The initial intent to unpack all of her belongings falls onto the side when red haired woman finds almost antique thing of hers among many boxes strewn around a dusty office. 

A smile full of nostalgia plays on her lips, indicating for first signs for wrinkles on the white smooth skin, hands ghostly touching the numbers written by dried faded marker: «2019-2020». One moment she contemplates, blankly staring into the emptiness of her new office, the next — opens the box to reveal the cassette tapes numbered with Rome numbers. Slipping through curtains, the first morning sun rays were falling onto layers of compiled dust coating the tapes. The woman doesn’t have the whole day to sit here and listen to all of them, so she fetches a tape on random and searches for the second box.

“Where was it? It should be somewhere here...” the woman mutters under her nose while fiddling with the boxes on the floor until she finally finds the right one: an old dusty tape deck was where she last left it.

Sudden coughs interrupt her idyll coming from . Hand automatically grabs the handkerchief from the back pocket of jeans and prevents coughed blood. When once again it’s easier to breath evenly, eyes scan the freshly red patches on the dirty material, throat accustomed to this ache.

In hopes that the device still works it takes few minutes for her to remember the relevant buttons and specific pattern of motions to turn the tape deck on. Fortunately, the put tape plays and reveals the voice of a narrator who was full of life and worry: 

“Journal fifteen: seventeenth of December, 2019. Right now I’m in the hospital. How I ended up here?

It happened yesterday when Yoohyeon wanted us to go see one flower shop she liked. We went there. At the place she was really excited to show me around and blabber how she’s gonna decorate her future store just like that, except for few nuances. It was good to see her in this excited mood, her eyes were sparkling, making my insides churn in warmth. At some point it started looking like a date but I wouldn’t dare to say it out loud to Yoohyeon. Better not spoil the mood but I inevitably did it,” narrator groaned, embarrassment creeping into the voice. “It was all good until I sharply realized the presence of flowers in that shop and the amount of them surrounding me. It overwhelmed me at once.

Itch started spreading all over my body, coughs started getting too painful and I fainted on the spot because of all the suffocating pollen in the air. 

I didn’t expect that. I expected my allergy to be long gone but apparently it’s been there, sitting within and waiting when to ruin my body. I know allergies don’t work like that but that’s how I felt. For the past ten years my body hasn’t acted up like that not even once, even in spring seasons where pollen was everywhere and I had to sense them in my nostrils when walking to work. My skin would get a bit itchy and nose would start running but nothing more than that. Yesterday every symptom of my allergy worsened to the limits and I don’t know why...

When I woke up I saw Minji prowling around restlessly as if she couldn’t find a place to sit. She finds it on the chair near my bed after talking to someone on the phone.

...and then, Yoohyeon came,” the narrator pauses to release a knowing hum. “Of course, she had to make a scene. On her way to my ward the clumsy head accidentally broke the vase in the hallway. Nurses were trying to bring her to pay it back yet she slipped through them with apologies and sweared promises to pay it off later. Ah, this girl, really...”

“Hope you’re feeling well now,” the delinquent said as she passed a paper bag. At the question in lawyer’s eyes, she fumbles in pockets of her jeans and explains. “Your tape deck. At first I forgot it. I rushed from house once I got a call from Minji. Had to go back inside to take it.”

“Thanks,” the woman smiles gratefully, securely holding the bag.

“Alright, I gotta go. Get well soon and...” words visibly get stuck in , creating a hesitant pause.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Yoohyeon shakes her head. “Sorry for dragging you there. I completely forgot about your allergy. I’m sorry for that.”

“No, it’s not your fault. It’s my body that failed me.”

“It felt weird. I had a strong feeling something was off. I don’t know, she definitely wanted to say something to me but she didn’t, for some reason. I wonder what it was...

So now, I have to be here instead of being at work. On Tuesdays I have tones of meetings with my clients to attend. The closer we get to the Holidays the more crimes are done and even more people to defend. Good thing Minji agreed to cover up for me and take the half of work. End for today’s journal.”

“Journal sixteen: eighteenths of December, 2019. I’d be paranoiac to say this but... I think I’m being stalked? Same strange man came into my ward in the morning and in the evening.

For the first time it was fine. Thought he mistook the numbers on the door, but for the second time, when it was already the time for visitors to stop coming, he barged in again. Even talked to me for some time with these weird questions about my well-being and work. Throughout the whole conversation I held my phone under my blanket and at some point was ready to call for emergency. If he stood there gloomily any longer, I’d have already pressed the button. Soon enough he quickly left and only then I realized I was about to call Yoohyeon. 

I still want to call her even now and share my concern with her. But what if this is only an exaggeration and I’m being dramatic for no reason? Good thing I’m checking out tomorrow early morning. That would be it for Wednesday journal...”

“Journal seventeen: twenty third of December, 2019. 

Work is loaded. I switch between law firm, prison, and courthouse like a hamster running in an infinitely spinning wheel. However, I managed to steal a moment to visit Mr. Lee. Though I couldn’t shake off the feeling I was being watched throughout the whole day...

