For the next week, I'm on my spy . For the most part that just means I walk on my toes, hunched over, and peek around every corner in the halls before I turn. Does this help me avoid Momo? Not really. It does earn me weird stares from strangers and thumps in the head from acquaintances. Jihyo looks at me like I'm an idiot, but at least Chaeyoung plays along. She even goes along with my code names: Agent Hops and Strawberry Tiger Teeth (STT). She reports sightings of Momo and Minatozaki, helps me evade them, and stalls encounters.
      Not that it's often we run into them, but the kid likes following the dance clique around, so more power to her. 
      Momo doesn't actively seek me out, not like that one time wasn't a fluke. Like she was just being a good person, or trying to be before I ed that up.  And the time at the supercenter was just plain coincidence. Nope. With me going out of my way to avoid her and her going back to not knowing I exist, there's not much need for me to keep my guard up. 
      The following week, I go in with cautious awareness, just in case of another freak incident, but nothing. No chance encounter, no meet cute, no universe tilting with my axis. Two days later, I give Chaeyoung the okay to stop stalking the dancers, but… let's just say she's 'gonna need more time.' Her words, not mine.
      I walk out of the bathroom and head for my next class. The hall is strangely empty, but it has been a while since the last bell rang. I can still make it to my next class on time though if I hurry. 
      I'm rushing past a classroom when the door flies open and a towering figure rushes up to me carrying a stack of files. 
      "Ah, Nayeon, perfect timing," the sophomore history teacher greets me.
      "Mr. Haun," I reply, giving a quick bow, eager to be on my way. No luck there.
      "I have to get to the staff meeting in four minutes," the man says, shoving the stack into my arms and switching places with me in the doorway. "Do you think you can help carry these papers to the faculty office?"
      "Oh ah…"
      "Don't worry you won't have to move them alone," he interjects before I can decline. "... and I'll write you a pass for your next class, just come see me later." He sticks his head back inside to talk to someone behind me.
      "See I told you I'd find someone. Nayeon will help you. I'll see you two after class," he says. Just like that, I'm left speechless.
      "Thank you," Mr. Haun throws back without turning around.
      I watch the history buff sashay down the hall without a care in the world and wonder if my life will ever be that easy. I sigh and turn ready to oblige this sudden request. But just because I accept my fate doesn't mean I won't gripe about it. 
      "Funny how he can just pass his duties off on us, huh?" I mumble.
      A soft giggle that's too familiar for my liking greets my ears before I ever see the source, but I already know I'm screwed. "It's not so bad, besides I said I'd help so you're really doing me a favor. I appreciate it. Nayeon."
      me. 
      For those of you paying attention, I'm sure you guessed it. But, yes. That is Hirai Momo standing to the right of Mr. Haun's desk, in the middle of gathering documents into her arms like she was ready to hold the entire load on her own. She's smirking at me again. With the kind of expectancy, you'd imagine a cobra has when a koel lands in striking distance without noticing the threat.
      Now which would be more dramatic: if I just left without another word, or if I dropped the stack in my arms? Honestly, I'm feeling both options, but before I can make a move, Momo's growing tower begins tilting and I'm moving without hesitation.
      I make it to her just as the files scatter across the floor, flooding around her feet. 
      She curses under her breath and we both kneel to start picking up the sheets at the same time. I reach out to grab the first file I can when I spot Momo's hand inching toward mine. 
      you universe and not this time. 
      I pull my hand back so quickly, the momentum has me falling back before I can even blink. But I'm determined not to look stupid in front of Momo again. So I do the only logical thing and twist my body until I spin on the balls of my feet. Turning a complete 360 and regaining my balance, and to be honest… I feel like a superhero for that save. When I look up to see if Momo saw me, I notice her hand on the file. The one that is in fact, nowhere near where I was reaching. 
      My face heats without my permission and I start grabbing the papers just to do something with my hands. I can feel Momo's curious gaze on me, but I refuse to return it.
      "Sorry," she says softly, and I sneak a peek to find her attention back on gathering the documents. 
      "It's okay," I manage, with a growing lump in my throat. "It happens. Are you okay?" 
      She nods without looking up and we gather the rest of the files and head out to the acuity office.
      We walk in a strained, unnatural silence, and I wonder if somehow in our short interaction, I did something to piss her off. Or if she finally grew tired of having to tolerate me. Or maybe I actually put her off for good. Not that that's not what I want.
      Not the putting her off bit, but the part about her not wanting anything to do with me. I want her to keep her distance… right? 
      If I were being honest, I just wanted not to make a fool out of myself in front of her. But that just doesn't seem possible, considering my actions have been suspect from the beginning around her. 
      But… if I could do it all again, I'd take advantage of those opportunities. I mean it seemed like they were popping up left and right. And even now, here we are. Just the two of us, like I wanted, and I haven't said or done anything salacious yet. Though Momo still hasn't said two words to me since we left the classroom. 
      Still, it's better to leave things as they are now, right? I mean, it can always get worse. This way at least I can save a little face. Not that that's saying much considering what I've already done, but the fact that she can even walk beside me says enough. It has to be enough.
