“Are you excited?” Seungwan smiles softly as Joohyun rests her upper body on the balcony with her eyes closed. Joohyun startles a bit and turns around to find the one who had interrupted her solitude was just her best friend.

“Sorry, did I scare you?” Seungwan grins and Joohyun chuckles.

“A little.” Joohyun smiles as Seungwan joins her side.

“How come you’re not inside with the rest?” Seungwan gestures to the noise inside and downstairs.

“Social battery’s drained.” Joohyun quips and Seungwan chuckles.

“Good thing I’m here to recharge,” Seungwan opens her arms wide. “Come on, bring it in.”

Joohyun grins as she steps into Seungwan’s hold. She rests her head on the younger woman’s shoulder and breathes in Seungwan’s lavender scent.

 

“I’m… I’m a bit scared.” Joohyun confesses in Seungwan’s arms.

“How come?” Seungwan asks, swaying them a bit.

“It’s just.. I had never expected to marry so young, and live in one house with Suho too… it’s just something I thought I’d have at forty and not twenty-seven.” Joohyun sighs.

“It’s not that far off. Trust me, it’ll blur past you and suddenly I'll be an aunt.” Seungwan humours and Joohyun bites her shoulder playfully.

“Hey- ow!” Seungwan winces with a laugh.

“Don’t joke about my situation!” Joohyun whines.

“Okay, okay.” Seungwan chuckles softly before holding Joohyun tighter.

 

Joohyun wraps her hands around Seungwan’s shoulders as she rests her head there too. Seungwan holds Joohyun’s waist securely as she rests her own head beside Joohyun’s.

 

“Still not too late to back out, y’know.” Seungwan says softly. “Run away with me and we can open a laundromat together. Live in a small apartment, do tax, cook together - and Seulgi, Sooyoung, and Yerim can visit us.”

“That sounds nice.” Joohyun plays with her fingers wrapped around Seungwan’s shoulders.

“Does it? It sounds quite sad, just us two in a dingy apartment.” Seungwan laughs.

“Nothing’s quite sad with you, Seungwan-ah.” Joohyun smiles softly as she speaks seriously.

“Don’t get all sappy with me now, Bae Joohyun.” Seungwan smiles, dismissing Joohyun’s oddly sad tone. “Save it for your groom tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Joohyun nods.

“Okay.” Seungwan affirms.

 

Seungwan steps back and holds out a hand for Joohyun.

 

“I-I don’t want to go back out just yet.” Joohyun protests.

“I wasn’t telling us to go back, silly.” Seungwan giggles. “I was asking you to dance.”

“But.. but there’s no music.” Joohyun blinks– still placing her hand in Seungwan’s.

“Have we ever needed music?” Seungwan raises a brow and Joohyun doesn’t argue when Seungwan places a hand at the small of her back to bring them together. Joohyun places a hand on Seungwan’s shoulder, and they begin to sway and twirl to the nothingness of a party downstairs.

 

“Are you going to sing at the wedding?” Joohyun asks as Seungwan twirls her.

“Joohyunnie, Joohyunnie, haven’t you asked so much from me already?” Seungwan jokes dramatically. “First I’m in charge of organising tables, then I’m officiating the wedding, and now you want me to sing? My, my, you are a selfish woman, Bae Joohyun.”

“Sorry.” Joohyun ducks her head sheepishly.

“I’m kidding. I’ll only sing at my own wedding, anyways.” Seungwan says. “And.. I don’t mind if it’s you, working me to the bone. Do your worst.” She grins slyly.

Joohyun blinks and she grimaces.

“You and your greasy lines, Son Seungwan.” She rolls her eyes and Seungwan winks.

“T’was a great opening.” Seungwan justifies with a smirk.

“Hm, right.” Joohyun indulges her.

 

Seungwan looks into Joohyun’s eyes, and something about this night feels different for them. Maybe it’s because tomorrow Seungwan will be officiating Suho and Joohyun’s wedding, and she’ll no longer see her best friend a lot, since she’ll be building her married life in a home where maybe sooner or later there’ll be littler feet in the house running across the floors. It feels unpleasant somehow because she’s grown alongside Joohyun in every aspect, but now there’s a longer road that they won’t walk together because this is the moment where it splits right down the middle, and it separates into two different paths, where Seungwan’s path lags behind as she watches Joohyun place down pavement slabs in the distance.

