~Hold on my heart

Just hold on to that feeling~

“I wish I could go with you, but we’ve got all this promo coming up and…” Namjoon sighed, watching as she packed her suitcase.

“Namjoon I’ve told you over and over it’s ok, work comes first, I understand. Besides, it’s just a short two-week trip back home, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I’ll miss you though,” he said softly.

She smiled and turned to look at him, “I’ll miss you too, but it’ll be ok.”

“I shouldn’t be like this; I was gone for several months and you waited for me to come back and here it’s only two weeks and I’m acting like this.”

She chuckled, “I’d rather you miss me than not.”

She’d decided a few weeks ago, that she’d make the trip back home, she missed her Mom terribly and knew she’d been feeling down. She thought it’d be a nice surprise to drop in on her Mom, so she packed just a few things to have while there. She was only staying for two weeks and had booked a hotel room for the time, having saved up money over the last month or so. When she’d told Namjoon she’d be going home for a bit, he’d been all for it and now that she was getting ready to leave, he seemed to be growing more and more anxious.

It would be the first time she’d gone back home to America since coming to live in Korea a little over two years ago. He was overly supportive the whole time, but she could feel a restlessness about him as well.

“I miss you all the time, even when you’re with me,” he said suddenly.

She looked over at him and he himself looked startled by his own words.

“Namjoon, you ok?”

He looked at her and gave her a smile, “Of course jagi, just ya know,” he shook his head.

She looked at him a moment longer before turning back to her case, zipping it up, and then wheeling it over to the door.

“Are you sure I can’t drop you off at the airport? Cause I wouldn’t mind…”

“You know you can’t go to the airport, if you got caught with me it’d be a mess, I’ll be alright going alone.”

“I don’t want you to go alone though,” he said softly.

Chuckling again, making her way back over to him, “Nam, what is going on? You’re so upset.”

Namjoon reached up to rub at his eyes, “I don’t know, I’m sorry. I’m just tired I guess; I didn’t sleep well last night.”

She frowned, “Are you feeling ok?” She asked, reaching up to press her hand to his forehead.

He stared at her sadly, “I’m ok, not sick.”

She brought her hand down, cupping his cheek, “I’ll be back soon, and we’ll do something fun when you have some free time, alright?”

Namjoon nodded, sighing heavily.

“Ok good, I’m gonna head off, my taxi should be here any second,” she announced. She headed back over to the door, when arms s around her waist, spinning her around. “Whoa…”

She was pulled into a fierce embrace as Namjoon held her close before leaning in, and kissing her deeply. A soft moan escaped her lips as he tightened his hold on her, pressing her right up against him. A few minutes later, he slowly pulled away, panting softly.

“W-wow Namjoon, that was pretty great,” she breathed, at her lips.

He looked into her eyes, giving her a small smile, “Have a safe trip, call me when you get there ok?”

She nodded, “I sure will. Say bye to the guys for me. I love you Namjoon and I’ll see you in two weeks.”

Namjoon frowned and nodded, pulling her into his arms once more, hugging her tightly just as there was a honk of a horn outside.

“Gotta go baby,” she whispered, fighting back tears as she slipped from his arms and hurried out the door.

Namjoon watched her go, trying to ignore Yoongi’s voice in his head as he had these last few weeks, but with no luck.

“I wish she wasn’t going; I just feel like there’s gonna be something going on. I had a dream about it, something that keeps her from coming back,” he shrugged. “Eh, don’t mind me.”

~~~ 

“Sweetie!”

“Hi Mom!”

Her Mom opened her arms and she went into them willingly, inhaling that scent that was all her Mom. She held her tightly, she hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed her until now.

“This is a great surprise! What are you doing here?” Her Mom asked, pulling away to look at her.

“I wanted to surprise you…surprise!” She chuckled, spreading her arms wide.

“You really did, I’m so glad to see you,” her Mom sighed, looking as if a weight had been lifted.

She made her way in, wheeling her bag with her. She’d been so excited to see her Mom, she hadn’t even stopped off at the hotel yet, she’d go shortly after visiting a bit first. She still needed to call Namjoon, she should probably text him, it’d be in the middle of the night there and she didn’t want to potentially wake him up.

“How are you Mom? Have you heard from Bentley?” She asked as she pulled out a chair at the table and sat, her Mom sitting next to her.

“Yeah, I talked to him last night, he’s gonna come by with Pamela and Leslie next month to visit. I wish he were coming by this month so everyone could be together.”

She frowned, “It’s ok Mom, maybe some other time.”

Her Mom sighed, “Are you still upset with your brother? Even after all these years?”

She said nothing, just looked at her.

“Honey…”

“It’s cool Mom, don’t worry about it. I just wanted to make sure that he was still keeping in touch.”

“He is, don’t worry, between you and him, I’m never without a phone call for too long.”

She nodded and reached out, taking her Mom’s hand, “Have you been careful? You heard about that Covid-19 they’ve been talking about, right? Have you gotten a mask and everything yet? Just to be safe?”

Her Mom smiled, “Yeah, I got a box of five, I think that should be enough. It probably won’t last too long, so I figure that’s all I’ll need.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I hear it’s supposed to be like the flu, so hopefully, in a few months it’ll be over.”

She’d been hearing about it at the airport and on videos on YouTube about how the virus that seemed to have come from out of nowhere, was showing up in more and more states and that it was like a more aggressive flu, but that was about it.

“Do you want me to make you some lunch?” Her Mom asked suddenly.

“Nah, I’ll probably pick up something in a bit, I gotta head to my hotel and get checked in, I wanted to come to see you first.”

“Hotel?”

“Yeah, I booked a hotel for the two weeks I’m here to stay at, it’s not far from here, so I’ll be close by.”

“You don’t have to do that; you can just stay here!” Her Mom announced.

“Nope, you have a one-bedroom apartment, there’s not enough room.”

“You can just take my b…”

“No,” she said firmly, “I will not take your bedroom, I have a hotel room waiting for me and it’ll be fine.”

She’d thought about it the whole flight there, she knew her Mom would try to give her her room and she wouldn’t stand for it. She’d booked the room for just that reason, she was fine with being there, and she refused to put her Mom out.

Her Mom looked like she wanted to argue more when she hurried to cut her off, “So how bout I go get settled and, in a few hours, I’ll treat us to dinner and we can catch up,” she offered.  

“I was just gonna make pasta,” her Mom announced, giving her a look letting her know she was aware of her subject change.

“No way, let’s get something out, is Peppermints still around?”

Her Mom nodded and she smiled and stood, grabbing the handle of her bag.

“Ok it’s settled, I’ll give you a call in a couple hours and I’ll come by.”

Sighing her Mom nodded, “Fine, but don’t think the discussion of you staying here is over.”

She grinned before making her way out.