      Except that pesky what-if question keeps buzzing between my ears, and I can't fight the urge to give in. To be brave.
      Jihyo for being right…  no, if she's right. I was content to sit and wallow in agony over this dumb crush. She probably brought this on me by speaking it into existence. If she'd never said anything about me growing a pair and asking Momo out, Momo wouldn't have noticed me and I wouldn't be in this situation. That's right, this is all Jihyo's fault. Besides, it's not like I couldn't have asked her out if I'd wanted to, but I already knew what she'd say so there's no point. None. Mmmm. Plus I am just one of many. Like she'd ever give me a second of consideration. 
      I nod to myself, my reflection taking up my entire consciousness, and before I know it we're at the office. 
      Momo opens the door to let us in and I trail behind her. A weight settles on my chest and the strongest sense of longing pulls me down. 
      When I look at the gorgeous junior ahead of me, for a moment I can almost imagine. Us like this, preferably with me able to actually hold her gaze without flipping out. But even then, even when I feel like my heart is jumping ship, I like having her here beside me. It feels… right. Almost nostalgic. Like an us in another life. 
      Maybe I should just ask her out. The sigh that slips out is so heavy it catches Momo's attention. She looks back at me with an eyebrow raised but doesn't say anything as she takes my stack and places it on the desk next to hers. When we exit the room, she turns back to close the door, and for some reason, I wait for her. When she turns back, she looks a little surprised that I hadn't moved but still says nothing. On our way through the hall, I wonder if she'll really never talk to me again.
      Luckily, that's not the case. Unfortunately, her next words almost have me coughing up a lung.
      "You wanna ask me out," she says, the most casual thing.
      I stop dead in my tracks and watch her take two steps before noticing I'm no longer keeping up. She turns towards me, and I scramble for any kind of explanation as to why this is happening. But all I can think is, I said that out loud? The idea that she heard me is bad enough but—
      "Yeah," Momo says suddenly and I just stand there with my jaw open, looking at her in shock. And that.'I think to myself. 
      Or apparently not because Momo nods slowly in response. "Nayeon what—" she starts, but I hold up my hand to stop her.
      "Sorry," I say, a little out of it. "... but can you read my mind?"
      "What? No, I —"
      "Then do you have some kind of power that stops me from having private thoughts?" I ask all too seriously,  because what the actual ? This isn't some kind of excuse where I blame my shortcomings on her because I don't want to take responsibility.  I 1000% have no clue what's going on. Why can't I keep my thoughts to myself around Momo? There's no time for me to process what I say or to even register that my mouth is moving in time with my thoughts. Like seriously, what is that? I need this to stop, like yesterday. I can't have my mind be an open newsletter to this girl. It's not even like it's all of my thoughts that are announced, either. Just the ones that could ruin me.
      "I swear, you're not supposed to hear these things," I say. 
      "Nayeon, you're saying all of this stuff to me. How could I not hear it," she rationalizes, being reasonable and , but if it makes sense to me regardless. "I'm not reading your mind or stealing your thoughts.” She’s said it, and yet I beg to differ. “But I don't understand; if you wanted to go out with me—"
      I hold up a hand again, and she stops. Thank God she stops. This is not a topic of conversation I ever intend to discuss with her and if she can just read the line of my thought from my mind and pick it up herself, then that is just another reason to stay away.
      “Momo I think it's for the best if you don't ask any questions right now. I don't know what'll come out of my mouth so it's best not to risk it,” I nod sagely and turn away from her, ending the conversation. I begin walking in the opposite direction from my class. I have no clue where I’m going, but the further from Momo the better. This is the second time that I've run away from her and the third that I've made an of myself. Huh… well really is pathetic. 
      Before I can get too far, I’m tackled to the ground, the force actually carries me off my feet and throws me a few centimeters from where I’d been. The air is forced from my lungs and for a second, I’m too disoriented to speak or to think or to exclaim, ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL .’ Wait, I guess I can think.
      I shift and roll over under the body on top of mine ready to go off, but before I can inhale the breath to start screaming, Momo fixes herself on top of me, sitting over my hips, and all the words leave my head. I manage a breath but it lodges in my throat creating a strangled, dying sound back there.
      How? How is this happening? Or should I be asking why? Or is it best not to look a gift horse… blah blah blah. Hiria Momo is sitting on top of me, looking down at me like she is about to eat me alive; and as my eyes rake up her body from where our hips meet to those hypnotic, soul-stealing irises— if this is how I go, then with all my heart, Amen. 
      “I want you to stop walking away before we’re done talking,” she says in a low tone, and a shiver races up my spine. When I don’t respond, she drops her hands down beside my head and lowers herself until we’re parallel. “Got it,” she prompts, and I just nod because I still can't speak, and I really need her to back up before I do something stupid. 
      Though, I’m not the one who literally jumped someone out of nowhere. Like, who does that? But, . It’s so hot. For her. If it were someone else, literally anyone else…
      Momo leans back and I can breathe so much easier all of a sudden. A sharp gasp escapes my lips and as if the sound had interrupted her, she looks at my mouth and frowns. I pinch my lips tightly together to make sure it doesn’t happen again when she reconnects our gazes.
