[CONTENTID1] Chapter 09 [/CONTENTID1] [CONTENTID2] Ninth Hour Post Meridiem [/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3] “Because he thinks a legitimate conflict of interest was if you and Mr. Kim were dating.”

I blink. And again. Then again.

For the longest time, I stand there completely still, stuck on just blinking and staring blankly at my door. I’m not processing. I understand what Jongin is saying completely, and I’ve spotted the news from over a mile away. I’m just too busy thinking, dissecting, picking apart and piecing back together again the question of how the hell I ended up here.

How come, after being the victim of a disgusting, erted crime, the universe is still acting against me? How come I’m getting forced into an arranged relationship now? How come I’ve done nothing wrong this entire time yet I’m always the ing one getting ed over?

Now what?

I have to date Junmyeon even though I don’t want to just so that son of a doesn’t walk free? And even if I date Junmyeon, is there any guarantee that he won’t?

Questions, confusion, and undirected anger slowly becomes… the heaviest cloud of despair I’ve ever felt in my chest. It gets worse when I realize something else. Maybe I am the one to blame. Because back then, I didn’t listen. , I’m so—I just wanna—

I just want to hit something.

Maybe the door. Maybe with my skull.

So in a surge of overwhelming despair and outrage at the universe, that’s what I do. I aim headfirst at my solid, wooden door, fully anticipating the trauma, but—

“Ms. Seo!”

What I get is something cushiony and a furious yell instead.

I blink, feeling like I’ve just woken up from a spell. How come that didn’t hurt at all?

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

Looking up, I see why I felt no pain. Jongin is looking at me like he wants to scream every single word in his vocabulary at me, but more importantly, his hand is pasted on my door with his palm facing outward.

He’s the reason why the pain never came. He stopped it before it could.

“Ms. Seo, you can’t—” he breaks off, looking at me like he can’t believe what I just did, “—please don’t hurt yourself like that. It’s not going to change anything, don’t—”

I try to headbutt the door again, but he manages to stop me again. What the are these vampire reflexes?! I try once more, and then again, but at this point, his hand just remains glued there.

“Just let me bash my head into the door, geez!” I cry, stomping my leg in frustration. Jongin balks.

“Ms. Seo, can you even hear yourself?!”

“Can’t you let me feel something other than self-loathing for a second? Can’t you just let me give myself the punishment I deserve for ignoring your caution towards Baekhyun?” Tears are rolling down my cheeks now, one after the other, and I don’t know how to make them stop. “This is all my fault, isn’t it? I brought it upon myself? But that doesn’t seem fair! Literally anyone can ignore their bodyguard’s warnings and sneak out on a date with me, or Tiffany, or anyone I’ve met before, and they wouldn’t end up having to deal with all this !” 

“That’s because it’s not your fault, Ms. Seo. It’s Mr. Byun’s—because he isn’t a good person.” Jongin’s hand doesn’t move a single inch. “So please, please…” he trails off, looking at me pleadingly, “don’t hurt yourself over a scum like him. And don’t tell me to let you either, because I never will.”

Oh that. his smooth talking, honestly. I can’t deal with any more confusion right now.

“You have to stop talking to me like that.”

He blinks, obviously confused. “I… I’m sorry? I’m not—I mean it, I don’t want you to hurt yourself over someone like him or anyone else, really—”

“Oh, so that’s just how you talk, is it? To everyone? To any girl you interact with?” I know I shouldn’t be snapping, but I can’t help myself. “Just—stop confusing me. Just leave.”

I start punching in my passcode, wanting to go inside, but before I can shut the door in his face, Jongin stops me. “I’m staying with you until you calm down. I don’t know if I trust you to be alone tonight—”

“I don’t need to be put on suicide watch, Jongin, so please just leave.” I yank at the door, but a much stronger arm stops me again.

“That’s not what I’m doing, nor what I think you need, I just—I don’t want you to recklessly hurt yourself—“

“See, see? You’re doing it again! The confusing thing!” I cry, shaking my head. “Can’t you see how confusing what you’re doing can be to me?”

