The last day of the weekend flies by in a flurry of convoluted planning and proclamations that have been agonized over for hours on end. Still, Chaeng, Jihyo, and I flop into an exhausted pile on top of Jihyo’s bed with no plausible way for me to propose to Momo without coming off as cheesy, creepy, crazy, or delusional. It might have something to do with Jeongyeon returning to campus for a study group thing, so we couldn’t use her room. We could have, but she has this weird thing about people being in there when she’s gone. Like seriously, paranoid much. Or she actually has something to hide, in which case, we’re definitely circling back to that later. Chaeng can let us in with no problem, plus I know for a fact that she would never turn down any opportunity to annoy her sister.

As for why we didn’t just use Chaeyeongie’s room, well, it just doesn’t have that same energy. So Jihyo’s was the only logical option, but it’s still lacking that problem-solver feel I was looking for. And if you’re thinking that it’s Jeongyeon we’re missing, it’s not. She gives input over the phone and is just as unhelpful as in real life. When I asked for the third time if she could just let us use her room for a couple of hours, her rejection was the same as the other two times, so I hung up on her. And Hyo, Chaeng, and I made do with Jihyo’s paltry excuse for a think tank. When I called it as such and made some suggestions on how she could upgrade, she smacked my and told me to be quiet. Ungrateful—

“Nayeon, we’ve been at this forever, I think it’s time we call it. Your plan to seduce Momo is…” Chaeyeong dramatically draws her thumb across her neck and plays dead. I take immediate offense to this.

“I am not trying to seduce Momo. I want to formally ask her out,” I state for what feels like the hundredth time throwing Chaeyeong’s legs off me to stand. I turn back to them, and they both have their eyes closed. “But I have to do it so that she doesn’t think all I want is .”

“But isn't that what you want?”

I rip Jihyo’s pillow out from under her head and smack Chae hard with it. There’s a satisfying oof, then she throws her hands up in surrender. 

“I just meant that you’ve established you want something physical from her. How is she supposed to believe you're not just chasing ?”

I brandish my weapon for a second assault before Jihyo steps in. She disarms me with a bit of effort, but it isn’t a fair fight. She shoves me back on the bed and then tosses her pillow back to its original spot. 

“She has a point, Nayeon. Just listen for a sec. Momo herself said that she doesn’t expect much from those who approach her. And Jeong might have been right. She could have just gone out with you, so you could stop swallowing your tongue. In which case, yesterday… was a pity date.”

"You don't think I've considered that? Why do you think I want to come up with a way to approach her? I want her to believe me when I say that I like her and I want to get to know her for real," I flop onto my back, starfish my arms— intentionally hitting Chaeyoung in the face— and heave a frustrated breath. 

"I don't know how to do this… how to make it perfect. A week ago I was convinced she hated me. I'm not even completely sure she doesn't, and it would be great if she really wanted to date me, but honestly, I just want her to believe that someone can care without having an agenda." I also want that someone to be me, but that's beside the point.

Jihyo sighs and turns to face the wall as if all the answers lie there. But it's no use. We already spent hour three facing the walls with no success. "If you really want to show her that you're sincere, then there's no plan you can go in with that will convince her. You're just going to have to speak your mind and hope that only some things get lost in translation." 

I lift my head to give her a 'the are you on about' look, but she's still looking at the wall. When she finally turns my way, her eyes take on this far-away, contemplative look that I swear I've never seen her do before. Like she's play-acting at being the voice of wisdom, which is unnecessary since she is the smartest person I know, and her advice is at least 95% solid, regularly. 

She shakes her head as if clearing away some haunting past, then looks dead at me. Usually, this would signal the need to beat a hasty retreat and hide until she no longer wishes to kill me, but her stare is more serious than threatening, so I take my chances.

"Just tell her how you feel. Explain to her the best you can. And if she still doesn't get it— as long as she's willing to listen— explain it to her again. However you need, until the right words come and she understands the premise of what you're trying to say."

I sit up entirely and just stare at her for what feels like an eternity. 

Jihyo… you…

"Are you guys gonna make out or something? 'Cause you know I hate being a third wheel," Chaeng disrupts this touching moment, and I fist the sheets to stop myself from wrapping my hands around her neck.

