to this point.

 

This point where your heart still beats undeniably loud.

 

But now it screams for Minjeong too.

 

Minjeong.

 

Minjeong.

 

Minjeong.

 

Every beat.

 

Every second.

 

Every day.

 

It's Minjeong.

 

And you cannot get enough of her.

 

You want more.

 

More than just your heart beating loudly in your chest, you want Minjeong to feel it.

 

You want her fingertips to graze even just the slightest rim of your beating heart.

 

Maybe by then, she will know that this… this thing right in the middle of your chest is beating solely for her.

 

Undoubtedly.

 

Wholeheartedly.

 

"The ramen is good." Minjeong comments, placing her chopsticks down as she finishes.

 

You notice a crumb of donkatsu on the girl's jaw and you unconsciously reach out to wipe it away with your thumb.

 

You were too occupied wiping it you did not notice Minjeong's intense stare.

 

"Too good you can't properly wipe your face?" you jest as you settled back in your seat.

 

Too occupied she you did not notice the bobbing of Minjeong’s throat.

 

"Minjeong?"

 

Now, you noticed it.

 

The stare.

 

"Is there something on my face?"

 

A small smile suddenly paints Minjeong's lips, one that you immediately mirrors, unconsciously.

 

"There is."

 

Your hand flies to your face, wiping something you cannot see.

 

"Where is it?"

 

"All over your face."

 

"Eh?"

 

Minjeong's smile grew bigger and you further stared at her, confused.

 

"Pretty," Minjeong breathes. Timid; but certain. Minjeong-like. "That's what is all over your face."

 

You swear your knees started going weak that if you were not seated, you might have fallen.

 

(In a completely different context, you have already.)

 

Heart.

 

Racing.

 

Minjeong.

 

Minjeong.

 

Minjeong..

 

"Okay that was smooth, I’m not gonna lie,” was all you were able to come up with, feeling your face warming up the more your mind dwells on what you heard.

 

And Minjeong laughs at it.

 

At you.

 

Loud and carefree, eyes wrinkling into slits, honey glazed voice filling your senses.

 

You laugh with her.

 

Until you are both laughing at yourselves, doubling over at whatever that was funny.

 

You are laughing and you really do not know what it is that was funny but who cares?

 

This is where you want to be.

 

You are so certain.

 

Alongside Minjeong. Around Minjeong.

 

Minjeong is where you want to be.

 

This right here.

 

Right here..