~~~ 

Namjoon rolled over in his bed, rubbing at his eyes, it was three in the morning, which meant it was two in the afternoon there, she should’ve arrived by now. Slowly he sat up, grabbing his phone and unlocking it to see no new messages or missed calls, he frowned, setting it back down on the nightstand, and flopped back on the bed. She said she would call when she arrived, he’d dozed off a bit against his will. He’d promised himself he would stay awake for when she called, but she still hadn’t, he wondered if her flight had been delayed.

He rubbed at his eyes again, trying to stifle a yawn, but failing miserably. He swiped his phone open and then pulled up the airline she was flying through. Namjoon knew he should just be patient, but he couldn’t help it, he was worried. He couldn’t keep Yoongi’s words out of his head and then on top off all that, he heard about that Covid-19 thing and that was weighing on his mind. There hadn’t been any breakouts there in Korea, but he had heard that they were starting in the States and that made him worried too. He went back to his email quickly, pulling up the itinerary she’d sent to him, and then went back to the website, checking to see if her flight had landed and he was relieved to see that it had, at least now he could worry a little less.

Sighing, he set the phone down and slipped out of the bed and headed out his room to the bathroom, after he was finished, he made his way out and down to the kitchen. The dorm was quiet, looked as if everyone was asleep, even Yoongi, who was known to be up all hours of the night, Jimin too. Opening the fridge, he grabbed the pitcher of water out and then got a glass from the counter, filling and downing it in one gulp before pouring another half glass and downing that as well, putting the pitcher back in the fridge, turning and calling out in fear when he saw Yoongi standing there, staring at him blankly,

“You ok?”

Namjoon brought a hand to his heart, nodding, “ hyung, you scared the crap outta me.”

“Mian, why are you up? Did you hear from her yet?”

Namjoon shook his head, “Ani, not yet, but I did check and made sure her flight landed so yeah, she’s there.”

“Mmm, then I’m sure she’s just getting settled Namjoon, it’s ok.”

He nodded and Yoongi tilted his head.

“What?”

“Nothing just,” he sighed, rubbing at his face.

“You two didn’t fight again before she left, did you?” Yoongi asked bluntly.

Namjoon blanched, the memory of their first fight from a month ago still hung in the air. While things with them had pretty much gone back to normal, he could still detect a bit of hesitation in her and Yoongi had been watching him carefully.

“No, no fighting hyung. I guess I’m just a bit worried,” Namjoon announced, walking over to the kitchen table and sitting.

Yoongi looked at him, crossing his arms over his chest, “Oh?”

“I keep…thinking about what you said before, about her leaving.”

“If something is going to happen, it’s going to happen, nothing you can do Namjoon.”

Namjoon frowned and he looked down, “Yeah I know.”

“Why are you putting so much into what I said anyway? It was just a comment.”

Namjoon threw him a look, “C’mon hyung, you don’t ever just say anything, even fans know how you are.”

He shrugged.

Namjoon looked at him and then bit his lip, “Have you…ya know, had dreams about anything else? Had thoughts about anything else?”

“Why would I tell you if I did if it was just going to worry you more?”

His eyes widened, “So you did?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “Stop worrying Namjoon, if something is going to happen, it will and you’ll both handle it. You can’t control everything.”

Namjoon watched him walk away and his face fell. A few minutes later, he headed back to his room and slipped back into bed and grabbed his phone, hesitating a moment before turning it on and unlocking it, his eyes widening. He tapped on the notification quickly.

Sorry I didn’t get in touch sooner, I didn’t want to wake you, so I thought I’d txt! I’m here safe and sound, so please stop worrying Nam! I’ll talk with you soon! Love and miss you! xoxoxo

~~~

She slipped her phone in her purse and smiled before turning to her Mom, “Ready?”

“Yup, let’s go!”

~~~

Two Weeks Later

“It has been announced that NY will shut down except for all essential stores and businesses. The Governor has stated that the shutdown will go into effect tomorrow night at 9pm. The Government has stated that all commercial flights have been halted as well. It is recommended you reach out to your airline to get details on refunds or rescheduling at a later date. At this time, it’s expected to be for a month at least, but that timeframe could update.”

Her jaw dropped; she couldn’t go back to Korea. She wasn’t sure when it’d gotten so bad, but over the course of the last several days, the virus had spread at a rapid and alarming pace. The count of infected rose by alarming amounts daily and it was showing to quickly be growing out of control. There had been talk for the last few days that a shutdown would be coming, but she hadn’t believed it would happen, thinking there was no way it could be that bad.

She let out a breath, looking over at her phone, it was too early in the morning to call Namjoon and she knew he wouldn’t know since the announcement had just been made as well as the decision. Grabbing her phone, she unlocked it and typed a quick message before sending it.

“Hey Namjoon, when you get this message, either call or video message me ok? There’s something I have to tell you”

~~~

Namjoon took the mug from the machine, taking a sip of the hot drink, grinning. He needed to go and order more of this coffee, maybe he could ask her to bring some back with her. He grew more and more excited, she was due back in just a couple of days, and he was so excited to see her. He pushed his chair back over to his desk, closing the editing software he’d been using before he grabbed his laptop and stood, carrying it and his mug over to his couch, setting them both down and opening the laptop.

He’d waited all day to video message her, he wanted to have his schedule clear, so he had time to talk to her and make sure she was awake before he called. He’d sent her a couple of texts letting her know he’d call her in the evening for a video message and her short ‘okay’ had been a little bit of a letdown, but knowing they would be seeing each other now made up for it.

It’d been a rough two weeks not seeing her. He’d gone longer of course, but for some reason, this seemed worse than the four months they’d spent apart not too long ago. Obviously, the fight had made a big difference, so he figured that was why. That and this whole COVID thing made it worse, he hoped she was being careful there, he’d heard it was getting worse and worse in the US and that naturally made him worry about US ARMY and her, he was hoping people were being safe as this whole thing blew over.

Namjoon opened the Skype app and waited, he still had a few minutes before she was set to join, so he picked up his phone and mug, sipping at his coffee when there was a knock at the door.

“Hyung?!” A voice called through the door.

He shook his head, standing and unlocking the door and opening it a bit, “Yes Jimin?”

“Are you gonna be talking to noona?” Jimin asked as he grinned at Namjoon.

“You know I am, why?”

“Tell her her Jimins said hi, ok?”

Namjoon rolled his eyes, “Mmm hmm, sure Jimin.”

Jimin grinned wider, “I know you’re so excited for her to come back huh?”

Namjoon smiled a bit, “Yeah.”

Jimin reached out and smacked him playfully on the arm, “Ooooo hyungs in looove!”

“Yah, Jiminah…”

Jimin snickered and hurried off. Namjoon sighed heavily and closed the door just as he got the notification that she had joined the room. He made his way back over to the couch, sitting and grinning broadly. She sat there waiting for him, she was smiling, but it didn’t seem to reach her eyes.

“Hey jagi, it’s good to see you,” Namjoon smiled.

She hesitated a moment before nodding, “It’s good to see you too Namjoon, really good actually.”

“I was glad to wake up to your message this morning, what’s going on? How’s things? Are you all packed and ready for your flight? I’ve arranged for a car to pick you up and they’ll drive you over to the dorm so that we can meet up,” he smiled.

Namjoon knew he was rambling on, but he was so excited to see her again.

“Things are…not so good Namjoon,” she said suddenly.

His smile faded quickly, “What? What’s wrong? Is it your Mom? Is she ok?”

She said nothing, just looked at him a moment longer, “How are things there with COVID?” She asked suddenly.

He blinked, “Huh? COVID? Uhh, they’re ok I guess, why?”

“You haven’t by chance looked at the news yet?”

Namjoon frowned, “The news? No, I haven’t yet, I’ve been so busy that I didn’t get a chance to, why? I don’t understand, what does that have to do with you?”

She let out a breath, “You should check the news.”

“What’s going on? You’re scaring me,” he said firmly.

Again, she said nothing, just looked at him. He looked at her before grabbing his phone again, unlocking it and then pulling up Naver.

“What am I supposed to be looking for?”

“Just do a search for COVID and US,” she said quietly.

Namjoon looked at her for a second before typing it in, there was a flood of articles, he scanned through and one article stood out, he quickly tapped on it, his eyes widening.

“US in a state of emergency, some states starting to shut down non-essential businesses and the Government is starting to shut down all official offices and services, including all business and casual flights. Among the states starting shut down procedures are Colorado, California, Connecticut and New York, which as of now, has the highest cases of COVID, with the main concentration in New York City. All flights coming into Korea will be accepted and all passengers will need to quarantine for two weeks, all flights going out to the US have been canceled. Anyone with flights to the states are advised to check with the airline for information on refunds or potential reschedule. The shutdown is only for a month at this point, but it is unclear if that will change.”

He slowly brought his eyes to hers and she gave him a weak smile.

“Looks like I won’t be coming back right now Namjoon.”

