" Jiho, pick up my calls please. I need to hear your voice. Are you okay? I'm always here for you, you know that right? Call me when you get this, okay? Love ya. "

I let my phone fall out of my clutch and leave it hanging on the cold floor.
What's the point of picking up calls and listening to her voice?
Why should I listen to a voice that might no longer need me anymore?
Why should I do what she asked me if this is what she's doing to me? 

But like a fool, again, over and over again, I called her back.
It's always been like this. I get pissed and angry and disappointed and heartbroken.
Like this, and it always ends up that I would just do anything to listen to her voice regardless of how pained I felt. 

" Hey, babe. "

" JIHO?! GOSH, YOU'RE THERE? ARE YOU OKAY? JIHO, YOU BETTER BE GOOD OR I WILL COME AND CHEER YOUR OFF. "

I heard her worried voice yell and I smiled.
I love hearing her speak like this.
As much as it made me feel cared for, I feel better.
I feel that maybe she did have feelings back for me.
I know, I might sound pathetic but this is the best I can do. 

" It's Zico, damn. I'm good ofcourse. The Zico's always good. Why call me sounding like someone died, huh? "

I asked forcing a smile on my face and making a chirpy kind of voice she liked.
I just hope that on the other end, she doesn't know how much I'm crying.

" Zico's so pretentious. You're MY Jiho. I thought you did die. How could you not answer my calls? I almost went bonkers there. "

I just smiled to myself letting myself indulge in the beauty of her voice.
I told her I was fine and that it was late and we should both go to sleep now.
When she hung up, the only thing left for me to do is to go back to my sober mode.
Why am I like this? 

One, I finally realized I'm in love with my bestfriend.
Which is good. Who else should I love if it's not her.

Two, she's in love with someone else.
Which is not good. Why must it be now when I realized my feelings does she also realize hers?

Three, she's gonna get hitched with him.
I don't know if this is good or bad.
It should be bad because I didn't even have the chance to tell her I love her.
It's good too somehow, because maybe now would be the time she could really enjoy her life and experience happiness. 

But why not me? I have been here all along for her haven't I?
Why can't I be the one she loves instead?
Right now, I'm trying so hard to not love her, to maybe just love and care for her like I did when she's my bestest.