(TW: suicide attempt. Read with caution if you are susceptible to these types of issues.) 

__________

The bucket list

“Dahyun, do you understand what I'm saying?” the voice of Dr. Lee is heard as a distant echo, echoing in the back of her head. 

The words were clear and hit Dahyun like a bucket of ice water, leaving her unresponsive. 

She watches as the doctor's lips move, he is probably explaining something to her but she doesn't really have the ability to listen, let alone have the ability to pay attention to anything the man is saying. Perhaps it is important and she will regret later for not listening, however the only thing her mind is capable of receiving right now is only one thing:

She is going to die. 

She is going to die and she only has an estimated three more months to live. 

That's all she could understand from the lengthy explanation given to her by Dr. Lee. 

The doctor offers his condolences for not giving Dahyun better news.

It all started days ago when Dahyun began to have mild headaches, which intensified as the days went by, to the point where she could not keep her eyes open without feeling as if her head seemed to split in half.

The herbal tea that Jihyo's mother had prepared for her barely worked for a few hours, and the pains only increased, forcing Dahyun to have to miss work and pay for a taxi ride to the nearest hospital. 

Not to elaborate too much on the explanation; the CT scan showed that a two-centimeter mass was pressing on the left side of his brain, which largely caused the constant headaches. The doctor quickly dismissed the option of performing an operation because the tumor appeared to be quite advanced and they did not want to risk putting Dahyun at risk for a surgery that they were not entirely sure would go well. 

This is how she ended up receiving the news of her irreversible and sad end. 

“Dahyun.” the doctor calls her again. He has the faint feeling that the young woman has not heard anything he said minutes before. 

Dahyun finally leaves her thoughts for a moment and looks at the doctor, “I'm sorry, what?” 

“Have you thought about what you want to do?” 

“About what?” Dahyun hadn't really heard anything.

“About the treatment options I told you about.” 

She thinks and shakes her head in denial, “What about chemo?” 

“If that's what you want we could try it, however it's not certain that the tumor will go away with chemo alone, as you would also need surgery” he explains to her.

“What other option do I have left?” 

He looks at her, settles back and folds his hands on the desk. He has that typical look doctors tend to get when they are about to deliver bad news.

Dahyun fears for herself. She doesn't know if she wants to keep listening to what her doctor has to say.

“Well, if you were to start having pain I could prescribe some medication for you. In any case you will just have to wait. Many patients choose the 'natural' option and refuse any kind of treatment that might be invasive.” 

“Oh, I understand.” 

“I know it may be complicated for you to decide now but—” 

“I don't want any kind of treatment Dr. Lee” she says interrupting the doctor. 

Dr. Lee remains silent, looks at Dahyun, and after a few seconds finally nods, accepting Dahyun's answer. If that is what she wanted then he was going to respect her decision.

“Do you have family or friends who we can notify? In these cases we always recommend that patients are accompanied throughout the entire process. The hospital also offers a companionship service.” 

“No, I'm fine. I don't need help from anyone.” 

“Are you sure?” the doctor questions somewhat doubtfully. 

Dahyun nods. She wants to get out of there as soon as possible. She can't bear to see the pity in the doctor's eyes, reminding her that her time to live is now down to a few weeks. 

She thanks the doctor, leaves the doctor's office and searches for the nearest emergency staircase. When she finds the staircase, she begins to climb until she reaches the highest part of the hospital; the rooftop. 

Dahyun steps outside, the cold winter breeze hits her face and makes her body shiver a little. Dahyun sinks her hands into her coat pockets to keep warm, and slowly she approaches the edge of the building, when she stands on the edge she looks down.

She doesn't know what makes her do that. She simply walked there out of inertia.  

She calculates the distance and height. The fall would be quick and precise because the building is no more than eight floors high. If she does it now it could be all over in just a few seconds. She wouldn't have to live with the agony of waiting three ing months until the day comes. Because what would be the difference between dying that very day and waiting three months? She would just have to step forward and...

“You know, a study recently conducted indicated that rooftops are the place where they find the most paranormal presence in hospitals.” Dahyun turns her head and sees a woman standing a few feet away from her, as she lights a cigarette. She takes a puff on the already lit cigarette, exhales the smoke and speaks again, a slight smile appears on her lips, “Isn't it amazing? I mean, at this moment we are probably in the presence of some spirit or a soul in pain.” 

Dahyun looks at her in confusion, the woman continues to smoke as she sits on a concrete surface. She looks at Dahyun and waves her hand, “Oh, I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything. Go ahead and continue, I'm just going to finish smoking here and leave in a moment” she pulls out her phone to use it to browse her social media. 

Dahyun rolls his eyes, stops looking at the woman and turns his gaze downward. She sighs bitterly, contemplating how down there the world continues to function, people come and go, going about their own lives, unawar