~~~

Six Months Later

She made her way back into her apartment, shutting and locking the door and then pulling her mask off. She pulled her shoes off and then headed into her room, undressing before coming out and heading into the kitchen, making herself a couple pb&j sandwiches before heading into the living room to eat, booting up her laptop in the meantime.

It’d been six months since she’d been back home and it did feel good to be back to her normal, even though that normal was no longer really a normal lifestyle. Still, it felt good to be back around her Mom regularly, she hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed her until she came back. She didn’t realize how much she missed the US until she’d come back. All that said, Korea had seven very important people the US didn’t, and that was Namjoon and the rest of the guys.

She missed him, she missed him so much. When he’d been on tour, it’d been four months and at the end of that, she was in agony, but now, well into six months since they’d last seen each other in person, she was going out of her mind.

She had initially hoped it would only be a month, but now things weren’t looking so good, not good at all. The virus had spread worldwide, and things were getting worse and worse, the infection counts continued to rise at a blinding pace, and more and more countries were reporting cases skyrocketing, no one expected it, no one knew what to do. She’d been keeping up with Korea as well and knew they too were getting cases, not nearly as bad as it was in the States and other countries, but still, they had their share.

No one knew what to do, what to think. Masks had suddenly become the norm, required to most if not all places. It was turning out to be more than just the flu and it didn’t seem there was an end in sight. Three months in, she’d left the hotel and had managed to get a small studio apartment for relatively cheap, since no one was out doing anything and most people were home, businesses were discounting things and she’d been able to get a good price. Her funds weren’t great, so she’d had to look for a job, which was tough since non-essential businesses were closed. She knew she couldn’t do much with part-time, but it was better than nothing, so she’d gotten a job working at a local laundromat in the evenings.

Her Korean professors were working with her remotely, everything had been converted to online classes, she met at the early hours of the morning for classes, slept during the day, worked at night and came home and did it all over again. Everything had changed, been disrupted and she felt like she was struggling to get her feet under her, even after six months.

Things with her and Namjoon were odd, to say the least. They found it hard to talk because of the time change, she tried to stay up and talk with him, but she was so exhausted from classes, that most of the time, she missed his calls or video chat requests, having fallen asleep doing homework after class. He tried to stay up during the day to chat with her, but he was often asleep as well, it was a lot of confusion. Still and all, they put the effort forth and were doing the best they could to keep the lines of communication going, but it was tough.

Looking at the clock, her class would be starting in thirty minutes, she was struggling today to stay awake. It’d been slow at work like it usually was, it was never really busy, she’d have a few people for the six-hour shift, but most of the time she was alone, which was nice, the fewer people she had to be around, the better. She usually brought her homework with her to work on while there and usually got a lot done, but when she had really needy customers who needed a lot of help and attention, she didn’t get much done.

Sometimes she was able to call Namjoon and when she was able to get ahold of him where he could actually have a conversation with her, they managed to get some decent time in, but it wasn’t always the case. Korea had never really shut down the way the US had, but because the US had started to go into lockdown as well as other countries starting to follow suit and flights were canceled and all travel as well, they were unable to visit, do any touring or anything of the like, so they were at a standstill.

In an effort to help keep their fans inside and try to stop the spread of the virus wherever they were, they started to do more Vlives, YouTube lives and such to continue to communicate and keep in touch with ARMY, which she appreciated. It became the way she was able to see him more, him and the rest of the guys too. They tried so hard to keep the lines of communication open with their fans, it really was sweet and she appreciated it as well.

