The first time Chaeyoung locked eyes with her soulmate, she cried for weeks. Locked in her room, bundled in blankets, and sobbing until she didn’t think she had any tears left. She had barely eaten. The thought of food had sounded so unappealing, because of the lump in that made swallowing difficult. She hadn’t spoken a single word while barricaded in her room. So, by the time she had dejectedly slunken out of it, she couldn’t reply to her mom right away. Her voice wasn’t used to producing sound after the long silence, the one that had been broken only by cries of emotional pain. 

Chaeyoung had been at the Seoul international airport, sending her best friend away to Japan. After Dahyun had an accidental run-in with her soulmate overseas, she spent every summer there hanging out with said soulmate, Sana, and Sana’s family. That year had been different than the ones before, because as Chaeyoung and Dahyun were hugging each other and saying goodbye as if they’d never see each other again, she had made eye contact with someone. Over Dahyun’s shoulder was a girl sitting down in the waiting area with shoulder length black hair, clutching a teddy bear backpack in one hand and a nintendo switch in the other. Chaeyoung had felt the pull immediately, and realized that the girl, her soulmate, was at the same gate Dahyun was departing from. 

Chaeyoung had whispered ‘soulmate’ to her best friend before lightly pushing away from the hug and taking a step in her soulmate's direction. They hadn’t broken eye contact since starting it, and Chaeyoung could feel her skin buzz at the excitement of meeting her and talking to her. Why was she going to Japan? Was she Japanese? Would Chaeyoung be able to visit her in the summers like Dahyun did with Sana? All she knew was she was excited, and barely held herself back from running with open arms towards her soulmate. 

Then the girl broke eye contact. She looked away as if she had felt nothing at all, and returned to her switch. It slowed Chaeyoung for a moment, what was that? Surely her soulmate must have felt the pull too? So she went over there with Dahyun trailing behind, and she had confronted her. Her soulmate hadn’t even acknowledged her existence as she stood in front of her, wondering why she was being ignored. Fed up, she had pulled one of the earbuds out in an uncharacteristic outburst of anger. It just bothered her.

"You felt it! I know you did!” She had spoken harshly at her soulmate. She had to have felt it, the soul bond wasn’t something easily mistaken. Chaeyoung had been met with silence as her soulmate stared up at her. The pull was there, it was strong, and Chaeyoung didn’t understand why the girl wasn’t reacting to it. 

The intercom had gone off and announced that first class tickets would be boarding, and her soulmate had gathered her things without looking at her. She stood to walk away, but Chaeyoung was blocking her path. Not on purpose, but a block regardless. Her soulmate’s eyes had flickered between Chaeyoung and the floor to gauge the distance between them, but Chaeyoung hadn’t given up her ground.

"If you’ll excuse me, I have to board.” Her soulmate's words seemed to set her ears on fire, and she knew it was a voice she could listen to forever. She had smiled at being acknowledged and was going to reach out to touch her soulmate, for comfort at the misunderstanding. Then she had been pushed aside as her soulmate walked right past her towards the boarding area, the only touch she received was their shoulders knocking together as they collided. It had felt electrifying, and by the time Chaeyoung recovered, the girl had already checked in and began walking down the hallway to the plane where Chaeyoung couldn’t reach her. She’d never even bothered to look back.

The younger girl had broken down in the airport, Dahyun trying to soothe her at first. Her friend hadn’t understood what just happened, not that Chaeyoung had either. Soulmates never rejected the bond, let alone refused to even speak to their soulmate. She knew people dated and even married those who weren’t their soulmate, but that was only if their soulmate had passed or if they hadn’t met them yet. It was supposed to be an impossible pull, but the girl had pushed past her as if she was nothing more than a branch in the way. 

Eventually, Dahyun had to board and Chaeyoung stayed there on the floor, crying until her parents came to pick her up. Her motivation had plummeted in the three weeks following the encounter, when she had locked herself in her room like a prisoner of her own making. By the time she returned to school she was so unfocused that her school had threatened to make her repeat her second year if she didn’t get her act together.

The constant doodling when she wasn’t supposed to be suddenly led her mom to encourage her to change her career path from university to a school of the arts, and she did so without complaint, almost moving on autopilot. It took a lot of time, and a lot of pain, but Chaeyoung had accepted over the last six years that her soulmate would never come back. That her soulmate wasn’t interested in her or in the bond between them. It had been a hard truth, but she had moved on with her life. She had finished school, and was now working at an art studio. She helped kids learn how to paint and draw and use their creativity, sometimes she would get hired for graphic designs or murals for businesses. Chaeyoung wasn’t the richest person in the world, but she managed. Most of all she was happy, she was happy despite never believing she would be back when she had been rejected. 

