CHAPTER 2

 

“Ryuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!” Bungad sakin ng kaibigan kong parang nakalimang tasa ng kape.

“Bakit?”

“Ang aga pa lang masungit na.”

“Ang aga pa lang ang ingay mo na” sumbat ko.

 

Nag-belat lang siya sakin. “So, ano na Ryujin. Inaabangan ko ang dispatch na ihighlight ka kagabi. Wahahaha”

“Yan inaasahan mo palagi eh. Hay. Pero buti nga wala. I was really nervous when we went to the park. I thought we would get caught. Wala pa naman akong suot na mask.”

“Aw may pa-park date na. I’m so proud of you.” With matching punas pa ng pekeng luha.

 

Iniwan ko na siya sa lobby. Agad naman akong sinundan nito papuntang studio.

 

Nasa JYP Ent kami ngayon. Practice for the upcoming comeback. Single release muna. Hindi pa namin tapos yung mga kanta namin. Kami kasing magkakabanda ang gumagawa ng sarili naming songs. Hinahayaan lang kami ng agency pero siyempre may deadline. So yeah, we have a single that we are going to release pero our album is the main project for the year. Hirap gumawa ng song pag wala kang insipration.

 

May mga nasulat ako pero ayaw nila Winter. Masyado daw malungkot kung lahat ng nasa album songs about loneliness and hurt.

 

I write with my heart. Kaya kung ano mga nararamdaman at naeexperience ko, yun ang mga kantang nagagawa ko. Songs are special to me. It’s not just about making money, but it’s about the feelings we convey to other people and the messages we want them to hear.

 

Pumasok kami sa loob ng studio namin. Nakaupo sa sahig si Hyunjin naglalaro sa phone; si Yeji nagtotono ng guitar; at si Chae nagpapractice ng bass kahit hindi naka-plug sa amplifier.

 

“Yo Ryu!” Bati sakin ni Chae

“Hi Ryu”

“Yo”

“Ako ba walang Hi? Wala? Eh di don’t”

“Hindi bagay sayo mag-pout Win.” Sabi ni Chae

 

“Hey peeps. Good morning. How are your pieces pala?”

“Still need 1 more song sakin.” sabi ni Hyunjin

“Ako din. Though lyrics pa lang ang meron.” sabi ni Yeji

“Ako wala pang lyrics but I already have 2 backgrounds for those” sabi ni Chae

“Ako wala pang nasisimulan” sabi ni Winter

 

Tinignan ng masama ni Chae si Winter. Natakot naman tong katabi ko at agad pumunta sa corner niya.

 

“Eto na Chae, wag ng magalit. Punta na ako sa corner.”

"Are you guys ready for practice or do you need a minute?"

"We're good to go pero, uhm, Ryu, Ms. Im is waiting for you in her office" sabi ni Yeji.

"Ah, really Yej? I didn't receive any message. You guys start, puntahan ko lang si Ms. Im."

 

__________________

 

3 years since we've been discovered and signed in this agency and yet I'm still in awe walking down the halls where the greats have also walked. JYP Ent. is one of the biggest agencies in the country and to be able to be a part of it is a dream come true.

 

Yet, walking down this particular hall is nerve-wracking. Worse is standing outside this particular office. Ms. Im's secretary gave me a small smile and ushered me toward her office.

 

Sighing, I knocked at the door.

 

"Come in." Said the voice on the other side.

 

I opened the door and there she is, Ms. Im.

 

"Annyeooooong Ryujin!"

 

Yep. Still as cheery as ever.

 

"Good morning, Ms. Im."

"Ang formal mo talagang bata ka. Unnie sabi na itawag mo sakin. U-N-N-I-E. Bakit ba ayaw ko ha?"

"We're at your work office?"

"Ayn lang? Psssh.."

"Uhm ma'am, what am I doing here?"

"Ah oo nga pala. Kamusta ang project? Tapos niyo na ba ang mga ilalagay sa album"

"Hindi pa po but we're halfway there."