Yawning, she took a bite of her sandwich before opening the app and going into the room for her class before getting her books and such out, laying them out on the table.

~~~ 

Namjoon waved at the camera before reaching out to turn it off, sighing heavily. He missed the fans, this was insane. He was glad to be able to meet them, even if virtually, but he wanted to see them in person. Music shows had been interesting to say the least, it was the first time they’d performed to no audience in that way, it was weird. Winning was always nice, but to not have the fans there to celebrate made the victory feel hollow.

He wheeled back over to his desk, turning his computer off and grabbing his phone, looking at the time. He could send her a message, but she’d be getting ready to have class, but he wanted to talk to her. To say he was missing her was an understatement. It’d been six months, but it felt longer. This was the longest they’d been away from each other and it was really starting to grate on his nerves.

The members were trying to help him out the best they could, trying to distract him and keep his mind off it, but it only lasted so long. Things could still change, but it wasn’t looking good, especially in the states. The numbers were rising rapidly, states were shutting down, people were frantic. It was bad there in Korea, but not like in the States and it worried him, not just for her, but for the US ARMY as well.

He and the guys were trying hard to get the fans to stay in, try to avoid as much contact with others as possible until everyone was able to get this under control, but it seemed to be fast getting out of hand. Still, any contact with fans was better than nothing and so him and the guys played games, did chats, anything they could to interact.

It was decided that they would release an album during this time, to try to keep fans hopes up and find a way to connect. With this, it was also decided to bring fans along with them so they could see the album conception. They would be live streaming brainstorming sessions, content discussions and such and all would be done as if they were there, so they could see how it went and not as if they were playing to the camera.

Namjoon was down for it, it would be a great way to give him a distraction and be able to have ARMY see what went into the albums and how they were created. They still had a little time before the company announced it and so the guys were constantly throwing out ideas of what exactly they wanted to show and how. It was great to see everyone getting excited as the mood amongst them had started to drop.

There had also been talk about doing a possible online concert, which everyone was excited about too. The details for that still being worked out as well, but it was something else to look forward too eventually.

There was a knock at the door, and he stood, walking over to unlock and open it.

“Hey, we were ordering lunch, you want anything?” Hoseok asked smiling.

Namjoon nodded, “Yeah sure, I’ll come with you, I gotta get out of here anyway.

Hoseok gave him a sympathetic smile, “Kinda too much sometimes huh?”

He nodded again, “Yeah, I’m just damn frustrated lately,” he said, shutting his door and starting down the hall with Hoseok.

“Same man, the first few months I was fine, but , it’s been six months already and I feel like pulling my hair out. I hate that we can’t do anything, I feel so shut in you know? I plan to go visit my family in a few days, I’m hoping that will help and all. It’s weird that I can actually do that, normally right now, we’d be on tour and all.”

Namjoon nodded, they’d had another tour planned for the second half of the year, at first they kept rescheduling it, thinking it would get better. Three attempts later, it had been painfully decided that it would be cancelled and refunds would be given out. It’d gutted him and the guys, emotions had been high, but the thought of fans getting sick coming to see them, didn’t set well with any of them and so cancelling had been the only other option. The safety of the fans and staff and members were paramount.

“Have you talked to her lately?” Hoseok asked as they headed into the conference room.

He shook his head, “It’s been a couple of days, it’s hard cause of the time difference and she’s up so late for class and I try not to bother her, like right now she’s in class. I want to call her or text her, but I want to respect her classes. When she finishes, she usually goes to sleep for a bit, by the time she wakes up, I’m getting up and she’s going to work…” he sighed.

Hoseok frowned, “It really man.”

“Yeah it does, we’re trying, but , I dunno how much longer I can go and not see her, it’s in killing me.”

Hoseok nodded, holding the door open as they made their way inside to join the rest of the guys.

“I mean, it’s not like I can just jump on plane, it’s not about a damn scandal or something, I literally cannot do it, I think that’s what makes it so bad, I can’t.”

Taehyung looked over at him, “What’s so bad?”

Namjoon sighed and waved him off, “Nothing, forget it.”

Taehyung frowned, looking away, a hint of hurt in his eyes.

Namjoon grimaced, “Sorry man, I didn’t mean that like that. Just talking about her.”

Taehyung nodded, “It’s alright.”

He sighed; he didn’t like how this was affecting him so much. Usually he could handle stuff, it took a lot for him to get upset, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have his breaking point. He just had to get it together, it would end soon, he just had to stay positive. He would see her soon and things would get back to normal.

~~~

One Year Later

She closed the notebook and put it in her bag, grabbing out another one and setting it down on the table.

“Excuse me, but can you help me? The machines won’t take my dollar,” the man frowned.

She stood quickly, taking the man’s bill and advising him it’d be a minute before hurrying into the office and grabbing four quarters and bringing it out, handing it to the guy. She watched as he walked off towards his machine and she quickly pumped some sanitizer into her hands, rubbing it in. It was a bit busier than usual, with about six people using the machines that night. They didn’t seem to need to much help aside from a quick question here and there.

Opening her notebook and then her textbook, she continued to study. She’d now been home for about a year and a half and had finally gotten herself into some sort of steady and consistent schedule, which was nice. Her classes were going well, she was struggling to be able to focus though, working while doing homework was not the ideal and while she was able to keep up in classes, her sacrifices to do so were piling up.

Things with Namjoon were scant at best. She’d been keeping up with all their Vlives and YouTube lives they’d done, multiple online concerts they held and also had released a new album, letting fans see the goings ons with it and the making of one, it’d been fascinating and honestly the only way she’d been able to see him lately.

COVID had blown up everywhere. Casualties were mounting and there were debates on masking and now for vaccines. Food and supply shortages were making life miserable, her fear grew each day, especially since she worked with the public and not everyone wanted to mask. Hand sanitizer became her friend and her hands were often raw, dry and cracked from the constant washing and cleaning. When she wasn’t studying or doing homework, she was cleaning the machines and anywhere anyone touched, the whole thing terrified her.

Her and Namjoon were supposed to try to meet up for a video chat, but she wasn’t sure that was going to happen, if the traffic at work kept up, she didn’t know if she’d have the time or opportunity to talk with him. Luckily, she didn’t have class tonight, she was hoping to catch up on some rest after a possible talk with Namjoon.

If she didn’t think too much about the fact that she hadn’t seen him in almost two years, she was ok. The moment she stopped to think about it too long is when she would start to panic and had to prevent herself from crying. She’d never experienced anything like this, and she was getting tired, so tired of trying to do things to connect with him and things not working out. Since he’d been working on the album, he’d been busy and of course her with classes and work, she was just as busy as before, so the ability for them to talk or whatever, had dropped off from the little they were in the beginning. Sometimes they’d go days without talking and it worried her, maybe he was getting tired of waiting too. Maybe he felt that it wasn’t worth waiting for her to come back and it wasn’t that she could even blame him if he felt that way. What kind of relationship did they even have anymore?

Her phone went off, notifying her of a new text message. Quickly she opened it to see a message from Namjoon, she unlocked her phone and then tapped on the message.

Namjoon: Can we video chat tonight please? It’s important.

Her heart dropped, what did that mean? Important how? Was what she feared coming true? Swallowing hard, she responded.

