In a dim light of rising sun with rustling feet she wasn’t supposed to stumble upon a box of tapes. With curious stammering heart she takes them in hand as if the owner of these tapes is gonna walk through the office door and bust her red-handed. However, the owner will not do this any time soon.

Soon enough the cassette player is near to be found, just beside the box on the desk. The tapes have a specific order. The one scribbled with highlighted Rome number ‘I’ she plays first.

Few rumbling from the device and there goes a low voice.

“Journal one: eleventh of September, 2019.” a long sigh and a mutter. “Why on earth am I doing this... Anyways, today I decided to start a new routine in my life.

My former professor would say this isn’t a practical way of leading a diary. He was always against this concept of writing down blatant evidences that, in his words, would be sooner or later used against the owner... As always, I agree with Mr. Lee, but I’m also in the position of having no one to share this with. This...” A pause appears where the narrator probably takes a moment to contemplate whether they should continue or not. “This matter isn’t to be shared with anyone I know. Even with Minji, my partner with whom we’re currently taking the current case. She’d listen, yes. But she’d also point out the absurdness of the situation. So, one of the people whom I know almost all my life... isn’t really a reliable variant here.”

A long pause follows and she could hear the regret in the shallowed breathing from the audio. It seemed the first audio would end on this but the narrator calms down and continues.

“I thought this was another easy case of assault. I even made a deal with Minho to lose it for my further promotion. So, I took this case as a state lawyer of a girl who committed an attack on an influential persona in a club yesterday. His name is Choi Seobo whom I know very well. His name always appears on newspapers for another financial deal made for the sake of society. In reality, a nasty bastard who likes to groom young girls in night clubs. I know I’ve made not morally right decision to lose in his favour... but I guess plans have changed, since today and cardinally.

Girl who assaulted him... God, why this has to happen now?

When I opened the folder of my state client right in front of her, sitting there and eating me alive with eyes full of rage and resentment... I was perplexed why she was looking at me like that and ignored it until I read her name out loud since she didn’t want to talk... 

Kim Yoohyeon herself from the dead. How could I not recognise her? She was right there, all grown up and chewed up by time, my personal buried past in flesh and blood, looking at me with eyes that could kill. I wish they would... 

I wished the way she jumped on me would halt my heart because it is too much. Too much. She was trying to choke me or do something to me, screaming and cursing me. But what actually stuck to me was the repeated question: “Why did you leave me?”. It still rings in my head very clearly.

Guards managed to drag the screaming and kicking her from me and take her back to the temporary cell she’ll be staying until the hearing will be conducted. The way Yoohyeon was enraged scared the out of Minji who was beside me all this time, recollecting what had happened. It did scare me, too. But for another reason... I was met with something that I’ve hiding from all my life. And now, she’s here. 

Though she was removed from the room, her loud cries mixed with maniacal laughs were still could be heard outside. I’m sure I’m gonna be hearing them in my sleep tonight.

I eventually ended up sobbing. Minji was freaked to see me like this and tried to calm me down by holding me close and whispering that she was just a crazy girl and I got on her way by accident. But I knew this was my fault and only mine. The end for the journal for Wednesday.”

She wanted to stop right there and walk away from this house. However, her hands were moving on their own, putting in the next tape with curiosity.

“Journal two: sixteenth of September, 2019. It was reported to me how my client was locked up in the cold cell for almost a week now. She was probably sitting in her own hate that was eating her up from inside, the feelings rotting with every passing day. And, eventually, her rage subsided bit by bit because of the exhaustion and starved state she forced herself in, anger at the end being replaced with resignation and constant resentment. I clearly could see it in her eyes.

In ten years I haven’t reminisced even once, always looking forward and walking towards my future. With that I also buried everything behind me. 

So far, I’ve accomplished two of my three main goals: got a well-paid job, got a house with a nice car. Lastly yet to come but I’m not so sure about it, someone beside me who’d be brave enough to embrace the true me. Me who grew up in a rotten place like orphanage with no name or legacy. Me whose only dream was to run away from that place and start a new life accordingly to my rules. Me who made it but with a forever engraved guilt of leaving behind a little girl who... was the first person to put a genuine faith in me. 

Back then, when I was writing down my plan of escape, she saw it and begged me to take her with me. After many rejects, in the end I promised her to run away together. And all along I knew I wouldn’t keep that promise. 

That day we passed the gates— I passed through the gates and told her to stay there, in snow, to wait for me to come back with some lame damn excuse, I don’t even remember it now. I left without looking back and she must have been frozen waiting for me until the staff probably found her and brought her back. She must have been because she was easily believing child and really caring, too much caring for a twelve year old. She’d bring me those blankets when I wanted to freeze to death or handkerchiefs for my tears, would remind me to eat my meals, would manage make me smile at my lowest... 