Jihyo simply rolls her eyes, but they settle back on me, less intense than before. "I'm just saying, you've got to be vulnerable with her. I think as long as you're honest she'll give you a chance," she claps her hand once then rests her fists on her hips. The whole atmosphere shifts before I can even blink. "Great, there's your plan. Congrats. Can we watch a movie now?"

Chaeng pops up. "Sweet! It's my turn to pick. I say we go for something classy and Swedish."

I let Jihyo handle that argument and focus on what she told me. Be honest! As if I could be anything but around Momo. That's not the issue here. When I get in front of her, my thoughts come spilling out and it's a complete disaster. That's why I need a plan; why I can't just rush in and say whatever the hell I feel like. I don't know what I'll say. If I make another unintentional ual pass at her while trying to come off as wanting more, she'll never believe me. But I don't know how to stop doing that because I have no clue why I started in the first place. Those thoughts just appear unbidden and formulate as words before I get a chance to vet them. If only I didn't have thoughts like those to begin with, but that ship set sail four years ago, so… 

Ugh. it. We'll try Jihyo's way and if that doesn't work, I'm hijacking Jeongyeon's room.

~~~

Momo

What made her do it? 

It's hard to say. It started as recognizing the distress in another human being, and all Momo wanted to do was quiet some of that turmoil. You might consider it a flaw, but she honestly couldn't help herself. Some said that she was too soft, or made the mistake of interpreting her kindness for something to be taken advantage of. But those who knew her knew it was her strength. 

Momo’s heart has always been sympathetic and she knows there is value in that. She knows who she is, and she has no intention of changing. Though, sometimes, the Momo that she knows often clashes with the image people have of her. A darling, fragile thing that only needs sparse compliments now and then, and to be shown off as a prize by those who think they're entitled to her affection. Somehow, those are the kind of people she attracts. She doesn't let it jade her, though. Not really. And she always has her defenses in place for that kind of person. She has a competent system for dealing with them, and it works. She doesn't compromise on who she is. She knows what to expect when approached by undesirables, and she knows how to clear the board at the end of the day. Maybe it bothered her in the beginning, but not anymore. At least it hadn't, until… 

So why had she been the one to engage first? What was it about Nayeon that got under her skin so easily? She won't say something ridiculous like she thought Nayeon was different or that there was something special about her because that's just cliché and dumb. 

Except that it wasn't. It was true and unbearable. There was something about Nayeon that captured Momo. Something she needed desperately, not to need, because Nayeon proved time and again to be exactly like the kind of person who approached Momo. 

Except she didn't approach first. 

Was that all it took? Was this Momo's fault? But why would she choose to be involved with someone who noticed her s before she noticed Momo as a person? Why had Momo chosen someone who came off as deviant and made herself a pariah? And why in the world did Momo find it all so endearing?

Maybe she wasn't okay. Maybe all those battered hopes and failed fairy tale dreams had finally broken something in her. Nayeon was certainly no prince charming, yet Momo was swept into the moment all the same. And worst of all, Momo could actually see herself falling for it this time. 

Nayeon was pretty enough to be distracting, witty enough to be entertaining, and bold enough to make Momo's heart pound in a way that felt too good to be familiar. It would always throw her off balance. 

Sana was right. Momo could play coy and mysterious all she wanted, but the truth was: Im Nayeon was someone she could lose her heart to. 

No matter how many times Sana has convinced her to stay away, Momo finds herself pushed towards Nayeon, like what they share is some cosmic link. Except she'd done nothing to fight it, and the date had just made things worse. 

Sana had begged her not to go, her own experience with failed high school romance, the unspoken codex they had abided by for so long. But Momo refused to listen this time around, and they got into a huge fight. It was all heightened emotions, raised voices, and ended in tears and one of them storming out in a rage. At the end of it, Momo wanted to go to Sana immediately and apologize. But she knew she couldn't do that without agreeing to Sana's terms. At the time, it was just something she had to see through. Now, she is more confused than ever. Nayeon is still Nayeon. Momo has a fuller understanding of who that is, but it does nothing to ease her fears about what the future will look like for them. Momo isn't sure she likes what she imagines it will be, and she isn't sure she will be able to stop it if it gets bad. She has to put an end to it before then. She takes Sana's advice.

~~~