 

Joohyun feels as if she’s being too seen by Seungwan, but Seungwan has always known her for the better since they were young, but it feels different somehow because some kind of sorrow swirls around in Seungwan’s dark orbs, and Joohyun can see her own reflection boring right into her own sight. It doesn’t look like her at all, but Joohyun knows that that is not what Seungwan sees. Seungwan sees someone capable of love, but Joohyun does not.

 

Seungwan feels bob up and down. “Joohyun-”

“Hey- oh. Sorry, was I interrupting?” Yerim pops in and Seungwan lets go of Joohyun.

“No, you weren’t.” Joohyun tears her eyes away from Seungwan. “What’s up?”

“Suho’s just looking for you.” Yerim says.

“I’ll be down soon, just-”

“Go. You’ve kept him waiting long enough.” Seungwan interjects. “I’ll be fine here.” She smiles reassuringly.

“Are you sure?” Joohyun hesitates.

“Of course.” Seungwan nods.

“O-okay. Thanks for the.. recharge.” Joohyun smiles.

“Always.” Seungwan nods.

“Always.” Joohyun affirms.

 

Joohyun descends away and Yerim looks at Seungwan with a pitying look.

 

“Don’t look at me like that.” Seungwan smiles softly.

“Can’t help it.” Yerim shrugs before stepping forward to hug Seungwan tightly.

“You’re a good person, unnie.” The younger of them says.

“Thanks, Yerms.” Seungwan says quietly.

 

–

–

–

 

It’s not until Seungwan is staring hard at the woman walking into the venue, arms linked with her father’s, looking so beautiful in her wedding dress, custom made by her best friend Seulgi— and Seungwan’s hands are clenched around the podium because Seungwan realises she’s made a grave mistake agreeing to marry her best friend to a man that barely compares to the half of Seungwan’s love for Joohyun.

 

She tears her eyes away from Joohyun and peers down at her prompt cards she had prepared on the podium.

 

“Today we are here to witness the marriage of Bae Joohyun and Kim Suho.” Seungwan begins. Joohyun looks at Seungwan teary-eyed and Seungwan smiles warmly before focusing back on the audience.

“Bae Joohyun who is my best friend and who I have known for a good portion of my life, it is with utmost honour that I am able to stand here on this special day to officiate her wedding with Suho.. a great man I am elated to know.” Seungwan speaks.

 

She clears and feels the bile in her stomach bubble.

 

“Now, the vows.” Seungwan steps back a bit and her mind is elsewhere as she tunes out whatever Suho has to say. She can distantly hear Joohyun’s voice too and it’s not until she blinks and finds Joohyun looking at her expectantly that she had realised she had spaced out.

 

“My apologies, the rings?” Seungwan steps forward once again and Yerim passes them to her. Seungwan gives the couple their respective rings.

 

Seungwan takes a deep breath in.

“With this ring, do you, Kim Suho, take Bae Joohyun as your wife?” Seungwan says almost bitterly.

“I do.” Suho nods.

“Do you, Bae Joohyun, take Kim Suho as your husband?” Seungwan says softly to Joohyun.

 

Joohyun finds herself staring into Seungwan’s eyes and back at Suho and then back at Seungwan. Her best friend is looking at her so gently, something foreign stirs in her chest.

 

“..I do.” Joohyun breathes out.

 

The rings are slid onto fingers.

 

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you married! You may - you may kiss.” Seungwan says as cheerfully as she can and the guests begin to rejoice in clapping and cheering.

 

The kiss is kept short as Suho backs away just as quickly as Joohyun does.

 

Seungwan finds her job done, and begins to descend off the platform. She heads straight outside and doesn’t miss the curious eyes of Sooyoung.

 

Seungwan finds herself feeling pathetic when she’s leaning on a pillar and there are fresh warm tears sliding down her cheeks as she muffles a sob.

 

“...Seungwan?” Sooyoung’s voice calls out and Seungwan finds herself hastily wiping away her tears.

“Hey!” Seungwan greets her as she steps away from the pillar.

“You’ve been - you’ve been crying.” Sooyoung gently palms her cheek.

“Oh.” Seungwan blinks and the tears fall again. “I thought… I thought I was doing okay.”

 

Sooyoung shushes her and holds her.

 

“I thought I'd be okay seeing her and marrying her off today, but it - it hurts, Soo.” Seungwan sobs.

“I’m sorry.” Sooyoung rubs her back gently.

Seungwan shakes her head and smiles softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I got myself in this mess.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” Sooyoung asks and Seungwan shakes her head.

‘No, no. We’re still friends of Joohyun, we should stay.” Seungwan says.