Of course Namjoon

~~~

He had COVID.

Namjoon set his phone down, grabbing a tissue and blowing his nose, wrapping himself tighter in the blanket. He looked around his room, frowning. He felt lousy and all he wanted was to sleep, he had no energy, but he had to try to stay awake so he could talk to her.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared, at least a little. He had friends and staff who all had had it and had told him how awful it was. What was worse, he’d been home a few days ago and had been around his family, he was scared because he knew now, they would most likely get it as well. Shaking his head, he wasn’t sure where he got it from, he always wore his mask and used sanitizer, but it’s not like it prevented it. Him and the rest of the guys had all been vaccinated and knew that didn’t prevent it, just made it not as bad, but he still felt BAD.

He hadn’t been around the guys luckily, but he heard from Jin and Yoongi hyungs that they weren’t feeling so great either, both complaining of sore throats and having fevers. They had all split up and gone and done different things individually for a bit, which now seemed like a blessing, so as the other members would’ve been at risk. Once it’d been confirmed that he had it, HYBE had announced it and fans had flooded in with their thoughts and prayers for him, he’d read them and of course was thankful for and appreciated it, but was feeling too bad to respond yet, he would, but he just had to get to a point where he could. First though, he had to tell her.

Things with them had been strained, had been for several months now. He could see she was getting tired; he could feel her frustration; it was his as well. He wanted to reach out to her more, talk and chat with her more, but it was complicated and hard. Classes kept her busy and then them releasing an album made him busy and now he was sick.

Namjoon missed, her missed her so much he felt like he couldn’t breathe, sickness aside. He wanted to be there more, he wanted to see her, touch her, hold her, kiss her, he just wanted to be with her, and he was powerless, helpless to do so, to do anything. He hoped she was safe, that her and her Mom were doing alright, he didn’t like that they were alone there, fending for themselves. He had the guys and his family, but it was just them. He wanted to send stuff to help, but he couldn’t even do that because countries, the US included, weren’t accepting foreign mail and such, which made everything ten times harder.

Sniffling, he grabbed another tissue, sneezing hard, his head spinning. He needed to lay down, but he had to see her first, had to talk to her.

~~~

She entered the room and waited. Usually Namjoon was already there, this was a rare instance where she arrived before him. Reaching out, she grabbed the bottle of water and took a sip, putting the cap on and waiting. Just then, his name showed up in the list of people in the room and then there he was, her eyes widened.

He was wrapped in a blanket, visibly shaking.

“Namjoon!”

He sniffled, “Hey jagi,” he said, his voice horse and weak.

“Oh, Namjoon no…”

“I’m sick baby, I caught COVID,” he smiled shakily, rubbing at his eyes.

“What are you even doing talking to me? You need to rest now!” She said, panic taking over, tears welling up fast and spilling over.

“Don’t cry baby, I’m gonna be ok, I just wanted you to know that if you don’t hear from me for a couple of days, you know why. I just feel like ; I don’t want you to think I was igno…”

“You stop worrying about me and get rest! I can’t believe you called me, I mean I’m glad you called me, but you’re sick baby,” she sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “Hang up right now and sleep, I mean it, sleep!” She tried to say firmly.

Namjoon frowned, “I want to talk more, I miss you,” he said softly.

Her face fell, “Aww baby I miss you too, I just…” she stopped, trying to collect herself. “You have to get better Namjoon, this is serious, please, I’m worried for you. The best thing you can do right now is to get better and rest up, ok? Not just for me and the guys, but the fans, they’ll be worried too ya know.”

He nodded and she had to fight harder to keep tears at bay.

“Ok, so when you feel better, call me ok? No actually text me, talking probably takes too much energy huh?”

Namjoon smiled weakly again, “It’s ok baby, if it’s you, I’ve got energy. It’s not that bad, it’s like a cold, times ten. I’ll be alright, don’t worry ok?”

She bit down on her lip hard, nodding, “O-ok,” she whispered.

“I will text you ok? I promise.”

She nodded again. “Ok, eat lots of soup and drink lots of fluids and…”

“I will,” Namjoon said, sniffling, wiping at his nose.

“Ok ok, I’m letting you go, I love you Namjoon, get some sleep baby.”

He nodded, but made no move to end the chat, just continued to stare at her longingly.

She was barely holding it together, “C’mon Nam, hang up, you first here.”

Namjoon slowly nodded and reached out to press the screen, “I love and miss you.”

Suddenly the screen went black and she buried her face in her hands, crying softly.

~So hold on my heart

Please tell her to be patient

'Cause there has never been a time

That I wanted something more~

~~~

Seven Months Later

“Congratulations! You’re going to be special Envoy’s to President Moon for the UN meeting taking place in New York in a few weeks,” Bang PD announced to the guys, smiling broadly.

There were collective gasps from all the members, and they hi-fived each other, smiling happily.

“So how does this go, will we be meeting somewhere and streaming live or something?” Jimin asked.

“Ani, you will be going to New York,” Bang PD chuckled.

Namjoon’s eyes widened and Yoongi spoke up suddenly.

“How? I thought we still weren’t able to travel.”

“Technically you’re not, but we’ve gotten special permission to allow for you to go to the States. You will give a speech at the UN and they’ve asked for you to do a special performance of “Permission to Dance” as well. They have dancers who will be taught the dance and such that will be ready to perform with you all, they will all be fully vaccinated.”

“We’ll actually be able to perform again, this is great!” Hoseok smiled.

“I never thought this day would come, it feels like it’s been forever,” Jungkook chuckled, reaching out to poke Taehyung in the arm before shoving him a bit, causing the two to start play fighting.

“Wow, we haven’t left Korea in what, two years now? I can’t wait!” Jin smiled.

They would be in New York! She was in New York, that meant that he could see her, after two years, he could finally see her! Namjoon sat up straighter, looking over at Bang PD in exhilaration.

“How long will we be there?” Taehyung asked.

“Just about four days, this is strictly business, you won’t be able to sightsee or do anything like that. Once you’ve finished all your schedules there, you will come right back home.”

“I thought that since we’re gonna be in New York and she is there and it’s been two years hyung, I just need to see her, we need to…”

“No Namjoon, no.”

Namjoon’s heart dropped, his eyes widening, he looked stricken and visibly shaken. The members all stilled, looking at Namjoon and then at Bang PD.

“B-but…I need to see her…”

Bang PD looked over at Namjoon and frowned and sighed, “I am sorry Namjoon, I know she’s there and how important she is to you and…well I tried, but since you’ll all be there on special assignment, we cannot have you meet her. It is bad there, really bad. You know the issues they’re having getting people to get vaccinated, the problems. If you get sick again and bring it back or spread it to the members…well we can’t have that.”

“She’s been fully vaccinated hyung, her and her Mom both, I’ve seen her card and she wears a mask and she’s…please, it’s been over two years, I need to see her…”

Bang PD held up a hand, “We have to look out for your wellbeing as well as everyone you could potentially come in contact with, I am sorry,” he said softly.

Namjoon swallowed hard, looking down and he felt someone come up beside him and then a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. He was trying hard to hold back, but everything in him felt as if it were dying. His vision went blurry, his hands up.

“Once you come back, you will all have to quarantine for two weeks before you have contact with anyone else.”

The door opened and closed, and it was quiet in the room and then he heard a soft voice by his ear.

“Are you ok hyung?” Jimin asked gently.

He nodded shakily, sniffling, wiping roughly at his eyes before lifting his head to see the members staring at him, not with pity, but with sadness in their eyes as well.

“You will see her hyung, just hang in there a little longer,” Taehyung whispered.

“We’d only be there a short time, I know you’d want to spend more than just a few hours with her, you’d be cheated out of proper time with her,” Jin said softly.

“I would take anything, a few seconds a few minutes, what the hell ever, I just want to see her with my own eyes and touch her,” he said quietly, shaking his head before looking down again. “How can I be that close to her and not see her? How am I supposed to do that?”

Jimin gave his shoulder another firm squeeze, “I’m sorry hyung.”

“You will see her.”

Namjoon lifted his head suddenly, looking over at Yoongi who sat in his seat calmly.

He shrugged, “You will Namjoon.”

