It’s on days like today that the seed of doubt spreads, when i’m left alone with my thoughts, the days where it seems she is so distant from me, when she pulls away from my touch, when she ignores me even if I’m sitting next to her, when she brushes off my advances, or seems to completely disregard me…. “Don’t be silly Nayeon, she's just busy and is tired.” Is what I try to tell myself, that we have a packed schedule full of tour stops, magazine shoots, interviews and TV show appearances. That nothing is wrong and that I’m simply reading into things too far. I should be focusing, where about to leave the hotel to head to the venue for our rehearsal, where currently in Japan for our three day Tokyo Dome stops. I opened my door with a deep sigh heading towards the elevator feeling good to finally walk after a week trapped in the room due to our quarantine. By the time I made it downstairs everyone was waiting for me. “Yah Nayeon, please try to be on time we have a tight schedule.” I heard Jihyo say, I know she’s in leader mode but I can’t help but feel a bit hurt. “I’m sorry I lost track of time.” She only shook her head before she walked off with the rest of us following behind her. 

    The rehearsal  went on without a problem, just minor adjustments to microphones and monitors. I went to approach Jihyo to ask if maybe I could stay with her tonight. “Hey Jihyo.” I asked, she looked up from the floor she was sitting on. “Yes?” she asked questions halfway struggling to take off her monitor set. “Here let me help you.” I said as I already had mine off. As I was helping her unwrap herself from the wire I asked my question. “Is it okay if I stay with you tonight?” I asked hardly louder than a whisper. She looked me in the eye’s before saying “Not tonight Nayeon, I promised Sana and Momo that we’d watch this movie they’d been raving about.” She finished. “Okay then, I was just asking, here.” I told her handing off her monitor pack. I could easily feel myself getting emotional. There was no reason to be but lately I just feel like she’s brushing me off and it’s beginning to become too much. 

“Jagi.” I called out but got no response. “Jihyo?” I went on to say, she was sitting not even six feet away from me. I know she can hear me, I checked she doesn't have in airpods. “Yah Park Jihyo!” She looked up from her phone annoyed. “What Nayeon?” Is all that I go in return, annoyance clearly in her voice. We were sitting in her room at the dorms. There was no need for the formalites. “I wanted to ask you something but you just ignored me calling you.” I said. “Sorry, what is it?” I almost told her never mind but I asked anyway fearing I already knew what the reaction would be. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go get food with me? We haven’t been on a date in a while.” I asked, she seemed to think of it for all of five seconds before responding. “Can we do that some other time? I’m too tired to go out.” She said and then looked back at her phone. “Yeah…sure..” Is all I said before I got up and walked out of her room, she didn’t even question me as I left. 

We were sitting on the couch watching some random drama that was on. I wasn't paying much attention to it as I was too distracted by the fact Jihyo had not even five minutes ago for the nth time as of lately brushed me off. All I wanted to do was cuddle but the second I moved to wrap my arms around her waist I got a “Not today Nayeon I’m not in the mood to be clingy.” I sat up straight with a muttered “sorry” and tried to foc