Eunhyuk is not the kind of person who turns on news alerts for his celebrity boyfriend—"Why would I read about what you did today when you're just gonna call me later and tell me about it yourself?" he had said once—and Siwon has never been more grateful for that fact until now.

"Thank you for accepting a meeting with us on such short notice, Mr. Choi, though I trust you've figured out why we had to convene as soon as possible."

In a pristinely-corporate meeting room on MS Entertainment's 9th floor, Siwon, his management team, and a group of pristinely-corporate PR staff people sit at a long conference table with their attention trained on a screen depicting him and Eunhyuk walking out of a trendy, romantic bistro in Seoho. There is plausible deniability in the location, but the smile on Siwon's face tells a different story.

"As you know, we actively monitor our talents' social media presence to accurately assess public sentiment and reputation…"

The pictures change on screen, playing out a single moment like a video captured at one frame per second… or that just the rate at which Siwon can process this disastrous turn of events?

"… The images you see here were posted onto Twitter at 18:39 yesterday evening and have been retweeted about two thousand times…"

If it weren't for Eunhyuk's mask, his face would have been seen by at least two thousand people. Siwon knows this is not the kind of fame Eunhyuk is seeking.

"… No one seems to be drawing the wrong—er, the right—conclusion yet, but it's only a matter of time…"

The presentation lingers on a final photo of Siwon's head dipped low and two hands held tight across his back before cutting off just as the lights in the room turn back on. There's nothing inherently romantic about the photo, but it's not platonic enough either. Even Siwon could see that.

"…We've always been as supportive of your lifestyle as we could be, but considering the circumstances—"

This is what finally brings Siwon out of his internal spiraling. "—What do you mean by that?" he cuts her off. "What circumstances?"

The PR executive who has been speaking all this time, a stern-looking woman who looks like the last time she had fun was forty years ago, explains, "This is the second close-call you've had since you asked for our help in keeping your private life private. We're public relations professionals, not miracle workers."

Siwon wrinkles his eyebrows. "Are you talking about that time fans saw us out for a run a couple of months ago? That hardly constitutes a pattern."

The executive tsks. "Don't underestimate the deductive powers of a dedicated fan, Mr. Choi. To err on the side of caution, we strongly suggest you lay low."

He doesn't like the mood in the room. It feels like they've all reading from a different script than he's been given. "How low is low?"

The PR staff and his entourage share apprehensive looks amongst themselves. A voice in his head that sounds like Eunhyuk's makes a snide remark about how it feels like he's watching a drama, and it loosens the coil in his chest enough to think rationally again.

"It would be best for you to break up with him, Siwon," his manager speaks up.

Screw rational.

"What?! How can you even say that to me? You saw firsthand how hard we worked to get even to this point! I won't give that up just because you asked me to."

"Please sit down, Siwon," someone asks him with bored patience. He doesn't even realise he's out of his seat, his hands now firmly gripping the backrest of the chair. He forces himself to sit down, but that just makes him more tense.

"Will you give it up for him?" a mousy assistant asks then. All eyes turn to the owner of the voice, seated at a corner of the room and looking just as off-center as Siwon feels. The assistant bravely clears his throat and continues, "He's not in the business. If your relationship becomes public, he's at a higher risk of harassment, maybe even violence, than you are."

Another executive jumps on that lead like a feline with its prey. "Yeah, yeah, Siwon! If you really loved your boyfriend, would you compromise his privacy like this?"

"Didn't you mention once that he just lives in an apartment complex in Eunpyeong-gu? That kind of information is so easy to dox."

"So he can move in with me!" Siwon blurts before he could help himself, but he didn't have to hear the company team's trite objections to know it was a lost cause. He and Eunhyuk had different lodgings for a reason.

Taking Siwon's aborted attempt at defending himself as agreement, the head HR executive heaves a put-upon sigh, as though this meeting is preventing her from getting to her real job. "Glad you're on the same page now, Siwon. We'll let you handle the specifics of the break-up on your own, but we have no issues interfering if necessary. It goes without saying, but the sooner the better, of course. In the meantime, we'll continue monitoring your SNS activity for insinuations or content damaging to your image. A contingency plan was prepared just in case. We'll keep in touch," the executive finishes as they all begin filing out of the room.

Siwon spends a few minutes in the silence that follows, replaying the last half an hour over and over again in his mind.

"Do I have anything else scheduled for today?" he asks towards nothing, knowing his people are the only ones left.

"Just a fitness session with your trainer at 2p."

"Cancel it, I'm going home."

---

Hyukjae blinked into awakeness on a slow Saturday morning. He didn't have a class until the afternoon, and Siwon had a nighttime shoot. Days like this were rare, which made them all the more precious.

He snuggled deeper into the bed, wriggling in contentment, then felt a pair of arms wrap from behind him. "Why are you being like a worm?" his boyfriend said in a groggy voice, lips pressed loosely to the back of Hyukjae's neck.

"Hmmm, just happy," he said. His voice is clear but soft, trying to maintain the serene atmosphere of the morning. If Siwon wanted to keep sleeping, he had no problem with that.

Siwon hummed. "This is nice," he agreed in a roundabout way. "I could get used to this."

His voice was firming up, and Hyukjae knew the other was more awake than not now. He hugged Siwon's arms closer to his chest, pressing his back to Siwon's own chest in the process. "Maybe it's a good thing we don't live together. If I had this every morning, I'd never get anything done."

He didn't need to face Siwon to know what he looked like: furrowed brows and slight frown that brought out adorable dimples which always gave Hyukjae the worst case of bittersweet. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up again," he backpedaled.

"We agreed, Eunhyuk," was all Siwon said in response. Hyukjae sighed. "I know, I know; it draws attention. I can still dream, though, can't I?"

He turned to face Siwon, and he's greeted with the handsome face marred with the adorable frown he expected. He pressed a light kiss to the tip of Siwon's nose, hoping to ease him and demonstrate he has no hard feelings.

Siwon melted, as he always did, and leaned in to kiss Hyukjae full on the lips. He welcomed the distraction with open arms and open mouth, splaying his palms on Siwon's back and relishing in the feeling of being in love with someone who loved him back.

When they parted, Siwon didn't let him go. "I hate that you have dreams that I can't make come true," he confessed into the scant centimetres between them.

"Aish," Hyukjae intoned, forcibly dispelling the sentiment by extracting himself from Siwon but without leaving the bed. "It's okay! It's really, really okay. Besides, I have other dreams. You know what I'm dreaming of now?"

"What?" Siwon gazed at him from the small distance away, looking like he'd move heaven and hell to give him whatever he asked for in that moment.

Good, because he really meant it when he requested, "Breakfast in bed? Mushroom jeon, if possible."

Siwon barked out a laugh, and Hyukjae remembered a time when he wouldn't do that. The display of unguarded comfort warmed his heart. "I'll let the au pair know."

"Au pair," Hyukjae mocked as Siwon put on some house clothes. The other just chuckled. "Don't come back without food!" he joked as he pulled the blankets back over himself.

They smelled like Siwon, and Hyukjae let a conflicted smile cross his face. He may have had other dreams, but this was still his first.

---

Hyukjae's phone vibrates just as he gets off the bus after a long day at the dance studio. He checks the caller ID and smiles.

"Oh, hey, babe. I wasn't expecting to hear from you tonight. What's up?"

"When will you be home?" Siwon's voice sounds a little strained, but it must just be the connection.

"I just got off the bus when you called, so… twenty-ish minutes until I reach my floor?" he answers absentmindedly. He just passed by a Chinese place, and he's seriously wondering if he should double back and get take out. Beef lo mein sounds really good right now, but he could also just order a tonne of shu mai and call it a day. "Hey, would you rather: beef lo mein or several servings of shu mai?"

He hears shuffling on the other end for a quick moment, and then, "Both will be at your apartment in 25 minutes."

