"​​​​​I don't know where to write or ask, so here i am. I not sure if my mom is a narcissist just based on videos i watch online.

Here my situation, i know my mom suffering postpartum depression after giving birth to me, for years she didn't show oblivious sign, she started to change when i was 17. She become very possessives towards all her kids but since I'm the youngest, she blowout her anger on me. She start comparing me to my sisters in everything, she said she loves her kids fairly but i know she didn't. She cut off all my friends and even abandoned my cats for reason i spent too much time for them.

After done my college degree, she ask me to look for work around our town because its my responsibility to take care of her and my dad. Since i ignore her, she sent me to my older sister at other state that I've become her burden. Now, its already a year and she start begging me to comeback. She tell people that i hate her and won't work around our town even though there's vacancy here. She said that im too choosey and too demand just because i have high education. She even start comparing how i treat her and my auntie (my godmother) that she said she influence me become like this.

I know something wrong with her (or us) i tell her to ask for help professionally and she start to blame the postpartum depression she suffer and come like 'you should be grateful having mother who bear tons of  like this for you'. She makes me feel unworthy, that I'm a terrible daughter. I tried to help but she keep hurting me.

I'm sorry for the long ranting. I don't know where else should i go, its too tired to keep up with this. 

I guess she did excellent because now, she haunt me everytime, everything i did or wanna do, i keep retreat because of the traumas. Im feeling lonely and crave love and attention but too scared that I'll become like her. What if i become a toxic lover and hurting my partner like she did."

Another entry

"If i can say this loudly, i wish i say sorry to her. Kim YongSun. I like her very much and she likes me too, we've been friends for quite awhile but I'm too scared. She's too perfect to be with me. I didn't want her to get involved with this  of mine. I know she waited for too long for my answer. If she know my mom is like this, if she know she fall for a monster, i hope she run away. I don't want her to see ugly broken side of me. All my fresh scars and dark thought shouldn't be seen by her.

I just want to be happy. No shadow. No pain."

Now the said Kim YongSun sobbing mess. She didn't know her bestfriend suffer so much. No wonder she never tell much about her family especially her mom.

YongSun admit that she likes ByulYi more than a year, she clearly saw the same fire but everytime she try to make another step, ByulYi back off, sometimes its like she closed emotionally despite her lovely warm gesture.

And knowing ByulYi like her too is the most awaited answer. If only she saw this entry earlier...

First entry written on 22/12/21
Second entry on 21/02/22
She left on 16/06/22

YongSun found this entry few days after she left. Because ByulYi's phone didn't stop buzzing while she packing her already packed stuff.

"I hope you'll be fine author-nim"
"I can relate so much, i used to live in toxic family too"
"Don't be scared to love author-nim, I'm rooting for you and your partner ^_^"
"I suggest you to get help first author-nim, maybe then you know what to do about the situation"
"Why you didn't reply to me :'( i request to follow you on twitter"
"Author-nim...we still here right ?"
"Author-nim, i went to your twitter account, last activity like days ago, are you okay ?"

DAMMIT !

YongSun wish she can reply that your mfkng author-nim left you guys already. She even packed all her stuff before, almost like she's been prepared for it way before.

And your author-nim didn't properly say goodbye to me.