Mr. Lee is a retired old man who likes to read in parks all day long, even though he could easily spend these days in luxurious restaurants and be a part of elite society. He reasons it by claiming that he would rather spend last years of his life with mother nature rather than those stuffy rich people. Many people remember him as one of the greatest lawyers of his generation. 

My history with him is special. He was not only my professor in law school but also a father figure who found me on streets. I was four months out of the orphanage and couldn’t find a warm place to stay during winter, not to mention I starved for weeks before finding some food by the whim of the fate. Having lived in miserable squalor is the main reason I never want to get back to this ever again.

After being all starved and sick to the bones more than for four months I gave up. I lied on the bench in the park and waited for myself to freeze to death. 

One particular man sat on the vacant place beside me and had a conversation with me that changed my life.

Getting into law school wasn’t easy especially for someone like me. I only had basic secondary school education that wasn’t even finished, but Mr. Lee said that was enough for him to teach me more. Three years later I got into the most prestigious law school. During those years he continued to teach me but instead of his house office, it was university auditorium, and instead of legal guardian he was my professor. And there I met Minji. The thing that immediately bonded us was the mutual interest we harboured to our future job.

Every now and then Mr. Lee reminds me to “not win the case at any cost but to resolve the real truth hiding underneath many layers of falsification”. Even today he didn’t forgot to tell me this after I reported him the cases I’m currently taking.

But what I really needed his advice on was a different type of issue. I told him everything that was happening to my body for the last months, that maybe it was more than an ordinary pollen allergy. 

After listening to my words closely, he concluded that I should search the solution from where they derive. His advice unlocked something deep in my mind that I’ve forgotten a long time ago. 

My father. He had pollen allergy as well. I need to find answers in roots that I’ve abandoned. The end for Monday journal.”

“Journal eighteen: first of January, 2020.” A long pause follows, even through dynamics of the device a silence felt heavy. Narrator starts off slowly. “I always knew my mother was alive and living somewhere after throwing me into orphanage. I always wondered why she did it and never dared to figure out. She left which meant she didn’t need me so why would I even bother searching for her?” Coughs interrupt the narration. When they recede, the voice remarks. “However, my health demanded answers, even if it meant to step over my pride. Finding her address had been no problem. The real challenge was to face her.

The same old rusty apartment with its old furniture. The only thing that changed was a man beside my mother and a little kid running around the house. The kid’s ball accidentally hit my foot. Once I returned it to her, the child of ten years and zero knowledge of who I actually was to her, beamed a big smile with words: “Thanks, big sister!”. Mother quickly dismissed her, displeased with the view of her children exchanging few words. To some extent I agree with her point: if this innocent child discovers who I am, she’ll probably hate her mother.

Mother’s current husband Mr. Park was much more hospitable towards me than my own mother who almost had a upon seeing me after so many years, later throwing quick glances of fear to my side when I was talking with her husband. Even though, I simply stopped caring about a woman who left me, the thought crossed my mind: at least mother’s current husband isn’t abusive like most men, at least my little sister is experiencing a wholesome childhood.”

“Mr. Park,” Bora steeples her fingers on the wooden surface. “Can you give me an alone minute with my mother?” Bora nods shortly when the man leaves. A silence hangs over them. Bora sighs, her crossed fingers tighten. “Don’t you wanna tell me something?”

“Ask what you want and leave, please. I don’t want Sua remember you.”

Bora tried her best not to sound broken. “Why did you leave me?”

This question reminded her of Yoohyeon and how she used to interrogate with these same words from the cell. Now she thoroughly understood the amount of pain this single sentence could hold. 

The older woman hums thoughtfully. “Most probably, your illness is already showing itself. That’s why you’re coming for answers. Your dad had the same allergy. I wouldn’t even be surprised if you’ll end up the same way he did.”

“I don’t care if I’m gonna die now or tomorrow,” Bora hoarsely lets out. “Just tell me why did you leave me...”

“Because of your illness,” simply answers the woman, looking out the window, unable to look in the eyes of her own creature. Her side profile harboured the same features and shapes as Bora’s. “I decided to give you away the moment I understood you’ll end up with the fate of your father. You’ll die earlier than me and this will break me more than your father’s demise.” Woman’s shaky hand lifts the cigarette to her lips and takes a deep puff. “I decided to spare myself of this pain. Sua won’t be like you. She’s gonna grow up into a healthy person with big dreams. She wants to become an idol.”

“I wish her good luck on that.”

“It hurt being abandoned like that... At last she gave me the address of dad’s former doctor. After I left this place, I finally could sob. People were staring at me oddly because who in their right mind would weep like that during New Year? 

But I really didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was the unbearable pain in my chest that wouldn’t stop until I reached my house, so did my tears stopped pouring, for a moment. I wanted to disappear since the person who supposed to be the closest to me decided to get rid of me. 

I’m afraid I’d even do something horrible to myself if not that knock on my window.”

