A/N (6.2.2022): So this has been in my drafts since about July 2020, lol. It's actually the first SJ fic I ever attempted writing because Sihyuk is my OG SJ OTP. Despite this (perhaps, because of this?), I have yet to publish a Sihyuk-centric fic… and being who I am, this is angst-central. (Don't let my previous uploads fool you. Romantic angst is far more within my comfort zone than any other genre ^-^;;)

Title taken from the poem Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope, which is the same poem from where Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind got its name—and yes, I do consume content that isn't the Backstreet Boys' discography xp. Rated for cursing and mentioned potential for harassment due to homophobia; themes and sentiments taken from Growing Pains by SJ-D&E… but, like, my version of Growing Pains by SJ-D&E. (Why yes, this fic does have a theme song; how kind of you to notice! Listen here~)

By the way, the scenes alternate between present and past. If that isn't obvious enough, please let me know :)

This fic is for Dez, who loves pain as much as I do and whose birthday is today. Hope this breaks your heart!