~~~

She was practically bouncing in her seat, all thoughts of sleep gone. She saw Namjoon’s name appear in the chat room and then he was there, smiling gently at her.

“Namjoon! You’re coming here for the UN thing! How? How is this possible?”

She’d read articles saying that BTS were coming to the States for a few days as special Envoy’s to the President of Korea for the UN meeting and that was taking place there in New York, the thought he was going to be there was almost too much for her to bare. She had had to see him and after all this time, it was finally her chance to, to hold him in her arms, she couldn’t stand it!

Namjoon chuckled a bit, “The President asked us to come along and Bang PD accepted and he just let us know a couple days ago, I’m sorry I couldn’t say anything, I had to keep it secret until it was released and…”

“It’s ok! You’re gonna be here Namjoon, wow, it’s been forever since you’ve been here, I can’t believe it! Maybe things are going back to normal finally since you guys are coming over. Are you super excited? I know I am!”

He stared at her, watching her with sad and gentle eyes, “I am excited baby.”

She frowned, he didn’t look excited, in fact, he looked miserable.

“Namjoon? You don’t look excited, what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

He let out a shaky breath, “I just…I’m glad to be coming there. It’s a great and special honor and such and all but…but…”

“But what?”

Namjoon sighed heavily, “I’m gonna be there, in your state and I can’t see you.”

“Maybe I can make the trip down? I can rent a car; I was thinking about that. Maybe we can meet at some weird remote area or something, it doesn’t matter, so long as you’re there and I’m there we can…”

“No, we can’t,” he interrupted suddenly.

“Well I mean it’s not the ideal, but we’ll make it work right?”

“No, no we won’t, because we won’t be seeing each other.”

She frowned, “Huh?”

Namjoon sighed, his frustration growing suddenly, “I mean we won’t be seeing each other. I thought I could come and see you while I was there, and I was told no. I can’t…we can’t take that risk because I can’t get sick again and spread it to the guys or to anyone else.”

Her eyes widened, her heart dropping.

“I thought, we could, just for a few minutes but they won’t allow it, they won’t take the chance.”

“B-but I’m fully vaccinated, me and Mom both, I wash my hands and wear a mask and sanitize. I could…”

“I know, I know! I told them, and they don’t care, they don’t ing care!” Namjoon said, his voice rising suddenly, he racked his fingers through is hair. “They don’t care and I can’t do anything, I’m sorry, I tried but I can’t…” He buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks and she wiped at them quickly, and for the first time in over two years, she didn’t feel she could do it anymore, she couldn’t do this to him anymore. She hated to see him beat himself up over her, over the fact that she didn’t live there and…

Sighing, she knew what she had to do.

“Namjoon…hey, c’mon look at me,” she said softly.

He hesitated a moment before lifting his head, his eyes suspiciously wet, “I thought this would be our chance you know? I thought we’d have our moment to…”

“Maybe it’s for the best Namjoon.”

Namjoon went still.

“I’ve been thinking, you know that…it’s been two years Namjoon. It’s a long time, it’s long for anyone, for married couples even. We’re dating and I’m here and you’re there and there’s a pandemic going on and we can’t see each other. I’m here in my home and I can’t be there with you in your home and you’ve…we’ve been trying to make this work and it’s been two years Namjoon,” she whispered, closing.

“Baby…”

“Maybe this isn’t the right thing anymore. I can’t do this to you anymore, it’s not fair to make you wait for me, i-it’s b-been two years Namjoon, it’s…it’s not fair to you and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for making you wait,” she whimpered, her voice breaking.

“Yah!” Namjoon called out suddenly, his voice hoarse.

“W-we should…b-break…”

“YAH!” Namjoon yelled suddenly.

She broke down suddenly, burying her face in her hands, “I-I can’t d-do this anymore Namjoon, being without you is killing me, I-I can’t b-breathe without you, I can’t breathe!” She wept.

~Oh, I am what I am

I'll do what I want, but I can't hide

I won't go, I won't sleep

I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me

I won't leave, I can't hide

I cannot be, until you're resting here with me~

Namjoon slumped, rubbing at his face with his hands, sighing heavily as tears started to stream down his face.

“It’s not fair, it’s not fair to you, to me…to us, being a-apart like this…it’s not fair,” she moaned.

He could do nothing but sit there and listen to her cry, he couldn’t touch her, he couldn’t hold her.

“I don’t want to, we will get through this, we will…I haven’t and won’t give up on you, don’t you give up on me, don’t!” Namjoon stated firmly, lifting his head to look at her, she’d grabbed a pillow, holding it tightly and she reached out suddenly, ending the chat.

His eyes widened and he stared at the black screen before hanging his head.

~Hold on my heart

Throw me a lifeline

I'll keep a place for you

Somewhere deep inside~

~~~ 

A Couple Weeks Later, NYC

Namjoon finished the speech and him and the guys waited while the prerecorded performance played as they started to file their way out the building. Shaking hands and he smiled the best he could under the mask, it never quite reaching his eyes.

They did their interviews and met various people. They talked with the President and the staff, he did everything that was required when all he wanted to do was find the nearest car and demand someone take him from there and to his woman.

He hadn’t spoken to her since that last call. He’d tried texting and calling and left her voicemail messages but hadn’t heard back and his broke his heart. He knew what it took for her to say what she had, knowing good and well it wasn’t what she wanted. If it had been, she wouldn’t have been as upset, she wouldn’t have been so angry, because beyond the pain, he could see her anger and frustration with the situation. There was no real resolve behind her words, just fear, pain and anger, everything he was feeling. He wouldn’t let her go, not without a fight and he would fight hard for her.

“This is the last day, these four days went fast, I don’t mind being in the hotel, but I want to go out and do something, this is lousy,” Taehyung moaned as they got into the waiting van.

“I feel the same, I wish we could at least go out and get something to eat, I’m craving a hotdog or two,” Jungkook frowned.

“You just want food,” Jimin grinned, rolling his eyes.

“True! But a hotdog would be the best,” Jungkook winked.

They all chatted as they headed into the waiting van.

“Namjoon! Hey Namjoon, c’mere!”

Namjoon looked over at manager Sejin waiting for him, he told the guys to wait and headed over.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?”

Sejin looked at him a moment before opening the door to another van and motioned his head for him to get in.

Namjoon frowned, “What’s going on?”

“You don’t have much time, hurry, you’re gonna miss your flight.”

“Flight? We’re not leaving until tomorrow,” Namjoon said.

“Get in, hurry.”

“But the guys…”

“They’re all set, go!”