Hyukjae grins so wide he can see his gums in the faint reflection off the windows of the restaurant. "No way; are you being for real?" He resumes his walk with alacrity in his step. If he times it right, he might be able to meet the delivery at the door!

"Yes way." Siwon's fondness rings clearly through the phone. "If you time it right, we might be able to meet the delivery at the door."

"Okay, one: I am so in love with you. Two: 'we'?" he repeats with delight.

The sigh he hears on the other end is confusing, but he ignores that in favour of the knowledge that Siwon is waiting for him at his apartment to come home. He isn't running yet, but he's close.

He finally turns the corner to see Siwon waving the delivery person goodbye, and he speeds his stride into a sprint. Siwon has just enough time to set the food down  before his arms are summarily occupied once again.

"You idiot, how long have you been waiting here? If you wanted to see me so bad, you could have just said so!" Hyukjae laughs into the space between Siwon's neck and shoulder as Siwon spins them around. After he lets Hyukjae down, he turns his whole body to pick the food back up.

"Come on, let's eat. Is Kyuhyun home?" Siwon says, gesturing to the door and following Hyukjae's lead up to his apartment.

Hyukjae scoffs. "Hell if I know. I swear, if it weren't for the intermittent screams of rage while he plays his games, it would be like I lived alone."

Siwon shakes his head good-naturedly. "Isn't he just a few years younger than us? How does he come up with the rent?"

Hyukjae shrugs as he lets them in, trusting Siwon to make himself at home as he stretches onto the couch. "Wanna watch a drama or something?" he asks lazily as he flicks on the tv.

Siwon places the takeout on the coffee table in front of the couch, and Hyukjae notices the other hasn't taken his coat off yet. "Siwon, is everything okay? You look nervous."

Siwon blows air through his mouth, letting his lips puff up slightly, and Hyukjae loses his train of thought to smile at such an American expression of anxiety.

"I want to talk to you, but not until you eat first," Siwon finally responds.

Hyukjae rolls his eyes and puts the tv on mute. "Well, of course I don't wanna eat now. Not until I know what really brought you here."

Siwon raises his eyes to meet Hyukjae's gaze, and Hyukjae freezes. He looks defeated. In the back of Hyukjae's mind, he realises this is the first time the other has looked at him all night. He doesn't like it.

"Is everything okay?" Siwon still hasn't said anything, hasn't moved closer, hasn't touched him. What is going on?

Hyukjae sits up straighter on the couch. "Whatever it is, I can take it. We can take it. 'As long as we're together,' right?" It's been their motto, of sorts, from their first date to their first fight. As long as we're together. At this point, it's even more powerful for them than 'I love you'.

Siwon scrunches his eyes tight. "Eunhyuk, I'm breaking up with you."

So much for that. "What?" Hyukjae asks, every hair on his body standing on end.

"It's not safe for us to be together anymore." Siwon's voice sounds far away.

He understood each individual word, but as a sentence? It didn't make any sense to him. "… What?!" he repeats. "Where is this coming from?"

Siwon agitatedly pulls up something on his phone and s it at him. He sees a twitter post of paparazzi photos of the two of them leaving the restaurant where they had their date yesterday. He's lucky he was wearing a mask or else almost three thousand people would have seen his face.

"We're lucky you were wearing a mask or else almost three thousand people would have seen you exit the restaurant with me!"

Hyukjae loves Siwon so much, which makes this situation all the harder to bear. He blinks with frustrated confusion; he can't see. "It's been almost a year, and no one's said anything!"

"Exactly, it's been a year. We were getting comfortable, complacent. This is dangerous, Eunhyuk!"

"These risks have always been there! What changed? I don't understand!" He doesn't, at all. They've been making it work. As long as we're together.

Up until this point, their voices were rising until it turned into a complete shouting match, but here Siwon takes a breath—always the one who was better at calming himself down between the two.

"Me, I think," he says at length. "I've changed. I'm not willing to take the risks, not anymore."

How does Siwon keep finding new ways to break his heart? Why can't Hyukjae reach him? "I'm not worth it anymore? We're not worth it anymore?!"

His boyfriend meets his gaze (because yes, that is his boyfriend, dammit) just as Hyukjae's vision finally clears, and he finds the most heartbreaking sight. "That's just it: you're worth so much, Eunhyuk. That's why I'm doing this. I'm sorry."

Siwon leaves. The food grows cold. The TV is still playing. The tears he couldn't notice before dry to tracks of salt on his cheeks.

---

They were certainly dating.

Ever since the first phone call, he and Eunhyuk had been meeting up regularly. It started like cocktails in clubs, then turned into beers over pretzels, which evolved into movies on the weekends; and it all culminated into where they were today.

He invited Eunhyuk over for dinner, prepared by himself and not his house staff. In fact, Siwon sent them home earlier so that he and Eunhyuk could have some privacy. And why would he need privacy?

Because Siwon was pretty sure he'd fallen for Eunhyuk, and he wanted to know if the other felt the same.

The man was just so charming. There's a personality in his movements thanks to his years of dance, and it manifested even in actions as simple as washing dishes; any story was exciting as long as he was the one telling it; he was witty and goofy and annoying, honestly.

Siwon wanted him so much.

"Be my boyfriend, Eunhyuk."

A fork clattered in the sink as Eunhyuk snapped his head towards Siwon with wide eyes. "What?"

He… had not meant to say it like that, but he meant it. Siwon stepped into Eunhyuk's space, taking the washcloth out of the other's hand so he could hold them. "I mean it. I want to be your boyfriend, Eunhyuk. These past few weeks were so ovewhelming because of the show ramping up; but when I talk to you about it, you make me excited instead of nervous. I want to keep having you around."

Siwon scanned the other's face for any sign of interest, but Eunhyuk didn't even look like he was breathing. Oh, no. Did he read everything wrong? He let go of the other's hands and stepped away, an embarrassed apology ready on his lips.

But Eunhyuk spoke first. "My friends… they don't know. Or at least, I haven't told them."

That made a lot of sense. "Oh."

Eunhyuk stepped closer to him, wide eyes—shaped like almonds and the most enticing shade of brown—still trained on his. Siwon's heart was beating very, very hard. "And my boss," Eunhyuk continued. "He can't ever know."

Siwon took a very deep breath and read the situation one last time. If he was wrong, he'd let go. He'd let it all go. "We don't have to tell anyone," he said, reaching for Eunhyuk's hands just as tentatively.

Like a string was cut, all the strained tension left Eunhyuk's body, and he slumped against Siwon's chest. Their hands were pressed between them, and Eunhyuk's face was so close. "Is that fair to you?" he breathed out.

His eyes looked scared but still so hopeful, and they told Siwon all he needed to know. "As long as we're together, that would be enough."

Eunhyuk grinned slow, like a sunrise cresting the horizon, and Siwon dipped into the warmth it promised.

---

Siwon sighs again as he lets the phone ring for the fifth time that day alone.

He knows Eunhyuk is calling as often as he can—as soon as he wakes up, in between classes, on his way home—but he can't bring himself to answer them. It's better this way, he convinces himself. A clean break.

He always lets it ring, though. He won't block Eunhyuk's number, and he never cuts the call off short. If he did that, if Siwon gave any indication he was aware of what he was doing, he is sure Eunhyuk would stop. The sick, twisted part of him that still loves the other man needs to know that he wants to talk to Siwon as much as Siwon wants to talk to him. It's the only thing keeping his heart together.

He hates himself, just a little bit.

"I thought we had an understanding, Mr. Choi," someone asks as the same team of agency representatives file into the same conference room as the day before.

He hates this situation even more.

"We did. I handled the situation as you requested." If his voice sounds nothing like the genial, approachable reputation he's developed for himself, it's on purpose.

"That's not what SNS had to say last night."

"What are you talking about?"

Someone turns on the projector, and Siwon breaks out in a cold sweat. On screen, someone cycles through several photos of very familiar arms swinging around a very familiar body in front of a very familiar apartment building.

