Donghae couldn’t forget Hyukjae’s words. As if he wasn’t thinking about him enough, he kept remembering about the man more and more often. Because so many things seemed different right now, although were the same. Because there were so many thoughts in his head now, dangerous thoughts, and he couldn’t help but kept dwelling in them.

Lee Hyukjae. The one whom people suspected to date each and every actress he ever acted with. The one who probably had the most of on-screen kisses in this country. He… wasn’t even interested in girls.

Lee Hyukjae. The one who kept making Donghae’s heart do backflips and feel the things he struggled to admit… he was interested in men.

Lee Hyukjae. The one who made Donghae lose his sleep, the one whose lips were so dangerously attractive and inviting whenever he thought about their upcoming kiss… said he didn’t get to date anyone after he met the blonde guy. Just like the said guy. But Donghae, he said it meaning that apparently, he didn’t get to date anyone simply because, as weird as it was, no one seemed interesting enough to date after he got to know Hyukjae. It’s not like Donghae had that weird attraction and couldn’t let go of a person he wasn’t close with anymore, it was like…

If the guy tried to be honest, to be painfully and completely honest with himself for once, he’d… He’d say he liked Hyukjae. Since the very beginning. He thought about it as about him being friendly back then, he simply didn’t know what were those feelings, how to name them and whether he could feel like that towards that person even. But that was it. A crush. He simply had a crush on Hyukjae, he liked him, he probably fell in love with him. But he was too young and… most likely, too scared to admit he had such feelings towards that guy. No wonder he didn’t even meet anyone who’d be of his interest, Donghae himself wasn’t sure who was of his interest back then. But meeting Hyukjae again, rediscovering even the smallest things about him… brought all those feelings back and gave the road to the new ones, too. Donghae didn’t get to date anyone after meeting Hyukjae simply because it was Hyukjae who helped him to discover whom he liked. And that man was the only person in the guy’s life whom he happened to like… That’s what he meant.

But Hyukjae, he… he meant the same thing, right? He didn’t elaborate, didn’t push because he saw the shocked expression on Donghae’s face and realized it was too much for one day. The kissing news, that conversation… The blonde didn’t even know how considerate the man could be when it came to relationships (of any sorts) – it was a side of his he was yet to discover. But Hyukjae tried to wrap that topic up carefully and said they should focus on work, but if Donghae wanted, he’d be ready to discuss it anytime.

So that meant… Donghae guessed it right? He guessed Hyukjae’s intentions? That’s why the man wanted to talk? Or he simply wanted to discuss the part where he confessed he used to date a guy? Donghae wanted to ask, he truly wanted to, but his whole world changed once he heard those words, and honestly, he wasn’t the toughest cookie out of all cookies to react calmly. Not when he himself was ignoring his feelings for so long, not when he’s gotten used to thinking that never was mutual, not when he finally had some hopes, yet it was so scary to have them… But he couldn’t stop thinking. About oh so many things. He simply couldn’t.

So many thoughts were running through Donghae’s head. The one he hated the most was…

What if… what if he, Donghae, realized what was the nature of his feelings earlier? What if he… tried to tell Hyukjae?

Would he stand a chance?

Would they… be different from what they were today?

No, it was dangerous. Two male celebrities dating… was probably a scandal no one was ready for. If they started dating when they were so young and naïve, they’d make so many mistakes most likely and someone would’ve noticed…

But if they started dating…

Donghae pursed his lips. No. It was bad to think about it as well. The past is in the past, he shouldn’t try to look for signs that never existed.

They were discovering each other all over again, that was what he had to focus on. And, unexpectedly, the process of them getting closer again was going pretty well.

Donghae learned Hyukjae was not an active boy he once used to be. They were so full of energy back then and kept playing whenever they had some free time. The blonde was like this still – doing sports whenever he could. Hyukjae preferred… to sit still and watch movies or TV series as his way to relax. Self-management, such as sports, was another type of work for him. He didn’t get as much joy as Donghae while doing it.

Hyukjae learned Donghae loved hugs. Still. There was a scene they had to film, the one where they had to hug each other. And it was obvious the blonde was enjoying it a bit too much. Hyukjae kept teasing him by appearing out of nowhere and giving him a random hug – something he’d never do if it wasn’t for teasing as he wasn’t a touchy-feely person. Still.

Hyukjae was still a tease though. He loved making fun of Donghae – and him only – giving him his full attention every day.

Donghae wasn’t as sensitive as he used to be. He didn’t cry at those pranks anymore. He’s gotten used to everything that was happening around them… he’s gotten used to Hyukjae while they were filming together.