Behind the closed window Yoohyeon was waving vibrantly, mouthing to let her in. Bora did and the second younger girl steps in, Yoohyeon envelopes her in a warm embrace. “Sorry for disappearing for two weeks. I had some business to deal with and—“

Shuddered sobs render her speechless. Arms tightly hold her frame and her shoulder gets slowly wet. Not getting what was going on, Yoohyeon only pulls the shaking body closer and whispers to her ear to reassure. “It’s okay, Bora. I’m here. Nothing bad will happen if I’m with you. Shhh, it’s okay, it’s alright... I’m here with you...”

“I don’t remember much from it. I didn’t even ask why she entered from the window to the second floor. I only remember how I sobbed uncontrollably until I fell asleep. Very immature of me but Yoohyeon seemed to not mind it. She settled beside me and when I woke up next morning, she was still with me, apparently watching over me.”

Eyes flutter off the slumber, regain focus, and see already awake girl who’s observing her close. Bora smiles. “Hey.”

“Good morning,” Yoohyeon mutters, worry written all over her face. Her hand reaches up and gently tucks the messy lock behind Bora’s ear. Fingers brush over the soft skin of her cheek and Bora can’t hell but to take a notice of calloused knuckles. She wondered what was the history behind these scars. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Bora says pensively, voice hoarse than usual, throat aching. “I might’ve scared you yesterday. I’m sorry for that.”

“No, it’s alright. You don’t have to explain yourself. I just wish I could make the ache in your heart less painful.”

Younger girl tucks her in closes so that their bodies were pressed up against each other. Bora nuzzles her nose into the crook of her neck, inhaling and exhaling the pleasant scent of chamomile.

“Yoohyeon left in the evening as she has mentioned how she needed to help her friends with something. That’s it for New Year journal.”

“Journal nineteen: fifth of January, 2020. For the weekend Yoohyeon stole me for herself as she had claimed I had to take a time for myself and I guess she was right.

Throughout the first day she was dragging me through the various type of cafés existence of which I haven’t even heard before. At first they were cute cosy places, then her choices were starting to surprise me like a game café where we got stuck for two hours because she had to show off her new records on arcade games.

We even found time to visit kid’s library. We had no reason to be there but when Yoohyeon started fetching familiar books from our childhood. I pleasantly felt nostalgic from this place even though it was my first time visiting it. Some books for teenagers she assured were the ones that I once gave her to read. I don’t remember it but I suppose reading those books were some sort of coping mechanism for me to forget the things that were happening to me back then.

With a shy smile of a little kid Yoohyeon even confessed to me that she was getting these books only after I left, over time as she grew up, reading them over and over. And while she was retelling me the main ideas captured in those pieces and how she used to wonder about what I thought once I’d finished these books before handing them over to her, amongst of these thoughts floating around in the air, I realized, God, I am so lucky to have Yoohyeon in my life.

I love her. I really do...

Today she stayed at my place. We spent the whole day just being cosy without really going out anywhere. Strange. For a first time I liked the idea of living with someone more than the concept of accommodating by myself.

She’s sleeping on sofa in the guest room right now. Seems like she’s fast asleep as if she hasn’t slept for a whole week. Hope she’s dreaming sweet dreams...

It’s late and I should go to bed, too. That would be it for Sunday journal.”

“Journal twenty: seventh of January, 2020. Today’s her birthday and we celebrated it with her friends in a pub ‘Paradise’ that Siyeon owns.

Yoohyeon’s friends are one of the most entertaining people I’ve ever met. One thing I particularly noticed Siyeon seemed to be the boss of this crowd. Somehow even in her drunken state she had some energy to boss around men who were three times bigger than her and who would comply with her small errands with ‘boss’ replied back at her. I’m still marvelled at the power this small confident woman holds.

The delivery came on time.”

Bora receives the bouquet of flowers from a courier while covering her nose with a handkerchiefs. After paying off for the delivery — with one hand it’s uncomfortable to carry but still she manages — the woman goes back to the ‘Paradise’. Under the collective birthday chant Yoohyeon already is blowing her candles on a cake that Siyeon is holding. With a quick peck to the cheek Bora hands Yoohyeon the bouquet and a small blue box, retrieved from inner pocket of her blazer.

“You alright?” Yoohyeon asks Bora with worried eyes, free hand holding her forearm, perfectly aware Bora was probably shaking due to the pollen of flowers.

“Yeah,” the woman smiles, patting her hand back. “Do you like the flowers?”

“Yes, they’re wonderful.”

“Then, it’s worth it.”

“After party, she went home with me to make sure if I was alright. To be honest I did feel worn out but I guess it was solely because of the fun we had in the pub.

At home she finally opened my present. It‘s an original walkman from Sony she always wanted. I decided to gift her this after our recent visit to a vintage store where she has mentioned she still wanted it and, not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good at getting this type of things. 

I swear to god, after she saw the present she didn’t let me go for a good hour, hugging the life out of me,” the narrator chuckles. “Then we got wasted and decided to play some games which escalated into something I didn’t expect...”

“Now,” Yoohyeon says with a sweet giggly voice that makes Bora gulp with a blindfold b