It had been two months since Kyuhyun went on a journey back home.

Yesung looked up from scrubbing the floor to a tall stained glass window at the end of the hall. The warm spring sunlight shone through the glass panel and cast a colorful display on the floor. He smiled fondly at a surfacing memory— when he first gained consciousness, he liked to sit under the window and stare in awe at it, and Kyuhyun often had to remind him to eat or sleep. Sometimes, he fell asleep while listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the window. When that happened, Kyuhyun would just carry him to his room. Shaking his head, he went back to cleaning the stone floor. Ever since Kyuhyun had left, he began to clean every corner of the church because he had nothing much to do. He also wanted Kyuhyun to come back to a clean and warm home.

Home, Yesung smiled shyly at the word, he just learned the meaning of this word not long ago, literally and figuratively. This church was their home. Although it wasn't in the best condition, it contained so much of their shared memories that he didn't want to leave it.

Satisfied with the clean floor, Yesung got up and carried a bucket of water to the tall window. He wiped it as high as he could reach and looked out of the colorful glass panel. Some sprouts had pushed through the soil to bask in the sun. Another memory surfaced in his mind. During the past fall season, they had to clear dry leaves in the garden to prevent fire. They swept the leaves into one big pile to take care of it later. He accidentally tripped and fell on the pile of leaves, but Kyuhyun was quick to pull him back to his feet. However, he had taken a liking to the pile's softness and dove into it again. When Kyuhyun tried to pull him up the second time, he tugged the taller man's arm and pulled him so that they lay on the pile together. Kyuhyun heaved a sign but didn't say anything when he put his head on Kyuhyun's shoulder. Then, they spent the rest of the afternoon gazing at the blue sky together.

Yesung grinned at the memory. It would be wonderful if Kyuhyun came back just in time for the leaves to turn reddish-brown. They could do that again!

Finally done with the hall, Yesung headed to an adjacent hallway that led to the living quarters next. He looked to the left and right. There were many drawings hung on the wall drawn by him. He used an old rug to carefully wipe each drawing. When Kyuhyun gave him an empty sketchbook, he had no idea what it was. But when he glanced out of a window, his hand suddenly moved by itself. Before long, a miniature garden appeared on the blank paper. Ever since then, he began to draw whenever he was free and showed it to Kyuhyun. The head pat that he received from Kyuhyun was the best reward. Yesung patted his own head and kept wiping the drawings until he reached the last one.

It was a drawing of a snowy town under a night sky where a single crescent moon was shining lonely.

Yesung touched the drawing. A warm sensation bubbled up in his chest as he recalled where it was drawn. It was the first time in his life that he had seen the world outside of the church. Even though he never said it out loud, he did wonder about all the places beyond the arch entrance. He didn't expect Kyuhyun to take him outside, even though it meant taking risks and having to brave through a cruelly cold night. However, Kyuhyun never complained and took him to the hill every other night. Even though he was curious about the town under the sun, he wouldn't bother Kyuhyun with his unreasonable whim. Besides, as long as he was with Kyuhyun, every landscape was beautiful.

That's why he couldn't draw a single thing ever since Kyuhyun had left.

The scenery changed when the season changed. Yet Yesung couldn't convey it on the paper, all because Kyuhyun wasn't here with him. When he pressed a charcoal chunk on the paper, he got reminded of empty space beside him. Why would he draw when no one was there to pat his head? A pricking sensation then took hold of his heart and he realized after consulting a book that it was a longing feeling. Until Kyuhyun came back to him, this hallway had to make do with the current drawings. He left the lonely hallway and stepped into his private quarter first. He smiled while wiping a desk, suddenly remembering the time he was practicing writing Kyuhyun's name. To this day, he still had no idea where that paper disappeared to. He was sad but Kyuhyun kindly comforted him and had him write a new one.

Opening a drawer, Yesung took out a paper with his name elegantly written on it and nostalgia immediately embraced him.

The day after he was given a name, he asked Kyuhyun to teach him how to write it. At the time, although he had become accustomed to writing, he still had a hard time doing it. So, Kyuhyun patiently taught him steps by steps— the , the weight, and the direction— until he was finally able to write it, and this paper was a result of his practice. Yesung still vividly remembered the way Kyuhyun's eyes lit up in pride as the taller man patted his head while smiling fondly. Yesung touched the paper longingly before putting it back in the drawer. Then, he continued to sweep and clean the floor. Once he was done, he headed to the master chamber next, which was Kyuhyun's personal chamber. The room was more spacious and had a large four-poster bed beside a window. There was a single overcoat folded neatly lying on the bed.

It was one of Kyuhyun's favorite overcoats that the man left behind for him.

Putting down the water bucket, Yesung climbed onto the bed and rolled around while hugging the garment. He pressed it on his face and inhaled, breathing in a lingering scent of Kyuhyun. He held it for only a few more minutes and placed it down. He wanted to conserve the scent as long as possible because he had no idea when Kyuhyun would come back. He continued to lie down on the bed and gazed up at the upper panel. A smile broke out on his face upon seeing a crude sketch of two men— his and Kyuhyun's portraits. He was the one who nailed it there after asking permission from the chamber's owner. At first, he only drew a portrait of himself so that Kyuhyun would see his face even in his sleep. Later on, during the winter season, he always snuck in here and slid into the bed to cuddle with Kyuhyun. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly felt lonely. However, he didn't want to bother Kyuhyun by waking him up, so he drew Kyuhyun's portrait next to his and looked at it instead.

In the end, he still woke up Kyuhyun because the portrait didn't provide warmth like the real person.

He often felt bad for waking up the man for no reason but Kyuhyun never complained. Kyuhyun just hummed sleepily and pulled him into his warm embrace, gently rubbing his back or petting his head, and saying so kindly to him that he was right here. Yesung would then shift to his most comfortable position, usually lying his head on Kyuhyun's chest to listen to the heartbeat, before falling asleep in peace. When Kyuhyun was here with him, he had never been visited by a dream. His sleep was serene and calm, and he would wake up in Kyuhyun's arms while grinning.

Nowadays, however, he woke up to a cold empty space beside him and tears would instantly trickle down.

He was haunted by memories of a man who was far away, of warmth he no longer felt, and of a fading lullaby he started to forget. Be it in his wake or his sleep, these phantoms preyed upon his loneliness and took what little warmth he had left in his heart, leaving a large gap in its wake; a gap that only one person could fulfill, a person who was out of his reach now…

"Kyuhyun, I miss you…"

Murmuring to himself, Yesung decided to close his eyes and did nothing for the rest of the day, just staying in Kyuhyun's bed. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow he might gather enough strength to actually clean this chamber instead of dwelling on the past.

But not today…

Yesung glanced up at the portrait of Kyuhyun on the upper panel, before averting his eyes and letting the loneliness take him to a slumbering land.

**************************

It had been four months since Kyuhyun went on a journey back home.

The warm sunlight had turned harsh and the plants in the garden had bloomed. Summer had arrived. Yesung had somewhat gotten used to living alone at the church. The pain in his chest whenever he thought of Kyuhyun had gone numb. It was still there but it no longer bothered him. Every day, he carried on with his mundane tasks— cleaning the church, tending to the garden, reading books, learning about humans, eating one meal a day, sleeping a few hours, and generally just missing Kyuhyun. He was proud to say that he had learned a lot about human history and emotions in the past months. He was now able to discern his own feelings by referring to the books. However, there are some emotions that he had yet to understand, namely devastation, jealousy, rage, and love. The first three emotions felt so farfetched from him. He couldn't imagine himself ever falling into a situation that warranted such emotions. As for love…

He wondered if what he felt for Kyuhyun could be called love.

According to the books, love was the feeling of wanting to touch and be touched by someone special. Love was that small sun you felt in your chest when you were with that special someone. Love also meant wanting to be together all the time, not wanting to be separated. However, love could also hurt you and your special someone. Sometimes love could change you into an entirely different person. Love made you lose a sense of rationality and pushed you into an abyss. Love was… very complicated… Yesung felt like he might love Kyuhyun but at the same time, he didn't. True, he wished to be with Kyuhyun, to find a sanctuary within that warm embrace. However, he didn't understand how love could hurt him or Kyuhyun. It sounded improbable. If they were happy to be together, how could love inflict pain on them?

In order to understand these conflicted feelings more, Yesung began to observe humans from afar.

Although Kyuhyun did tell him to only stay at the church, he still went outside from time to time. There was a family of four living at a farm situated between the town and the outskirts where the church was located. He stumbled upon the family by chance when he was taking a walk in the forest. Every day, the three sons left their old and blind father at home while they worked on the farm. He would hide in the forest and watch the old man from afar. At first, he did it out of curiosity. As time passed, he became genuinely interested in the family. He liked to watch their interactions, believing that he could adapt to be more like them, a human beings. He kept observing the family for days which turned into weeks and soon months. Before long, he had been watching the family for four months. Yesung found himself sympathizing with the old man.

He understood how it felt to be left alone.

For that reason, Yesung didn't hesitate to come out of the hiding place and approached the old man who tripped and fell down on the ground. He helped the old man and took him back into the house. The old man seemed genuinely happy to have company and even asked him to stay. It had been a while since he had a conversation with someone else other than himself. So, despite Kyuhyun's warning, he stayed and chatted with the old man. The kind elder asked him to stay for dinner and he happily agreed. He had shown the old man that he was no malicious soul. Surely, the old man's sons would welcome him, right?

He was completely wrong.

"Monster!! Stay away from our father!!"

As soon as the three sons saw his patched skin and the metal screw in his head, they immediately attacked him. He was able to avoid a hoe aiming at his head but he got cut by a sickle blade at his left flank. A dark red liquid stained his shirt and startled him. It was his first time seeing blood. His chest tightened and he could hardly breathe as he dodged a hoe throwing at him. He realized that he was feeling fear right now. Yesung ran into the forest as fast as his trembling legs could. Even when the sons' shouting had faded away, leaving only his drumming heartbeat, he didn't stop running. Even when he came back to the church, he didn't stop running. He kept sprinting until he reached the master chamber. He jumped on the bed and hugged the overcoat tightly, trying to calm down his frightened heart by inhaling the familiar scent.

"K-Kyuhyun, where are you…? H-Help me… I-I'm scared… hic…"

He cried out to the person who would never hear his voice. The blood still seeped out of the wound but he didn't do anything. He had no idea what he should do. While he was still living with Kyuhyun, he had never gotten injured nor scared. Kyuhyun always took care of him and made sure that he was safe and sound. Now that he was alone, however, he couldn't do anything but cry his eyes out. He cried and cried until he fainted…

.

.

.

Yesung woke up after his ears picked up loud ruckus outside of the church.

He pushed himself up and winced at a stabbing pain by his side. The blood had stopped but the wound was still untreated. He sniffled and anxiously left the chamber, still hugging the overcoat. He stepped into a hallway and headed to the main hall. He frowned at the rising temperature that made a droplet of sweat form on his forehead. At the same time, he coughed painfully as strange black smoke invaded his nostrils and lungs. He placed his palm on the wooden door and immediately jerked back at the alien burning sensation. He kicked it open instead and stepped into the other side of the door.

The main hall was engulfed in a flame.

Everywhere Yesung cast his eyes at, a blazing orange fire was devouring the place— the benches he liked to sit and had Kyuhyun read him a book, a large metal bed where he first opened his eyes, a shelf consisting of Kyuhyun's favorite books. Nothing escaped the hunger flame that swallowed everything at a sickening rate. Scared and helpless, he put his back against the tall stained glass window where the fire had yet to lay its fingers. Maybe if he stayed here, the flame might not reach h—

Shatter!

"The monster is over there!!!"

A rock suddenly shattered the window and flew at him. It hit his brow and drew blood out. Terror grasped his heart and squeezed a pitiful whimper out of his lips. He quickly ran away from the window when he saw more rocks flying towards him. He pushed the door and ran back to the hallway, ignoring the heat biting his palm. He clutched the overcoat tightly as he took a turn entering his personal quarter. Kyuhyun once told him about a secret door and passage leading to the other side of the forest. He could feel both the flame and the angry shouting chasing closely behind as he dragged the bed to a side, revealing a trap door on the floor. He quickly unlocked it and ran down the stairs. Because he left in a hurry, he didn't bring anything but the overcoat with him. So, he had to run in complete darkness and tripped and fell and injured himself countless times, before he arrived at a dead end. He felt his hand all over frantically until he found an area where the surface felt different. Pushing it up, he climbed out of the trap door and immediately fell down to the damp ground in exhaustion. Turning to lie on his back, he breathed in fresh air hungrily while staring at the dark sky. Grey clouds gathered in the sky and rained down heavily. His tears got washed away by the rain as soon as he shedded them. The coldness numbed the pain at his flank and brow, but it did nothing to help soothe the sharp pain in his heart. He raised the wet overcoat to his nose with shaking hands and inhaled.

Kyuhyun's calm scent was nowhere to be found, only a smell of rain and dirt remained.

Howling loudly like a wounded animal, Yesung turned to lie on his uninjured side and curled into a small ball. He clutched the overcoat impossibly tightly against his body as he wept and wept and wept until his throat burned and his voice no longer came out, replaced by a hoarse screeching scream.

He finally knew what devastation felt like.

****************************

It had been six months and a half since Kyuhyun went on a journey back home, two months and a half since Yesung lost his only home.

That devastating night, although Yesung wanted to go back to the church and collect all the mementos, he knew that nothing was left after the fire and he might get killed by the villagers. So, he braced his injured body and heart, forcing himself to move on with nothing but Kyuhyun's overcoat. Fortunately, he remembered the address in Kyuhyun's letter that the man left behind. Germany. He had no idea how far it was from England where he was but he had to go there. After the cruel incident, he had learned to disguise himself when he was in a human community. He quickly learned that pretending to be a beggar worked wonders. No one spared a glance at him so he was free to move around. After gathering enough information, he smuggled himself out of the country by sneaking into a merchant ship. For a month, he hid in a cold storage room, relying on rainwater and leftovers that the crews threw away to survive. The journey was harsh but he endured it, all for brighter days when he would meet Kyuhyun again.

Yesung cried for a while after he stepped foot in Germany, completely foreign land to him. During the journey, he almost gave up many times but when he pulled Kyuhyun's overcoat tighter around himself, his spirit was renewed. His perseverance would be rewarded once he met Kyuhyun again. He pretended to be a beggar and gathered the information for about a week, before finding out about the whereabouts of Kyuhyun family's manor. He learned that Kyuhyun hailed from an old aristocratic family situated at the outskirts of the capital. He snuck into a train and headed to the city of civilization. It took him about a few days from the port to the capital. After that, he continued on foot at night to avoid people's eyes. Eventually, fifteen hours later, he finally arrived at the address in the letter. He cried again upon seeing a large manor surrounded by a forest. Although he wanted to see Kyuhyun as soon as possible, he decided to stop by a lake to wash himself first. He didn't want to meet Kyuhyun while looking like a dirty rat.

"Hurry up! You promise that you'll accompany me today, don't you?"

Startled, Yesung quickly left the bank and hid behind a big oak tree. He carefully peeked from behind the tree and saw a young woman walking towards the lake. Her wavy blonde hair that cascaded to her midriff reflected the late morning sunlight so beautifully that he couldn't look away. Her elegant long dress painted in the color of the summer sky swayed slightly when her lithe body moved. Each confident stride the woman took with her dark brown boots brought her closer to the lake. She stopped a few feet away from the body of water and turned around, calling out to whoever was following her with a melodious voice.

"Victor! Don't you know that it's rude to make a lady wait?"

"I know. I'm walking, alright?"

Yesung's heart rate increased a millionfold.

"Would it kill you to at least try to look more enthusiastic?"

"Frankly speaking, yes."

It wasn't his imagination! That was indeed Kyuhyun! The person whom he missed so dearly was right in front of him! He swallowed back a sniffle of relief and happiness as he swept his eyes all over the tall man. Kyuhyun had gotten thinner and gloomier from the last time they saw each other. Maybe Kyuhyun also missed him as much as he missed the man, so it affected their appetite and sleep alike. He grinned from ear to ear while furiously brushing tears away from his eyes. He wanted to smile when he finally met Kyuhyun, not crying. Although he didn't know who that woman was, if she was Kyuhyun's friend, she should have heard of him—

Yesung's blood froze at the scene before his eyes.

Kyuhyun was smiling fondly at the woman who giggled back. The hand that used to pet his head only was now ruffling the woman's blonde hair gently. The fingers that used to play with his hair only were now kindly tucking stray blonde locks behind her ear. The warm brown eyes that used to reflect his image only were now locking on the woman's bright blue ones. The affectionate smile that used to belong to him alone was now given to the woman instead...

"I only endure this silly trip to the lake because it's you, Jess."

...The smooth voice that used to call his name only was now calling someone else's.

Yesung got paralyzed on the spot by a strange boiling sensation in his chest. It froze his heart but also set it on fire, so hot that he felt his entire body heating up; especially at the corner of his eyes. His chest stung and felt strangely heavy as if something was trampling it, stomping him to the ground until he could hardly breathe. He unconsciously bit his lip so hard that he started to taste blood and his hands gripped on the tree's bark so tightly that it hurt. Yet he didn't stop doing so, not even stopping to wipe tears staining his cheeks, for he was unable to register anything but the scene before his eyes— Kyuhyun and the beautiful lady, standing together under the bright sky, smiling in joy at each other, while he was left in darkness, lonely, starved, dirty, worthless, hurt, and burning with jealousy.

Yesung's train of thoughts came to a sudden halt.

Ah, so, this was what jealousy felt like.

*******************************

It had been seven months since Kyuhyun went on a journey back home, a week since Yesung found out about Kyuhyun's fiancee.

The beautiful lady whom he saw that day was Jessica Lavenza, a sole daughter of a respected scholar and nobleman, as well as Kyuhyun's fiancee. That day, Yesung was unable to approach Kyuhyun. He wanted to but when he looked at Lady Lavenza's beautiful and clean dress, her flawless, no patches skin, her bright golden hair, and her vivid blue eyes, he couldn't bring himself to step out from behind the tree. A heavy feeling pressed down on his shoulder and forced him to cast his gaze down. He kept his head hung low until the pair left, before stepping out. He kneeled down by the lake and stared at his reflection— dirty rag-like clothes, worn-out overcoat, ugly patched skin, rough and clammy black hair, disgusting screw in his head, and dull black eyes. The heavy feeling weighing his body got heavier as he began to laugh, a mocking and hateful laugh after he finally identified the heavy feeling crushing him— shame. What right did he have to be jealous of the beautiful lady? It was as clear as day that he was the worthless one, an extra object in an otherwise gorgeous painting.

He didn't deserve Kyuhyun.

Roughly brushing tears away, he got up and turned his back at the large manor, another reminder that he didn't belong here, or anywhere in particular, before walking away.

.

.

.

.

Despite his decision to leave, Yesung found himself coming back to the manor anyway. He wanted to see Kyuhyun even though the man might not share the same sentiment. So, he spent the day in the city, pretending to be a beggar, and hid in the manor at night. There were many vacant rooms and deserted hallways for him to hide. By stealthily wandering around the place, he got a chance to eavesdrop on the servants many times. He learned that Kyuhyun's father, the lord of the manor, was gravely ill and bedridden. The old lord wished to hand over the inheritance to Kyuhyun but the man adamantly refused. However, the stubborn lord wouldn't allow his son to amend the will unless he passed away. So, Kyuhyun got stuck at the manor.

Moreover, Yesung learned that Kyuhyun's half-brother, Igor, was eyeing the inheritance, hoping to gamble away the family's fortune. However, the father denied his second son's right to money due to being born from a lowly maid. All in all, the situation at the Frankenstein Household was very conflicted and tense. Worried about Kyuhyun, he secretly kept a close eye on Igor who openly showed his contempt towards his older brother. As he watched grey storm clouds gathering at the edge of the forest through an attic window, he had a hunch that something ominous was about to happen.

His hunch was spot on.

.

.

.

About two weeks after he arrived at the manor, Kyuhyun's father was murdered.

Yesung found out about it while he was hiding in the city. The former lord of the Frankenstein Manor got stabbed to death in his sleep. Rumor had it that the old man's blood dyed the room crimson and that he sported numerous stabbing wounds on his body. The police immediately caught the culprit— the first son Victor— after finding a bloodied knife and clothes in his room. Moreover, many servants had given testimony that they saw the heir taking the said knife from the kitchen. However, he knew better than anyone that Kyuhyun was innocent.

After all, he spent an entire night staring at Kyuhyun's sleeping face through a hole in the floorboard in the attic.

He was playing his beggar role as usual in the city when the arrest happened. He almost intervened but held back just in time. Unfortunately, no one would believe him, a monster. So, he could only watch helplessly as Kyuhyun got dragged by police past him on a street. He knew that if he wanted to help Kyuhyun, he had to find the true culprit, and he immediately suspected Igor; the half-brother who despised both the lord and the heir of the Frankenstein Household. So, he quickly snuck into the manor to gather information. He only needed four days to find out about the truth. As he expected, Igor was indeed the murder. The man boldly boasted about it to his group of scum friends while drinking— how he bribed the servants to lie to the officers, how he cold-heartedly stabbed the old man and watched the light extinguished from his eyes, how he waited until his arrogant brother left his chamber to lock himself in the study, before sneaking into the room and hiding the murder weapon and the bloodied clothes there; all to get his hands on the inheritance.

Yesung felt something unexplainable boiling in his chest. This new feeling made him see red and he felt the said boiling sensation quickly spreading over his body. Hiding in a secret passage behind a wall, his breathing and heartbeat quickened as he glared in spite through a peephole at the disgusting man who dared to bring harm to Kyuhyun. At the same time, his hands felt incredibly itchy to put around the hideous man's throat and strangle it, twisting it until it became an unrecognizable shape.

That was exactly what he did to Igor.

"C-Cough! M-Monster!!! H-Hel—"

"Scream all you want. No one will hear you over the storm."

Yesung whispered in hatred while using more force strangling the scum's neck. He was surprised but also pleased to learn that despite their small size, his hands were actually very strong, enough to choke a grown-up man to the verge of suffocation. After waiting for the scum friends to leave (he would go after them too, but not now), he confronted the true culprit and easily overpowered the intoxicated plus frightened man. He punched and broke Igor's nose, sending him crawling pitifully on the floor. Although the raging storm outside the manor was very deafening, he didn't take a risk and stomped on the man's nape to prevent him from calling for help. Then, he kneeled down and strangled the trash from behind while interrogating him.

"You're the one who killed Lord Frankenstein, are you not?"

"Cough! N-No! It was that bastard elder son who—"

"Liar!"

He grasped a fistful of the disgusting oily hair and slammed the man's forehead on the floor, bruising and drawing a small amount of blood out.

"Confess your crime now or I'll bash your skull and use your brain matter to wipe the floor."

"I-I'll confess!! Please d-don't kill me!! Yes! I killed that old man and set up Victor! I-I also bribed those servants t-to lie to the officers! P-Please spare—"

He slammed the man's forehead on the floor harder that blood started to seep out of the wound, causing Igor to howl in pain.

"Tomorrow, you'll go to the police station and confess your crime. If you don't follow my order, I'll hunt you down and brutally kill you."

"Yes! I under—"

Not wanting to hear the annoyingly grating voice even for a second longer, he slammed the man's whole face on the floor, knocking a few teeth out in the process. After that, he left the pathetic Igor who passed out to search for the servants who gave false testimony and gave them the same treatment, hurting them and threatening them to confess the truth. Men or women, young or old, he couldn't care less. Anyone who hurt Kyuhyun, he returned the actions tenfold. All the time he was wandering in the large dark manor, something constantly burned in his chest and made him restless. It was only after he knocked out the last unfaithful servant and headed out to the stormy night— when the heavy raindrops doused the fire in his heart— did he realize that the burning sensation he felt was rage.

***********************************************

Author's note:

Happy Halloween with pain LMAO  Poor Yesung had to go through all of these but it's necessary for his growth. In this chapter, Yesung learned about strong negative emotions namely devastation, jealousy, and rage. He learned that the world is cruel and isn't filled with sunshine like when he's with Kyuhyun... He also learned about loss and that kindness didn't always get rewarded with kindness :(  It pains me to make Yesung experience this stuff but it'll be worth it all when he matures up in later chapters!

Both Jessica (yep, from SNSD) and Igor will help Yesung grow up as an individual. At first, I planned to kill Igor and torture him a bit more and it'll be bloodier and more gore lol. But I realized that I don't want to make Yesung become a monster so Igor got away lightly. Jessica... you'll see more of her in the next chapter  ;)

Take care and love you!  <3

p.s. Something good will come tomorrow so don't forget to keep an eye on my update  ;)