“But you.. you?” Sooyoung gestures vaguely.

“I look terrible?” Seungwan finishes for her.

“Yes. Exactly that. Sorry.” Sooyoung smiles sheepishly.

“I know. Just - uh, help me freshen up?” Seungwan asks.

“Lucky I found you. I’ve got my make-up stashed in my bag.” Sooyoung grins and takes Seungwan back into the hall to the closest bathroom.

 

Joohyun looks around the hall a couple times, looking for Seungwan and failing miserably at it. She’s been beside Suho all night and frankly, she’s quite exhausted. All these people are talking to them and every word slips in one ear and out the other. Her father is standing idly by the refreshments table, her mother glaring at her insufferably— possibly waiting for a moment to critique any slight wrong move or expression of Joohyun’s. Suho’s family are just as insufferable. They keep asking questions and saying things and Joohyun tries her best to nod politely and answer small.

 

Something in her peripheral vision catches her attention. It’s Seungwan being led by Sooyoung somewhere. Joohyun makes no move to follow her because she can’t just leave all these people suddenly, but her eyes follow Seungwan and they stay there. She notes in her mind to keep tabs on Seungwan, just in case she needs another recharge— and for no other reason.

 

The wedding night comes to a close and Joohyun barely catches any sight of Seungwan for the rest of the night, even if she tries her best to look for her best friend but to no avail, Son Seungwan is a no show.

 

The wedded couple drive to their new home and everyone cheers as they drive away but something feels like it’s been severed from Joohyun’s heart, and she doesn’t know what.

 

She doesn’t know what.

 

When Joohyun’s in the bathroom preparing for bed, she stares at Seungwan’s contact— hoping the other will say something to her, but she doesn’t so Joohyun takes it into her own hands.

 

> Hope u got home okay!

> I’m going to bed right now, text me if anything

 

There is no response and Joohyun goes to bed with worry bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

 

Sooyoung’s singing some song loudly in the bar and Seungwan’s a sad drunk— head down on the table and shot glass empty. Her eyes are red-rimmed and she feels drained of life. Sooyoung’s almost drained, but she still keeps partying.

 

Along the way, Seulgi finds them and Sooyoung gets an earful for going missing and not telling Seulgi, but her best friend pans over to see Seungwan sitting pathetically at the bar and softens.

 

“Let’s get you home.” Seulgi says, holding Seungwan with one arm and the other dragging Sooyoung along.

 

It so miraculously happens that Sooyoung finally drains and she passes out dead asleep in the passenger seat and Seungwan sits in the back— wistfully looking out of the window as the street lights blur her vision.

 

Seungwan hadn’t been as drunk as Sooyoung and so she was able to help Seulgi bring Sooyoung into their apartment. The girl falls heavily down on the bed and Seulgi stretches as Sooyoung’s weight on her shoulders felt like it was stunting her growth.

 

Seulgi and Seungwan head to the kitchen and there is a sort of silence that fills them as Seungwan sips on a cup of water pathetically.

 

“How are you holding up?” Seulgi asks quietly.

“Me?” Seungwan blinks. “I’m fine. Great.”

“Seungwan.” Seulgi says softly.

“Why does everyone think I’m going to wither away just because I watched Joohyun get married?” Seungwan almost scoffs. “I get it - I’m in love with her, but this is just how things are meant to be.”

“It could’ve been different.” Seulgi says.

“If I had said something?” Seungwan questions and Seulgi shrugs.

“It wouldn’t have been.” Seungwan shakes her head. “She’s been set to marry Suho for the longest time. Family connections and all that.”

“I’m sorry.” Seulgi says, squeezing her shoulder.

“Do I have to be sorry too?” Seungwan asks. “Why is everyone sorry for something that is inevitable?”

“Because it hurts.” Seulgi answers.

 

Seungwan averts her gaze and she swallows.

 

“...yeah.” She whispers.

 

It does hurt.

 

Joohyun’s always dreamed of a house-warming party, where they’ll be snacks, music, warm candlelights and happy souls. Sometimes, she sees Seungwan there too. Seungwan’s always been there and it feels wrong to not have her with Joohyun at all times, but it’s different now. Joohyun’s married and Seungwan’s only her best friend. Somehow, down the road, something shifts— something’s changed and it’s foreboding because it doesn’t feel like it’s for the better.

 

Better for who?

They ask.

 

People come in and they keep coming in and Joohyun keeps bowing and saying hello. People from Joohyun’s college batch and Suho’s are here, but so are many of Suho’s relatives as well as a few of Joohyun’s.