"You're really making our PR team earn their salaries, Mr. Choi. We're lucky to be dealing with a relatively out-of-touch fan: she posted the pictures on some inactive forum, so we were able to request its deletion and negotiate a cease and desist on photographic redistribution before fan attention reached critical mass. Imagine that was posted onto Naver or Twitter? We'd be having a very different conversation today."

A knock sounds at the door, then, and a new group of people file into the conference room. He recognises Syejin, another actor at the company, and figures the rest of them must be her team. She started a few months after him, but he hasn't really had a chance to interact with her much. None of that explains what she's doing here, though.

"Ah, just in time. Mr. Choi, I trust you're acquainted with Ms. Yom? If not, you'll have plenty of time for that. As of this morning, you two are dating."

Siwon just… cannot keep up anymore. "I broke up with him, though." He pays no heed to the eyebrows that raise in Syejin's team at the pronoun. "I did what you asked." He's rather occupied trying to calm himself down. "What purpose could this possibly serve?"

"Consider it an extra precaution in case the Friendly Neighbourhood Netizen decides the price we paid for her silence isn't enough. We told you before that we had a contingency plan. You're looking at it." How can such a mild, generic voice deliver such a threatening statement?

A new representative speaks up. "Your managers are briefed on how to handle the situation from here. You can direct any questions, comments, and concerns to them." The agency spokespeople waste no time leaving the two actors and their entourages alone, yet the room feels too hot, too small.

Siwon barely has the presence of mind to excuse himself before running away from the conference room, and running away he is.

He hears ringing in his ears before he even recognises that he took his phone out of his pocket. "Pick up, Eunhyuk. Please, pick up. Come on, come on, come on. Pick up!"

Eunhyuk deserves to hear about this from him. He deserves to know it's a farce, that it wasn't Siwon's idea (god, how could it be), that Siwon's sorry and he misses him so much.

"Hey, hey - you've got Hyukjae! Sorry I couldn't make it to the phone, but you know the drill. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

Siwon stops where he is and lets his phone dangle from his boneless fingers. After a minute, the call hangs up on its own, the message of blank air already on its way to its unintended recipient. He collapses against a nearby wall and doesn't try to stop the breakdown.

Siwon has never heard Eunhyuk's voicemail before.

---

Siwon was so excited, and there's only one person left to hear his good news. "Come on, come on. Pick up," he eagerly muttered into the phone.

Finally, the ringtone clicked off. "Hello?"

Yes! "Eunhyuk? Hi, this is Siwon! Choi Siwon, from the audition?"

"Oh, wow, it is you. I saw your name on the caller ID and all, but I thought it might have been a dial or something." He laughed to himself. "What's up?"

Siwon was giddy. "I got the part!"

Eunhyuk gasped dramatically. "No way?! Siwon, that's so great!"

"Right? Thanks! I go in for our first table read in a few days. I'm so nervous, but I also can't wait? Does that make any sense?"

"Oh, absolutely. I'm sure I'd feel the same way!"

Siwon frowned. "Oh, no. So you didn't get the gig?"

Eunhyuk sighed on the other line, and Siwon's guilt doubled. How could he be so selfish to tell him his news? He should have known when the other never texted him with an update after his audition. "I'm so sorry, Eunhyuk. This was so callous of me. I didn't even think—Oh god, I'm probably keeping you from something right now, too, aren't I? I should let you go…"

"Siwon, it's okay. I'm over it," Eunhyuk's gentle voice sounded over the receiver. "And I'm glad you took the time to tell me. I'm happy for you, really! Actually, I was in the middle of something, but I wasn't busy… Say!" his voice perks up again. "What are you doing tonight?"

Siwon was stunned, not knowing which of the many changes in the other's tone he should be reacting to, but there's a strange lightness in his chest, too. "Well, I was going to begin memorising the script; maybe crack open the Dom Perignon to celebrate."

Eunhyuk snorted at him, and he was strangely delighted—a feeling he seemed to start associating with the man on the phone. No one else he knew would deign to make such an obnoxious sound. "Screw that; let's go somewhere! You can't celebrate something like this alone!"

He laughed freely. "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know yet," Eunhyuk chirped, which prompted another laugh out of Siwon. "I'll figure something out; I suppose it doesn't matter as long as you're not alone… Well, don't worry about it! I'll just text you."

"I look forward to it," Siwon said genuinely. He hoped Eunhyuk can tell.

"Yeah, me too! See you later, Siwon!" "See you, Eunhyuk."

Siwon smiled to himself as he stared at his phone in his palm. He was so excited, and it had nothing to do with his good news.

---

After a long night of trying to increase his rank on StarCraft, Kyuhyun is ready for his customary breakfast-before-bed.

As he microwaves some sausage links and butters some toast ("The breakfast of champions," he remembers joking to a reporter once), he nods along to Jooheon's latest mixtape playing through his bluetooth headphones. He leans against the counter—plate in one hand, fork in other, and toast in mouth—and wonders at the sight of Eunhyuk at home for the second day in the row. The other man would usually be at work by this point, but here he is: immobile on the couch and in yesterday's clothes. The TV plays noiselessly.

Kyuhyun turns off his headphones as he lifts from the counter. (The music wasn't that remarkable anyway. It's definitely more personal than Jooheon's first mixtape, but he can admit to himself it's not as catchy.) "Hey, Hyuk," he greets/warns as he sits down on the armrest of the couch. "Taking the day off again?"

Eunhyuk's eyes are open but unfocused. "Something like that. Thinking of taking the whole week off, actually. I haven't done that before."

Kyuhyun nods as if he would know. (He wouldn't. Their schedules hardly line up. Eunhyuk could have been on vacation this whole time, and he would be none the wiser.)

Eunhyuk doesn't say any more, but Kyuhyun doesn't feel like he can leave yet. It's not that something is keeping him there, but it doesn't feel like he's done. Uncharacteristically, he decides to stay and hang out with his roommate (as much as 'sitting in mutual silence' constitutes 'hanging out,' these days).

He continues munching on his breakfast, passively watching as the entertainment news program that was previously playing comes back from commercial. "Hey, your boyfriend's on TV," he says mindlessly.

He's startled when the audio abruptly turns back on. He looks over to see Eunhyuk rigidly staring at the TV with an overwhelming sadness and remote in hand.

The announcers are standing in front of a wall-sized LED screen displaying paparazzi pictures of Siwon and another actor at various company functions from the past few months. At the bottom of the screen, "More Intel on 'She Was Revolutionary' Actor Choi Siwon and 'Reply 2222' Actress Yom Syejin's New Relationship!" scrolls by in an obnoxious font.

"... When this news broke out yesterday, inside sources were eager to reveal to Access Seoullywood that Choi Siwon was previously in a relationship with another man, but it was a company secret!"

"If that's true, Leeteuk, then surely it was just a phase? I mean, look at those photos!"

"I think this is a smart move," Kyuhyun comments idly while he cleans up after his breakfast. The announcers have moved on to a new topic, and he feels like it's now time for him to go.

"You think this is smart?"

Kyuhyun looks up and is shocked by the stricken quality of Hyukjae's eyes, so he rushes to explain, "It's the perfect excuse, isn't it? Now you two can go on dates without arousing suspicion." He was certain this was the case, but he can't stop his voice from inflecting upwards at the end in unsurety.

Eunhyuk shakes his head and pulls his knees up to his chest to wrap his arms around them. "We're not dating."

Oh. Kyuhyun smiles reassuringly, though Eunhyuk isn't looking in his direction. He had hoped he could express his support in a more subtle way, but there's no time like the present to make his stance clear. "Listen, I never said anything before, but I've known for a while. You don't have to hide from me, and you shouldn't have to hide in your own home in any case. I won't tell anyone." He puts a comforting hand on Hyukjae's shoulder.