They didn’t have too much of free time to spend together every day, but those short breaks they had were precious. When Donghae stopped getting so surprised every time Hyukjae tried to approach. When they had to film so many scenes while being so close to each other…

There weren’t many though. The drama was heavily plot-based, and the characters’ relationship was progressing slowly. Instead of obvious flirting, there were many subtle actions that were showing the two were developing some feelings. That’s why the two getting physical with each other – holding hands, although for the screen; hugging – was not something that happened often. But…

While Donghae was slowly getting used to them being close, he kept finding himself wishing for more. More physical contacts. Being even closer than they were. More, more and more.

He wished so much more than he could get, he suddenly found himself excited the day they were going to film the kiss scene. The guy used to be so anxious before, but now…

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Hyukjae told him. Couldn’t stop thinking about the reasons behind that action. They… have gotten closer, yes. But were they that close to tell each other something personal? Especially when it came to the raven head. He wasn’t the most open person. If Donghae had to tell that story, to write it down in a book or something, the attentive reader would’ve noticed it was mostly Hyukjae who kept remembering small things about the other guy. It didn’t happen because Donghae didn’t care. It happened simply because Hyukjae was more secretive and it wasn’t too easy to crawl into his heart. See, he didn’t even tell Donghae the truth about porridge.

But he kept eating Donghae’s porridge even if he didn’t like the meal too much…

The blonde smiled. Somehow, that became a really heartwarming memory and he kept thinking about it a lot. Of course Hyukjae couldn’t just eat his porridge without giving him something in return, so he kept giving Donghae the lunchboxes his mom was cooking. It was only now, once the porridge secret was revealed, that the guy noticed Hyukjae kept bringing his favorite food… did the guy tell his mom to cook Donghae’s favorite meals? Why? What was the reason?

Was it… the same to the reason why he told Donghae he liked men? He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Suddenly, the guy couldn’t stop thinking about it even when they were filming the kiss scene. His thoughts were ‘jumping’ from one topic to another, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

They had to act natural. It wasn’t the first kiss for their characters, they just were filming it earlier. So the two had to act like it wasn’t new for them. They didn’t have to be too awkward. They had to show some passion that grows with a second kiss, but it was hard to do when they were having the first one.

Donghae kept saying his lines like a robot. Not in a bad way because his acting was good still, it’s just… he didn’t think much about what he was saying. All he could focus on were Hyukjae’s lips he was looking at from time to time, all while wondering whether the man meant the same things when he was telling about his (non-existent) dating history. His mind was getting back to it against Donghae’s will. Or?..

They were going to kiss. He couldn’t imagine that. Even in his wildest dreams, even when he understood the reason why his heart was beating so fast whenever Hyukjae appeared to be close to him, Donghae couldn’t imagine the two of them kissing. But here they were. About to do that.

They were told that it’s okay if they won’t succeed at the first try as they weren’t rehearsing the kiss part. Everyone just asked them to continue even if they felt like it’s a failure; maybe they’d be able to use the shots of different angles in the show later or add them to the upcoming teaser. Donghae could only gulp. Being encouraged to kiss more than one time didn’t help him at all, and the fact that so many people will see it made things even worse.

The drama was airing already. They were about to film the latest episodes – it was a common practice to keep shooting while the show was ongoing, just to see the rankings and fix something on the way if possible – but the first two were already presented to the public.

The response was unexpectedly good. The rankings were high, but that was to be expected since two actors with big names starring in a BL drama wasn’t common for their country. But, aside from that, there were unexpectedly many praises.

Hyukjae’s acting got praised a lot. The image was still close to what he was used to, however, there were more complex emotions to portray, and people were satisfied with how he was doing so far.

About Donghae – his acting skills weren’t a surprise, yet so far everyone was pleased with the chemistry between the two that could be felt even through the screen. They said it’s a bit too early to predict things, but everyone hoped they’ll have that chemistry even when portraying the romance. Which obviously included kisses.

And, of course, there were many talks about the fact that the two were rivals (which Donghae never considered them to be; kind of competitive – yes, rivals – no), yet that was the best chemistry the blonde’s got. Ah, he looked good in that color, too.

It was a success, especially overseas as many were waiting for a full-length BL drama from Korea. Expectations were high. The actors were good. And Donghae couldn’t help but wondered what people defined by ‘chemistry’.

Of course he knew what that was, but, when watching the first episode at home, he wondered what exactly people saw in the two of them. Maybe they saw many natural reactions that made it to the show unexpectedly. There was a scene where Hyukjae’s character was grabbing Donghae’s palm, and the latter felt shivers running down his spine when the touch happened. His genuine reaction made it to the show. Did people see that?

Or they saw the way Donghae was looking at Hyukjae? The interest in him wasn’t fake; it was truly fascinating to observe the man during work. They ha