 

The house becomes a bit stuffy and Joohyun finds herself unconsciously searching around the room desperately for an out— or for her Seungwan who always knows when Joohyun begins to feel much, but these days, Joohyun feels as if she sees Seungwan less and less.

 

There’s no Seungwan in this room and Joohyun feels like she's burning.

 

She finds Sooyoung a little while after and she’s there munching on snacks— just as expected.

 

“Hey.” Joohyun greets her.

“Hi! Did you pick this house, unnie? It’s a nice house, but it doesn’t seem like it matches your taste very well.” Sooyoung comments. One of the things Joohyun has always loved was Sooyoung’s honesty and lack of filtering her words. It was indeed refreshing.

“Uh - no, I didn’t.” Joohyun shakes her head.

“Thought so.” Sooyoung snorts.

 

Joohyun opens to speak, but she doesn’t want to sound like she went up to Sooyoung just for this purpose— even if she did intend to.

 

“Seungwan’s busy.” Sooyoung answers before she gets to ask. “You were going to ask, weren’t you?”

“Sorry.” Joohyun apologises sheepishly.

“It’s okay - I mean, if it was Seulgi I’d always ask someone where she is.” Sooyoung says offhandedly.

“But she’s your girlfriend. It’s different.” Joohyun says.

Sooyoung only shrugs cryptically. “To-mah-to, to-may-to.”

 

Joohyun blinks.

 

“Okay.” Joohyun simply accepts it with a shake of her head.
 

 

In truth, Seungwan wasn’t busy. For the first time in a while, she did not want to be around Joohyun at all. She gets that she’s the best friend and shouldn't be feeling this way, but god forbid— Seungwan has loved Joohyun aeons ago and she still does. It’s unfair that she’s not the one who got to marry the girl, but then again, that’s on her for not doing anything.

 

Seungwan had been in her apartment since the day before and Seulgi had dropped by and watched as her best friend wilted away.

 

“You were never like this… it makes me sad.” Seulgi nudges her with her foot as Seungwan lay slouched on the couch and Seulgi standing in front.

“Well. I never thought I would fall in love with Joohyun, so there’s that.” Seungwan shrugs.

 

Seulgi plops down beside Seungwan and pouts sadly as she wraps her entire body around Seungwan’s. Seungwan finds herself too tired to protest the bear clinging onto her.

 

“What are we going to do with you?” Seulgi pouts.

“Relax, I’m not going to die.” Seungwan tuts. “Just let me wallow for a bit. I’ll bounce back. I always have.”

“But it’s different this time! Joohyun’s in a legally binding contract! What if she won’t come back!” Seulgi whines.

 

Seungwan looks at Seulgi unimpressed.

 

“Thank you for rubbing it in my face. It’s as if I didn’t know Joohyun is now in a legally binding contract called marriage.” Seungwan deadpans.

“I’m sorry!”

 

“How about Seulgi then? I haven’t seen her here yet.” Jooyun says.

“Oh, you know her. Ever since your wedding dress went viral in those articles, Seulgi’s been getting really busy at her boutique.” Sooyoung says.

“Really? That’s amazing!” Joohyun says.

“Yeah.” Sooyoung nods. “I’m really proud.”

 

Joohyun watches Sooyoung’s wistful look as she thinks of her girlfriend and Joohyun wonders if she’ll be able to think and talk about Seungwan like that.

 

“Come on! You have to do something about this!” Seulgi pulls herself up and tries to bring Seungwan with her, but Seungwan’s deadweight only flops back into the couch.

“I love Joohyun.” Seungwan shrugs. “I’m not gonna stand in the way of her love for Suho, and break her family apart just because I love her.”

“You don’t just love her!” Seulgi stands up and huffs. Seungwan blinks as she flinches from Seulgi’s abrupt movement. “You’re in love with her!”

“What difference does that make?” Seungwan sighs dejectedly.

“It makes all the difference! No one in this godforsaken world is going to love Joohyun like you do!” Seulgi tells her and Seungwan shakes her head.

 

Seulgi puffs out her chest and places her leg onto the couch and raises a hand as if she’s performing a soliloquy.

“You want to be the one holding her hand! You want to be the one that kisses her senseless into the oblivion! You want to share umbrellas while holding hands, you want to sing to her and marry her-”

Seungwan picks up the couch cushion beside her and launches it at Seulgi. “Did you read my high school journal, you little !”

 

Seulgi dodges the pillow with a sheepish smile.

