A/N: Idk if this would make sense for younger people but hearing the song while reveling (lol) how angsty our WenSeul overthinking lately resulted to this. Check out Taylor Swift's "Nothing New" here.

 

***

"I've had too much to drink tonight;
And I know it's sad, but this is what I think about;
And I wake up in the middle of the night,
It's like I can feel time moving;
How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?
And will you still want me when I'm nothing new?"

 

***

 

When Seungwan sleepily reached for the other side of the bed, she was disappointed feeling it was empty and cold. She felt no surprise feeling the other side of the bed empty. She had discovered that Seulgi, her girlfriend, had been wandering off out of the bed at wee hours. She's not sure how long this had been going on but if she didn't accidentally found out about it, she wouldn't even know because by the morning, nothing seems to be out of place.

 

Seungwan flipped on her back, looking at the plain white ceiling for a second before sighing and rubbing her eyes to clear sleep off.

 

 

Seungwan got up and silently walked to where she knows her companion would be.

 

 

As soon as she saw Seulgi's back she felt the ache that was starting to feel strangely familiar. This is the third time she finds Seulgi out of their bed and sitting on their kitchen counter nursing a beer at wee hours, seemingly in a deep thought.

 

 

There's this lost look on Seulgi's eyes when Seungwan finds her like this and she feels her heart clench how she knows that the same girl would greet her the next morning with a smile and not a single trace of this melancholy she sees when she finds her girlfriend at this hour.

 

 

As she had been doing for the last three days, Seungwan was about to walk back to the bedroom to leave Seulgi to think for herself. She knows Seulgi would talk about whatever this is when she's ready. It had always been part of their relationship to be open with each other and respect each other's space.

 

 

However, tonight, Seungwan accidentally hit an end table, making a noise that made her presence known.

 

 

When their eyes met, Seulgi didn't try to school her expression..or she just simply didn't had the chance to. There were a few moments both of them looking at each other wordlessly.

 

 

"Hey, Wan," Seulgi called, "Why are you doing up? Shouldn't you be resting?" she asked as she walked to where Seungwan is. She smiled before saying, "It's your big day tomorrow," she says pertaining to her graduation tomorrow. But somehow, the smile on her face looks melancholic.

 

 

Seungwan didn't know what to say. Looking at Seulgi right now makes her feel unexplainably unfamiliar. And that's saying something because she had known this girl since both of them were seven and they had been together since they decided to jump the gun when they we're eighteen.

 

 

"Are you okay, Seulgi?"

 

 

Seulgi looked taken aback for a second before she smiled mellowly. She didn't answer but guided Seungwan to walk and sit by the kitchen counter.

 

 

"I forgot how you know me so well, Wannie," the slight slur on Seulgi's voice made Seungwan realize that the other girl may have been sipping beer alone for too long than what she initially thought.

 

 

"Hey," Seungwan called, touching Seulgi's arm, "Baby, are you okay? What's going on?" she asked worriedly.

 

 

Seulgi shook her head with a small smile, "Congratulations on your graduation, Wannie! I'm just so proud of you," she said her hand reaching for Seungwan's cheek. "So proud,"

 

 

This made Seungwan smile, "Thank you, Babe, you know I wouldn't have done it without you, right?"

 

 

The sad smile on Seulgi's face is worrying Seungwan. She was about to ask again when her girlfriend retreated her hand and clasped both of her hands on the table.

 

 

"I'm sorry," Seulgi said, eyes on her own hands on the table, "I know this is supposed to be a happy day, but I'm a little drunk, it's late and I've been feeling this for a while and you're here now and you know I wouldn't want to hide anything from you,"

 

 

With Seulgi's words, Seungwan's mind raced to all the possibilities of what could her girlfriend be confessing to her now. "Seul.."

 

 

When Seulgi turned to her, her girlfriends probably read how her head raced overthinking. With a reassuring smile, Seulgi continued, "I swear, it's not what you think. I didn't cheat on you, I wouldn't cheat on you, Wannie." she said, "So get that thought out of your pretty little head,"

 

 

Seungwan huffed but she the little relief was there, "I so didn't think of that,"

 

 

The smirk on Seulgi's face didn't look as annoying as it usually does and it was the main reason why Seungwan's worry didn't ease.

 

 

"I'm happy and so, so proud of you, Seungwannie," Seulgi says, "..but I can't help feeling worried for the future." she paused, eyes turning back to her hands on the table, "You're about to complete your college degree at 22, with a job waiting for you as soon as you're finished with the ceremony but me? I'm still waiting table for the same restaurant I had been working in since I was 16."

 

 

"Seul.."

 

 

"I feel like time is moving so fast and I can't blame you for keeping up with it." Seulgi continued, turning to meet her eyes, "..but I've been feeling that I'm the one who can't keep up with it." she finished, eyes glistening. "Soon enough, you'll be living in a new world and I won't be able to fit in it."

 

 

"Baby, that won't happen, I won't--"

 

 

Seulgi's hand on her arm interrupted her, "Wannie," she called, "I know you, Wannie, I know that if you can help it, wouldn't do that," she said, smiling, "..but you can't stop things from changing," she added, "And that's not your fault. It's not a bad thing, baby." she paused, "It's just that I feel like I'll only be holding you back. Like you've accomplished these things but me, I'm still the same girl who have been trying to get back on my feet after my parents died five years ago," she said, "Having you is the only stability I got to know for the past five years and I feel like the only thing you got from being with me is burden."

 

 

"Seulgi!" Seungwan exclaimed, feeling personally offended on what Seulgi was saying. "You're the strongest person I know and being with you helped me more than I could express." she continued, reaching for the girl's hand and holding it. "When your parents died, you had no one, you worked so hard to take care of yourself, but when my parents threw me out when they found out about me being gay, you were there for me," she reminded a hand reaching to touch Seulgi's face softly.

 

 

The mellow smile on Seulgi's face is starting to irritate Seungwan. It gives her this feeling that Seulgi is about to say goodbye to her.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Seungwan," Seulgi said before retreating to herself, hands covering her face and Seungwan heard how a sob escaped, "I'm so sorry. You never let me feel like I'm not enough or I need to be anything else to be with you but I still feel like this," she said in between sobs, Seungwan was quick to stand up and hover over Seulgi and wrap her arms around the seemingly small body of her usually stronger girlfriend.

 

 

Seungwan didn't know what to say, her heart aching seeing how vulnerable Seulgi looks right now, so she did the only thing she knows: be there for Seulgi. She felt her heart tighten as Seulgi's soft sobs echo as she kept muttering sorrys.

 

 

"It's okay," Seungwan says, "I'm here, I won't go away,"

 

 

This made Seulgi cry some more, "I know," she says, "I'm sorry but thank you,"

 

 

Despite how heartbreakingly sad that Seulgi feels like this, there was a small relief in Seungwan hearing how easy and natural for Seulgi to know that she is there for her.

 

 

"We'll get through this, baby," Seungwan says, "You're okay..I'm okay..We'll be okay,"