Eunhyuk politely takes it off. "No," he says on a sigh. "He's not my boyfriend." He gets up and stalks towards his own room. "Not anymore."

Kyuhyun watches as Eunhyuk seals himself inside. He doesn't slam the door, but the click of the lock is still louder than whatever's playing on tv.

---

Hyukjae hastily clicked the lock of the supply closet closed behind him before all of his motor functions summarily left him. He loved it when Siwon did that thing with his tongue.

He had invited Siwon as his plus one to his dance studio's five year opening anniversary, and it was their first 'couple outing'. He put that in quotes because no one could know they were together, for reasons starting with 'Siwon's drama has gotten him a lot more attention, so more people are gaining interest in his interpersonal relationships' and ending with 'the studio director is a lowkey homophobe, and Hyukjae loves himself enough to choose staying in the closet at a job he loves over unemployment'.

But none of those reasons were going to stop Hyukjae from sharing this milestone with his boyfriend. Hyukjae was the dance studio's first hire once they expanded the business; so he was there for every new hire, every competition or showcase, every anything thereafter. In a country where performing arts are usually viewed as a mere stepping stone to the glamour of the entertainment industry, the small, unaffiliated dance studio's longevity was his success as much as it was the owners'.

Would he have liked to dance professionally, on a grander scale? Absolutely, but he could never be unhappy with what he and everyone else were able to accomplish here.

They prepared a cover story (Hyukjae knew Siwon from way back when, and Siwon offered to attend Hyukjae's work function or else they'd never find a time to catch up since Siwon is so busy now), but it turned out they needn't have bothered. His coworkers were too smitten by Siwon's presence to care about the details. Not only was he a celebrity; but he's also just so amicable, self-effacing, and—let's face it—handsome that people found more interesting things to talk with him about. To be fair, Siwon also just had that effect on people.

"What if people go looking for us?" Siwon asked despite frantically ing Hyukjae's shirt.

(They hadn't meant to get away. It sorta just happened.)

Hyukjae whined. Siwon's concern was touching, but he should be more concerned with touching Hyukjae somewhere else. "Let them look," he said before moving Siwon's mouth and hands where he wanted them.

---

Siwon pays attention to nothing as the car drives him along.

His life has had some major changes these past few weeks, most of them feeling like he's merely a character in his own life instead of its principal writer.

First thing he did was get a new manager, one not provided by the company. His name is Mi, and Siwon likes his energy. He's eager to prove himself, which is nice, but Siwon cares more that Mi is beholden to Siwon instead of to MS Entertainment.

That being said, as part of the company's arrangement, Mi still has to work with Syejin's manager to send them on several high profile dates. The whole farce is draining enough to put him off acting entirely. At this point, Siwon would pick the 16 hour filming that's ahead of him over another coffee date with Syejin any day. It's not that she's impolite, unpleasant, or rude.

She's just not very tactile, energetic, or prone to ridiculousness, either.

He sighs. He misses Eunhyuk. After the first time, he's tried sporadically to reach the other man, to no avail. The cheery voicemail that greets him is mocking, but it's comforting as well. At least Eunhyuk hasn't blocked him.

Siwon is drawn out of his melancholy by the sound of Mi angrily barking into his phone. "Lah! How did you get this number? I'm going to hang up; and if you call back, I swear I'll get you in front of a judge for violation of privacy and extortion!"

Mi hangs up the phone, and sighs. "There's just no satisfaction in hanging up on people since the dawn of the smartphone."

Siwon raises an eyebrow.

"Some saesang got my number and thought I'd just hand you over to talk to her about—well, this is the funny thing. She didn't even know who she was looking for! She kept correcting herself: 'Eun—I mean Hyuk—well, maybe Eun,'" Mi mocks.

Another eyebrow raises to join Siwon's first. 'Eun'? 'Hyuk'? Could it be? "Give me your phone!" he demands, more emotion in his voice than he's felt in days. (Mi would know; the guy's been a brick since he was hired.)

Mi doesn't move fast enough, so Siwon swipes Mi's phone himself and redials the number into his own.

"Um, why are you doing that," Mi asks, deadpan. Siwon ignores him in favour of the voice that just picked up on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

The burning hope that had built up within Siwon in such a short time promptly deflates. It wasn't Eunhyuk himself, of course.

"Hi, this is Choi Siwon," he greets, trying not to sound disappointed in a total stranger. "My manager said you were looking to talk to me?"

"Yes, thank you so much for returning my call. I want to know what the you did to my best friend."

Well, that wasn't what he was expecting. "Excuse me?"

"I don't think Eunhyuk has left his apartment in a month. His roommate says you're probably the one to blame, so I'm blaming you. Tell me what you did so I can kick your then fix this mess."

"... Eunhyuk hasn't left his apartment in a month?" Siwon repeats, struggling to even get the words out in between the guilt and regret that swelled up in his throat.

"I'm sorry, this is the actor Choi Siwon, right? The one that can speak Korean?" the person snarks.

Siwon ignores the dig, and some pieces fall into place in his mind. Eunhyuk's best friend, potent anger, almost feminine voice… "Wait, is this Ryeowook?"

There's a moment of silence on the other end of the call, and then: "Holy , you're a stalker."

"What?!" Siwon yelps, but the person he is now sure is Ryeowook does not heed him. "Eunhyuk isn't locked up; he's hiding. Holy ; YOUR IS GRASS, CHOI SIWON, YOU HEAR ME? THIS CONVERSATION IS BEING RECORDED, AND I'M GONNA GET SEOUL PD ON YOUR CORRUPT ERTED CLEFT CHIN SO HARD—"

"Ryeowook, I'm Eunhyuk's boyfriend!" Siwon interrupts as loudly as he can. Ryeowook is silent again, and Siwon takes the opportunity to gauge Mi's reaction to the news. To his credit, Mi doesn't look offended, just very bewildered at the whole situation.

"Nice try, Meteorface. Eunhyuk doesn't have a boyfriend," Ryewook says at last. He can tell from the word choice that Ryeowook is more prone to listen to what Siwon has to say now, and he doesn't like what has to come next. "Yeah, not anymore. We…" He thinks better of his statement. "I broke up with him."

"Oh."

Siwon bites his lips, then decides this might be his only chance to find out real information, any information, on Eunhyuk. "You said he hasn't left his apartment in a month?" he ventures. "Does that mean you don't know how he's doing?"

Ryeowook sighs. "I think you broke his heart, Choi Siwon." His fight has clearly left him now that he's intuited the full extent of the situation.

This, of course, is the last thing Siwon wants to hear. "Would it help if you knew that mine is just as broken?" he offers, unafraid of being vulnerable around this otherwise stranger. This accusation and antagonism is the only tangible link he's had to Eunhyuk ever since they broke up. He needs this.

Ryeowook huffs. "You're a real ing bastard, you know that?" he says in response. Siwon has no argument. "Pretend this conversation never happened; never call this number again; and for the love of god, leave. Eunhyuk. alone."

Ryeowook hangs up, and Siwon stares at his phone in his palm, ignoring the questioning looks from the other occupants of the car. The chauffeur, as if eager to get out of the tense atmosphere contained in the vehicle, announces that they've reached their destination nary a minute after.

---

'I know loneliness has always been a friend of mine. / I'm leaving my life in your hands.'

Eunhyuk often lamented that they couldn't go clubbing together, so Siwon had to get creative: he booked a private room at a karaoke establishment where people asked fewer questions the more you paid. Eunhyuk objected at first, but even he would later admit it was their best date yet.

'People say I'm crazy and that I am blind, / risking it all in a glance.'

He could make fun of Siwon's American-style expressions all he wanted, but Eunhyuk's still the one crooning some American song to his devoted audience of one during karaoke night, already tipsy from one and a half pints of beer.

'But how you got me blind is still a mystery. / I can't get you out of my head.'