"Chaeyoung, are you going to be staying late to plan out the mural?” Her boss, and close personal friend, Jihyo asked as she ruffled Chaeyoung’s wolf cut style hair. 

"Yeah, I’ll close up shop.” Recently, Chaeyoung had been planning out a mural for a community art project. It was taking longer than expected because she had wanted the input of everyone involved so that everyone felt represented. Today the last person had finally gotten back to her and now she could start designing what it would look like, and making it all fit together. 

Jihyo bid her goodnight, made sure Chaeyoung had a copy of the keys, and left. Chaeyoung was alone in the studio, walking towards the small and cluttered desk where she kept all her project plans. The desk was shoved into a corner of the room and surrounded by art pieces that had been gifted to her by her students. Paintings scattered the walls, little sculptures were placed on her desk, anything they gave her she displayed there. It helped whenever she had a case of art block, she would just look at the effort they had made and it would help her come up with ideas. 

She turned off the main lights, and her bluetooth speaker. She loved listening to music while she was sketching, it helped her creativity. She got lost in her thoughts as she began working, the music fading in the back after a while. It wasn't until a knock on the door startled her, that she realized she’d been focused for too long. A brief glance at the clock told her it had been maybe three hours since Jihyo left, which was much too late for the studio to be open even with their irregular hours. There was another knock, and Chaeyoung turned towards the front door from where she sat, squinting to see in the dark outside the shop. She couldn’t tell anything about the person, suddenly worried that the door wasn’t locked.

She got up and the main lights, hoping to illuminate whoever was knocking on the studio door at eleven at night. As soon as the lights were on she shut them right off. Then back on to see the woman waving at her. Then turned them back off. She stood there, almost frozen in place, praying that the person at the door would leave and never come back. That she wasn’t real at all. She turned the light back on and her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest, fully set on making its way to the door. Her skin tingling and her soul screaming at her to run at full speed towards the door. Towards the black haired woman sending her a gummy smile from outside. 

By the time she realized what was happening, she was already halfway to the door and knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from opening it. She could at least put up a fight though, so she did. She moved slower and slower, almost like a bride walking down the aisle. Step by step, her heart racing as a weird sense of calm spread itself through her body. Her hands were shaking, not out of fear but rage, as she reached out at the unlocked door. Her jaw was clenched as she opened it, a blast of cold wind hitting her face. 

Chaeyoung's eyes trailed up the woman, from her white sneakers and black jeans, to her gray shirt with thick black jacket combo, to the silver chain with a pendant hidden under her shirt. Chaeyoung wanted to know what it was, but she wasn’t going to ask. When she finally made eye contact with the woman, she saw a tinge of red on her cheeks and a shocked look on her face. Chaeyoung wasn’t sure why, until she realized that what she just did could be considered checking her out. A blush spread across her face as she rapidly waved her hands in front of her.

"Wait, no. I wasn’t- I didn’t-” Chaeyoung stammered out, but was quickly silenced by cold hands grabbing her own. The same electric feeling that she felt six years ago was now coursing through her with no intention of calming down. She stared transfixed at the sight of their hands connected, unable to fight back as the other woman slowly moved to intertwine their fingers. Her heartbeat thumping loudly in her ears, she was certain her blush had only increased in its intensity. 

"Aren’t you going to let me in?” A soft voice asks, clearly amused at Chaeyoung’s reactions in this moment. She looks up to lock eyes with the woman, not missing the twinkle in her eye as she lightly pushes against Chaeyoung’s hands. She stumbles backwards, keeping her balance only thanks to the woman in front of her pulling on her hands whenever it seems like Chaeyoung might fall. 

They move into the studio a few steps before stopping, and the woman tries to let go of one of Chaeyoung’s hands. The artist watches her lightly lift her fingers and slightly tug at Chaeyoung’s grip. 

"Do you want to keep the door open?” The woman asks, still much too amused for the cub’s liking. It’s then that Chaeyoung realizes that she’s the one keeping the woman trapped in the hold, her fingers gripping tighter than she realized. She curses under her breath as she forces her fingers to release their pressure on the woman before ripping herself away from the slowly warming hands of her soulmate. 

It takes everything in her to turn away, facing her desk. She hears the door close behind them, the chill of the wind fading only to be replaced by the chill in Chaeyoung’s heart. Now that she’s not looking at the woman who plagues her dreams every night, she can feel the rational part of her brain begin working again. She takes a few steps away from the woman, her feet feeling like lead. After a step or so she begins hearing the same movements coming from behind her. She steps and steps and stops, and right after she stops the woman behind her stops too. Chaeyoung wants to whip her ahead around and growl at her to cut it out, already pissed that she let her in the studio. This is her safe spot, now it’ll be tainted. But if she turns around, she knows the anger will die in . 