 

Ms. Im's cheery aura changed into something else… disappointment, maybe. I instantly felt guilty.

 

"Well, I suggest you give more effort to that. It was all of your decision to do this for your second full album and we've been lenient towards you pero we cannot delay this any further Ryujin."

"I apologize, Ms. Im."

"Hmmm. Just make sure na we shall have the album this year."

"Yes, ma'am. If that is all, I should get going."

“Oh, before you go. I heard that you went out on a date.”

 

I saw Ms. Im’s sly smile. Damn. Akala ko I would get away from it.

 

“It wasn’t a romantic date, Ma’am.”

“Still a date”

“Am I in trouble?”

“Nah. We already settled that with dispatch.”

 

Crap. Crap. Crap.

 

“Ryujin, you are one of my stars and I love you guys to death, pero please lang I told you to lie low muna.” Ms. Im said in a disappointed voice.

 

The guilt amplified.

 

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t a date, I swear. I thought we were careful.”

“Relax Ryujin. You’re not in trouble. Like I said, nakausap na namin the story will not see the light. On a side note, I just want to remind you to lie low.”

“I know. Again, I’m sorry.”

 

____________________________

 

“Ryu, kamusta meeting?” Bungad sa akin ni Yeji.

“Ayos naman. Just asking about our progress and the likes.”

“Nagpo-progress naman.”

“Nasaan na ang iba?” Si Yeji and Hyunjin lang kasi ang nandito ngayon sa studio. Si Hyunjin nasa isang sulok at nakakalat ang mga papel.

“Lumabas si Chaer, CR ata. Si Win, pumunta sa recording.”

“I see. Well, pag dating nila let’s start discussing your songs tapos let’s practice kung may oras.”

“Okidoki. Nga pala Ryu, how’s your side of composing?”

“Eto, still having writer’s block or something. Wala akong maisulat.” I sighed.

“Hey, relax. No one’s pressuring you to write.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, right. Sabi ni Ms. Im na we need to have the songs ready within the year.”

“That’s still a lot of time noh.”

 

One year is not a lot of time, but I am thankful to Yeji for the support. Actually, thankful ako sa bandmates ko dahil they don’t rush me or put too much pressure.

 

Yeji and I have been best friends since elementary. Palagi akong nasa bahay nila Yeji noon kaya nakakasama ko na rin si Hyunjin. Kambal sila kaya ayon. Nakilala namin si Winter noong high school. Nakasama namin siya sa project and well, we instantly clicked. As for Chaeryeong naman, college namin siya nakilala. Kasama namin sa dance club ng uni noon.

 

Winter had always loved music. Medyo na-influence niya din kami kakahila samin manood ng concerts kaya we tried to enter our high school battle of the bands. We fell in love then. Saktong musically-inclined din si Chaeryeong and Hyunjin at nabuo ang Zys.

 

We usuall do gigs sa bars before entering a small contest. Luckily, we won and got signed to do a small jingle for a sneakers commercial. That was when we were discovered by Ms. Im. Kaya malaking pasasalamat namin sa kaniya for everything.

 

“HELLO MGA HANGAL!”

 

Nasira ang katahimikan ng studio sa pagpasok ni Winter. Pati si Hyunjin tinignan si Winter ng masama.

 

“Sungit niyo namang lahat. Well, tapos ko na.”

 

Tinaasan ko to ng kilay. “Tapos mo na agad iyong isang kanta?”

 

“Nope! Tapos ko na i-stalk si Karina”

“Alright. Let's just wait for Chaer then we'll start."

 

Nagkaniya-kaniya muna kaming gawain habang hinihintay si Chaeryeong.

 

Hindi din nagtagal at dumating siya.

 

"Hey guys, sorry. Nakasabayan ko kasi si ate Wends. Naki-chika lang. Kanina pa ba kayi naghihintay?"

"Hindi naman. So, let's start?"

 

We gathered in the middle of the studio. Mahilig at sanay naman kami na umupo sa sahig and just form a circle whenever we're doing this kind of talks.