Siwon watched Eunhyuk garble the English, try to imitate the dance from the music video projected onto the wall using the provided tambourines, and just generally enjoy himself without caring how he looked or what he sounded like—and Siwon couldn't help but smile. It was an easy realisation.

'Don't care what is written in your history / as long as you're here with me.'

Siwon knew the song of course, but he paid more attention to the lyrics now than he ever had before. As generic as it was, it was strangely fitting. He sensed the chorus was about to come up, and there was only one thing he could do.

'I don't care who you are, / where you're from, / what you did, / as long as you love me.'

Microphone in hand, he made sure he had Eunhyuk's attention as they sang the last line together, attempting to convey his new truth with just a glance. He thought the other had gotten the message, but he would have to wait for the end of the song to know for sure.

When the song played out, the queue stopped, and the room lapsed into a silence that unsettled him only because of how out of place it was. The disco ball was still spinning on, lighting up the room in whimsical colours, and the sounds of other patrons' singing could be heard down the hall. Siwon sat down and wondered what would happen if he would just say those three words.

Eunhyuk spoke up first. "If only it were called 'As Long as We're Together,' then it would really be perfect for us," he commented as he walked over to sit next to Siwon on the couch.

It shouldn't surprise him that Eunhyuk had been thinking similarly to him, but it did anyway. Maybe this will be easy.

"What's wrong with 'As Long as You Love Me'?" he asked, trying to find a segue. Despite being the only two in the room, their voices were barely above a murmur.

"Nothing's wrong with 'As Long as You Love Me'. It's a great song," Eunhyuk teased, "but I like that our thing is 'as long as we're together'. If I had to choose between knowing someone loved me but being without them and knowing they'll be there for me even as just a friend, I'd much rather have the latter, you know?"

This was it. Here was his chance. "What if you didn't have to choose?"

If Siwon were less nervous, maybe he'd be capable of directing his gaze to Eunhyuk's face, and maybe he'd recognise the glimmer in the other's eye as he asked, "Choose between what?"

Siwon cleared his throat. "Between my love and my presence."

A hand to his cheek gently encouraged Siwon to face the other. At the touch, with the sight of Eunhyuk's open, adoring face, the tension stretched tight across his chest snapped in half. That emptiness where anxiety had been instead filled with an amazing sense of hope, and he had to remind himself to breathe.

"I would tell you 'I love you,' too."

Siwon didn't need Eunhyuk's hand to guide him; he was more than eager to lean into the kiss on his own.

---

Kyuhyun complains that if Hyukjae were fired, they'd both be evicted. Hyukjae is able to ignore him at first because he knows Kyuhyun isn't actually dependent on him for housing. They would have already been kicked out already if that were the case. Kyuhyun must have been paying the rent on his own lately, confirming his long-held suspicion that his roommate has a substantial income stream that he simply never flaunts. Not for the first time, he suppresses the urge to ask about it—but one day, his own unprompted musings on the emotional effort of going to work versus being homeless if Kyuhyun decides he's tired of shouldering the rent on his own happens to coincide with Kyuhyun's heckling, and Hyukjae finds himself commuting to the studio of his own volition.

The studio, of course, has not changed. The red paint on the handrails that leads to its basement residence is still chipping in all the same places, the anthropomorphic star on their banner with their contact information is still winking, and the bell that's supposed to ring when someone opens the front door still doesn't work.

He steps inside unnoticed, and he wonders why he spent so long away.

It feels good here. The dance daycare is going strong in Room A; but he knows when 4 o'clock rolls around, the little kids switch in for the older ones, and dance games turn into competition routines. The door to the studio directors' office is cracked open, and he can hear the customary under-the-breath curses as the man continues his everlasting battle with the accounting program. The sounds, the energy; they're comforting and exciting the way they always have been.

No one is expecting him, and he has no reason to be here, so he awkwardly makes his way to the staff locker room just for something to do. He stops in front of his locker: 104, which he long ago scratched up so it looks like it reads '404' instead. He shuffles through his key ring for the tiny key that opens the built-in lock, and he discovers his locker is as empty as it was three months ago.

That is to say, it's not. There's some laundry and a half empty water bottle left from the last time he was here, an outdated print-out of his class schedule, and pictures.

So many pictures.

He tries not to look at any one in particular, but the memories inundate him like the wave from the one and only time they went to the beach together. They are all solo selfies—it would be too dangerous otherwise—but the composition makes it so obvious that there is someone missing, someone who is supposed to be there but isn't.

He shuts his locker with a metallic bang.

Kyuhyun can afford the rent for one more month.

...

Going back once seems to have broken some sort of seal, as it isn't long afterwards that he calls his boss and asks for his job back.

("I didn't fire you; I just stopped paying you," the gruff voice clarifies over the phone, which is really the nicest thing he could have told Hyukjae in the moment.

He does feel a little bit guilty when he lies. "Also, I lost my locker key."

A long, suffering sigh. "Did you have anything important in there?"

Thank goodness he's having this conversation over the phone. "Not that I can remember."

"We'll just have to leave it shut, then. I'm not gonna pay for a locksmith to rescue a stinky gym bag. I'll just assign you to a new one."

Hyukjae breathes out of his nose with relief. "That's perfect.")

His first day teaching is no different from coming into work after a long weekend.

His coworkers greet him like it's been a while (and it has), but they don't ask and he doesn't offer. When his young students see him, they're excited to tell him about their favourite tv shows and the latest petty dramas that only six-year-olds can make sound interesting. His preteen hip hop classes are much more vocal about missing him, and he's pleased to discover he missed them just as much.

This return to routine is good for him, and it isn't even as hard to avoid the supply closet as he thought it might be.

Resuming his life after months of putting himself on pause feels a lot like living in fast forward, so blurry are the scenes of his days. Whenever he is out and active, he can almost forget…

… But when he returns home, everything zooms back into normal speed; his progress is rewound.

He gets ready for bed on autopilot, then collapses onto his mattress with his tablet and earbuds in hand. YouTube would still be open to the video that was playing yesterday. Sometimes he replays it, but more often than not he picks a new one.

Tonight, he finds a new video and hits play.

"Hello, I am Choi Siwon, who stars in 'She Was Revolutionary,'" on-screen Siwon says this time, "and you're watching Entertainment Now!"

He doesn't watch Siwon's face. He doesn't want to recognise any of his gestures; he doesn't want to be tempted to count how often dimples appear; he doesn't want to anticipate the little hand sign they made up so that Siwon could tell him he loved him no matter how far away he was.

He closes his eyes and cries himself to sleep, Siwon's lilting baritone providing the most bittersweet lullaby.

When he wakes up in the morning, he will do it all over again.

...

After a few weeks, his friends find out he's been going to work again, which they take as their cue to begin inviting him out. He takes it slow at first: watching movies at Sungmin's then going straight home, playing games at Donghae's for a controlled amount of time. This routine is notably less easy to fall back into—if hiding a secret boyfriend from his friends was hard before, hiding a secret ex-boyfriend is a fool's gambit—but he's been vocal about needing space, and they've been respectful of that.

For the most part.

Tonight, he accepts a dinner reservation with the whole gang at their bar, and he regrets it so much. He's being poor company, he knows, but he simply cannot even muster up the energy to feign attention. It's just one of those days when he feels stretched very thin.

"Eunhyuk? Yah, Eunhyuk!" Donghae snaps in his face, and his annoyance doubles. He hates that name. "What do you want?"

His friends give each other furtive glances around the table, and Hyukjae starts feeling antsy. His eyes dart to the closest exit, but he makes himself focus on the table instead.

Sungmin speaks up first, "Eunhyuk, we're all really grateful you agreed to come out with us, but it wasn't just to see your face. Talk to us; is everything alright?"

He huffs, squeezing his palms between his knees. "No, but it will be." Hyukjae isn't a liar. If he says it often enough, it'll come true, right? And maybe the honesty in his response will thwart further questioning, and they'll let him revert to the present-but-not-present state he was in previously. It was going so well.

Instead, his friends exchange glances again, and his skin prickles. "You know we're here to listen any time you need it, right, Eunhyuk?" Ryeowook asks from his side, tugging Hyukjae's arm from between his knees so Ryeowook could hold his hand. Hyukjae stares. It's the first time someone has given him a comforting touch since… since. Ryeowook misinterprets it as a glare and promptly lets go, and Hyukjae's fingers twitch to bring his hands back.

Now he definitely doesn't feel like being here anymore. "You know what, guys? This was fun and all, but I think it's better for me to go. Thanks, though, really. Maybe next time." He doesn't know what exactly he's promising, but he's willing to say anything to get out of here. He hastily grabs his wallet and stands up in the booth, impatiently waiting for Ryeowook to get the picture and move out of the way.

The second Ryeowook stands up, Hyukjae tries to book it, but a firm grasp on his forearm stops him a few paces away from the table. "Eunhyuk, wait!"

He loses it. "Stop calling me that!" he snaps, jerking his arm out of Donghae's hold and turning on him with wild eyes. "My name is Hyukjae! Hyukjae, Hyukjae, Hyukjae!" He cannot even register the looks caused by his outburst, so focused is he on getting this simple fact through his friends' thick skulls. "If you can't call me that, don't call me at all!"

Sungmin is the one who corrals him out of the bar, Donghae and Ryeowook covering their tab and following close behind. Hyukjae fights against the older's grip, but he's sloppy with emotion. Before he knows it, he's pressed up against the brick wall of the bar's alley and looking at Sungmin's determined glare. "Alright, Hyukjae. You wanna throw a tantrum? Fine, but do it where you can't bother innnocent people trying to enjoy their evening."

"Let him go, Sungmin," Ryeowook entreats as he rushes to them. "If he wants to leave, let him leave."

"No way!" Donghae argues. "This is the first time we've seen this guy in weeks, and he's all quiet and angry!" He turns to Hyukjae. "Clearly something is wrong; the sooner you tell us, the sooner we can do something about it!"

"It's nothing!" he desperately yells, less occupied with fighting against Sungmin's hold now that he's trying to fight the tears from falling. He refuses to cry—not like this, not where he can't hide.

Ryeowook steps into his personal space then, and his face looks so apologetic. Hyukjae is scared of what will come out of his mouth. "You can tell them, Hyukjae," he assures, loud enough for only the three of them to hear.

Sungmin rears his head back. "You know something?" he accuses Ryeowook, just as Donghae looks at Hyukjae with those stupid emotional eyes of his and asks pitifully, "There's something you're not telling us?"

Hyukjae's eyes keep darting from face to face to face, trying to find a way out of this situation, but he just cannot keep up anymore. "What do you want me to say!?" he finally begs. "'I-I'm sad because my boyfriend dumped me'? 'I miss him so much that I watch videos of him until I fall asleep crying every night'? 'I hate him for breaking our promise, but I hate myself more for still being so affected by it'? Is that what you want to hear!? I'll tell you everything if it means that it will just stop ing hurting!"

All the tension in his body leaves in steady tears from his eyes and wails from his chest. Sungmin's grip on his collar easily turns into a firm hug, and Hyukjae squeezes tighter as if he can physically expel the pain out of him.

"'As long as we're together!' That's what we said; that's what he always said, and I believed him!" The cry tears from his throat, coated with the detritus of broken promises and broken hearts he's carried inside for months. "What can I do now that we're apart?"

There. The biggest secret he's ever kept, his biggest anxiety from the breakup… Everything is finally out in the open.

Ryeowook hangs his head low, tears dripping off his nose. Sungmin's grip on his collar loosens, and Donghae just stares at him in shock.

"Hyukjae…"

"I want to go home," he pleads. There are no more dry spots on the backs of his hands or the wrists of his sleeves, and he just wants to sleep.

His friends walk with him all the way up to the front door of his apartment, worried he'd keel over from exhaustion or indifference to remaining upright or both.

"Hey, Eunhyuk," Kyuhyun greets as soon as they get the door open. Sungmin holds onto Hyukjae's sweater tightly, afraid of another nickname-induced outburst, but the item in Kyuhyun's outstretched hand preoccupies Hyukjae's attention. "You have a letter."

Hyukjae takes it from Kyuhyun's hands, and everyone crowds around him as he opens up the envelope. It's addressed directly to him, not to 'Resident', and the bold letterhead at the top catches his attention.

Gyeolbag, Inc.

---

"It's supposed to be nice out this weekend; want to do something? Nothing fancy, not if you don't want," Siwon said into the receiver, phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder while he pored over his script. "We could go to the park? I don't know if they're doing any events; but as long as we're together, we could make it fun. What do you think, Eunhyuk?"

They unfortunately never got the chance to meet in person as often as they'd like, but they learned how to be very comfortable with each other over the phone. Once, they spent hours on speaker together, and most of the time wasn't even spent talking. Siwon still smiled when he thought about it; he liked that Eunhyuk seemed as comfortable around him as he felt around Eunhyuk.

"What do you think about calling me 'Hyukjae,' Siwon?" Eunhyuk snarked lightly in response.

Siwon put down his highlighter. "Do you want me to call you 'Hyukjae'?" he asked.

There was some shuffling on the other end, and then Eunhyuk sighed. "Maybe? I don't know. It was just supposed to be a stage name, not a nickname."

"You said your friends call you that. Am I not your friend?" he teased.

"You're my boyfriend, idiot."

If he could hear Eunhyuk's eyes roll, Eunhyuk could probably hear his smile. "I can be your friend, too! Those aren't mutually exclusive."

"Yeah, but when my friends call me that, they're joking, like, 99% of the time."

The giddy rush at being called Eunhyuk's boyfriend so confidently settled immediately at that last statement. "They don't believe you can make it?" He tried to keep the judgment out of his tone, but he didn't try very hard.

A snort. "I don't believe I can make it… I wish we were having this conversation over text so that I could add a tongue-sticking-out emoticon for levity."

Siwon was torn between smirking at his boyfriend's sense of humour and frowning at his remark. "Even about this, you can still find a way to make a joke."

"It's because I'm fine! It's fine, really; I like the studio! I still get to dance and choreograph and direct, even," Eunhyuk hurried to assure Siwon when the silence dragged on a second too long. "For someone without any other skills or competencies, it's really not a bad gig," he joked.

Even about this. Well, if Eunhyuk wanted levity, Siwon would give him levity. "So why would you introduce yourself to me as 'Eunhyuk' if you didn't want me calling you that, then, huh?"

Eunhyuk sputtered on the other end, and Siwon picked his highlighter back up again. "I was giving it a try! I didn't think I was gonna ever see you again, much more talk to you! You're really pretty, and I was nervous!"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, and which one of those lies would you like me to believe?" he jested as his eyes roved over the same page he was trying to read when he first began this conversation.

Eunhyuk hmph-ed. "D) All of the above. It was a very emotionally-charged moment for me, okay?"

Siwon chuckled. Sure it was. "I like calling you 'Eunhyuk', though. When the entire world learns your name, I can say I was one of the first."

The phone was silent for so long Siwon had to check if Eunhyuk hung up on him. He put down his highlighter again and waited for the other to speak.

"You really believe in me that much?" Eunhyuk's voice was the smallest he'd ever heard it, and Siwon reminded himself it's only been a few months since their first phone call, a month since their first kiss. There were plenty of sides to Eunhyuk he hadn't met yet.

"More," and he tried to fit every ounce of conviction he had into the one word.

Eunhyuk cleared his throat. "Hey, I actually have to go,"—Siwon knew he did not, but he wouldn't push his boyfriend further than he had tonight—"but you mentioned something about the park on Saturday? I'll meet you there, yeah?"

Saturday it was, then. "Yeah, how's 1?"