Poor child. I basically betrayed her and now... the fate shows me the consequences of my actions. The same smiley girl was gone. Today I saw someone else, someone more cruel and rude, not willing to cooperate even though I’m trying to help her. What happened to her, I’m even afraid to ask. All the time she was demanding of me the ghosts of our past. Why did I leave her, why did I lie to her, why did I practically betray her... Yoohyeon was blaming every problem of hers on me and I wouldn’t even dare to disagree because it might be true: she was too beaten up by fate, too frail from not eating enough and is ready to starve if needed. During our today’s meeting she managed to punch me. Really hard,” a bitter chuckle. “I deserved it though. Maybe the next meeting will go with a bit of a progress and less fighting. I hope so. Minji says my client’s hopeless and she’s digging her own grave on that, but deep down I’m sure she still wants to cooperate. I feel it. That’s the end for Monday journal.”

“Journal three: twenty third of September, 2019. She’s getting calmer. Comparably calmer since she stopped the attempts to aim at me with anything that goes under her hand. 

Her words keep circling in my head. How much I was lucky that I got away. How I can enjoy the things we thought  we had no right to have since our parents put a dead cross on us from the start. How, consequently, I became one of them, the people sitting on top of those who suffer from  beginning to the end. And how this might be the most miserable sight she’s witnessing...”

A few violent coughs interrupt the audio. “At last she reminded me that even if I will run away from the past, I would never be able to escape my roots. I guess, she’s right.

The hearing is in a month and I’m getting a bit too anxious for a lawyer. Yoohyeon didn’t harbour any hope for herself in the first place and is waiting for her imprisonment sentence. End for the journal for Monday.”

“Journal four: first of October, 2019. Had to schedule the meeting due to all of the hectic stuff happening at the courthouse. There was no need to apologise for me, though. Yoohyeon didn’t even notice this as she had no desire to talk with me, anyway.

Today, though, out of all bitter remarks and stings, she shared that today is her friend’s birthday."

“She’s a friend who still loyal to me,” the delinquent mutters from her cell. In the dark her eyes dart to her lawyer upon saying. “Unlike some people here.”

“Do you miss her?” the lawyer takes off her glasses, ignoring the usual stings from her state client.

“I do. I wish I could see her before this all goes down...”

“Of course, her remark about staying loyal was implied to me but at least she said it without any real venom or deep resentment in voice. A little bit of moving forward, I’d say. End for the journal for Tuesday.”

“Journal five: seventh of October, 2019,” this audio starts with a long sigh. “Another scandal that managed to move something even in me. 

I always stay professional at work even in the most heart-tearing cases, Minji sometimes says I’m a bit too cold, but that’s the price of staying objective and being able to find most logical and successful outcomes. 

Today wasn’t one of those days. Yoohyeon’s considered an unstable dangerous con so usually our meetings are held with the bars parting us and a white border on the floor that I shouldn’t cross so that she wouldn’t reach me, but today... I crossed it. I was at her mercy and she could strangle me any moment, but I didn’t care. All I cared was to convey to her the real reason behind me leaving that day...”

“I was only seventeen, Yoohyeon!” the lawyer said, her hands gripping the metal bars, closely pressed to them. “I wouldn’t even able to take custody of you if I needed to, not to mention how would I provide us!”

“That’s only excuses you’re making up!”

“I almost starved before Mr. Lee found me. I wouldn’t even bare it if you died on my hands!”

“I wouldn’t be mad if that happened. It’s better than those years I’ve spent in that hole!”

“...but this is the only truth I have and Yoohyeon didn’t believe me. In some sense I can get why she’s so hostile towards me,” the voice rings back with a fatigued tone. “I wanted to snap back but I didn’t. I had no place to do that. The end for the Monday journal.”

“Journal six: fourteenth of October, 2019. After she didn’t believe me, I had little none desire to continue this case, but who cared really. Gotta do the job.

Today she didn’t talk much new about the incident. We only reviewed it over and over again. Minji even got tired of it and left earlier. I was tired as well, but I stayed ‘til the end, sitting as usual a bit far from bars with notes ready on my hands. No progress.”

The narrator coughs before continuing. “Before I left, though, I could barely catch her saying something about our past. Yoohyeon mumbled at last that..."

“I believe you.” the delinquent said genuinely without any fibbing or manipulation, long arms hanging through the bars, eyes are being just hollow and tired. “Your words had some points.”

“Thank you, Yoohyeon.”

“During the week she must’ve pondered over my words and...