 

"So, Ms. Im asked about our progress regarding our album. They want it to be this year, otherwise, baka wala tayong album na i-comeback for this year. As agreed upon we shall have 10 songs in that album. So far we have, how many?"

 

"2 almost complete songs courtesy of the twins, 2 accompaniments but no lyrics by Chaer and none from both Win and I. Tama ba?"

 

A chorus of yes came from all 4 of them. Nagpatuloy ang meeting namin. It took longer than I would have hoped for. Chinika pa kasi ni Winter iyong "date" ko.

 

"By the way, may chika ako guys"

"Ano nanaman yan Win?" Curious na sinabi ni Chaer.

"Nakipag-date ka?" Tanong ni Yeji

"Hindi naman."

"Lol. Eh anong tawag mo sa taong hindi mo kilala niyaya mo na mag-hang out with food involved, sa park, in the middle of the night?"

"Oooh. So it is a date. Ikaw ah Ryu, luma-love life." Pangaasar ni Chaer.

"Who's the girl? Do we know her?" Napatingin ako kay Hyunjin. Mukhang intersado din siya sa buhay ko ngayon ah.

"Just a random girl. And no, it's not really a date. It's merely to apologize for my behavior towards her."

 

I explained what happened with Winter exaggerating some scenes kaya binabatukan ko.

 

"So, that's the last time you'll see her?" Tanong ni Yeji after being silent all throughout my story.

"Yeah. I did not know her number, so yeah."

"Good" Yeji gave me a relieved smile. She's just probably worried about dispatch.

 

_________________

 

It's frustrating. Lyrics in the past would come easy for me. Now, my mind is blank. Kahapon pa ako walang maisip.

 

"How about you take a rest Ryu. Kanina ka pa diyan sa piano. I feel bad for the keys because you keep banging on them." Yeji reprimanded me over and over for banging the keys.

 

I sighed. It's been 2 days since our meeting and still nothing. It's like nawala iyong pasion ko noong nawala din siya. I can feel myself losing interest in playing. Music was supposed to be my haven after dance pero. Ugh.

 

"Guys, lalabas lang ako. I need a breather."

 

I did not wait for their response and just grabbed my things and left.

 

I left the building and just roamed the streets. I put my airpods on and blasted some random music but still, my mind kept replaying what happened the year before.

 

"It's over babe."

"Why? Anong ginawa ko? Babe please, I am begging you. I love you"

"I-I can't, Ryu. I love you, too, however, this is my dream and you have yours."

"I -"

 

"Ouch" "Aray"

 

I returned to my senses and saw that I just bumped into someone, scattering the books she was holding.

 

"Sorry, it's my fault. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings" I said as I crouched down to help her.

"It's ok. I wasn't paying attention din naman. Oh, Shin Ryujin"

 

Oh. Si Lia.

 

"Thanks." Inabot na niya ang mga libro na nasa kamay ko. "Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

 

Tinignan ko kung nasaan ako at nakita ko na nasa labas kami ng bookstore nila.

 

"I don't know. I guess my feet took me here"

"Well, want to come inside?"

 

I just nodded and followed her.

 

The bookstore itself is not that big. What it lacks in size though makes up for the contents of the store. Ang daming libro, daig pa ang national bookstore.

 

The shelves are full and organized. Some books are on the countertop, some on the floor and in stacks. There are boxes in the corner, which I think are full of books as well.

 

"Sorry makalat. Marami kasing libro."

"It's alright. Ang dami ngang books dito. Are all these books new?"

"Hindi. Most of them are secondhand books."

Figured. "Have you read them?"

"All of them?"

I nodded.

"Hindi pa. Pero soon?" Binigyan niya ako ng eye smile. Cute.

"Uhm feel free to look around since nandito ka naman na."

 

I did just that. I was just randomly looking. How to cook, how to tie shoelaces. I snickered at the last title. Wala bang book on how to write a song?

 

"Uhm meron pero may nakakuha na."

 

Nagulat ako. Nasabi ko pala iyon out loud.