"1's fun," Eunhyuk quipped. "Bye, Siwon."

"Bye, Eunhyuk," Siwon said softly, staying on the line until the dial tone hit.

He looked at the phone in his hand. He knew Eunhyuk would never ask him, but he couldn't help but feel like there were something he could do about this. At least, he's in a better position to promote Eunhyuk than Eunhyuk himself was in. All it would take was one phone call.

At length, he put his phone down with a sigh. They hadn't been dating for long, he reminded himself again. Pulling strings like this would be too much, too fast. Besides, Eunhyuk would feel burdened by it anyway.

One day, Siwon can stop holding back and just do things—like buy a decent car so that Eunhyuk didn't have to rely on the buses so much or shower Eunhyuk with opportunities so that he can be free to pick the path he wants—all because he can.

One day. Siwon could wait, though; he wasn't going anywhere.

For now, he picked up his highlighter.

---

People often wonder why Siwon wears a Casio watch. He can usually get away with saying it's a gift—sometimes he has to emphasise that it has sentimental value—but there's always something in their voices that sounds an awful lot like, 'You can afford better now, so why don't you?'

As he checks said watch for the umpteenth time since arriving, he can't help but wish his why-don't-you were here with him. It would make the evening so much more bearable.

He and Syejin are at a media function meant to encourage advertisers and showrunners to consider MS Entertainment's talent for upcoming opportunities, but of course the company wanted the two of them to promote their relationship as well. With Mi's help, Siwon was able to minimise the publicity dates, but events like upfronts are harder to avoid.

His face hurts from the fake smile he's had to force since… well, since this whole thing started.

After enduring the third conversation about dalgona coffee that night, Siwon politely excuses himself to the refreshments table. He slowly stacks his cocktail plate with hors d'eourves, and he wonders whether he's a good enough actor to fake food poisoning.

As it sometimes does, the conversation from a nearby group happens to reach his ears.

"What's that?"

"Oh my god, you didn't get one."

"Of course she didn't get one; she didn't know her."

"Didn't know who?"

"Mok Namdo! She was the person in your position before you were hired. Apparently, she hated working here so much she wanted to forget about it completely, so—get this!—she got her memory erased. We all got cards in the mail notifying us that we were erased by proxy and not to contact her again so that we don't 'disrupt her healing'."

"You're joking."

"For real! Read it for yourself."

He doesn't know at which point happening-to-overhear-a-nearby-conversation turned into full on eavesdropping, but Siwon couldn't help turning his head in the group's direction to get a glimpse of the card. Unfortunately, the movement attracts the attention of one of the people in the group, who, for his own part, couldn't help uttering, "Oh my god. That's Choi Siwon."

Everyone's heads swivel to him, and it doesn't even take him a split second to decide to lean into the attention.

"Hi there," he starts genially. "Enjoying the upfronts?"

He easily charms his audience, graciously accepting selfie requests and effusive praise; so when he brings the conversation back to the previous topic, the group of production assistants (as he learns) are more than eager to share. To Siwon's chagrin, they end up not knowing much more than what he's overheard already.

He starts to politely excuse himself, but one of them stops him before he could leave their circle. "Mr. Choi! Could I please have your autograph before you go?"

She rummages through her bag for a pen before handing it and some cardstock over to him. He takes them with a distracted smile, trying to think of a short but genuine message he can write alongside his signature; but when his eyes fall on the paper, his attention is arrested.

Mok Namdo has had her tenure at MS Entertainment erased from her memory. Please never mention her employment to her again.

At the bottom right of the card: Gyeolbag, Inc.

"If you need to, you can write on the back! I don't mind," the PA offers cheerfully, presuming that Siwon is staring at the card so intently in an attempt to find space for his signature.

Right, he still needs to do that.

"Do you have something else I could sign for you? I'd actually like to keep this card, if at all possible."

The strangeness of the request shows on each of their faces, so he puts on his most disarming smile. "How about this? I'll give you my manager's number, and he'll coordinate something a little more personal for you all. I'm thinking… props from set signed by me and the rest of the cast? All I ask for in exchange is this card."

The PAs clearly believe they're getting the fresh end of the deal, so it's an easy trade. Unfortunately, he cannot investigate what he learned as immediately as he wants to.

"Honey, there you are! Come meet Mr. Oh from MBC," Syejin calls as she and an older man approach him. He hastily puts on a smile even as he puts away the card, and his evening is once again preoccupied with pretending Yom Syejin is the most enchanting person he's ever laid his eyes on.

...

The first thing he does when he gets home is look up the company. Gyeolbag, Inc.: Seoul's Leader in Memory Loss Therapy! the website touts.

Memory loss therapy?

The more he reads, the more he is intrigued. It sounds like something straight out of a science fiction movie, but it's obviously real. More than that, it seems to work.

There's so much he'd like to forget.

All of his loneliness, all of his regret, all of the reminders of what he's lost—for one easy payment and two hours of his day, they'd be gone.

It's a lot to think about.

---

Hyukjae settled into his seat at the private table in the fancy Seoul restaurant Siwon had recommended with the silence of someone warily taking account of his surroundings.

Siwon did tell him to dress up, thankfully, but he still felt like the couple from the next table over was calculating the thread count of his ensemble.

A waiter came by with the menus. A quick glance, and—yep, there were no numbers.

"Thank you," Siwon offered politely before the waiter took their leave, and Eunhyuk didn't delay.

"Are you, like, rich?"

Siwon stared at him, and Hyukjae winced. "Yeah, I could have phrased that better," he admitted as he took a nervous gulp of water. (Even that seemed to taste better than normal filtered water.) "It's just… Places that look like the staff uses the word 'gormandise' unironically don't usually take coupons, you know?"

Siwon laughed, and Hyukjae's worry that he might have ruined the evening before it really had a chance to get started dissipated with the merry sound. "We can forget I even said that; it wasn't right for me to ask," he dismissed, making a show of picking up and perusing the menu—at which point he learned the restaurant served French-Korean fusion cuisine over a span of five courses. Five courses!

The touch of a hand on his prompted Hyukjae to look back up into the genuine eyes across the table. "No, it's alright," Siwon assured as he brought his hand back to play with the edges of his napkin. "It was bound to come up sooner or later; though, I'll admit, I didn't think this venue would be the thing to prompt the conversation."

Hyukjae raised an eyebrow. "What part about scheduling dinner at a Michelin-one star restaurant in the hippest part of Seoul isn't supposed to be interpreted as a subtle display of wealth?"

Siwon pressed his lips into a thin, embarrassed smile; and Hyukjae reminded himself that Siwon said he didn't have many friends who talked like Hyukjae did, with an ever-present note of mockery more playful than malicious. Siwon wasn't used to it. (Yet. Hyukjae intended to work on it. At least, he would for as long as Siwon kept him around.)

"The part where you mentioned you'd like to try French food sometime, and this was the most legitimate establishment I could find," Siwon admitted sheepishly, but his pitch rose in an uncertain question towards the end of his statement.

Hyukjae, for his part, was stunned.

He remembered saying that, of course—the night he and Siwon celebrated the other's new role was only a few weeks ago, after all—but it was such a throwaway comment, the kind of thing you said just to have something to say. That didn't make it any less true, sure, but he didn't say it with the intention to ever do anything about it.

His heart felt very warm, and Hyukjae was sure his cheeks were following.

He cleared his throat, prepared to redirect and distract. "Okay, so you're rich—"

"—I prefer to tell people that my family has attained a certain level of affluence—"

"—But you wanna be an actor instead of some high-profile philanthropist?" It wasn't an accusation, and he could tell Siwon could tell.

"I do some philanthropy in my spare time," Siwon commented lightly. "How much do you happen to know about the state of children's education infrastructure in Malaysia?"

Hyukjae blinked, and he didn't even try to hide the incredulous yet undeniably fond smile that pulled across his lips. Is he for real? Actually, is this man even real to begin with?