Jongin seems to be at a complete loss of words. “I-I’m not…” he stammers, his lips, “I don’t mean to be confusing. As your bodyguard, I just don’t want you to get hurt, even if it’s because of yourself—“

“Well, I don’t need you to be my bodyguard tonight. Goodnight, Jongin, you’re dismissed. Go home.”

But he doesn’t budge. He looks at me, breathing heavily, as if he’s trying to read everything I’m hiding behind my lips. “If this is about… what happened that night…” he begins, voice soft and tentative like he’s almost afraid of speaking, “I promise I won’t confuse you like that again, Ms. Seo. Every day, I regret the fact that I did and tonight, I really don’t intend to. I don’t want to. I just… I want to make sure that you’ll be okay, alright? I want to do this because I’m worried. After seeing you so easily bash your head into the door, how can a normal person not worry at all?”

“Do you worry about all your other clients like this?” I ask dryly. “Enough to spend the night with them, if that’s what it came to?”

He looks at me like he wishes I didn’t ask. “Enough to take a bullet for them, Ms. Seo. That’s what being a bodyguard means.”

Never have I ever in my entire life had the urge to ram my head into a door so bad.

Jongin fills the silence that I leave. “But if you don’t want me in there with you, fine. Do you want anyone else to be? Should I call Ms. Young, or any of your other friends? Or…” he pauses, “Mr. Kim, maybe? Would it help to… talk through things with him?”

Maybe he paused because he was hesitant of bringing Junmyeon back up, or because he needed to catch his breath. Maybe because he didn’t actually want to suggest calling Junmyeon for a whole other reason. But none of that is of any importance to me. It’s none of my business.

“Can you call my dad and tell him to find literally any other legitimate conflict of interest between Baekhyun and Junmyeon’s firm that doesn’t involve me?”

His eyes fall. “I think you know I can’t Ms. Seo.” They apologize when his mouth doesn’t. “That’s a conversation between you and your father.”

I shake my head. “Then there’s nothing you can do to make sure I’ll be okay. Good night, Jongin.”

I try shutting the door again, and this time, I would’ve succeeded—if he didn’t have superhuman reflexes that enabled him to dart his arm into the gap right when the door was swinging shut.

“Jongin!” I gasp as he hisses in pain. “What the—are you okay? What did you do that for?!”

“I still have something to say,” he groans, retracting his arm to shake the pain off.

“So you stuck your hand into a closing door?” I try to touch his arm out of concern—and just concern—but he shakes his head, obviously trying to act like it’s not a big deal. “And you’re telling me not to be reckless?! Jongin, is your arm really okay? Do you need anything?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He flashes me a very unconvincing and obviously pained smile. “I just wanted to tell you that if you must be reckless, do it to a pillow, okay?”

“That’s it?” I deadpan. “That’s your message?”

Jongin blinks back at me, nodding, while still massaging his forearm.

“You hurt yourself just to tell me something I could’ve figured out with my own common sense?”

“Well,” he smiles, the kind of smile that would make you forgive him for anything, “maybe it’ll make you feel bad and actually listen to me. And if it does, then it’s worth it.”

Stupid. ing. Boys. And. Their. Stupid. ing. MOUTHS!!!

“KIM JONGIIIN!!” I shout, punching my fists into the air. “I’m gonna kill you!! I’m gonna kill you, I swear!!”

What is he trying to do? Like seriously, what is he trying to do to me?!?! Is that not supposed to confuse me? Or is this just normal male behaviour and I’m too sensitive? Am I actually hypersensitive right now and is it because of my fee—deeper interest in Jongin?

Every single worry I had about Junmyeon, my father, and even Baekhyun’s case has temporarily evaporated from my head. The only thing it has the capacity for right now is Jongin, Jongin, and Kim freaking Jongin, because what the hell is wrong with him!! He’s sooo annoying!!