~~~

She pulled off her mask, wiping at her nose before hooking the elastic strap back over her ear. It’d been a long night and it was dragging. Luckily, it’d been relatively dead at work, she’d barely had anyone come by. She could barely focus on her homework, just spent most of her shift staring blankly at her phone.

She hadn’t spoken to Namjoon in a few days, not since their last video chat, she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, she felt awful. All the time she’d been so strong but hearing that he wouldn’t be able to come see her had finally broke her. She didn’t want to do that to him, but hearing they wouldn’t allow him to come, to know he was hours away from her and she couldn’t see him, it was just too much.

Unhooking her mask again, she wiped at her eyes, all she wanted to do was cry, she couldn’t stop it. It felt hopeless, she wanted was to see him, to just know he was ok. She’d watched the live stream, listened to them make their speeches and then watched their performance and while she couldn’t help but cry, it felt good to see him out there doing what he loved, she was glad him and the guys got to perform again. She’d learned they were only there for four days and they would be leaving tomorrow morning apparently. She tried not to think too much about it and to just focus on classes, but nothing worked.

Her Mom told her she needed to talk to him, that she shouldn’t do that to him, that she shouldn’t stop fighting. She knew she was right; she wasn’t in this alone. She knew he was struggling, and he was upset, but she wasn’t as strong as he was, she wasn’t. Her guilt was misplaced, this whole pandemic wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault and they weren’t the only ones suffering and missing someone. It was extremely selfish of her and it was selfish to expect him to wait any longer when nothing was guaranteed, and no one knew how much longer this was going to go on.

She looked up as the last person left and she looked at her phone, it was a half-hour until midnight. Standing, she started the closing process, walking over to turn the open sign off and then started to wipe down the machines, disinfecting them, sweeping the floors and putting everything away.

A half-hour later, she grabbed her book bag, hooking it over one shoulder as she made her way towards the front, turning the lights off and making her way out, shutting the door and locking it, activating the security system.

“The laundromat is closed now?”

She heard a muffled male voice behind her, it wasn’t anything new. A few times a week, someone would come right as she was leaving thinking they were open for another hour.

Sighing she nodded, “We open tomorrow at 8 am, you can come back then.”

“I can’t that long for you.”

She stilled, he knew her name? She turned to find a man standing there, his hands in his pockets, a mask on his face and he was staring intently at her. Since she turned the neon OPEN sign off, it was dark, and she was having a hard time making him out other than a silhouette. He was a few feet from her, tall, solid and broad and she could sense a tenseness about him, an agitation of sorts.

“Do I…know you?”

He said nothing, just started towards her and her eyes widened, and she took a step back, clutching at the strap of her bookbag tightly. He came into the light a bit more and she gasped, her body stilling.

“Baby,” came the low deep voice as the man reached up to pull his mask off. “Jagi…”

Her hand went limp, sliding from the strap of her bag and flopping down at her side and her body slumped and started to shake. Her bookbag slid off her shoulder and landing with a thud on the ground as she continued to stare at the man who looked an awful lot like Namjoon, her Namjoon.

Suddenly he was there, his hands on her face and he pulled her mask off, his eyes searching hers desperately were filled with tears that had abruptly welled up and spilled down his face. Her ears were ringing and the trembling in her body started to increase.

“Baby,” he whispered, his voice shaking.

She didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to call his name and have it be a dream she would wake up from, but she couldn’t help it, and she couldn’t stop the tears that started to flow unbeknownst down her cheeks.

“N-Nam-Joon…Namjoon?” she murmured in shock.

His arms came around her suddenly, hugging her tightly. He clawed at her, pressing her hard to his body, his hand cupping her head as if he too was afraid, afraid she would disappear, as if he himself was scared this wasn’t real. And still, she stood there, too stunned to move, not wanting to wake up, not wanting to do anything to stop this dream, it was too real.

He pulled away and looked at her, bringing his hands back up to cup her cheeks, “I’m here baby, jagi, I’m here ok? Please…please hold me,” he whispered, leaning in kissing her suddenly.

The moment his lips touched hers, she knew it was real, she could feel their warmth, she felt warm for the first time in two years and she tore her lips from his, a sob escaping her lips.

“Namjoon,” she whispered, “Namjoon.”

She reached out, wrapping her arms around him, holding him hard, tight suddenly, “Namjoon,” she kept chanting, clinging to him desperately, pulling away to look at him, running her hands over his face, she could barely make him out through the tears in her eyes, but it was him, it really was him.

“Namjoon!” She moaned, burying her face in his neck, wrapping her arms around him again.

 “I’ve missed you; I’ve missed you so much,” he panted, pulling back to look at her and again, their lips connected, desperate and needy.

~~~

She led him inside her apartment, and she set her bag down on the small table by the kitchen and she slowly turned to see Namjoon standing there, watching her closely. She felt raw and exposed and anxious.

“How…how long do you have?” She asked softly.

He was quiet for a moment, “Our flight to Korea leaves at 8am and the flight back to NYC leaves at three, so just an hour or so,” he whispered.

She stared at him, smiling a bit, “Thank you for coming to see me. I thought they wouldn’t let you.”

“Somehow President Moon found out and he arranged it, I don’t know what…they didn’t tell me, just got me in a van and then on a flight here after we finished and…”

He was cut off when she barreled back into him, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tightly. She knew in just a small amount of time; she’d have to let him go again and the thought of that caused a different kind of panic in her mind. She had to get it all in, all the touching all the everything she could because she didn’t know when she’d see him again, didn’t know if she’d see him again.

Namjoon’s arms immediately came around her again and she felt his cheek on her head, and she took a step closer as if she wanted him to absorb her into his body, into his DNA, and take her with him back to Korea. She buried her face in his chest, tears already streaming down her cheeks again.

“Don’t…don’t go Namjoon, please…” she heard herself whimper.

He tightened his hold on her more, pressing her even harder to him.

“How do I let you go again? I’m scared,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to be strong but…I’m really scared Namjoon.”

Namjoon bit down hard on his lip, blinking rapidly, he finally understood what Jin hyung had meant before, this was too much, it was too much to bear. Slowly he pulled away, leading her towards her bed and sat down, pulling her with him until they lay down on their sides.

He reached out, wiping at her tears with his thumb, “You’ve gotta promise me you’ll be extra careful ok? Always wear your mask and sanitize, your Mom too. Make sure your omma is ok alright?”

She sniffled and nodded, moving closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. Namjoon brought his hand up, rubbing it up and down along her side as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

“Be careful at work and focus on your classes, you know you can always come to me if you need help alright? No more of this worrying if you’re bothering me crap, I mean it jagi. Text me or wait until we…” he stopped when he felt her body starting to tremble with her soft cries. “Wait until we see each other on a video chat ok and we’ll go through it then. We’ll make time, we’ll continue to make this work alright? Don’t give up on us baby, ok? It’s hard, I know it is, but we’re gonna make it through. No more talk of breaking up, alright? I don’t want it and I know you don’t…do you?” He asked softly,

She shook her head, sliding her arm over his waist, pulling his body right to hers, their hips touching.

“Ok then, we’ll just wait until we can be together again for good. I love you; I love you and we’ll see each other soon, it won’t be too much longer now, don’t give up hope. I’m never far, remember that, it’s just distance that separates us, nothing else. Just hold on baby, hold on ok?”

Namjoon looked down and saw she’d fallen asleep and a shaky smile fell on his lips as the tears started down his cheeks and he leaned in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. He heard a click and looked down to see her charm from the necklace he’d given her had connected with his, completing the infinity symbol, indicating forever. He smiled sadly, resting his head on the pillow, his face just inches from hers. He slid his leg over hers, pulling her into his arms, the gentle sobs taking him.

~Hold on my heart

Don't let her see you crying

No matter where I go

She'll always be with me

So, hold on my heart

Just hold on to that feeling

We both know we've been here before

We both know what can happen~

