The ability to feel emotions and to pinpoint the what, when, where, and how of it seemed to be a mundane thing. You know what evokes an emotion, when it happens, at what point in time, or how it plays out in your chest.

Jimin’s trying to feel it in hers too—and she feels something, but then the rest was like trying to look through a frozen window. She doesn’t know when the pain starts or the numbness ends, or where all these emotions meet and separate.

But she’s feeling them all the same.

She checks the time.

She’s unsure of when she woke up. Or if she even slept at all.

She can probably catch up on sleep during the flight.

But given how even planes have a new meaning after what happened with…

She buries her face in her hands.

I need to get ready.

Jimin pushes herself off the bed. She hears a notification ring.

It’s their manager, telling the whole team that they need to be at the lobby soon, along with some general reminders and…yadda yadda.

Jimin closes the message and opens up another. She re-reads the thread of messages Aeri sent her earlier.

--

[Gigi]

5:03am

I got to talk to Minjeong last night btw.

“Talk”

She was really confused.

I still dont know what exactly happened

between you two. But I could pick things up

from the few details she said.

I know you said you were gonna leave

things as they are

And I think she’s planning to too.

Please don’t.

You guys need to talk.

Jimin?

Helloooo

Just kidding. Take some time

to process things.

You know I’m here.

--

Jimin whispers an apology to her friend.

She didn’t feel like replying, and she was grateful that Aeri understood that.

She also didn’t feel like talking to anyone today.

With her phone still in hand, Jimin heads to the bathroom—thinking that music and a shower could ease whatever mix of emotions she was feeling.

Among the members, she was the first one at the lobby. Which is always the case, since she is the leader.

This was never a problem for her, because she was one of those people who had a bottomless source of energy, especially if the situation called for it.

Not today.

Also…

If by some of bad luck Minjeong comes down next, then both of them would be…

“Unnie!”

Thank God.

“Good morning Niiing~”

The maknae gives her a very warm hug—and Jimin swears it took almost all her energy to keep herself from breaking.

“You’re extra clingy today unnie!”

“Your hugs are my favorite.”

“Sure they are.”

“No, really!”

“I’ll settle for that.”

Jimin giggles, and lets go of the embrace.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I can be your favorite for the hugs…the shopping…but I’m still not your favorite maknae.”

Yizhuo winks.

…and if this were the devil’s doing to remind her of how much she needed it, Minjeong’s hand around hers, reassuring her, bearing her own vulnerability—

Jimin feels her jaw tighten as she tries to keep the smile on her face.

Yizhuo pauses, as if to read her expression.

“Hey, unni—”

“Where are the other two?” They hear their manager ask.

“Here!”

Manager unnie says from behind them, with Aeri and Minjeong in tow.

“Perfect. Okay, so here’s what’s gonna happen today…”

Jimin pretends to listen. She glances to her right. Yizhuo’s teasing Minjeong about her morning hair, so the latter returns a glare. Then they’re bickering in hushed voices, which is a bit strange.

Because usually Minjeong doesn’t give Yizhuo the time of day at this hour, especially with their manager speaking…

Minjeong hasn’t looked her way.

“Jimin.”

She looks to her left.

“I need to tell you something.” Aeri whispers.

Jimin quickly looks back at their manager, then back at the other girl.

“Ugh, never mind. After breakfast.”

“We can talk when we get ba—”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…Minjeong…” Aeri pauses. “Later.”

“…aaaand that’s it. We’ll be back at the dorm by around that time. Everything clear?”

Suddenly, they’re all listening.

 “Yes!”

She’s drying her hands, waiting for Aeri to enter the restroom. The moment she finished checking if her hair was all in place, she heard the door open.

“Oh, hey!”

Aeri rushes towards her.

“Okay I’ll get straight to it. Minjeong…she wants to sit next to me on the plane.”

“…”

“And it’s her who told me to tell you. And that she doesn’t want you to misunderstand…”

It takes a moment to sink in.

“That’s…fine? It’s fine. We usually sit anywhere we want.”

“Yea but she mentioned how the last time…”

“Ah. She told you?”

“Not in detail.”

“Okay.”

“Okay... Jimin...”

“Aeri, how am I supposed to not misunderstand?”

Jimin knows the girl is trying to empathize with her, seeing the amount of concern in her eyes.

Jimin looks away.

“Hey…Jimin. Hey. Don’t worry too much. She said…she just needs time to process things. It has nothing to do with…you know…”

This, and that, and…

Jimin doesn’t know what they’re referring to anymore. All she wants is for things to go back as they were, when things didn’t have to bear down on them with so much weight.

It feels like déjà vu at the boarding bridge.

Here she was, overthinking, worrying—but about something a bit off on a tangent.

Or was it?

It was all the same. Jimin was afraid of flying too high, of failing, of falling…and now she was caught in the middle of it all.

She barely had any mental energy to make sense of what was happening. She had no jokes about flying, no room to break down her anxiety, and not enough heart to think about what could happen, because now the fear was shared with someone else.

Jimin’s holding her breath again.

It’s almost like an adage now.

It doesn’t matter what fear she’s facing at the moment. When fear comes, it comes collectively.

Among the members, Jimin was the last one to enter the plane.

She’s walking past these seats, remembering that time she spaced out in the middle of the aisle, with Minjeong snapping her out of it. She remembers the younger girl taking the window seat, with so much calm and ease, ready to take flight, ready for wherever it took them.

And now she can’t help but think how troubled Minjeong’s mind is.

All because of her.

She hopes Aeri gave Minjeong the window seat.

Jimin also hopes that she’d get it herself too, but remembers that Yizhuo probably would’ve beaten her to it.

She scans the overhead bins, and stops at their assigned number.

Ready to somehow convince the maknae to switch seats, she looks down…

…only to find Minjeong there.

AERI.

What the hell??

DON’T ASK ME I DON’T KNOW

WHY EITHER

What??

She asked me to switch seats last minute!

Didn’t explain why.

Ladies and gentlemen:

We will be taking off shortly. Please make sure that your seat belt is securely fastened. Thank you.

Save for a simple greeting, Jimin and Minjeong hadn’t spoken to each other.

Jimin thinks Minjeong made the last-minute decision for her sake, given what happened last time. She feels like they’re tiptoeing around the situation at hand, wary of what might be said, of what the other may say, and everything in between.

So she decides not to ask.

The plane was already accelerating down the runway, and she can feel her back pressing against the seat, the aircraft tires leaving the ground.

One of these things should have at least startled her.

But something was off.

She subtly glances at Minjeong. The girl’s looking out the window, face hidden from Jimin’s view.

Minjeong was fiddling with her own rosary ring, in a manner all too familiar.

There’s the roar of the engines, and the gradual tipping of the plane as it points to the sky.

“Minjeong?”

Minjeong suddenly looks away from the window and faces Jimin.

“Unnie…”

Jimin knows fear when she sees it.

She takes Minjeong’s hand.

“I’m here.”

“I don’t want to leave things like this…I d-don’t..I don’t want us to…” she says, all too quickly.

Then Jimin sees Minjeong’s lips quiver.

She realizes that she couldn’t allow the fear to s