I flop around like a fish out of water on my bed, kicking around and punching my feather pillows. I hate how I actually do feel inclined to listen to him, and I hate how he’s making me feel right now. Like what, you ask? Like I’m going to start doing the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ thing with my hair instead of flower petals!! With all this overthinking, I’m going bald anyway!

I grab my phone and try to forget about tonight’s doorway conversation by checking tomorrow’s schedule. EU team meeting at 9.30. APAC at 11. External, external, external, and then Security, Operations, and Marketing at 5—that’s for the post-Baekhyun changes I’m implementing—

Ding!

Oh , someone just texted me. Double —it’s Junmyeon.

I check it. ‘Are you up?’ it reads.

“What now?” I groan. Why is he texting me? What does satan want now?!?!

I quickly send a reply. ‘Yeah. Why?’

God, did I reply back too quickly? Should I have waited for a minute or so?

‘Can I call?’

I immediately sit up straight. My minor boy problems immediately disappear and graver ones return.

‘Why?’

‘It’s quite important.’

I inhale deeply, bracing myself. ‘Okay. Sure.”

He does so immediately.

“Hey, I know it’s late, but…”

“Don’t worry, I was wide awake.” I bite my lip. “Did you, um, did you call because your father told you about something my father told me?”

Unexpectedly Junmyeon chuckles. “Yes, but he had something to tell me of his own too.”

“Really?” My eyes widen. “I thought it was just me who… Is your dad telling you to, um…”

“Date you too? Yeah.” He sighs. “I wanted to tell you this delicately, but I feel compelled to tell things as they are. My father sees an opportunity in everything that you’ve been doing with Mulya Hotel Group to heighten awareness and increase security for female travelers. You know he’s running for president in the next election, and he sees that being tied to you could help him tremendously in gaining the support of the female demographic. Us dating would kill all his birds with one stone. My law firm would not—or could not—be involved with the Byuns in any way, and when he pledges to fight against petty crimes that disproportionately target women in this country, he’d be the most believable candidate to do so. He wants us to date too.”

“But it’s so weird, isn’t it?” I frown, thinking of the one glaring thing that I still find amiss. “If we date, wouldn’t that prevent my father from becoming Prime Minister if your father does become President?  Shouldn’t it be against, I don’t know, laws for people with obvious conflicts of interest to become the two highest people of power in this country?”

Especially if the President appoints the Prime Minister around here?

“You’re right. It is, but I don’t think that has ever been the plan. I don’t think your father is working with mine to be Prime Minister.”

“What?” I’m only getting more and more confused. “What the—then what are they doing together?”

“Not sure. But from my observation, I think there’s something they’re not fully letting on to us—or anyone, for that matter. Why do you sound so surprised? Has your father ever said anything about aiming to become Prime Minister?”

I rack my brain for a memory that would confirm it, but I’m drawing a blank. “Um,” I hum, unsure, “not explicitly… but there were some instances that made me feel like that’s what he was going for. Oh, I remember him going up to the PM’s table during your dad’s event, but in hindsight, probably anyone with any ambition in politics would do that. So… no. Not really.”

“There you go.”

Ironically, laughter starts bubbling inside me. It bubbles and brews until I can’t do anything but let it overflow. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?” I say, between gasps of air. “How we’re all just pawns in some old men’s games, and how literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me is an exploitable blessing to another. I can’t even—I don’t even know what to say!”

“Iseul, I’m so sorry—”

“Isn’t it pathetic?” I can’t stop turning this whole situation over in my head, discovering over and over again how absurd everything is. “I tried to do something that I thought was good, and today it bites me in the in the way I least expected! I’m being used for it, and you’re being forced into a relationship because of it… I mean, despite having status and privilege and all that fancy , we’re literally nothing more than chess pieces, aren’t we?”

“Iseul, I’m sorry,” Junmyeon says, his voice quiet and serious. “I truly am. It’s terrible, I know, and I feel like having to bring this up to you. But I thought you should know. I wanted you to know that the pressure isn’t coming from your side alone, and I also wanted to ask you what you want to do.”