~~~

Slowly she opened her eyes and looked out at the empty bed in front of her and she bolted up, looking around frantically.

“No…”

She looked down at the pillow and saw a piece of paper, she grabbed it and read it over.

Baby,

I’m sorry, I had to leave. You were sleeping so peacefully; I didn’t want to wake you. I am sorry, but I don’t think I could’ve said goodbye, I don’t think my heart would’ve taken it too well. Don’t be sad, I’ll call you when I get back to Korea and we’ll video chat tonight ok? Be strong baby, I love you and I’ll see you soon,

Yours,

Namjoon

~I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory~

~~~

Nine Months Later

She looked around, it felt good to be back. She promised her Mom she would come back to visit again soon, she missed her already.

She wheeled her bag into the center of the room and looked at her phone, it was just about time. She got a text message on her phone letting her know the van was ready for her and she hurried out.

~~~

Namjoon hurried off the stage, watching as Jimin made his way back up, getting ready for his performance. He wiped at his face with the towel, it was almost done. It was looking as if this would hopefully be the last online concert they would have to do. It seemed COVID was starting to finally come under control, at least enough where things didn’t have to be so restricted. Travel restrictions had been lifted a few months ago and he’d been in constant contact with her, with her telling him as soon as she had the money saved up so she could come back, she would. He’d offered to pay for her ticket, but of course, she wasn’t having that, so he’d have to wait just a little longer. He didn’t know if he could do it, he was tempted to get on a plane and drag her back there.

That first video chat after leaving had been rough, probably the roughest call within the two years they’d been apart. Leaving had been just as hard. He’d woken up and had to leave her on the bed, it’d been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his life, ever. Surprisingly, she wasn’t upset, he was expecting her to be angry that he’d left without saying goodbye, but she’d told him she probably would’ve had the same problem and she was glad that she’d fallen asleep with him there at the very least.

Things had gotten a bit better after seeing each other. It had though made it harder, knowing they’d just seen each other, been in their arms and it’d been so short, too short, it’d made it all worse. Still and all, he wouldn’t have changed it for anything, he was happy he’d been able to see her, to make sure she was ok with his own eyes. Still, it wasn’t nearly long enough, he’d wanted to hold her longer, make up for lost time, feel her inside, touch her in all the ways he’d dreamed of over these almost three years now.

He’d have to wait.

~~~

She hurried over to the venue, she met up with Sejin who greeted her with a smile and a bow, and she grabbed him up in a quick hug. He looked shocked but then smiled wider, returning the hug before ushering her backstage quickly.

~~~

Namjoon hurried off the stage, smiling broadly, the rest of the members following.

“That was awesome, I love that it’s more interactive now, having ARMY on those tv’s in the audience like that was awesome, I loved this,” Hoseok grinned, wiping at his face.

“Yeah, it almost feels like they’re there, but only a few screens isn’t the same as thousands of fans, someday hopefully,” Jimin sighed.

“Oh, I dunno Jimin, I don’t know that we’ll have to wait that long to see fans,” Jin grinned.

“Ohh yeah, I heard about that hyung, I heard that there was one fan that was actually able to make it here, they got special permission, didn’t you hear about that Taehyung ssi?” Jungkook winked.

“Ne, I did, they’re pretty lucky,” Taehyung chuckled.

Namjoon frowned, looking around for a bottle of water, “What? I didn’t hear about a fan; we have a fan here?” He questioned, thanking the cordi-noona who brought him a bottle. He twisted the cap off and started to take a drink.

“Not we, you, you have a fan here,” Yoongi smiled, pointing at something over Namjoon’s shoulder.

Namjoon frowned again, a fan for him? He turned his head and looked and saw someone waving at him, ARMY Bomb in hand waving frantically, she held a large poster with his name on it.

“WOO NAM!! CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH!!!”

His eyes widened; it couldn’t be.

“Looks like it’s a very special fan just for you hyung,” Jungkook grinned, shoving Namjoon gently.

He dropped the bottle of water and bolted towards her.

“YAH!!”

“NAMIE!!!” She cried out, waving the ARMY Bomb wildly.

“YAH!!!” He yelled out again.

Namjoon plowed into her, the sign went flying as he spun her around and he could hear her laughter ringing in his ears as she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. The members all started cheering and clapping. He carefully set her down, looking at her, her eyes were a bit unfocused, from the spinning he imagined, but it was her, it was really her and she was really there.

“Whoa, a little dizzy,” she blinked a few times, trying to clear her head it seemed. She looked up at him and grinned widely, “Can I have your…”

 She was cut off with Namjoon’s lips on hers and the members behind him started hooting and hollering and cheering again.

She pulled away and smiled, “Surprise!”

He pulled her back into his arms, hugging her tightly, “I’ve missed you.”

There was a click and they pulled apart to see their necklaces had connected again and she looked up at him.

“I’ve missed you too Namjoon,” she said softly.

They leaned in, kissing once more, hugging each other tightly.

~So, hold on my heart

Just hold on to that feeling

We both know we've been here before

We both know what can happen

So, hold on my heart

Just hold on my heart

Hold on my heart...~

-Hold on My Heart - By Phil Collins

Lyrics from Musixmatch and Microsoft Bing

Video from YouTube channel: Drifting Falling's Lyric Videos

- Here With Me - By Dido

Lyrics from Musixmatch and Microsoft Bing

Video from YouTube channel: bored530