BGM: That Way – Tate McRae

 

She said we were just friends.

 

Are friends.

 

And will always be.

 

Just friends.

 

The words echo in my head like a broken CD. Tearing my heart over and over again.

 

Like it didn’t matter.

 

Like I never matter.

 

‘We are just friends.’

 

She will say whenever someone commented on our closeness. But are we, really?

 

I don’t know how, can’t remember why. But all I know is we are locked inside this cramped janitor, smelling of detergents and wet fabrics.

 

All I know is that she is standing mere inches away from me. Her palms on the wall near each side of my head, trapping me in between her arms.

 

I lost my sense of time.

 

The hand of her watch continues to tick away, but all I hear is the loud thumping of my heart.

 

I look up as she looks down.

 

Our gazes met, getting lost in each other’s eyes.

 

Her head dips lower and all I can see is her slightly parted lips. Wondering how soft they would be against mine.

 

So I tilt my head more, trying to meet her lips in the middle. Hypnotized by the way she wet her lips with the tip of her tongue.

 

Closer.

 

A little bit more.

 

Almost touching.

 

Closing my eyes, “this is it,” I thought.

 

“Yah! Hide and seek is over, both of you win!”

 

The loud banging on the metal door shocked us both. My eyes shot opened as I turn my head to look at the door and her lips lands on my cheeks, barely touching the corner of my lips.

 

She says we are just friends, but do friends almost kiss in the dark?

 

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

 

I scribble the words at the back of some worn out receipt that I found in between the connected metal chairs I am sitting on.

 

She says we are just friends, but are we?

 

Really?

 

“Are you really going?” She asks as we sit next to each other, on the swings at the playground near her home.

 

I stop the swing from swaying back and forth.

 

Silence.

 

My heart beats quicker, knowing that she is looking at me.

 

Secretly, this is my favorite time of the day.

 

Of the week even.

 

When we would sit side by side at the empty playground, telling each other of how our days went by.

 

When I get to be her center of attention.

 

When I get to be with her without any disturbance.

 

“Are you?” She asks again when I failed to answer the first time.

 

“I don’t know,” I answer with a sigh, “Should I go?”

 

Please say no.

 

Tell me to stay, then I will.

 

Gathering my courage, I lift my gaze from the land and turn to look at her. Only to be surprised by how soft her gaze are.

 

My eyes flutter to her lips that I almost kissed before going back up to her eyes.

 

Her lips parted slowly, and I wait for what she is about to say.

 

“It’s quite a good opportunity for you to just let it pass,”

 

I don’t know how I should feel with her answer.

 

Why can’t she stop me?

 

Why won’t she?

 

She says we are just friends.

 

But do friends look at each other like they put all the stars in the sky?

 

“Leave, she’s with me!” She warns as she slid herself between me and the man that has been hitting on me since five minutes ago.

 

“I was just trying to be friendly,” says the man. A teasing smile tugs on his lips as he lifts both his hands up in surrender.

 

“She clearly has no intention to entertain you. Now leave her alone before I make you leave this place in shame,”

 

She pushes me to hide more behind her back. Her palm resting on the side of my waist as if barricading me from the man.

 

“Damn, what are you? The girlfriend?” The man asks, putting his hand down and stepping closer to intimidate her with his height.

 

Never one to back down, she puffs her chest out and tilts her head up to match with the man’s gaze.

 

“I’m her friend, but I won’t hesitate to send you flying across this room,”

 

He laughs, patting on the crown of her head twice before saying, “Chill. I am not stealing your girl, just trying to be friendly,”

 

“But I’ll leave if that makes you happy,”

 

He then turns and walks away.

 

She says we are just friends.

 

But are we, really?

 

I know what it means when she acts like that.

 

Why she acts like that.

 

But that doesn’t mean my heart hurt a little less.

 

What are we, really?

 

“Jeez, stop fighting you two,”

 

“Stop acting like you’re in cheesy romcom. At this rate, you two might as well date each other,”

 

And the teasing continues around the table. I can see her eyebrows furrowed and the way her nose scrunches, as if disgusted with the possibility of us – dating.

 

“Nah, that’s not happening.”,

 

Her arms resting comfortably on the back-rest of my chair. The warm of her palm pressing against the ball of my shoulder, sending tingles over my body.

 

“We are friends,” she adds, pulling me closer to her side.

 

She says we are just friends.

 

But does she know how my heart breaks every time she says so?

 

She said it’s not happening.

 

Then why did she almost kiss me in the dark?

 

She says we are just friends.

 

But what are we, really?

 

“Calling for the passengers for Korean Air flight KE123 to Sydney, Australia. Please proceed to gate M13”

 

I crumple the piece of paper that I was holding and slide it into the pocket of my pants, intending to throw it into the bin once I walked pass one.

 

Then I pull the strap of my handbag on my shoulder, and stand up with a sigh. I look around the busy airport once more hoping to see a familiar face amongst the crowd.

 

Wishing to be stopped.

 

To be held on to.

 

To be …

 

“Don’t leave!”

 

That’s it!

 

That’s the voice.

 

I turn around.

 

Face to face with her.

 

She has been sitting there, behind me all along. Since when?

 

I don’t know.

 

I look … no.

 

I stare at her. Our gazes locking, none willing to look away. As if one of us is going to be missing once we do so.

 

“Wh- … what?” I stutter.

 

“Don’t leave,”

 

“Why?”

 

“Be- … because we are friends and friends don’t leave friends behind,” she says, her fists clenching tightly at each of her sides.

 

Is it my fault to hope for more?

 

It must be my fault as she’s been drawing the lines clearly since day one.

 

Scoffing, I secure the strap of my handbag on my shoulder and say, “then I don want to be your friend anymore,”

 

With that, I turn on my heel and walk away.

 

“Please stay,”

 

I am already few steps away and she says it very quickly, as if she was rapping. But I can still hear her clearly, and that made me stop.

 

“Please stay because I can’t imagine my Monday or any other days without you.”

 

“Please stay because I can’t imagine my future without you,”

 

“Please stay because I …”

 

“Because I … I,”

 

Then silence, saved for the white noise of the bursting crowd in the background.

 

I wait, maybe she has more to say.

 

1 second.

 

2 seconds.

 

3 seconds.

 

That’s it. I lift my right leg up and about to put it forward.

 

“Please stay because I love you,”

 

Frozen.

 

My feet is back on the ground as I stand there, unmoving.

 

“More than friends. More than myself. More than words could explain. So please stay and let me spend the rest of my life making up to you for I have been stupid and forced you to hurt in silent for so long,”

 

There’s quite a beauty in open ending. It lets you decide the end.

They may end together.

Or they may not end together.

Maybe they’ll be separated for a while, and meet again some times in the future.

There’s so many possibilities. And that’s the beauty of open ending.

 

Thank you for reading and please share your ending down below in the comment. Adios