"Chaeyoung.” The woman softly calls to her, and there's a tug from somewhere in Chaeyoung’s brain giving her the urge to run into those arms. To bury herself in the woman's neck and forgive her. 

She refuses. 

"I’ve waited six years to see you Chaeyoung, can’t you at least look at me?” The woman calls, a little more desperate and hurt this time. The younger doesn’t budge from her spot in the middle of the studio, but tears well in her eyes against her will. 

At first, the cub would fantasize that her soulmate would realize her mistake and come back to Korea. Come back to Chaeyoung, and the woman would apologize and Chaeyoung would forgive her and they would be happy together. She used to spend her weekends in the airport, when she finally left her room, full of a hope that kept getting stomped further and further down as each person who wasn’t her soulmate passed. As they got on and off their flights, going places and meeting people. As if everything was normal, like her heart wasn’t tearing at the seams and failing to stitch itself back together.

Those fantasies ended after the second year, when she fully accepted the woman wasn’t coming back for her. That she wanted nothing to do with her. Chaeyoung had thrown herself into her art, it wasn’t all bad. A lot of the reasons she got commissions now was because of how her art about her pain had moved people in the art community. She should be grateful, but her fury wouldn’t let her. 

"Get out.” She growls, not wanting to engage with her soulmate further. Her heart is wavering and she knows it, the soul bond is an impossible inevitable thing. But if this woman could fight it when they first met, then Chaeyoung could fight it now.

"Chaeyoung.” Again with her name.

"How do you know my name?” The curiosity wins over the need to get the woman out of the studio and away from her. 

"I looked you up as soon as I got back to Japan. That’s how.” She can almost hear the relief in the woman’s voice at Chaeyoung speaking to her. Her brain goes silent as she processes the information, and an almost comfortable silence drapes itself over the two of them. 

For a moment, Chaeyoung thinks maybe. Maybe it can work. Then the woman takes a step towards her, encouraged by the silence. Chaeyoung snarls and whips her body around, surprising her soulmate enough to get her to stop in her tracks. The rage that’s been building up, the pain she thought didn’t affect her anymore, hits a boiling point and steam escapes her ears.

"Yeah, good for you! You did a ing google search and lived off of that for six years! I’m sure your life was ing fantastic, your soulmate didn’t reject the mere sight of you!” The older woman seems to shrink in on herself at Chaeyoung’s words. Her heart begs her to stop, but the pain is overwhelming and she needs to get it out. 

"I hate you! I hate you so much! I wish you had never stepped foot in Korea again! Do you even know what it's like? To have your soulmate brush past you as if you’re nothing?! You wouldn’t, would you? Because I actually wanted to talk to you!” Tears run down her face now, but the words won’t stop spilling out. She doesn’t know if it’s her wanting to get revenge, or the soulmate bond trying to make the connection easier by being honest. She doesn’t care either way.

"You left me! You left me and I didn’t know anything about you! I didn’t know who you were, where you were going, if I would ever see you again!” There’s an echo as she half screams half sobs the last sentence. A heavy weight falls on the room, Chaeyoung blinded by her tears. Her rage begins to quell, and her words stop being screamed as they turn to a calm fury. 

"I wish I hadn’t ever seen you again. Get out. I want nothing to do with you.” 

She finally focuses her vision back in from the blur of anger it had been, only to see the woman in front of her shaking. She hadn’t thought there was anything left of the Chaeyoung who cared about her soulmate until that moment. The miniscule piece left tugged on her emotions, beating her with guilt as she watched tears stream down her soulmate's face. Regret taking hold of her, before she can stop it her face turns to a look of worry and her hand twitches. She fights to keep it at her side instead of reaching for her soulmate.

She thought she replaced the look with an ice cold glare too quickly for her soulmate to notice the second of weakness, but as the woman’s shaking slows and she brushes the tears out of her eyes Chaeyoung knows she wasn’t fast enough. She had likely seen the hand twitch and look of concern.

"I know you’re mad. I’m not giving up, but I’ll leave for now.” Her soulmate takes a breath as she composes herself. She watches as the woman straightens her back, and sends Chaeyoung a look before turning on her heels and leaving the cub alone in the studio.

A look of sorrow. One Chaeyoung recognized from the years of looking in the mirror at herself every time she thought about her soulmate. Why would that look be on the woman who rejected and left her?