“I want to murder Byun Baekhyun, that’s what.”

Unexpectedly, Junmyeon chuckles. “And you want me to help you get away with it?”

My head perks up. “Can you?”  

He laughs again, harder this time. “Okay, let’s table that for now. Back to my original question. What do you want to do, Iseul?”

I have a better answer this time. “What do you want to do, Junmyeon? Because I don’t think you actually do want to date me.”

“I—” he seems to be speechless for a few seconds. “What makes you say that? Was it something I did or said today?”

“No. I’m just capable enough of realizing when someone’s feelings are platonic.”

Junmyeon doesn’t refute my claim. Instead, he says, “You don’t actually want to date me either, do you?”

“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me,” I reply pompously, but lightheartedly enough to let him know I’m joking. “But I admit I do want to keep you from helping any of the Byuns. Yet at the same time, I… God, I don’t know! I don’t know what I want! I’m just confused!”

“See, I had a feeling it’ll come to this, so I came with a plan,” Junmyeon says, his voice dropping as if he’s leaning in for a whisper. “A plan to act like we do what our fathers want, when in reality, we’re doing whatever the hell we want instead.”

Crickets. Silence. This time, I am processing.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“You’re going to have to let me know what you’re thinking first.”

“Fake dating,” I say bluntly. “That’s what you’re suggesting, isn’t it?”

“Think about it,” Junmyeon urges, sounding like he’s trying to contain his excitement. “You can’t exactly refuse dating, and if I did, it’s not something that my father will just let drop. We’re both getting forced into it anyway, one way or another, sooner or later, so let’s do this by choice. Let’s go into it dignified—head up, back straight, eyes locked in a mutually beneficial lie that’ll help us all achieve our own ends.”

This man can be so good at talking when he wants to be. But there’s still one thing I don’t understand.

“But what’s your end? How are you agreeing to this so easily?” I question, half confused, half suspicious. “Unlike me, you don’t actually need this. So why do you want to?”

There’s a barely noticeable beat of silence before Junmyeon’s answer. “To keep my freedom.” He says it casually, like he’s shrugging on the other end. “If I appear to be dating you, it’ll get my dad off my back. And since this relationship is fake… I can do my thing, and you can do yours. I promise I won’t pry.”

I narrow my eyes. “Junmyeon, if you turn out to be involved in something freaky that is only going to complicate my life again—”

“I’m not, I’m not. I promise I’m not, okay? I just like having the freedom to do my own thing. That’s all.”

I take the bite. “Are you seeing someone your father doesn’t approve of?”

That beat of silence again. “No.”

Oh hell no. “Junmyeon, if I’m being made as a cover, I deserve to at least know it. No further questions asked, I promise.”

“I’m not at the moment,” he finally answers. “There, does that answer your question?”

The reluctance in his voice convinces me that this is true enough, at least for now. I nod, even though my curiosity is a menace when it comes to withheld information. “Yeah. But…” I sigh, “I don’t know… I’m still not…”

“Not up for it?”

“Yeah! I mean, is this the only way for… everything? I know I should want to fake a relationship with you, but , it’s gonna be a lot of work. Can’t we make your firm not work with the Byuns through some other way? And can’t your dad gain female support by like… making pads free or something? I don’t know! I just think that there should be other ways to help us achieve all our ends!”

“Sorry to break it to you, but I won’t achieve mine. My dad’s still going to pester me about who I’m seeing until it makes me want to blow my brains out. This is the simplest, fastest, one-stone-for-all-birds option we have right now. Besides,” he pauses, “if we do this, I could use it to pull some strings with people I know at the District Court.”

“Pull some strings to…”

“Get the case moving faster. Get him the heaviest sentence possible. Anything and everything.”

I know that’s supposed to sell the idea to me, but ever since Baekhyun happened, I’ve turned into an extremely suspicious person. “You really want this, do you? Why?”

“I told you, Seul. I’ll get to do what I want—which includes having nothing to do with the Byuns. To me, that matters a lot more than you might t