He put his elbow on the table and his head in his palm, buckled in for the ride and blithely oblivious to the looks he was getting for his poor table etiquette.

"I happen to know nothing, but I'm hoping you could change that," he coyly replied.

---

His friends end up making an appointment on his behalf because he couldn't make up his mind one way or the other.

"All those questions you keep asking as a reason not to make a decision? The people there are the only ones who can answer them for you. You'll never know unless you try," Ryeowook had encouraged.

The appointment is in the evening—they discover Gyeolbag, Inc. only operates at night—and as he commutes, he errantly hopes he'll be returning home at the end of the day with all of his organs still internal and intact. The address is one of those rented out office spaces in a part of Seoul that could almost be called a suburb, and it feels too much like the scene that kicks the plot into motion in a psychological thriller. Not entirely sure he's making the wise decision here, he signs in for his appointment and waits for the doctor.

"I prefer to call myself a therapist," Shin Donghee corrects as he welcomes Hyukjae into his office. Hyukjae hastily bows in apology, but Shin-seonsaengnim easily waves away his concerns.

"So the file tells me this is your first time visiting us today. What brings you here?" he begins kindly.

Hyukjae wipes his palms on the thighs of his jeans. "Honestly, I was hoping you could answer that for me. I got a letter yesterday offering an all-expense paid session of memory loss therapy, and I was wondering, well, why."

Something flashes in the therapist's eyes that Hyukjae can't easily decipher, but he collects himself back into his approachable and straightforward persona before Hyukjae can dwell on it. "Ah, I'm glad it worked, then! That's part of a, uh, promotion we're doing. We're a small, private practise on the outskirts of Seoul, Mr. Lee. You can imagine we don't get a lot of business."

If Hyukjae weren't so nervous, he'd maybe notice how suspicious the therapist's explanation is. Instead, he needs to confirm: "So it's real? Memory loss therapy, all for free?"

"For you, yes."

Hyukjae leans back in his chair, equal parts relieved he is certainly not at a front for an organ harvesting ring and anxious about what to do now. He tries to buy himself time. "How does it work?"

Shin-seonsangnim leans forward in his chair and rests his elbows on the edge of his desk, hands clasped before him. "I'd be happy to answer that for you, Mr. Lee, but before I do, may I interject?"

Hyukjae nods curtly, wide-eyed and nervous.

"I'm guessing you came here today—despite your misgivings about the promotion, the location, the procedure—because you were hoping it works, right? Because there is something you'd like to forget?"

He doesn't deny the conjecture, and Shin-seonsangnim nods to himself.

"All of the details about how it works and what happens next can be cleared up with any of the pamphlets in the waiting room outside my door, but why waste your time with that when it seems like you've already made up your mind about what you want? So humour me for a moment and skip to the good part.

What is it you'd like to forget?"

---

Wringing the paper and pen in his hands, Siwon waited in the long hallway outside of the audition room, less like a human and more like a bundle of nerve endings at this point.

He knew he had no reason to be nervous; if this failed, he could return to the family business and help manage their pharmacy chain in metro Seoul. His livelihood may not have been dependent on today's success; but his happiness was, which is why after five years of business school and two degrees, he still felt like he owed it to himself to try.

Now that he was here at the open casting call, though, he had second thoughts. Was it a mistake to try to become an actor? If he failed, would he be able to accept it gracefully, or would a part of his soul get crushed in the process instead?

He looked around at the others waiting with him. Some of them had their noses buried in their scripts, some of them seemed to be praying or meditating, and some of them were just on their phones. Despite the energy of anticipation in the air, no one seemed to be questioning themselves the way Siwon was doing now.

Luckily, however, he found one person who at least looked as nervous as he felt.

Before he knew it, he was sliding into the seat next to the gangly man dressed in breezy street clothes and jittering his leg. "Hi, I'm Siwon."

The other jumped a bit in his chair. The poor guy must have been so anxious that he didn't even notice Siwon had approached.

"Eunhyuk," he introduced himself at last, the syllables sounding awkward on his tongue as if it's the first time he's ever said them aloud.

"Are you auditioning for 'She Was Revolutionary', too?" Siwon asked concernedly. If Eunhyuk couldn't even say his own name confidently, there's no way he would pass the audition.

Interestingly, the other shook his head. "I'm here for Street Men Fighter."

Siwon perked up. "The survival reality show? You dance?" he asked with delight.

"Heh. Theoretically," Eunhyuk said, gaze averted and leg jittering once again. "I'm a choreographer and instructor for a dance studio in Garosu-gil, but I haven't done my own pieces since… Well, it's been a while."

"Hey." Without really thinking about it, Siwon placed a comforting hand on Eunhyuk's shoulder. Just when he realised his impropriety and attempted to retract, Eunhyuk's anxious, expectant gaze turned to him; Siwon's own nervousness about his impending audition evanesced. Siwon kept his hand in place, cleared his throat, and continued, "It's really brave of you to try, then."

Eunhyuk didn't say anything for a long moment, instead just staring at Siwon and letting his mouth hang slightly agape. Siwon nodded and took back his hand, feeling awkward like he never had before.

"Numbers 45 to 50 for Street Men Fighter, you may come in now!" a production assistant announced from the room in front of them.

"That's me," Eunhyuk admitted as he stood up, giving Siwon the chance to see the number 47 pinned to his chest.

"That's my birthday," Siwon blurted out. Eunhyuk stared at him in confusion, so Siwon embarrassedly pointed at his chest. "April 7th," he explained. Whatever lack of impulse had gotten into him today was going to lead to his ruin, he's sure of it.

Eunhyuk's lips quirked into a shocked yet pleased smile, and Siwon gulped.

"Last call for Numbers 45 to 50 for Street Men Fighter!" the same PA from before called out, pointedly looking at Eunhyuk, who pantomimed begging for one more minute.

"You said your name was Siwon, right?" Eunhyuk asked as he grabbed the pen and paper on Siwon's lap. Siwon could only dumbfoundedly nod as Eunhyuk scrawled something onto the margins. "Makes sense. Talking to you was… refreshing." He laughed to himself over a joke Siwon had heard dozens of times before and finally walked to the audition room. "Let me know how your audition goes!" he called out breezily before the PA slammed the door shut behind them.

If Siwon's own audition didn't start a moment later, he's sure he would have been sitting there, staring at that door until it opened again.

---

Siwon gets the little index card in the mail a mere two days after he confirms Eunhyuk got the missive successfully.

As much as it wrecks him to see how quickly that took—oh, what pain Eunhyuk must have lived with to undergo the procedure so immediately—the knowledge relieves him as well. Eunhyuk is safe now. Siwon can't hurt him anymore.

He sets the card down; and for the first time in a long time, he lets himself cry.

With this, the final stone is cast. Before now, he was able to delude himself into thinking that everything—the danger, the separation, the pain—all of it was temporary, that fate would show them a way back to each other where Eunhyuk's safety was ensured and Siwon could be happy again. Now, however, there is no going back. Siwon lost Eunhyuk; Eunhyuk lost the memory of Siwon; and that emptiness that has been following him around like a shadow will now be as permanently associated with his existence.

That is so much to mourn.

When he eventually breaks the surface of his misery, he finds himself crumbled against the wall in the hallway that connects his front door to the rest of his home. He wipes away the vestiges of his lachrymose display with the backs of his hands and pulls himself off the ground. There is other mail to be read, errands to be done, lines to memorise.

He pulls himself together.

Later, he'll have the greenlight to break up with Syejin; he'll be offered a movie role that has him live in China for a few months, and he'll decide to stay; he'll take up gardening. Piece by piece, day by day, he'll forge his own recovery, one that doesn't let him forget how his own fears brought this state upon him but acknowledges that he owes himself closure anyway.

All of that starts today—with five whispered words of a motto, with a reminder more powerful than love.

"As long as he's okay."