 

“That's not the point here!” Seulgi grabs both her shoulders. “Point here is that you love her, Joohyun married out of convenience and for her family’s business, Suho cannot compare to you at all because if you guys were to be compared,” Seulgi raises one hand up and the other to the ground,” Suho would be this one down here, and you will be the one up here!” Seulgi emphasises.

“So?” Seungwan slides down against the couch backrest— she’s not really listening to Seulgi at all.

“So?! You get your up and confess to Joohyun that you’re the one in love with her and want to marry her!” Seulgi shakes her shoulders violently.

 

Seungwan swats her away.

 

“It’s not that simple!” Seungwan argues.

“It could be simple!” Seulgi argues back.

“You just walk up to her and say,” Seulgi prepares a horrible impression of Seungwan. “I’m Son Seungwan and I’ve been in love with you since middle school and I want to date you and marry you.”

“I don’t sound like that!” Seungwan kicks Seulgi with her socked foot.

“To-mah-to, to-may-to!” Seulgi sticks her tongue out at Seungwan childishly.

 

Seungwan shuts her eyes tightly and sighs before opening them to face Seulgi.

 

“Look - I’m going to be fine, okay. I don’t need to profess my love for Joohyun - it’s not going to do anything.” Seungwan says wearily. “If I do something, it’s all going to be the same. Joohyun’s still going to be married and I’m still just going to be here. Exactly right where I am.”

 

Seulgi sits back down on the couch— finally defeated.

 

“I hate that it’s turned out this way.” Seulgi huffs sadly.

“Yeah.” Seungwan murmurs. “...me too.”

 

It reaches a stalemate at some point. Joohyun stops reaching out to Seungwan after learning she’s really busy with work and Joohyun doesn’t want to jeopardise Seungwan’s work, so she leaves it at that. Seungwan has stopped ignoring Joohyun all together because Joohyun doesn’t call anymore. Sometimes they exchange texts and sometimes they see each other across the street and they wave.

 

It’s like all those years have gone and it has grown to mean nothing to either of them. Neither know how to fix it, but neither have tried to fix it either. A hollowless cuts itself from their lives and it’s shaped like a Son Seungwan hole and a Bae Joohyun hole.

 

Joohyun lays alone in her room for the majority of the time. She doesn’t know how much time has passed, but she knows she’s in a ghost house and she’s the ghost in the house.

 

Her wedding day haunts her each night. She waits for Suho to come home and maybe sit down and have a meal with her, but he smiles and greets her and then goes away to his room— or he leaves again.

 

There’s something she doesn’t want to admit, but she’s not fine.

 

She’s not fine with the marriage

 

The silence

 

The ring

 

The house

 

The family

 

The loneliness

 

She’s not fine alone—

She’s not fine alone.

 

She desperately wants Seungwan and she is begging for some semblance of her. On most nights, she’s there. Seungwan. In her dreams they are in an apartment above their laundromat and they do tax together. They cook together and they have meals together and they love each other with no pretence.

 

When she wakes, it is all different and it is all so mean that it is not real. She wants to scream at the sky and curse at it for doing this to her, but there are only some things that aren’t so trivial like love that will be heard by the gods.

 

The only time Seungwan really does see her is at the friendly dinner with just the five of them. This was the only time she was able to bring herself out of her room, get dressed, clean up and drive to the restaurant. The fresh air and sun feels radiant on her skin and it burns.

 

No one asks about the marriage, or the house, or Suho and somehow she is glad for that, but Seulgi asks if she’s been well and there are things she doesn’t think about like why Suho doesn’t come home, why Seungwan won’t look her in the eye, why she’s here in the first place— and that.

 

She doesn’t know how well she’s been

She hasn’t been at all.

 

Fine.

I am not fine.

I am not fine.

 

It almost screams at her.

 

But it all falls silent and is replaced by a buzzing white-noise when Seungwan speaks.

 

She’s picking up a job in the U.S for the next year and something grows heavy in the pit of Joohyun’s stomach.

 

They’re outside of the restaurant now and Seulgi and Sooyoung are leaving and Yerim is waiting for a taxi.

 

Joohyun and Seungwan stand idly by and it is difficult to not notice the distance between them.

 

“You’re leaving.” Joohyun says quietly.

“Yeah.” Seungwan responds just as quietly.

“When?” Joohyun asks.

“Soon. Couple of days - it’s been finalised since a while ago.”

 

A while ago

A while ago—

There is so much they have missed.