She leans back slower as if she’s afraid any sudden movement will spook me off, and honestly, the thought has me wanting to laugh like a crazy person- rolling on the floor, tears streaming down my face, ready to bust a lung, but I’m so entranced I can hardly manage to blink. 
      “I’m going to get off of you now, but I want us to talk, okay?” There’s so much authority and persuasion in her voice that I couldn’t disregard her even if I wanted to. And no matter how much I might want to run, I just know I can’t. The second she gets off of me, I'll be in the same position as right now. At her mercy, waiting for a command. I nod once, but Momo simply looks at my mouth in demand. 
      It takes a second for me to relax the muscles there enough so that I can part my lips, but nothing comes out. I swear I’m trying to, but my words still haven’t returned to me, which is ridiculously ironic.
      Momo looks back into my eyes, and where I would have expected another frown, her eye alight with knowing amusement, and I’m graced with that now familiar lopsided smirk. I feel like she's taking me to the ground all over again, as my heart tries to make its own escape. But it's no use. She’s already got me. Silly heart, you wouldn’t make it on your own anyway.
      Momo stands up and offers her hand for me to take, but at this point, all of her actions read as directives. When we’re standing face to face, the dominance she had been projecting slides off of her like water, replaced with the easy-going, summer breeze, dandelion version of Momo that I'd been used to. I'm so stunned by the transformation that it takes a few seconds to register that Momo is snapping in my face trying to get my attention. I jolt out of my trance and focus on what she is saying.
      "There you are," Momo announces, satisfied that my attention is back on her. "Welcome back. "
      I nod to show her I'm here but don't manage anything else.
      "Great, so are you ready to tell me what this is about."
      Panic rises up in my eyes which Momo sees and automatically starts to calm me. "Hey, take it easy. You're okay. I just wanna talk. Me Momo, you Nayeon, remember?” I take a deep breath and try to sort my out. When the whirlwind in my mind settles a bit, I nod again but still can’t manage words. 
      Not allowing too much of a lull to go by, Momo starts. "So… you wanted to ask me out," she states plainly. 
      My mouth opens and closes for a few seconds, and still, nothing comes out. I nod knowing I'll have to speak eventually but hoping she'll spare me and only ask yes or no questions. 
      "Then why didn't you," she asks like it is so simple. I can feel my walls building with her over-simplification of the situation. Her flippant attitude to my struggle loosens my tongue a bit and I grind my teeth while I find the nerve to respond, because that. 
      I don’t care if I’ve had a crush on her for the longest. She doesn't just get to come in, read my mind, then invalidate my feelings like that. It's not like I’ve been actively making a fool of myself in front of her on purpose all this time. Whether she believes it or not, I’m trying, and her two-second analysis of this whole thing has me feeling all kinds of defensive.
      "It's not like you would have gone out with me even if I did ask,” I finally say. She frowns like she wants to say something, but I quickly go on. “So I just thought what'd be the point, you know," I don’t care how it sounds, it's the truth. I’d never have a chance with her and we both know it. I shrug and glance away. I don't expect Hirai Momo to understand freezing up in front of your crush. I sure as hell would be more confident if I were her, but I'm not. So yeah, I couldn't just ask her out. The world doesn’t work like that for people like me, and people like Momo just don’t get that.
      "Well, why don't you ask me and see for yourself." For a second I feel like she's having me on and I’m about to for real curse her out, but the look on her face is so sincere when I turn around it gives me pause. I think about running away again. Somehow this is so much worst than what I’d imagined. Worst than what I’ve already done. I don’t know what to do with all this expectation she’s staring me down with, but if this is like my last free pass then maybe…
      "You mean like ask you… now?" I hate the way my voice trembles, devoid of any of the fire from a few moments ago.
      And of course, instead of answering my question Momo simply smirks at me and I roll my eyes before I can stop myself. Not that she takes any offense to the action. If anything, she seems more amused by it.
      I swallow the lump in my throat and take another deep breath and begin. "Um, Momo…"
      "Yes, Nayeon." 
      "W-wo," I choke up on the words and have to clear my throat. My frustration is building; if this is it, my final chance to make a move, then I'm not gonna go with some limp proposal. I straighten my spine and look her directly in the eye. And almost passed out with all the anticipation and pressure I find there. But somehow I manage to stay on my feet and keep my chin up. I continue in a clearer voice. 
      "Would you wanna go somewhere, with me sometime on a date, with the two of us, together I mean." 
      I’m mentally kicking myself for rambling like an idiot, but I said. yeah. Ball's in your court now Hirai. Whatever you decide, I stepped up and owned my feelings, so I can at least take comfort in that. 
      And… Even as I think that I know it's bull. God if she rejects my lame- confession, I'll die. I just know it. And she still has that infuriating cryptic y smirk on her face. I wish she'd just reject me so I can run away again. Ah, why am I still standing here? I… 
      "Depends. Where are we eating?"
      Eh?