"chae?", she called me by my name and I hate it so much, we used to call each other "baby" and now I hate it so much when she called me "chae", it sounds so distant, I really really hate it.

"yes?", what do you want mina? what you gonna say after you ignore my last text for a months, a text that I write where I explain to you every single pain that you give to me.

You never really care, you never give me an explanation, you always give me a defensive answer, a gaslight answer, you never explain why you did what you did to me even though I tell you everything why I get hurt. 

It's another silent, maybe she also carefully thinking about what she gonna said to me but what I really need is just an apology and explanation. She apologize before but it sound like a bull, like she just want to say it so she don't need to talk to me anymore. 

"I want to send your shirt and a few things that yours but I don't know how to pack it, it's just too much", she don't even talk about my last text, all the things that I let out, all the things that stressing me out. 

"you don't need too just let it be, save it", I said with a disappointments. Like I always expect from her, she won't say anything about it.

"okay and can I borrow your membership?", mina really have a way to get me, anything she want I will just say yes for it but why she choose to borrow it from me? did she want us to stay close? or she just simply too lazy to make one? I really hope it's because she still want to stay close with me and the membership just an excuse. "yes, of course", that's what I said to her.

"okay thank you", and I just answer it back with, "yes, your welcome", and the call just ended like that.

I went crazy after that call, why she don't reply my last text nor talking about it. Why? Am I wrong to want an explanation from her? yes, she give me an explanation and apologize but that's not even explain what she did to me at that time, the pain she give me it's different from her explanation about her being down and want to break up again with me. 

I got hurt alot while trying my best to stay with her, I also feel so down, I also feel the anxiety creeping inside of me, I also suffering but why she just apologize for her being down and not even care about what happened to me? about what she did to me? why?

after a few hours, I send a random text to her, "how long?", How long are you gonna ignore my long text? how long you need to be alone? how long we gonna act like this? how long till I move on from you? how long till I don't really waiting and expecting you to asked me back to your life as your girlfriend? how long? but she ignore my text again and it's been days. 

After the break up, I'm the one who said to her that I don't want to asked her to get back to me anymore, I don't want have anything with her anymore and here I am still want her to hold me and asked me to stay with her as her girlfriend.