 

“Oh.” Joohyun says and then there are tears rolling down her cheeks and she doesn’t know why.

“Joohyun-ah?” Seungwan leans forward to capture her face and somehow, it only causes Joohyun to break down further.

“I’m sorry - just-” There are no sentences she can make to make sense of it all— it is incomprehensible, her feelings.

“Hey, hey - why are you crying?” Seungwan takes her by the shoulders tenderly and Joohyun wipes at her tears— desperately trying to rid of them, but they keep raining down like a monsoon.

“I’m fine - I’m fine.” Joohyun shakes her head, averting her gaze but Seungwan always brings her back.

“No you’re not.” Seungwan frowns. “Talk to me.”

 

Joohyun shakes her head adamantly.

 

“Is it Suho? What’d he do?” Seungwan tries.

“No, no - it’s not him.” Joohyun scoffs thickly. “He’s perfect - just perfect.”

 

Seungwan gulps and looks at her sadly.

 

“Then what is it? Tell me what I can do?” Seungwan asks of her and there are no answers to those questions.

“Nothing, nothing. I’ll be okay.” Joohyun tries to smile. “I’ll be okay.”

 

She doesn’t press further and Seungwan hugs her.

 

“I’ll take you home.” Seungwan says.

 

When they’re in the car and Seungwan’s driving quietly— in her mind, they are going to that old house on that street they always passed in school when they were on the bus, or they’re heading to Seungwan’s apartment that breathes of warmth and home, but it is wishful thinking and Seungwan is leaving, Seungwan is leaving.

 

They stop in front of Suho and Joohyun’s house, and Seungwan walks her to the door and she isn’t yet facing behind her because she is trying to hold herself together— trying to hold her mind from speaking out— take me, take me with you, take me wherever you are.

 

“Thanks… for taking me back.” Joohyun finally turns.

“Always.” Seungwan says quietly as she nods slightly.

 

There are no words to exchange and it makes Joohyun want to cry like a child because she wants to talk and she doesn’t know how.

 

“Good night, Joohyun.” Seungwan utters, walking away to her car.

“Wait!” Joohyun calls back out impulsively— halting the other woman in her steps.

 

Seungwan trunks and Joohyun walks a few steps closer, away from the house.

 

“Can I… can I see you off when you leave?” Joohyun asks hesitantly.

Seungwan seems to think for a moment— not knowing what this moment means and does for them, but they have always been friends first and foremost, and she’s never said no to Joohyun.

“Yes.” Seungwan answers.

“Okay.. I’ll be there.” Joohyun says softly. “Good night, Seungwan.”

 

Seungwan nods before walking away and getting into her car.

 

Joohyun releases a shaky breath and unknowingly, Seungwan does the same in the car.

 

Joohyun does make it to the airport, alongside Seulgi, Joy and Yerim as they all hug Seungwan and wave her off.

 

Seungwan peers into Joohyun’s eyes and she still looks at her the same— that there is difference in their paths and they have grown so far from each other, it may take a whole life to bring them back together if they remain this way for time. She’ll be gone in the U.S for god’s know how long and she really does need the break but her heart is heavy but her mind is less, so she will leave and think and maybe she will come back to find Joohyun again— perhaps only to break her again in more ways than others, but Seungwan think’s she will be okay and ready for that time. But for now, she needs to think and breathe.

 

Joohyun’s the last to hold her and she wants to do it for longer, but it will mean something more and it cannot. They separate and they meet each other eye to eye and Joohyun struggles to find any semblance of herself or even Seungwan’s self in her eyes as they are tired, sad and still kind.

 

Seungwan has always seen Joohyun as someone capable of love, but Joohyun thinks now that she will only be capable of loving if it is Seungwan and only Seungwan.

 

Seungwan, Seungwan, Seungwan.

 

“Be safe.” Joohyun says to her quietly.

“I will.” Seungwan nods, and then she’s chasing the plane to America and Joohyun’s left behind in some sense.

 

There are sleepless nights and the visions of the wedding keep them awake with heavy hearts and lost minds.

 

Joohyun replays that day in her mind and she lives through that moment of walking into the hall and all eyes on hers including Seungwan’s— who is looking through her like glass.

 

…

 

It’s not until Joohyun is walking up to the podium as her father lets go of her arm to sit with the crowd, and she’s up in front of the man she’s marrying— and Joohyun realises she does not want to marry the person in front of her, she wants to marry the one in her peripheral vision— Son Seungwan. Her best friend, Seungwan, whom she has loved before she knew what love was.