 

I returned to the counter.

 

"Sayang naman. I needed a copy" I said jokingly.

"Musician’s block?"

"Yep. Seemed like forever na to sa tagal"

“How many months na ba?”

How many na nga ba? Weeks or months? Probably more than that since the last song I’ve truly poured my heart out was a year ago when she left me. “Hmmm, a year or so?”

 

There was a small pause filled with silence. It felt a bit awkward.

 

"You know, I've always been a fan of your songs."

"And me?"

"Yeah, and you"

"Sabi mo si Winter na bias mo."

"Gusto mo bawiin ko?"

"Joke lang. Continue"

"Ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin ay temporary lang iyang musician’s block. Once makahanap ka ng inspiration and motivation I know you'll do great."

"Even if it's a year of having this damned musician’s block?"

"Oo naman. Hmmmm ano ba mga gusto mo?"

"Ikaw." I saw how red she became. "Joke lang"

"Buisit ka. Nagugulat ako sa iyo. So, ano nga."

"I don't know. Music? dancing? Yan lang nagpop sa utak ko eh."

“And what is music to you?”

 

Napakunot ang noo ko sa tanong ni Lia. “Well, music is art. It is like poetry, you convey your heart and feelings in a 3-4 minute poem, sometimes 10 minutes, and add in some instrumentals. Nonetheless, music is a letter to people who are willing to listen.”

“And isn’t art symbolic yet abstract?”

“Yeah, in a way. Though we follow a specific formula for music: intro, stanza, chorus, bridge, etc.”

“True. Pero there is a variety of music which do not follow said formula. That makes it more interesting, does it not?”

“Yeah.”

"Hmmm. You know, music for me is the language of the heart. It does not need to have great meaning or it does not have to make any sense for it to be called music"

"I don't get it."

"Ok. Just be spontaneous. Hmmmm. Parang ganito.”

 

I was a quick wet boy

Diving too deep for coins

All of your straight light eyes

Wide on my plastic toys

Then when the cops closed the fair

I cut my long baby hair

Stole me a dog eared map

And called for you everywhere

 

Have I found you?

Flightless bird, jealous, weeping

Or lost you?

American mouth

Big bill looming"

 

Ang ganda ng boses niya. Ang weird ng kinanta niya pero I was amazed how fast she was able to think of the lyrics.

 

Then she gave me a look as if she was urging me to continue her song.

 

"Your turn"

“Huh?”

“I said, your turn. Ituloy mo yung kanta.”

"Wala akong maisip."

"Then don't think. Feel. Now go."

"Fine fine. Uhm.

 

Now I'm a fat house cat

Cursing my sore blunt tongue

Watching the warm poison rats

Curl through the wide fence cracks

 

Pissing on magazine photos

Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean

Blood of Christ mountain stream"

 

I looked at her and she was smiling. I did not realize it then but I was probably smiling the whole time because she was giving me a look of awe.

 

Have I found you?

Flightless bird, brown hair bleeding

Or lost you?

American mouth

Big bill, stuck going down

 

_____________

 

After our impromptu session, I bought a book as a way of thank you kay Lia. We bid our goodbyes and I returned to JYP Ent.

 

“Hey guys.”

“Yo” “Hi” “YOYOYO!”

“Kamusta lakad Ryu?” tanong ni Chaer who was seated in the piano.

“Ok naman. It was refreshing.” I answered. “By the way, Winter catch!”

 

I threw the paper bag at Winter. Buti na lang na-catch niya agad.

 

“Wow, sana all.” pabirong sinabi ni Hyunjin na nasa sulok pa din.

“Ako favorite nitong si Ryujin eh. Mainggit kayo mga hangal.”

 

Binuksan ni Winter ang paper bag at nakita ko ang pagbago ng mukha niya.

 

“Gago ka Ryu! Patay ka sa akin”

 

Hindi ko napigilan ang tawa ko. The others were curious but laughed when Winter showed them the title of the book, I just gave her: How to train your Puppy.

 

Song: Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine