Some things do change for good, Soobin thinks.

 

He remembers the days where he started noticing the sparks in Yeonjun's eyes whenever he talked to him.

 

The way Yeonjun stares softly at him when he wasn't looking.

 

The way his plump and soft lips clashed into his, taking each other's first kiss.

 

Soobin couldn't bear to see Yeonjun's condition now, he was afraid to let the reality sink in.

 

It's been months, and Yeonjun didn't have much time left.

 

The sparks in Yeonjun's eyes were nowhere to be found, all faded with his last strings of hope.

 

The cold and empty stares pierced through Soobin when he was sleeping beside his hospital bed, it pained the younger.

 

And when his now pale and chapped lips met Soobin's whenever Yeonjun softly tugged Soobin's sleeve for a kiss, the love and admiration was still there, but along with a newfound and foreign hint of melancholy and agony added to the almost passionless kiss.

 

 

---

 

 

"Soobin, I like you."

 

Soobin's invisible bunny ears perked at Yeonjun's words. Yeonjun could definitely see it. He tilted his head and his eyes met Yeonjun's, faces inches apart.

 

"What? Oh, I like you too," Soobin faked a chuckle.

 

"No, I mean… I really like you, more than just friends." Yeonjun sounded serious, but his tone was laced with adoration.

 

"Oh."

 

"Hyung… I- I like you too," Soobin nervously replied, he wasn't expecting this at all.

 

Soobin has been crushing on Yeonjun since forever, heck, how could anyone not? Yeonjun is beautiful, inside and out. His personality and his small habits were a bonus. But Soobin didn't think Yeonjun would like him that way. Although he had been doubting about it from the recent flirting. And the looks. The glances.

 

"Can I?" Yeonjun whispered, and Soobin whispered a small 'Yes' back, questioning whether it's actually happening or just merely a good dream.

 

Yeonjun closed his eyes and took a little step forward, lifted his face and kissed Soobin, Yeonjun smelled of musk.

 

Yeonjun opened his mouth, and Soobin's tongue darted between his lips playfully. His arms went around Yeonjun almost voluntarily and rested them on his waist.

 

Yeonjun gasped, and broke away from him, panting.

 

"You're such a good kisser," Yeonjun commented.

 

"That was my first kiss…" Soobin shyly replied, and it left a shocking look on Yeonjun's face.

 

"Mine too," and Soobin had never gasped so loud in his life, but he flashed an eye smile when he saw Yeonjun's cheeks turning crimson red.

 

"Soobin-ah, I thought you were straight before," Yeonjun asked in curiosity.

 

"Well, I am, but maybe not for you," Soobin kissed his cheek and Yeonjun was left even flustered than before.

 

"But… I can't give you kids, didn't you say you wanted to start a family when it's time?" Yeonjun's smile faded, thinking about how excited Soobin was when he talked about how adorable kids were.

"Hyung… Sure, I like kids, heck, I absolutely love them, but that doesn't mean I can't adopt a child and raise them with you," Yeonjun's eyes crinkled at the thought of raising a child with Soobin. There would be so many pictures stored inside their phone and photo albums, Yeonjun enthusiastically imagined it with adoration.

 

 

---

 

"Soobin..."

 

The man hummed, gently holding Yeonjun's hand, his heart dropped seeing how cold and thin it had gotten.

 

"When I die, will you promise me to move on and marry a beautiful woman, and just maybe start a family with her..." Yeonjun flashed a saddened smile as he fought to look into Soobin's eyes.

 

"Wh-what? Yeonjun-hyung... Don't say that!" Soobin whispered, leaning forward and putting his arms around Yeonjun's appallingly thin body.

 

"I'm sorry, you didn't have the love life you wanted! I couldn't even give you a family and now I'm not able to be with you for the rest of your life. I couldn't fulfill your dreams you told me that night before I confessed..." It took everything for him to not burst into tears. Yeonjun's voice was slower than it used to be, and it quavered occasionally.

 

"Hey, hey. It's never your fault! Hyung, you know how much I love you, having to love and being loved by you is everything I've ever wanted in my whole life," Soobin was on the edge of tears and struggling to maintain his composure. He didn't want to break down in front of Yeonjun, not when the older was getting weaker.

 

"Bin, I'm so scared to go," Yeonjun knew Soobin knew very well that he was wasting away. Although he was still alive, he was suffering.

 

Every breath he took was painful, his heart would sometimes pound a bit too slow at times, before going to its original pace, and it scared him.

 

It scared him how he was probably a heartbeat away from death, and also from leaving Soobin for good, his first and last love.

 

But what he was more afraid and saddened of, was the thought of how Soobin was probably feeling.

 

Soobin have always been there for him during the ups and downs in his life, and Yeonjun knows he will miss hearing the one thing that had kept him going,

 

"Hyung, it's okay, I'm here."

 

It occurred to Yeonjun that there will be no more of their special night dates, and small little fights that would always leave them cuddled up on their bed no matter how sulky he got.

 

Yeonjun felt a wave of devastation when his eyes met the blinding sight of the plain walls.

 

 

It's so much different now, he thinks.

 

 

In their little home, he would always hear Soobin's little mutters of annoyance when his laptop buffers for too long. Now, it was only the constant beeping coming from the heart monitor filling the cold room.

 

"Binnie, can you sing me a song?" Yeonjun's voice slightly cracked. Soobin smiled and ran through the older's thinning hair before responding.

 

"Our favorite song?"

 

Yeonjun nodded, and Soobin let out a small 'Ok.' before singing 'Sing it' by Thama softly beside Yeonjun, locking their gaze.

 

 

'My personality after 10 years,

 

Is no different from back then,

 

See me groovin all the damn time,

 

My mom still worries about me a lot,

 

I wanna sing,

 

I wanna try to rap,

 

I wanna drive a plane,'

 

 

It reminded Yeonjun of the dreams he and Soobin both wanted to achieve in life, although it seemed that he wouldn't be able to cross even one of them off the list. He was still so young and full of dreams.

 

There were so many things he wanted to do, so many places he wanted to go, but his health was slowly worsening, and the needles that sat uncomfortably inside his body convinced Yeonjun that he wasn't getting out of there any sooner.

 

 

And it was most likely he wasn't going to make it out of there.

 

 

'And don’t forget the Queen,

 

And don’t forget the Chris Brown,

 

And don’t forget New York,

 

And don’t forget my Walkman,

 

Don’t forget my love,

 

And don’t forget my island,

 

Don’t forget my first mic,

 

Don’t forget this moment right now,'

 

Soobin's soft voice comforted Yeonjun, though in the midst of time where both of them felt as if they were about to lose each other in a matter of seconds, but they couldn't care more about it when they still have each other, at least for now.

 

Yeonjun's mind travelled back to the good days, hazy mind still able to play the sweet memories he had in his life.

 

 

"Hyung!! Stop making a mess!" Yeonjun giggled when he saw the flour on Soobin's face.

 

Soobin swiftly took a palmful of flour and smeared it all over Yeonjun's face, smiling when he saw the shockness showing on Yeonjun's face. Deserved, he thinks.

 

"Oh you little-"

 

The door swung open and revealed a familiar person.

 

"Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin!" Taehyun's voice echoed around the house.

 

"Oh- We're ed." Both of the boys in question turned to look at each other, then on the mess they made in the kitchen.

 

The cake they were baking in the oven was long forgotten, but the big problem was the cocoa powder, whipped cream and flour that was all over the place. Or to be exact, Taehyun's place.

 

Yeonjun chuckled softly at the memory. They got lectured by someone younger than them, but the cleaning in process were bittersweet: because the flour were an to remove, and it got all over the air and made it hard for them to breathe for 20 minutes straight until one of them finally opened the window like what any normal person would have done before.

 

 

 

 

Yeonjun suddenly felt his chest jolt in pain, and it started becoming harder for him to breathe. It felt as if someone compressed his lungs, and he fought to breathe in panic.

 

 

Holy , it hurts so much.

 

 

Soobin quickly sensed that something was wrong and called for a doctor from the door, fear began washing over him as he watched Yeonjun's hands thrashing around his chest, and the fear only multiplied when the heart monitor started beeping a little too slow for his liking.

 

Soobin couldn't contain his tears as he held Yeonjun's hand in despair when the doctor and a few nurses came in rapidly inside the room.

 

 

"Yeonjun- don't leave me!" Soobin cried out when he watched Yeonjun gradually lose his strength, strained eyes with tears slowly closing as his body stopped fighting.

 

"Sir, please leave." Soobin dashed out and slumped against the door, burying his wet face in his palms when he heard a flatline just before the door closed behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 years later

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeonjun-hyung," Soobin stands with a bouquet of flowers in his arms, his sad eyes crinkling into crescent moons as he kneels in front of Yeonjun's grave.

 

"It's been ten years, hasn't it?" Soobin delicately traces the engraved name, feeling his longing and grief piling up.

 

"I miss you so much, but this maybe would be the last time I'm visiting you," Soobin places the bouquet next to the tombstone, reaching for something inside his pocket.

 

A velvet box of ring.

 

"Do you remember our 4th anniversary date?" Soobin tenderly opens the box, revealing the beautiful diamond ring.

 

"I was about to propose to you that night in the restaurant, but when you fainted just before, I was so panicked and didn't realize it fell out of my pocket," Soobin let out a weak chuckle. He's trying his best to hold himself together, although his voice is starting to crack and quiver.

 

"You would definitely remember that was the day when all of us found out you were diagnosed with cancer. God, I cried every night when you were sleeping on our bed thinking about it." Soobin finally gave up and let the tears trickle down. The pain in his throat was too much for him to handle.

 

"I realized that I lost the ring after days, but I managed to get it back from the restaurant, thankfully." Soobin let out a sigh at the sudden flash of memory.

 

"And now, I just wanted to tell you that I will be marrying a woman, and we'll be having the wedding in America. I'll be living there too, and I'm not going to be able to come here as often, so it's going to be the last time I'll be visiting you," Soobin sobs.

 

"Hyung, don't forget that I will never forget about you, and I will always love you until my last breath and so on." Soobin wipes his eyes, and blows his nose on his sleeve. He pulls himself together and closes the box, placing it right next to the lovely flowers.

 

"Thank you for being with me until your last day, just like what you once promised me on the night you confessed." Soobin slowly stands up, and leaves the graveyard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh. my. god."

 

Yeonjun placed his palm against his mouth, slowly curving into a smile.

 

"Do you like it?" Soobin's eyes were twinkling in bliss, and Yeonjun felt a rush of excitement when his sight strayed on the sparkling object on Soobin's hand.

 

The diamond ring.

 

Soobin took Yeonjun's shaky hands and slid the ring on Yeonjun's lean ring finger, his heart full of joy and love by the sight.

 

"I- I love it!" Yeonjun took a closer look at the ring, and his eyes sparkled just as much as the diamond that sat on his finger.

 

Soobin walked closer and wrapped his arms around Yeonjun's small waist, grasping the beringed hand in his, bringing it close to his mouth, and gently kissing it.

 

"Oh, we're so ing in love," Yeonjun whispered under his breath. Soobin closed the gap between their faces and crashed his lips against the older's. It was messy and lust-filled, but their tongue danced just the way that made Yeonjun melt in Soobin's arms.

 

"God, I could kiss you all day," Yeonjun breathlessly spoke, his dark hooded eyes were painted with fondness and passion as he gets lost in the younger's eyes. God, he was so smitten.

 

"Then what's holding you back? Let's do it all day," Soobin caressed Yeonjun's soft cheeks who gladly leaned forward to the touch, admiring his beauty. How was he this lucky to have someone as beautiful as the one and only Choi Yeonjun? Perhaps from saving a country in his past life.

 

 

 

 

"-bin Soobin," A gentle and faint feminine voice called out his name, and Soobin opened his eyes in a flash.

 

"Honey, you were crying in your sleep... is everything okay?" The beautiful woman asked beside him on their bed. Although she appeared half-asleep, her face looked concerned.

 

"Oh, Arin..." Soobin touched his cheeks, surprised that it was wet. Arin brought her soft and ringed hand and Soobin's damp cheeks lovingly before asking.

 

"Was it a bad dream? I'm right here, babe," Arin kissed Soobin before leaning on his chest. Her fingers traced Soobin's collarbones as she waits for an answer.

 

 

 

 

"No, It was actually... A beautiful dream."